The Weight of Beauty

Obesophobia or Pocrescophobia = the fear of gaining weight

I recently saw an article about the high percentage of teenage girls who have a fear of gaining weight. The article called this fear “weight terror,” but it’s technical phobia name is above (which I just Googled to find out). I know this fear all too well. It’s been about ten years since I found myself in the midst of a struggle with what the psychological word calls a subclinical eating disorder. I have already written some about this, but this article as well as some other readings have prompted me to reflect on how the Lord rescued me from a prison of disordered eating – a prison I had unwittingly created for myself. And, honestly, there are still times I am tempted to fall into those old patterns of thinking; patterns that lead to nothing but destruction.

There are many heart issues and sinful desires that prompt and propel eating disorders. Most of the time you hear of women talk about wanting more control in their lives, and food and weight seem to be the only area of their lives where they seem like they have control. But that is not the case for all who struggle with their body image and that was not the case with me. Mine stemmed from an intense fear of becoming fat, which is no doubt a fruit of pride and fear of man, but was fueled by the standards of beauty in our culture and the standards of beauty in my own family. Even though my dad never directed any comments toward me regarding my looks or my weight, I took his comments regarding the weights of people on TV or people in real life to heart. Whether consciously or subconsciously, I took those comments to mean one thing: to be fat means losing my dad’s approval (and the approval of others). My dad had no idea he was sending this message with his comments and my sister didn’t pick up on that same message, but for some reason I did and it influenced the way I saw myself and the standards I set for myself regarding food, my weight, and my body image.

This is not to say that people who struggle with weight/food/body image are not responsible for their actions. We are. We may not be responsible for the messages we receive or the pressure we feel to be thin or look a certain way, but we are responsible to how we react, what we do with what we hear and feel. We are responsible for the priority we place of food and weight. We are responsible for making it our idol and letting it consume us. And consume us it will if God and others do not intervene.

Some were fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
they loathed any kind of food,
and they drew near to the gates of death.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destruction.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and tell of his deeds in songs of joy! Psalm 107:17-22

It is no secret that thinness is one of the standards of beauty in our culture (and in much of the Western, developed world). Models, Hollywood, and even cartoon characters all praise women who have tiny waists. Skinniness and other standards of beauty in our culture are exploited at almost every turn: billboards, commercials, magazine ads, etc. Each one sends a message to both men and women. Scantily clad women abound in our culture, each presenting the woman’s body as an object to be desired or exploited or coveted. One of the many ills of feminism I suppose. Men are not the only ones affected by such sexualized ads; women also are affected. We are presented with a standard that is impossible to attain. I cannot compete with the women in advertisements, but, then again, neither can the models who are actually in the advertisements. The truth is that the printed images are lies. The women in those ads have been airbrushed and photoshopped to perfection. They are thinner and tanner; they’re blemishes and cellulite and stretch marks have been erased; their eyes have been widened and their legs lengthened. Even they cannot compete with their own falsified images. But that is the standard of beauty nonetheless and every woman, to some extent, feels the pressure to conform to it.

But those are the things that are seen. The Bible tells us to focus on what is unseen. The Bible gives and lifts up a different standard for women; one that focuses on a woman’s dignity and character. There are many women in the Bible who are described as being beautiful (Sarah, Rebekah, Bathsheba, Esther, etc.), but it is their character that gives them true beauty. This inner beauty is what God invites women to strive for and men to look for. External beauty pales in comparison (and is temporary anyway).

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4

So, once again, our culture and our world have the focus all wrong. And I suppose the marring of and exploitation of beauty will only grow worse as our society continues to lose its moral compass (because how can you focus on the unseen, inner beauty when you don't even have a standard of what is truly good and lovely and right?). Outer beauty is fleeting. Standards of beauty change. But God’s Word never changes; it abides forever (1 Peter 1:24-25). And God’s Word says that God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and that beauty is vain (Proverbs 31:30) and that cultivating inner beauty is precious to the Lord (1 Peter 3:4). The world looks at the outer appearance, but the Lord looks at the inward disposition of the heart. The former passes away like the flower of the field, but the latter remains forever when it is a heart truly given over to and made new by Christ.

The S Word

The Lord has taught me a lot of lessons lately that have been hard and, um, well, unpleasant.

Patience, perseverance, suffering, silence, trust, my sinfulness, being vulnerable with others, waiting…

Add another one to that list: submission. Yes, I said it. It is a word that strikes fear into the hearts of most women – especially liberal women. Now I don’t consider myself liberal by any means and I didn’t think I had a problem with submission - that is, until Jesus showed me I did. He has used my job, my family and, most recently, the organization I am applying to work overseas with to reveal the rebellion in my heart. Yeah, I don’t have a problem with submission when it comes to people who I’m on the same page with (professors, pastors/elders and most people in authority over me) or when we disagree but it doesn't affect me directly. I submit to their authority with joy. But the Lord has placed some people in my life that I struggle submitting to joyfully. It’s a painful reality. And what’s worse is that I am ultimately balking against the authority of God because He, in His wisdom and grace, places people in authority over me (Romans 13:1). Sigh. I've been doing a lot of repenting lately.

