Thanksgiving was the first (meaningful) holiday since my dad passed in September. This is my favorite holiday, filled with lots of wonderful memories, some of the best food of the year, tons of laughter, and a great time with the Hovis side of the family. This year was different, though. It was bittersweet. I was still looking forward to the holiday: seeing everyone, the sense of comfort and normalcy that traditions bring, and, again, yummy food, but I knew this year would be different. There would be a void. Most of the aforementioned laughter was on account of my dad. He was the life of the party, always keeping things going. In ways I see now, he was almost the glue that held us all together. Everyone said that the holidays would be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard until the first one came. It definitely put my waterproof mascara to the test.
Hovis Family - Thanksgiving 2010
There are so many little things that you take for granted. When I first entered my uncle’s house, I realized that I didn’t know where to sit. It didn’t take my dad long to scout out a spot to sit and plant himself there, and I usually sat beside him. This time I wasn’t really sure what to do, so I just stood for a bit. Then came time to bless the food and eat. That’s when reality really hit me. Somehow my dad always managed to find his way to the front of the line and then he would go the opposite way around the table than everyone else. Mass chaos would then ensue. This year was quieter. Even though I was among family, I almost felt lost, out of place. I realized that this was the new normal, and I don’t like it. My dad's absence was like the elephant in the room that nobody was talking about it.
I miss him a lot. I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I am thankful to the Lord for all of the good memories I have of/with him. I am thankful that the Lord allowed him to be my dad. I am a very blessed woman to have had such a dad. Furthermore, I have the hope of seeing him again. He, right now, is enjoying the Lord, worshiping Him without the distraction of sin in perfect purity. There is a better feast coming, one better than we can imagine, with better food and perfect fellowship, in the presence of Him who is in His very being Satisfaction. There Thanksgiving will never cease. My dad is experiencing that right now. One day I will join him. But for now I cling to the hope found in Christ and His promises. Better things are coming. A better Day is coming. Jesus led me to this verse on Friday, which I found very comforting:
Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise.
You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!
For your dew is a dew of light,
and the earth will give birth to the dead. Isaiah 26:19
I am saying this not because of what He has done and does for me (though He is very amazing in that) or because life is “going my way” right now (because, frankly, it’s not as far as circumstances go), but because Jesus is amazing in His essence, in who He is, in His many perfections. When I asked the Father to give me a fresh vision of Jesus, He didn’t change my circumstances or take the pain away, but instead reminded me of who Jesus is and of all that I have in Him (Ephesians 1:3-14).
Dictionary definition of amazing: “to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.”
Everything about Jesus Christ is more than I (we) could ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). His goodness is beyond my comprehension. His love His greater than I could dare to hope. His mercy is unfailing and His faithfulness is more sure than the sun’s appearance tomorrow morning. He is full of compassion and mercy, which the Bibles says will never fail (Lamentations 3:22-23). His grace is inexhaustible (thanks to Pastor Andy for that reminder) and sufficient for my every need and beyond (2 Corinthians 12:9).
As the Lord removed the scales from my eyes so I could see Him more clearly, He especially reminded me of these three things: His power, His presence, and His patience. (3 P’s – you like that?) The power of Jesus Christ is unlimited and cannot be thwarted. No one can stay His hand or can call Him into account (Daniel 4:35). He has conquered death and Satan and sin and one day soon His rule will be dominant and visible to all (Isaiah 9:7; Philippians 2:9-11). His very word can dissolve mountains and subdue kingdoms and bring the dead to life. Jesus Christ is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and End of all things (Romans 11:36; Ephesians 1:16; Revelation 22:13). And He is in control of all things and infuses every single event with purpose and meaning. He has the power to make something out of nothing and bring beauty out of ashes. He is able to make all things to work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). With such a God as this, there is no need to fear or worry or be anxious or hopeless…ever.
And, yet, Jesus is very personal. He knows me better than I know myself. In fact, He knew me and chose me before He created time and space and the world we know (Ephesians 1:3-4). He planned every one of my days before there was even one of them (Psalm 139:16). He is near to all who call upon Him (Psalm 145:18). So near, in fact, that He chooses to dwell within them (Ephesians 3:17; Colossians 1:27). His presence is constant; there is no place I can go to escape Him (Psalm 139:7-12). He is intimately and meticulously involved in the details of our lives (no matter how trivial or mundane or horrendous they may seem), working in them His particular purposes (though we cannot always perceive Him) with the goal of drawing us to Himself. In His great mercy and compassion, Jesus meets us in our grief and brokenness and rebellion. He enters our darkness to bring us to light. He walks with us through the valleys and sustains us in the wilderness. What we need is what He is (in His essence): Comforter, Healer, Savior, Guide, Rest, Restorer, Redeemer, Protector, Provider, King, etc. He is the I AM (Exodus 3:14). He is the fullness of all things and from that fullness we, who are believers, receive grace in ever-increasing measure (John 1:16). With such a God as this, we will never be alone or forsaken or in want...ever.
And when we seek Him, when we long to know Him, when we cry out to Him, Jesus reveals Himself to us (Jeremiah 29:13). He is always ready to respond and receive and forgive over and over and over again; no matter how many times we mess up or wander off or forget who He is and what He has done. Jesus is very, very patient (Exodus, 34:6; Isaiah 30:18; 2 Peter 3:9). And in His patience, when I was forgetful of His goodness and ungrateful and losing sight of hope, He reminded me of who He was. He did not treat me as I deserved, but gently led me back to Himself. With such a God as this, we should never be afraid to return to Him or run to Him for help. He will never cast us off...ever.
