Out with 2011, In with 2012

This year is almost gone and although I am more than ready to kiss 2011 goodbye, the year hasn’t been a total loss. In fact, I have probably experienced more spiritual growth this year than any other. So, here is this year in review:

2011 Goals

Before this year began, I set some goals to accomplish. How did I do?

1. Focus in on a few particular ministries and relationships, so as not to be too scattered or busy. Um, the Lord pretty much took care of this for me as He weeded people and things out of my life. So, I guess you can say I accomplished this goal, but it was all the Lord’s doings.
2. Finish memorizing Ephesians. Check.
3. Develop and refine my photography skills. I really didn't do much with this goal until this past month. I invested in a Nikon digital SLR, which I am super excited about. Hopefully, this goal will be more fully realized in 2012. :)
4. Do a better job of actually eating meals for dinner. Living with Kristi has actually helped me a great deal with the goal, so I have greatly improved in this area.
5. Start a savings account/use the one I actually have. I forgot this was one of my goals (tsk, tsk), so no progress has been made. :(

2011 Lessons

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired even of life itself. Indeed, for we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

Where do I begin? This year has felt like one giant lesson as the Lord has put me through His crucible of refinement. He has taught me much about humility, dependence, trust, contentment and the richness of His Word. All of which, I am sure, I will continue to learn more about until He takes me home. It’s been hard and painful, but the fruit it has produced in me has been sweet. A.W. Tozer sums it up well in his book The Pursuit of God:

“Let us remember that when we talk of rending the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant, but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free.”

2011 Ministry

I began serving with Scarlet Hope at the beginning of this year. It is one of the few reasons I can visibly see for why I am still in Louisville. God is doing amazing things through this ministry and I am privileged to be a small part of it. I have been serving at various clubs throughout the year, waiting and hoping to be able to build relationships in order to share Christ. Finally, after waiting almost a year, I finally have a club I am consistently going to and have been able to make connections there. If you think of it, please pray for us as we go out to serve these ladies on Thursday nights.
For the majority of this year, Scarlet Hope was the only ministry the Lord opened for me. I looked into other ministry opportunities, but a lot of them were starting in the future or took time to get involved in. God sort of had me in a holding period. When August hit, however, the door to ministry seemed to fly wide open. I was asked to teach children’s Sunday School at Rolling Fields and, after much prayer, I accepted the offer. The apartment ministry at RF, which was slowly developing, offered more volunteer opportunities (including helping to lead an onsite Bible study) and, most recently, I started leading the Missions Team at church.

I mentioned a few posts back that the Lord started turning my heart toward East Asia. I then began to look for ways to get involved with people from that part of the world. There were more East Asian ministries than I realized and, with the Lord’s guidance, I started attending a fellowship geared to reaching this people. I have begun building relationships with several Asian ladies and the Lord continually opens the door for me to share Christ with them.

2011 Highlights

Kristi and I got to do some pretty cool things together this year. Like, travel to both New York and Central Asia:

Broadway in NYC

The Galata Tower in Central Asia

2011’s Final Roar

The last week of this year has been difficult. I lost The Z. I had to tell my boss that I was leaving Papers Unique (after 3.5 years) and even though it is with the Lord’s leading, it didn’t make it any easier. On Monday, I went to my grandma’s house to clean out her fridges and freezers. Her electric had been off for a week, so it was a messy job. The house was cold and empty, and I realized that it would probably never be the same again. Then there are the burdens of the sufferings and trials of the ones I love – burdens that I feel and bear right along with them. I have felt the weight of them most acutely these past few months and when I asked the Lord who would bear me up under this load, He led me to this verse:

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Psalm 68:19

Oh, yeah. He knows more than I ever will what it is like to bear the burdens of others.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Looking to 2012

2012 is already beginning to look different. I am driving a different car. I will be starting a new job. The next step in getting overseas is in February and it is coming quickly. I can sense the Lord working in my life again and it is exciting (not that He hasn’t been working; He just hasn’t allowed me to perceive it), and, even though I have no idea what 2012 will bring, I welcome it with open arms.

Happy New Year!

A Different Kind of Christmas

I woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow on the ground. Just a few days too late for Christmas. :)

Christmas this year was much different than originally planned or expected. Very little about it actually “felt” like Christmas and there were many surprises. The most obvious being that my sister and I didn’t make it to Missouri. We returned to Louisville after my car bit the dust, scrambling to make alternate plans. When it was decided that I could borrow my grandma’s car, my parents agreed to come to Louisville to get us.

All of this has made me so thankful for the body of Christ. The Scripture proves true that God gives us many brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers when we follow Him (Mark 10:29-30). Both mine and Kristi's church families were ready and willing to put themselves out to help us at the drop of a hat. My church-friend Katie left her 3 children and sick husband and drove 85 miles (one way) in order to pick up Kristi and me from the side of the road. The next day, Kristi's church-friend Ruth took us out to eat for lunch and then to the grocery store. Kristi and I have mastered the art of making sure there is no (perishable) food in our apartment when we leave for long trips, so we were in need of food. Plus, I wanted to cook dinner for my parents when they got in. It was my first (and very impromptu) Christmas dinner - baked chicken, green beans, real mashed potatoes and peanut butter pie.

Christmas Eve lunch with Ruth at Saigon Cafe

Originally, my parents had agreed to go to the Christmas Eve service at Kristi's church in St. Louis, but since  that got scratched, we talked them into going to the Christmas Eve program at the Korean church she attends in Louisville.

Then they went with us to Rolling Fields on Sunday morning. It was the first time we have ever went to church together for Christmas. :) The Lord is very kind. We had been wanting our parents to come visit us and I really want to go to Rolling Fields for Christmas and, in ways I would have never imagined, the Lord granted those desires. So, even though the holidays were much different that I expected, it was still good. The Lord clearly ordained and worked through the events that took place. He had His own plans and gifts for Christmas 2011 and I praise the One who came and died in order that I might live for Him.

The Day the Beretta Died

One last look at The Z

This is a testimony of the Lord's provision and protection, His sovereignty and grace, and His Fatherly love and care. On Friday, Kristi and I set out for Missouri to spend Christmas with our parents. I had a feeling throughout the day that something was going to happen, but had no idea what (the Lord's kind preparation). I got off work a little early, picked up Kristi, went by Vint for some caffeine and headed West. When we were about 85 miles into the trip, my engine started stumbling. I checked my gauges - everything looked okay. We stopped at a rest stop. I checked the oil - good. The engine continued to stumble when I returned to the highway and then my oil pressure dropped. I pulled over as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The engine had locked up. After ten years and 261,000 miles, the Beretta has been laid to rest.

The Lord is so incredibly gracious as He protected my sister and me as we sat on the side of the interstate for several hours in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana, trying to figure out how to get back to Louisville and what to do with my non-functional car. Towing back to Louisville, even with Roadside Assistance, was outrageously expensive. My main concern was what to do with my car after I get back to Louisville. It eventually would have to be taken to the junk yard. Even in the midst of this mess, however, the Lord Jesus gave me His perfect peace. I just knew everything was going to be okay. Eventually, we decided to take my sweet friend Katie's offer to come get us (the Lord's provision) and to have my car towed to the rest stop nearby until further plans could be made. I wound up selling my car to the wrecker for a few hundred dollars, thus solving the what-to-do-with-my-car dilemma (Lord's provision). It's surreal to think that one moment I was driving down the road heading to Missouri and, within a few hours, I was on my back to Louisville - without my car.

After we returned to our apartment, my dad called telling me that my grandma, uncle and aunt had decided to let me use my grandma's car until I could get another one (the Lord's provision). Last summer, my grandma was diagnosed with Pastor's Syndrome and she moved down to Texas to live with my aunt, who is a nurse. Her car, however, stayed behind in Missouri and been hanging out in her garage ever since.

Do you see the grace and sovereignty of the Lord in all this? He is my perfect heavenly Father - preparing me for what's ahead and taking care of all my needs - just like He promises. He had every detail under control. He upholds the universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3) and nothing slips past Him.

Last year, I wrote about the bookend events that framed 2010. This year has bookend events as well - though much different in nature. 2011 began when someone broke into my apartment and stole my laptop and it comes to an end with the death of my car.

And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21

And He shall be Great

The older I get and the deeper I go in my walk with Christ, the more I appreciate Christmas. It’s not the lights, the presents, the food or any of that other stuff that goes along with this holiday in America. In fact, I care less and less for this stuff every year. But, with each year, I am learning the weight of this day we keep as a remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ. If you take the time to think about what this day truly means, it is very powerful.

Each Christmas season, the Lord focuses my attention on a certain aspect of Christ’s birth. This year I have been reflecting on two things: His appearing and His greatness. There are two passages that coincide with these themes. The first is Titus 2:11-14:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself up for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works. Titus 2:11-14

First, and most obviously, Jesus appeared. This is the whole reason why we celebrate Christmas – Jesus came. God came to earth. He left His glorious throne in heaven to become one of us so that He might save us. He became nothing so that we might gain everything through Him (Philippians 2:5-11). His appearing means our salvation, our life, our hope and our escape from the wrath of God. Jesus came not to judge but to save and serve, but when He appears for the second time, it will be for judgment. The first appearing was to display His great mercy and grace by accomplishing our salvation and His second appearing will be to display His wrath and justice. Only those who love His appearing will be saved from the wrath to come (2 Timothy 4:8).

The second passage is from the book of Luke:

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end. Luke 1:30-33

This proclamation from the angel tells us a lot about the Lord Jesus. His name will be Jesus, which means God saves (Matthew 1:23). He will be the Son of God. He will also be the Son of David. He will be the fulfillment of every Old Testament promise (2 Corinthians 1:20). He will be an eternal King – unlike all the other kings that have gone before. His Kingdom will last forever. These are some of the reasons why He will be great, but there are more. He is great because He alone can and did accomplish our salvation (Isaiah 63:5). He is great because He is the beginning and end, the first and the last (Revelation 22:13). He is great because in Him all the fullness of the deity dwells (Colossians 2:9). He is great because He is the King of kings and Lord of lords (Revelation 19:6). He is great because He is the very God of the universe (Hebrews 1:3 & 11:3). He is Immanuel – God with us - and He has come. So this is why we (should) celebrate Christmas: this great God has appeared so that we may be saved from our sins and so that we might know Him. I pray that you will truly know and believe this truth this year.

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

It has been a year since I graduated from Southern.  It was probably one of my top experiences because so much hard work had gone into my studies and the Lord had grown me and taught me so much about Himself through them. My life looks much different now than it did then. When I graduated, I thought I knew the direction the Lord was taking me. I was sort-of seeing a godly guy, which, at the time, the Lord was clearly leading in. I knew the region of the world that I wanted to serve in and I thought I knew what that serving would look like. The year of 2010 was like my mountaintop experience. I could see and sense the Lord clearly working in many areas of my life and it was exciting.

Then, enter 2011. Everything seemed to change. I went from the mountaintop into a dark valley. The people I hung around, the ministries I was involved in and my desires for the future all began to look different. The Lord was doing a deep work in my heart - purging, refining and humbling me so as to make me more like Christ. He began taking away many people and things from my life - my laptop was stolen, the relationship ended, ministry opportunities stagnated and friendships changed. Even my future seemed less certain. The desire for serving and living overseas never did, but the where and what did. South Asia had been my focus, but the Lord slowly began shifting my interest and desire to East Asia. Then there was His continual dealings with my sinfulness. And the very worst part of it all was that Jesus was silent. For eight long months, I could not sense Him working around me or leading me in any kind of direction except in one way: while I was in His Word, He took me to passages that explained why He had led me into the valley (Deuteronomy 8:2-10). I learned to identify with Job, cry out with the psalmists and see first-hand that I had a High Priest who could identify with my weaknesses because He had experienced them Himself but without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

This year has definitely been one of brokenness and waiting. The Lord has been breaking my independent and self-sufficient nature so as to make more and more dependent on Him. He has taught me my own weakness and insignificance apart from Him. He is also teaching me how to be vulnerable with others and how to truly grieve. I am so thankful that the Lord counts every tear (Psalm 56:8), because I have cried more this year than probably all my years put together. I am not one to cry. I grew up in a home that taught that crying was a sign of weakness. Even though I later learned better, my prideful self still acted as though it was true. I had become accustomed to being disconnected with my emotions. Sometimes this can be helpful in the moment in order to think more rationally, but eventually, I need to work through things and because I refused to deal with the pain immediately, it usually crept back up later. So, the Lord is helping me to share my burdens and tears with others. Not an easy or enjoyable lesson...but it is a humbling one.

Waiting has been another theme of this year. Patience isn't always my strong suit, but it is starting to become one as the Lord refuses to give me any clarity for the future and refuses to answer some of the questions that have risen from the events of this year. He just tells me to wait and trust. Sigh. His ways are not mine and neither are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). My next step in getting overseas is not until February of next year. Wait and trust. My work future is still up in the air. Wait and trust. I still don't understand some of the events of this year. Wait and trust. Sometimes I fear I will never get to the field. Wait and trust. Another sigh. The Lord reminded me the other week of how the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. He was with them the whole way - leading them, providing for them and teaching them. He would lead them by day with a cloud and by night with a pillar of fire. Wherever the cloud rested, the Israelites were to set up camp. They were to stay there until the Lord took up the cloud and moved on and, then, they were to pack back up in follow. For now, the Lord has settled me in Louisville and His cloud is still resting here. He told them when it was time to go and will tell me as well. I guess this is my time to stay.