These meditations are an overflow of two things: an answer to prayer and time in the Word. I had asked God to give me a renewed vision of Christ and He, in His kindness, did so by meeting me very sweetly and most preciously through His Word. God’s Word, the Bible, reveals Jesus to us. It has transforming power to remove strongholds, to open blind or veiled eyes, to soften hardened hearts, to melt away fear, and to bring rest and restoration (Hebrews 4:12). It has this power because the Scriptures are the very words of God, and, therefore, they are life and bring life (John 6:63). God’s Word reveals Jesus to us because Jesus is the Word made flesh (John 1:14). Every single promise of God found in the Bible finds its fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20).
And all of this is just a taste of what’s to come. One day the glory and knowledge of the Lord will cover the whole earth and all we see Him for who He is (Habakkuk 2:14; 1 John 3:2; Revelation 1:7). There will be no more distractions or confusion or brokenness. It will just be HIM in all of His fulness dwelling in the midst of His people (those who treasure Him now and are longing for His return).
It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” Isaiah 25:9
I have been thinking a lot about how this world is not my home. I have read some pretty horrific and disheartening stories in the news lately: a young Arab woman was murdered by her husband for giving birth to a girl rather than a boy; a twelve-year-old sued her school (and won) because she was offended by the prayer that was written on the cafeteria wall; the decline in marriage in the West, but the surge in the fight for the “right” for homosexuals to marry; the 300,000 abortions that happen every year and the fight to keep it that way; the disdain for religion and Christianity because they go against the so-called freedom and rights of tolerant and secular America; the increase in sex trafficking both in our country and around the world; and, most recently, the new requirement for contraceptives (including abortifacient one) to be offered and funded by employers – even religious ones. These and numerous other horrible, horrible, heart-breaking things take place on a regular basis around the world and they are a vivid reminder that I don’t belong here. And, honestly, they make me not want to be here (which is something I have to repent over because I know that doesn’t honor the Lord). This country is not my real country and this city is not my real city. I am waiting and looking forward to a City that has foundations (of which Christ is the cornerstone), whose designer and builder is God (Hebrews 11:6; Ephesians 3:20).
The Lord has been teaching me much about my dual citizenship—both here and in heaven—my sojourning in a foreign land—through the sermons I hear at Rolling Fields as we go through the Psalms; through the messages I am transcribing on Hebrews at work; through my personal time of study through the Book of Daniel; through the books I am reading; and through the chapel sermons (yes I get paid to go to chapel!) that Dr. Mohler and Dr. Moore gave last week. Obviously the Lord wants to remind me where my true allegiance lies. He wants me to belong less here in this world so that I reflect more of the world of His kingdom to those around me (and I think last year was a big part of His working that out—stripping away the extras in my life so that all that I have left is Christ). I wish I could put into words the longing I have for this real, eternal home, but I can’t. (And you probably think I am crazy). The things here are just a copy, just a shadow of the true reality to come—the only City, Country and Kingdom that will last.
But it’s also true that I am still a citizen of this world as well, and until the Lord allows me to come Home it will continue to be so. Christ says that His people are in the world, but not of the world (John 15:19, 17:15), which means I function as citizens of two cities. I truly and ultimately belong to the City of God, but I am also part of this city. While I am here my King calls me to influence this world for good, which seems pretty futile when you look at the darkness of the times we are living in (just read the short list above) and the vast amount of lostness that exists among the nations. And if it weren’t for Christ that would be so. But the Gospel is powerful and can transform even the darkest places into a haven for God’s glory to shine forth. I have seen it happen and it will continue to happen. This is the mission of the people who name themselves Christ-followers—the Church. It is no easy task, but it is urgent and commanded (Matthew 5:14-16; Ephesians 5:7-17), and we have the promise of Jesus Christ that He will be with us, empowering us, always, even until the end of this world (Matthew 28:20).
And in the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed, nor shall the kingdom be left to another people. It shall break in pieces all these kingdoms and bring them to an end, and it shall stand forever. Daniel 2:44
One of my favorite verses in all the Bible is 1 John 3:2:
Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.
My heart beats with this verse. I long for the day for when I can see my Savior face-to-face, when I will be with Him forever. Christmas is all about how Jesus made our way to be with God possible. He is called Immanuel, which means "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). Jesus Christ - God in the flesh - came and dwelt among us. He lived the perfect life, in complete obedience to God, satisfying all of God's commands, and then He died on the cross, bearing our sin burden and taking our punishment. He came back to life three days later to signify that His sacrifice was satisfactory. He conquered sin and death. All this so that we can know God and be with Him forever. This is the great hope of the Christian: to be completely set free from the bondage of sin so that we can know God and enjoy Him forever. Currently, this hope is only realized in part. Sin still exists in our bodies and the presence of Christ is not available in its fullest form. He is still with us for He promises never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), but we are waiting on Him to come back and establish His Kingdom here on earth. The Book of Revelation gives us a peek at what that will look like:
Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3-4
We will experience the pure, unhindered presence of God. This is the greatest gift: God Himself. This year the Lord has taught me what a gift sensing His presence really is. He withheld this experience from me for the first eight months of this year. He took me through the wilderness and taught me to thirst for Him (Psalm 143:6). He made me hunger for His presence, so that He was all that I sought and desired. A sweet and hard lesson, but one from which I have learned much.
The next verse, 1 John 3:3, goes on to say that those who have this hope of seeing Christ make themselves pure as He is pure. In short, this hope transforms us. If was long to see and be with Christ, our priorities and desires and ambitions change. We no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. We no longer seek the things of this world, but Christ. We no longer see this world as our home, but realize that our home is with Christ. We no longer live our lives our own way, but in submission to Christ. This hope changes everything...and only those who have this hope in Christ can see Him.
But nothing unclean will ever enter into [the Kingdom of God], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life...No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 21:27; 22:3-5
"I will sigh and with all creation groan for the Hope that will come for me." - C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser.