The events of this year began to take their toll physically last month. I developed a sharp pain in my shoulder/left side of neck that sent me to the chiropractor for the first time. The chiropractor said that it was due to stress and that I carry my stress in that area of my body. It was like physical evidence of the Lord's heavy hand this year (Psalm 32:4). As 2011 draws to a close, I am looking forward expectantly to 2012. I have spent the majority of this year studying the Book of Isaiah. As I read through the book, I felt like I was living what Isaiah was talking about. Near the end of the book, Isaiah speaks of the "Year of the Lord's Favor" (Isaiah 61:2). My prayer is that 2012 will be the year of the Lord's favor for me. Not that I am not in His favor because all of those who are in Christ are in God's favor (Ephesians 1:1-14) and His disciplining of me is evidence of His favor (Hebrews 12:3-11), but I pray that His favor is seen more outwardly in the coming year. Nonetheless, I want Him to complete the refining work He has began in me so that I will be "perfect and entire, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).

Of course, I have much to be thankful for in 2011. Even though the Lord took away ministry opportunities for a while, He brought them back in full force during the latter part of the year so that my schedule is quite full. He is deepening my friendships and my roots at Rolling Fields. Actually, RF is one of my favorite things about staying here. It will be hard to leave them when it comes time. Though I cannot say I am thankful for the events of this year, I am very thankful for their sweet fruit. I have probably experienced more growth in Christ this year than in any other. The Lord has taught me about His complete sovereignty and goodness, how He is my portion, how to feed on His Word and how to trust Him when all I see is dark. In the words of Andrew Peterson, "The aching my remain, but the breaking does not" (from his Silence of God song).

Longing for His Face

One of my favorite verses in all the Bible is 1 John 3:2:

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.

My heart beats with this verse. I long for the day for when I can see my Savior face-to-face, when I will be with Him forever. Christmas is all about how Jesus made our way to be with God possible. He is called Immanuel, which means "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). Jesus Christ - God in the flesh - came and dwelt among us. He lived the perfect life, in complete obedience to God, satisfying all of God's commands, and then He died on the cross, bearing our sin burden and taking our punishment. He came back to life three days later to signify that His sacrifice was satisfactory. He conquered sin and death. All this so that we can know God and be with Him forever. This is the great hope of the Christian: to be completely set free from the bondage of sin so that we can know God and enjoy Him forever. Currently, this hope is only realized in part. Sin still exists in our bodies and the presence of Christ is not available in its fullest form. He is still with us for He promises never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), but we are waiting on Him to come back and establish His Kingdom here on earth. The Book of Revelation gives us a peek at what that will look like:

Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

We will experience the pure, unhindered presence of God. This is the greatest gift: God Himself. This year the Lord has taught me what a gift sensing His presence really is. He withheld this experience from me for the first eight months of this year. He took me through the wilderness and taught me to thirst for Him (Psalm 143:6). He made me hunger for His presence, so that He was all that I sought and desired. A sweet and hard lesson, but one from which I have learned much. 

The next verse, 1 John 3:3, goes on to say that those who have this hope of seeing Christ make themselves pure as He is pure. In short, this hope transforms us. If was long to see and be with Christ, our priorities and desires and ambitions change. We no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. We no longer seek the things of this world, but Christ. We no longer see this world as our home, but realize that our home is with Christ. We no longer live our lives our own way, but in submission to Christ. This hope changes everything...and only those who have this hope in Christ can see Him. 

But nothing unclean will ever enter into [the Kingdom of God], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life...No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 21:27; 22:3-5

"I will sigh and with all creation groan for the Hope that will come for me." - C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser.

Perfect Peace

Wow. I haven’t posted in a long time. I used to have a goal of 4 posts per month, but because of other priorities and lack of Internet, that goal has fallen by the wayside. I might have to shoot for two per month. :) I knew I at least had to post once during the month of November – being the great month it is (Thanksgiving, my birthday…).

These past few weeks have been interesting – hard, but interesting. I have began looking for a new or second job; my car has begun to show its age and has been excessively needy (which is quite unfortunate for my checkbook); and there have been other things happen that I’d rather not share on here. In the midst of all this, the Lord Jesus has been ever so gracious to minister to me in special ways. Last week, He showed me His love through my brothers and sisters in Christ who were more than willing to help bear my burdens through prayer and any assistance they could give. This week He brought certain Scriptures to my mind to prepare me for the day ahead. On Wednesday, I had a job interview and Jesus spoke peace to me through Micah 5:5a ("and He shall be their peace"). Then He immediately reminded me of His words in Isaiah 26:3-4, John 14:25-31 and Philippians 4:4-7. As I meditated on Isaiah 26, I noticed the little adjective perfect that I had overlooked before (even though I had memorized the verse):

You keep Him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock.

The peace of Jesus Christ is perfect. It does not waver or change. It is stable and constant and complete. It is not a sort of half-way comfort or mystical peace of mind. The difficulties are still there, but the awareness of God and His sovereignty over them overshadows them. When I have His peace (which means my focus is on Him and not my circumstances), then I cannot be shaken. I was reminded of this as I faced things later that day that threated that peace. God, in His graciousness, prepared me for the day ahead.

On Thursday morning, the Lord gave me these words as I was working:

Lord, you are the my Portion in the land of the living. My soul thirsts for You. Satisfy me in the morning with Your steadfast love. For my hope is in You. (portions of Psalms 145, 63 & 143, 90 and 39)

The Lord was reminding me that He is my great Treasure. I have no good apart from Him (Psalm 16:1). He is completely satisfying…and He is mine! :) Things happened later that threatened to shake this satisfaction, but, again, God, in His graciousness, prepared me for the day ahead.

The RF sermon from this morning further solidified these lessons. The message was from Micah 7:1-7 and it was about trusting and waiting upon the Lord during our misery and then being expecting Him to hear and answer us. He answers us because we are His. This was a good reminder for me because the Lord has been teaching me much about trusting Him completely and waiting upon Him patiently, but I have not done a good job of being expectant of Him answering me. As I listened to this part of the sermon (and furiously took notes), my soul was overjoyed. Of course, He will answer me! How could I be so faithless?

And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. 1 John 5:14

My prayer of late is that the Lord Jesus would give me His desires. I want the desires of my heart to reflect Him – His will, plan, character and heart. When that happens – my desires match Jesus’ desires – then I can confidently ask for anything and know that it is in His will and know that I will receive what I ask for. He promises to always hear me and to always be with me and to give me everything I need and more.

Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Psalm 34:5

Strength that is not My Own

These past several days have been very busy with ministry-related activities* as they seemed to have all compiled together at the end of October. The busyness was capped quite nicely, though, with Re-Connect – an event at RF where we gather together to worship Christ through songs, Scripture and testimonies of the Lord’s faithfulness in our lives. We do it every time there is a 5th Sunday and I LOVE it. I have mentioned before that the Lord is teaching me to be spent for the Gospel. I am continually learning what that looks like, but as He continues to weed things out of my life (TV*, Internet, interests/passions that don’t conform to His, etc.), it becomes a little easier to do so. After being spent these past few days for the Gospel, the Lord blessed me with Re-Connect – meeting me in worship with His presence and strengthening, renewing and refreshing my Spirit. I love the presence of the Lord. I love Him. There is no greater, more fulfilling thing than being immersed in Him.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God…For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. Psalm 84:1-2, 10

So, after being on the go for days on end, the Lord met me and quieted my soul. Instead of being exhausted, I am refreshed. So true is Isaiah 40:31: “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagle; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” As I wait (actively – in obedience) to the Lord, He gives me strength. It is His strength, not mine. I will always grow weary and faint when I try to live, serve, etc. in my own strength. But when I depend on the power of Christ instead of myself and walk in daily obedience to Him, He gives me the strength I need to accomplish the work He has for me - for it is His work, not mine, therefore, only His strength is sufficient. The fact that He gives me exactly what I need for the day at hand is further confirmation that His mercies are new every single morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

*I did manage to find a little time to watch the St. Louis Cardinals win the 2011 World Series! 

Connections in the Word :: Abiding

The other day, I had this verse repeating in my head:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 4

My friend Anna had posted a picture on Facebook with this verse and for some reason it stayed in my mind. As it kept running through my head, I decided to look up the verse. Even though it is in 3 John, I wound up in 2 John. All by the Lord's providence, no doubt. There is a similar verse that says, "I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father" (2 John 4). As I kept reading, the Apostle John goes on to talk about how believers should love one another and that this love involves keeping the commandments of Jesus Christ (verses 5-6). Those who love Him, obey Him (1 John 5:2). Our obedience to Christ and His commands proves that we are His. Obedience does not earn us favor with God, but it does give evidence of His grace in our lives. John says we are to abide in Christ's teaching (verse 9), which reminds me of these words from Jesus:

Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned...By this is My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be My disciples. John 15:4-6, 8

To abide means to remain, to stay, to continue. The Bible has a lot to say about Christian perseverance and endurance (Hebrews 12:1-17). There are going to be rough times - really rough times - while we are following Christ where we will want to give up. BUT we are to remain steadfast, continue in faithful obedience, push forward in the faith, cling to His promises, fight the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12)...we are to abide in Him.

The Apostle John goes on to warn against false teachers who deny Christ and do not abide in His teachings (verse 7, 9-10). He also warns us believers to "watch ourselves" (verse 8). This admonition is found elsewhere in Scripture:

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1

Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:16

Again, our lives should reflect the teachings of Christ and the only for that to happen is to abide in the teaching of Christ. First Timothy 4:16 exhorts us to watch both our lives and our doctrine. The two should match up. Of course, we will never be able to live what we believe perfectly. We will always fall short on this side of heaven, but God in His grace is continually growing us so that our lives look more and more like Christ (the only One who's life and teaching were perfectly in tune). And for believers, this is our great hope and reward.

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when [Jesus Christ] appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. 1 John 3:2

Surrounded by Darkness

The Lord has reminded me several times over the past few weeks that this world is not my home…that I hope for a better country (Hebrews 11:16). And after some of the things I have seen and heard about lately, I am so glad of this truth. The world we live in is a very sad and dark place – a hopeless place if not for Christ.

I have learned about the children who are sexually abused in Central Asia. I saw people desperately trying to make themselves right with God and I met women who were selling their bodies for money (whether enslaved or not, I do not know for sure).  I learned of two women (here in the States) who were sold into sex slavery – one of whom was severely beaten. These stories make me sick to my stomach and weigh heavily upon my heart. If I am burdened by such sin, how much more the heart of God? I believe that the God I serve is in control of all situations. Nothing slips by Him. The Bibles says that Jesus Christ upholds both the good and the evil by His Word (Hebrews 1:3). He is a God of redemption and can bring beauty from the worst of ashes. But when I hear stories like these, I have trouble believing that God can redeem these situations for good. What good could possibly come of such tragic circumstances? Yet I know that God’s ways are higher than mine and that He can and will use these situations for His (always) good purposes.

Such sin grieves my heart…and then I remember: I am not too far removed from such acts of wickedness. It lurks within my own heart. I am fully capable of horrific acts, but Christ makes me different. His grace has made me to differ. He is continually changing and refining me. But sin is still there. It may not manifest itself in such outwardly horrific acts as the above, but it’s there just the same. The sad thing is that this sin in my heart does not make me grieve the same way that these horrifically sinful acts do. Piper is right in saying…

…the reason such horrors exist in the physical realm and the moral realm is to display the outrage of sin. The outrage of sin against the holy God…every time we see something horrific, some horrible accident, our thoughts should be about the outrage of sin, not the injustice of God…instead of calling God into question, we should see them as evidences in our lives of the outrage of sin and the horrific evil and repugnance of sin to a holy God. And God is displaying to us the outrage of sin in the only way that we can see it, because we don’t get upset about our own sinning…And now, stand and wonder at the value of the Son of God, that His suffering could match all of those universe-crushing sins for which He died. Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, p. 232-233

So the Lord was in effect saying to me, “This world is grossly sinful…and, by the way, so are you. These are the areas of sin we need to work on…” And so the refining continues. He worked on my sin of self-sufficiency until He broke me during first 8 months of this year (not that I don’t still struggle with this) and now He has begun to deal with me regarding my sin of people-pleasing. Both of which are rooted in pride. Sigh.

Consider [Jesus] who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not resisted to the point of shedding your blood. It is for discipline that you have to endure, God is treating you as sons [and daughters]. Hebrews 12:3-4, 7a

The depravity of man that the Lord has showed me was followed by explanations from the Bible this past Sunday. Jesus is the best teacher. :)  As I studied Noah with one of my Sunday School students, we read this verse:

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Genesis 6:5

Not of very good picture of us…but an accurate one. This is why we need Christ.
The sermon that morning was about the injustice of the world and the justice of God. Very fitting. Here is another picture of us in our Christless state:

None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands, no one seeks after God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are shift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery. There is no fear of God before their eyes. Romans 3:11-12, 14-16, 18

My pastor said that apart from God, we are these people. And it’s true. This is the answer to my question of how people could commit such heinous acts against others – there is not fear of God before their eyes. This is why we need Christ.

In my personal time in the Word later that afternoon, it was more of the same thing. God says that our feet “run to evil and we are swift to shed innocent blood; our thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; desolation and destruction are in our highways” (Isaiah 59:7). And what can we do? We are clearly guilty. Not one of us is without fault. “For our transgressions are multiplied before You, and are sins testify against us; for our transgressions are with us, and we know our iniquities: transgressing and denying the Lord and turning back from following our God, speaking oppression and revolt, conceiving and uttering from the heart lying words” (Isaiah 59:12-13; cf. Psalm 51:3-4). BUT there is hope! Our sin is so radical that only God can provide the remedy…and He did!

The Lord saw it and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no one to intercede; then His own arm brought Him salvation and His righteousness upheld Him. Isaiah 59:15b-16

You see, in God is perfect justice and He accomplished our salvation. “All the injustice in the world was swallowed up in Christ” (Pastor Andy). Jesus Christ became our justice (Romans 3:25-26) and He accomplished our salvation by taking upon Himself all of God’s anger toward us because of our outrageous sin.

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8, 10-12

This is very good news. This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Come and Listen…

Come, let us return to the Lord; for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live before Him. Let us know; let us press on to the know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:1-3

The Lord Jesus gave this verse to one of my friends to pray for me a while back. It confirmed what I already sensed Him doing in my life – refining me and breaking me to pieces. I have no doubt that the Lord is preparing me for whatever He has in store. It will be glorious, but it will be oh so hard. This is probably the hardest year I have experienced to date. Through it the Lord has taught me much about suffering. Now, comparatively, I would say that I have suffered very little compared to others…but suffering is relative. The hardships I faced this year were none that you could really see. The Lord led me down into a deep, dark valley and left me there for 8 long, hard months – I had little direction, could not sense His presence or see Him working around me and felt isolated and alone. In fact, all I could see was my sin – my un-Christlikeness. As the months progressed, my joy waned, my strength faded, my faith wavered and hope was hard to find. I was exactly where God wanted me to be, though – desperate for His presence and power, weary with living in my own strength and willing to do whatever it took for the joy of my salvation to be restored (Psalm 51:12). And though I could not see or sense the Lord, He never left me. As I read His word, He showed me why I was going through such a difficult time. He led me into the wilderness to humble me, to test me and see what was in my heart and to teach me to live on His Word alone (Deuteronomy 8:2-3). As the Lord stripped away relationships, possessions and even ministry opportunities from my life, this is exactly what began to happen. And what’s more, this is something that I had prayed for numerous times (though this wasn’t the answer I expected!). I ran across – by the Lord’s design, no doubt – some journal entries late last fall and earlier this year where I asked the Lord to make me more like Christ, to deepen my dependence on Him, to humble me, to conform my will to His, to hide me in Himself (Colossians 3:1-3), to increase my satisfaction in Him and to take away anything that would distract me from Him. So, that's exactly what He did.

The Lord, however, is healing the wounds He afflicted upon me. He has heard my cry and is bringing me up out of this valley (Psalm 40:1-3). He has graciously restored to me the joy of my salvation and, like the Apostle Paul, I am learning the difficult lesson of contentment. Most of all, He has allowed me once again to sense His gloriously presence. :) I still feel like I am in darkness regarding the future or even the next step, but I am at peace. The Lord knows the future and He is satisfied with it...and I have become satisfied in His satisfaction.

I stumbled upon this song and I think it is very fitting:

How He Loves, part 3

This is the third and final segment of my study in 1 Corinthians 13. I think that my initial premise proves true: this chapter describes love and God is love, therefore, from this chapter we can learn about the character of God. And what an amazingly good and generous and satisfying and mind-blowing God He is!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

Love bears all things


To bear something means to hold up, support, remain firm under, to be capable of, to suffer/endure/undergo, to sustain or to carry/hold. All of these meanings are true of God. God promises that He will carry us even to our old age and that He made us and will bear and carry and save us (Isaiah 46:3-4; see also 1 Corinthians 1:8). In fact, Jesus upholds the whole universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3). And while He upholds both those who do evil and do good—those who are against Him and those who are for Him—the upholding looks different for each group for “the arms of the wicked shall be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous” (Psalm 37:17). Those of us who follow Christ are commanded not to fear because Jesus will strengthen us and help us and uphold us with His “righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). He is our foundation which can never be shaken (1 Corinthians 3:11; cf. Isaiah 28:16). What’s more is that He bears us up daily. King David said, “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation” (Psalm 68:19). He is our salvation because He bore our sins in His body so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness (1 Peter 2:24; cf. Isaiah 53:12; Hebrews 9:28; 1 Peter 3:18). The Scriptures tell us that when we bear one another’s burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

Love believes all things


To believe is to have confidence in the truth and/or have conviction that something or someone is, has or will be engaged in a given action or situation. Jesus has perfect confidence in the the truth because He is truth (John 14:6) and in the future because He knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10; cf. Isaiah 41:4 & 44:1-5). He is acquainted with all our ways and knows our words even before we speak them (Psalm 139). He works in us, “both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations” (Psalm 33:11). He predestined us for adoption according to His purpose in which He works all things out according to the counsel of His will (Ephesians 1:11), so God knows those who are His and He saves them and keeps them. He also knows the ways of those who are far from Him and works through them to accomplish His purposes (i.e. Romans 9:17).


Love hopes all things


To hope is to look forward to with desire and reasonable – in God’s case, perfect - confidence. Jesus endured the gruesome death of the cross and all the shame and humiliation that accompanied it because He was looking forward to the joy set before Him (Hebrews 12:2 - see below) – furthering His glory, redeeming the nations and conquering death and the devil. The Lord desires to be with us (believers) who are His bride and knows that it will happen (Revelation 20-23), but He is patiently waiting until all of His people come to know Him (Isaiah 30:18; 1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:8-10). The Apostle John saw it in a vision and said,

“And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, as a bride adorned for her Husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And He who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new…Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true…It is done!’” (Revelation 21:2-6a).

Love endures all things


Diving into this aspect of Christ and His love was pretty exciting. God endures much for us. He endures with much patience people who are wicked (Romans 9:22). He endured much hostility from sinners as He suffered on our behalf (Hebrews 12:3). Furthermore, He “for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated on the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus endured because He knew it was necessary for Him to suffer these things in order to enter into His glory (Luke 24:26) and in order to “make many to be accounted righteous” (Isaiah 53:11).


Love never ends

God is an everlasting God (Isaiah 40:28; cf. Psalm 90:2; Isaiah 26:4; Jeremiah 10:10; Revelation 22:13) and He loves with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3; cf. Psalm 103:17; Isaiah 54:8). Love never ends because God never ends. God is Love. We have come full circle. :)

But God shows His love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

How He Loves, part 2

The study in 1 Corinthians 13 continues. The great, patient love of Christ is truly amazing. The depth of His love is unsearchable and beyond our finite understanding, but these verses do give us just a glimpse of the richness of His love.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:5b-6 

Love does not insist on its own way


The love between God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ is perfect. Jesus was perfectly obedient to the will of the Father. His obedience means our salvation for God requires perfect obedience to His Law. When was the last time you were perfect even by your own standards? Jesus had to obey the Law for us because we could not. He says in John 5:30 & 6:38, “I seek not My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” Jesus did not insist on His own way in order to please Himself (Romans 15:3). Jesus proves this over and over in the Gospel accounts. Right before He was about to give His life as a ransom for many, He asked the Father to remove His impending death and suffering and separation with this clause, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, 42 & 44). A little later He tells Peter who tried to rescue Him, “Do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once send Me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?” (Matthew 26:53-54). He did not insist on His own way in order to save Himself (Isaiah 53:7; 1 Peter 2:23). Jesus is the same toward us. The Apostle Peter says that Christ does not want anybody to perish (apart from His glorious presence), but desires that all would come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). He does not insist on His own way by not choosing all for salvation. His purposes are much grandeur and higher than we could ever comprehend. Jesus, instead, stands at the door and knocks and “If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to Him and eat with Him and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20).

Love is not irritable


To be irritable is to be easily irritated or annoyed; easily excited to impatience or anger. The Bible is clear that God is “slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6; cf. Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 103:8). See love is patient.

Love is not resentful


Some versions translate this part of the verse as “does not keep a record of wrongs.” If you think about it, it is an amazing thing that God does not hold our sins against those of us who are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:19) because we have seriously offended Him (Romans 3:23; cf. Isaiah 30:1-5, 9-11). We have rejected Him even though He is our Creator and Sustainer and instead make either gods out of ourselves or out of other things (Romans 1:18-3:20). The Apostle Paul said that God, in His divine forbearance, “passed over our former sins” (Romans 3:25) so that He might display His righteousness at the present time through Christ (Romans 3:26). While we were still sinners Christ Jesus died for us (Romans 5:8) thereby canceling the record of sin debt that was against us by nailing it to His cross (Colossians 2:14). The atoning sacrifice of Christ puts our sin far from Him and us (Psalm 103:12; Isaiah 38:17; Micah 7:19). The fact that our sins are cancelled in Christ means that God remembers them no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34). In fact, there is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). King David put is this way, “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count sin” (Romans 4:6; cf. Psalm 32:1-2).

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing


All wrongdoing is sin (1 John 5:17) and all sin is lawlessness (1 John 3:4). Those who do not follow Christ take pleasure in wrongdoing (Romans 1:32; 2 Thessalonians 2:12) and will receive God’s judgment (Matthew 7:23). The same used to be true of us who are now in Christ before the Holy Spirit convicted us of our sin (John 16:8-11) and brought us to repentance (1 John 1:9). The Lord does not delight in wickedness (Psalm 5:4; cf. Malachi 2:17) nor does He take pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23, 32, 33:11; “for the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23). Rather, He delights in displaying His steadfast love (Micah 7:18) so in order to display His great love and perfect justice, He sent “His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin…in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:3-4). Jesus came to take away the sin of the world (John 1:29) and to redeem us from all lawlessness (Titus 2:14) so that He could rejoice over us (Zephaniah 3:17). :)

Love rejoices with the truth


God Himself is Truth (Isaiah 65:16) and He is completely satisfied in Himself. There is much rejoicing in the Godhead where perfect unity, love and truth abound. Jesus rejoiced “in the Holy Spirit and said, ‘I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children.” (Luke 10:21). The Lord takes great delight in the truth. In fact, He searches for those who act in accordance with the truth (Jeremiah 5:3). The Scriptures tell us that God’s Word is Truth (2 Samuel 7:28; Psalm 119:160; John 17:17) and that the Gospel is Truth (Ephesians 1:13; Colossians 1:5; cf. 2 Corinthians 4:4). Jesus is the Word of God and is Truth (John 1:1, 14, 17, 18:37; Ephesians 4:21; Revelation 19:11, 13). Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6). The Holy Spirit is called the Spirit of Truth because He testifies to the truth (John 14:17, 16:13; 1 John 5:6). “But when the Helper comes, whom I will sent to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, He will bear witness about Me” (John 15:26). God is both love and truth and Christ came so that we might know the truth and be set free (John 8:32).

How He Loves, part 1

This post has been a long time coming. Earlier this year, you may recall, I studied 1 Corinthians 13 (the “Love Chapter”) and promised to post about it. This chapter describes what love is. Now in our culture, the word “love” has many different meanings – from the ridiculous to the sincere. We say we love a certain hobby. We love food. We love our favorite sports team. We love our pets. We love our family. I am just as guilty of using this word in such a manner. The biblical idea of love, however, does not coincide with the many meanings we give it. In the Bible, love is steadfast (Psalm 25:6 & 57:10), faithful (2 Timothy 2:13), everlasting (Psalm 103: 17; Isaiah 54:8; Lamentations 3:22), unconditional (Romans 8:35-39) and radical (John 3:16; Ephesians 5:2; 1 John 3:1, 4:10). First John 4:8-9 & 16 tells us that love comes from God and, in fact, God is love. So as I studied through 1 Corinthians 13 verse by verse, my assumption was this: if God is love and if the characteristics in this chapter describe love, then these things must be true of God. The logical conclusion of: if A = B and B = C, then A = C. This post and the ones that follow are the results of my study.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5a

Love is patient


The fact that we are all still here and not consumed by God’s holiness and wrath, proves that God is patient. None of us deserve to be here because we have all rebelled against our Creator – the very One we owe our lives to. BUT God is patient, so we are not consumed. He puts up with our sinfulness (1 Peter 3:20; Romans 9:22) so that He may reveal the “immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness to us who believe” (Ephesians 2:7). Jesus Christ longs for us to know Him and give Him glory and He longs to be gracious to us (Isaiah 30:18). The Apostle Peter says that the Lord is not slow in fulfilling His promises but is patient toward us because He does not want any of us to perish without repenting (2 Peter 3:9; also cf. 1 Timothy 1:16). We should count God’s patience as salvation (2 Peter 3:15; also cf. Romans 2:4).


Love is kind

This characteristic coincides with the previous. The Lord Jesus is incredibly kind in that He is patient toward us and chooses to save us (because He doesn’t have to; see Romans 11:22). BUT He goes beyond just not giving us what were deserve (showing us mercy) by giving us what we do not deserve (showing us grace). The Apostle Paul put it this way, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but because of His own mercy” (Titus 3:4-5). So, one way we see God’s kindness is by His forgiving us through Christ (Ephesians 4:32). He saves us from death and gives us eternal life…with Him (1 John 3:2)! God’s kindness is more than just doing us a favor, it is giving us all we will ever need in Christ (see Ephesians 2:7 quoted above). Again, God’s kindness is meant to lead us to salvation (Romans 2:4)


Love does not envy

According to the dictionary, envy means “to feel discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages; to be resentful or unhappy because someone else possesses what one wishes oneself to possess.” Now, this could never be true of God because if it was, it would mean He is lacking something. God, however, is an all-sufficient being. He needs nothing. The Apostle Paul says that “The God who made the whole world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:24-25). God is perfectly content because He is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Since He is perfect, He wants to give us the best thing possible – Himself. His giving of Himself means our salvation (see Exodus 6:7).


Love does not boast

To boast is to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride about oneself. This characteristic was probably the most difficult to fit into the logical equation above because if God is perfect (and He is), then is it even possible for Him to exaggerate? Everything that is good and right and true finds its perfection in Him. All of His attributes are perfect, so it is impossible to speak with exaggeration about them. Nevertheless, the Bible tells us that Christ is humble, meek and gentle (2 Corinthians 10:1), which is the opposite of boasting. He does not force Himself on us or constantly display His power and greatness in miraculous ways. He instead pursues us gently and speaks quietly to our hearts (Matthew 11:28-29). Instead of requiring us to make a way to Him, He made the way for us by leaving His throne in Heaven and becoming a man (Philippians 2:5-8) so that He might secure our salvation through His life, death and resurrection (Galatians 4:4-5).


Love is not arrogant

Like boasting, arrogance is having an exaggerated opinion of one’s self or abilities. The same argument from above applies. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, so that you by His poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9; cf. Romans 15:3, Philippians 2:5-8). For “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for man” (Matthew 20:28), thereby accomplishing our salvation.


Love is not rude

To be rude is to be impolite, rough in nature/behavior/manners, harsh, ungentle, and violent. It is the opposite of kind. The Lord Jesus is most definitely not rude. I already mentioned how He gently pursues us. He Himself testified to His gentleness when He said, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). King David says that God’s gentleness makes us great because He gives us the shield of His salvation to rescue us from danger and protect us from the enemy (2 Samuel 22:36; Psalm 18:35). Through Him we are victorious over sin, death and anything that life may through against us (Romans 8:31-37). His gentleness, therefore, contributes to our salvation.


Side note: Love, patience and kindness are all fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that He works in believers to show that they belong to Christ and to point others toward Christ.

Country Apples in The Big Apple

In Times Square

New Happenings

My sister and I have moved into our new place. The Lord was ever-so gracious to provide helping hands, rain-free weather, spacious vehicles and apartment furnishings. We are still settling in and unpacking, but it’s starting to look and feel more like “home”. We are incredibly thankful for the Lord’s provision. I am especially living up my short commutes to work. ;)

Call us crazy, but my sister and I have decided to do without Internet. It’s not that we can’t afford it, but that we don’t want to afford it. It will definitely mean making some adjustments (less dependence on email & more dependence on cell phones). Plus, Southern is less than 2 miles away where we have free access to Wi-Fi. :) This will help us both to not waste time and only do what we need to do when online, which I think is a good thing.

Switching gears: After much wonder about what I should be doing to advance the Gospel (besides my involvement with Scarlet Hope), the Lord has opened up several other ministry doors. He has recently pressed upon my heart the idea of being spent for the Gospel (2 Corinthians 12:15). I mean, when it comes down to it, what else really matters? He repeatedly brought this verse to my mind over a span of a few weeks or so before sending ministry opportunities my way. First, the need arose at Rolling Fields for a new children’s Sunday School teacher. After talking to the Lord and to other leaders in the church, I sensed it was something He wanted me to do (though I feel quite inept). I am going to story (chronologically) with them through the Gospels…and I am pretty excited about it. Tomorrow is my first day and we are going to learn about Jesus’ genealogy. There is a fun song by Andrew Peterson that gives the genealogical account of Jesus found in Matthew (in perfect rhyme). I am workin’ on memorizing it.

Second, I learned of a Chinese Bible Study that happens on Friday nights near the U of L campus. I have been twice and met a lot of great people. I admit that I am a little out of place :), but I am trusting that the Lord will guide in this. I met a fresh-to-the-States Chinese student last evening. She said that I was her first American friend. :)

Finally, I heard about a homeless ministry called Exit 0 from both Rolling Fields and my sister’s church. Both churches are looking to partner with this ministry in some shape or form. I am pretty excited about it. My sister says they serve meals on Monday and that her church is going to help. Sign me up.

I am so excited about what the Lord is doing. It is the first I have been able to sense Him leading me in any kind of direction in a long while. It has made me realize how much I took His leading and presence for granted. These too are part of His perfect gifts (James 1:17).

Next weekend, (Lord willing) Kristi and I are going to New York!

A Strange Gift

I wrote this poem earlier this month as a response/summary of the first half of 2011. I am a "freestyle" poet - meaning, I don't follow any rules (not that I even know them). :) My sister informed me that it didn't follow a pentameter, which is the number of syllables per line, so I took up the challenge to correct it. I finally finished this evening. I think I prefer freestyle. :)

Disappointments and bad news

Closed door upon closed door

The silence makes me wonder

What this waiting is for

Day and night I cry to You

Tears are my food to eat

By God's grace I press forward

When I want to retreat

The Lord shuts out my prayers

He has darkened my mind

The pain is overwhelming

Yet I know He's still kind

I look around to see Him

He is hidden from my sight

He bids me to trust in Him

When He takes away the light

I read Job with streams of tears

His words are now my song

With the Psalmist I cry out,

"O Lord Jesus, how long?"

His goodness - beyond measure

His ways, who understands?

He works all things together

According to His plan

Loneliness is His present

And trials are His gift

Yet I know He is sov'reign

When Sat'n has me to sift

This Valley's not forev'r

As His Word has foretold

When His refining work ends,

I shall come out like gold

Jesus will show me the path

One He Himself has trod

"'This is the way walk in it'

And keep your eyes on God"

Soon He will hear my prayer

And bring springs from the sand

As I walk through this desert

Into the Promised Land

The weight of glory shall come

After all this is through

I know that this suffering

Leads me closer to You

Troubles last for a moment

But what reward they bring!

My eyes shall behold my God

And sin shall lose its sting!

Sitting Solo in the Stillness

I have started sitting outside at night in order to practice the discipline of being still before the Lord. I love the night symphony of birds and crickets as well as the steady flashes of lightening bugs. It is a different kind of silence. There is something about sitting under the open starry sky that helps me clear my thoughts in order to focus on the Lord and listen for His voice. I don't want to miss what He may have to say to me because I am too busy or self-focused or distracted or what-have-you.

I have mentioned that my sister and I are moving soon. I don't think I have ever been so excited about moving. :) It has been awesome (and fun) to watch the Lord provide furnishings for our new apartment before we even get there - a second bed, a love seat, a futon, floor lamps... My sister and I had only a bed to our name - which makes for a rather empty apartment - but now we have the whole place almost completely furnished! 

Summer Movie Review: The Soloist - 4.5 out of 5 stars

I have wanted to see this movie since I saw it at the rental store in Fredericktown last summer/fall, and my sister and I finally took the time to watch it a few weeks ago. It did not disappoint. The movie is based on a true story about a journalist (Robert Downey, Jr.) who discovers a homeless man (Jamie Foxx) with incredible musical talent. Downey thinks he has found the perfect story to cure his writer's block and, in the process, finds out that there is more to this man than meets the eye. This is one of those movies where the plot slowly develops, which I like because, most of the time, I like to watch things unfold (both in movies and in real life). The story line and acting are both really good and the writers do a great job of keeping the story on track (without adding unnecessary details). Plus, it had good music. Now, you may be wondering, why not give this movie a full 5 stars?  Well, let me just tell you. :) The movie had this weird color scene (like watching visualizations on a media player) that seemed to go on and on, which leaves the viewer wondering, "Why is this happening?" But, on the bright side, it's like a built in bathroom break. :)

The Past Weeks (and a Movie) in Review

It is currently pouring down rain outside. I love it. :) I just stood outside the door, letting the rain splash onto me as it hit the ground. 


There have been a few changes during the last few weeks. My roommate got married and moved out and my sister moved in. Boxes are the decor as of late. In a little less than two weeks, Kristi and I are moving to a new apartment across town. It's closer to work, school, ministry and church. A blessing from the Lord. He laid upon my heart earlier this year to move out of the basement I live in and it's finally about to come to fruition. What's really exciting is that our new apartment has an oven! I told Kristi that I am going to celebrate by baking. :)
This will be the fifth time I have moved in the last year (!). I have become quite the expert in packing. Although, I am not holding my breath as to how long I'll be at this next place. :)

At work, I have been flying solo. My boss has been out of town on a well-deserved vacation (her first one in 20 years!). It can be overwhelming at times, but the Lord is gracious and has provided me with the needed strength and endurance. During my early years of college, I thought I wanted to own a small business. The Lord has graciously given me a taste of it...and I don't think its for me. :)

Summer Movie Review: Secretariat - 5 out of 5 stars

It's been a long while since my last movie review. As you can tell, I am not that much of a movie watcher. There just seems to be so many other worthwhile things to do. :) I had heard rave reviews about the movie Secretariat, so I finally watched it with my friend Melissa. It did not disappoint. It is based on a true story, which automatically makes it more interesting. Plus, it is about a horse. I have always liked horses. When I was younger, I hung pictures of them on my wall and I asked my parents, on multiple occasions, if we could have one (despite the fact we didn't have anywhere to keep one). I have said multiple times that if God had called me to stay in the States, I would want to live on a ranch. Anyway, the movie was great. The plot, acting and camera-work were all superb. Plus, it began and ended by quoting from the book of Job, which is fitting because the accomplishments of Secretariat are an amazing testament of God's creative work and power. If this movie is not on your to-watch-list, it should be. :) 

Do you give the horse his might?

Do you clothe his neck with a mane?

Do you make him leap like the locust?

His majestic snorting is terrifying.

He paws in the valley and exults in his strength;

he goes out to meet the weapons.

He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;

he does not turn back from the sword. Job 39:19-22

Testing...1, 2, 3

This day last year I was just returning from South Asia. I can't believe its been a year. How different my life seems now compared to then. I miss the people and the ministry there greatly.

If last year could be considered my spiritual high, then this year would be my spiritual low. Disappointments, bad news, closed doors and silence from the Lord have been the marks of 2011 so far. Exactly the opposite of 2010. It is the silence that makes it all almost unbearable. The Lord has hidden His working from me so that I cannot perceive it and He has been utterly silent to my cries for guidance. I ask for light, but I am kept in the dark. I know and believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is still in control and that He is still working, which is the truth to which I cling.

Even though the Lord has seemed to shut out my prayers, I know that He hears me. He continues to tell me to wait, to be still and to trust Him. Through His Word, He directs me to passages that exhort me to these things and that tell me why I am going through this wilderness. Deuteronomy 8 is one such passage. In it, God explains to the Israelites why He sent them into the desert wilderness for 40 years. It was in order to humble them, to test them to reveal what was in their hearts and to teach them to feed on and treasure God's Word above all else. The Lord did this to prepare them for the Promised Land. Likewise, I know that this is a time of preparation in my life - preparing me for whatever the Lord Jesus has in store. Pray that I will be found faithful.

Sometimes I want to escape or quit or beg for this season to end, but James 1 reminds me of the joy that awaits trials like these: Christlikeness. I am to count it all joy for God is working in me the image of His Son...and to do that takes a lot of (painful) work as He chisels out more and more of me to reveal more and more of Christ. Also, I noticed for the first time in James 1 the little word let.

And let steadfastness/patience have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:4

The trials themselves are a gift from God that makes us more like His Son. We have to work with Him, though. We have to let the testing of our faith produce steadfastness and we have to let steadfastness have its complete effect. The full effect is that we become more holy like the Savior we serve. We can hinder this, however, when we don't embrace the trials as the gifts from God that they really are.

One of my biggest discoveries this year is that when we ask for more of Christ in and through our lives (and if you know Him and follow Him, you should be asking for this), we are actually asking for our faith to be tested and refined. The psalmists repeatedly cry out for the Lord to test their faith, to search their hearts and to prove their ways (i.e. Psalm 139:23). Until this year, I never realized that they were opening themselves up to God's refining work, to trials and hardships and whatever else God needed to do in and through them to make them more like Himself. We must remember the words of Jesus, "A servant is not above his Master" (Matthew 10:24). The Lord Jesus waited 30 years for God's timing to start His public ministry. He was rejected by many, mocked, betrayed, murdered...should we expect any less? We are not alone in these sufferings, though. Jesus promises to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). We are to follow His example to be sure - looking unto the joy of the Reward set before us and forgetting all this is behind - but we do not do it alone. Jesus is with us. He strengthens and sustains us. And He is the Reward.

Looking unto Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

We are not, however, the only ones who wait. The Lord Himself waits to show us grace. He knows the perfect way to achieve His purpose of sanctification in us. Through these light momentary afflictions, He is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18

Lean on Me

Many people in my life seem to be just passing through. Sometimes this can be very disheartening - especially since I don't like good-byes. But I guess it is the same the other way around: I am just passing through the lives of others. These transitional relationships are a good reminder that this world is not my true home. I belong to another Kingdom and Country (for which I deeply long).

The Lord continues to weed people and things from my life, which He has done since the year began. Circumstances and distance seem to constantly change relationships or end them. About a month ago, my Chinese friend Andrea moved to the Northeast. I met her almost a year and a half ago and we hung out almost every week. We never did anything too exciting, just hung out and chatted - but our conversations were always an adventure. I never knew what topic of interest Andrea was going to throw my way. She always kept me on my toes. :) Andrea is not a believer, but I pray she will become one. The Lord Jesus always gave me an opportunity to testify to His goodness in some shape or form when we were together. I believe He is working mightily in her life, drawing her to Himself.

I miss this girl!

I recently won a trip to New York (!), so I hope to be able to meet up with her while I am there. Maybe we can go to Chinatown!

One of Andrea's parting gifts to me

With the friendships the Lord has left me, He is teaching me to go deeper. Opening up to people is not something that comes very easily to me, so this has been a rather long and difficult lesson...but it is a sweet one. The Lord has blessed me with several godly female friends (besides my sister) that have become very dear to me. I hope I bless them the way they have blessed me (Proverbs 27:17). God uses them a lot to speak truth and encouragement into my life - something I have really needed these past few months. Learning to lean on others seems to be another way the Lord is breaking my independent and self-reliant spirit.

Lessons from the Lord: patience; being still before Him; trust; endurance; dependence on Him & others