So even though I may not agree with the methods or logic of some of the God-given authorities in my life, I am to submit to them. That is the example you see in Scripture and it is commanded in Scripture (Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13). Now this isn’t to say you submit even when the person in charge tells you to do something that defies God’s Word – the Scripture is clear that we always obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29) – but it is to say that when it is not an issue of denying Christ or His Word, but rather a matter of preference or personality, then submission is the command from the Lord…even when the authority is wrong or mistreats you (1 Peter 2:18-25). Check out this example from Genesis 16. Sarai did not have children, even though God had promised her and her husband Abram that He would give them children. She waited and she waited, but still no children. So she took matters into her own hands. She had her servant girl, Hagar, sleep with Abram in order to have children by her. But when Hagar became pregnant, the two women despised each other, and Sarah began mistreating her. Eventually Hagar ran away. She could run from Sarai, but not from God.

The angel of the LORD found [Hagar] by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” She said, “I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.” The angel of the LORD said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” Genesis 16:7-9

This doesn’t mean that Sarai was justified in her actions, but it does mean that we are supposed to submit even when those over us misunderstand us or treat us harshly. Because God is sovereign, He can work through even the harshest authority. God promised to make Hagar’s son into a great nation and part of that plan included her living with Sarai and Abram for a time. The Lord is very purposeful in arranging every detail of our lives. Who can tell what plans the Lord might have for us and the authorities He has over us?

Now submission is a hard thing for us (and it’s not just women – submission is hard for all people). We like to be in control. We like to call the shots. And basically it comes down to the fact that we are – here are two more S-words – selfish sinners. We believe we have to right to be understood. We believe we have to right to be treated fairly. We believe we have the right to peace and happiness. We believe we have the right to do what we think is right. So anyone that infringes on that right is wrong and our natural response is to rebel (and this can be in actions, words, attitude and/or thoughts). We live in a culture that demands rights: abortion rights, women’s rights, gay-marriage rights, education rights, etc. That’s why these are such hot issues because when the government or an organization or a religious body tries to place parameters on these so-called rights, they are seen as imposing on peoples’ inherent “rights.”

What the Lord is showing me is that I have no rights. The only "right" I have, the only thing I deserve is to be separated from God and eternally punished, which is what we all deserve (Romans 3:23). When you look at it that way, we are all actually doing far better than we deserve. But God is a gracious and just and merciful God and instead of giving us what we deserve, He sent His perfect Son, Jesus Christ, to take our punishment and restore us to Him, so that those who believe in Jesus might be saved (Romans 5:8; Acts 16:31). In that great exchange, we believers still don't have any rights in the way we think of rights as Americans. We have been bought with the precious and priceless blood of Christ and we are His (1 Corinthians 6:20, 7:23; 1 Peter 1:18-21). We give up all our perceived "rights" when we come to Him. Our will is to do His. Plus, He rewards us with a set of different "rights" that are far better than we could have imagined (Rev. 22:14).

Another truth is that there is freedom in submission. When we honor the authorities God has placed over us (whether that be in government or in the work place or at church or in a family), there is actually peace and joy and stability. We, as people, are sheep that need guidance in every area of our lives. Jesus is our ultimate Shepherd, but He has placed people under Him to shepherd His people. This is because we are, in all reality, helpless and pitiful and are incapable of calling the shots for very long in our own lives. So, yeah, those over us may not be perfect, but neither are we. There may be some that may be hard to submit to, but we sometimes aren’t that easy to lead. The difficulties we face in submission are another reminder that we’re not Home yet. We’re still awaiting the perfect King, the perfect Husband, the perfect Teacher, the perfect Leader, Jesus Christ, who will lead us into everlasting peace and righteousness (Philippians 3:20; Revelation 7:17).

Let Me be a Biblical Woman

My sister and I just registered for our first women’s conference, which is not something I ever thought I’d say. I used to avoid women’s conferences (and most other women ministry activities) like the plague, because I thought they equaled theological fluff and materialism and manicures and other things that turn my stomach. But the Lord has been teaching me (and my sister – for her story click here) what true women’s ministry is and revealing our erroneous and prideful prejudices. So this is the story of my journey so far.

First, let me say, that the majority of the influences in my life have been male (especially when it comes to spiritual influences) – my dad, pastors, professors, authors, etc. To me this was the norm, so this makes me predisposed, I guess, to preferring male leadership. I wasn’t really even aware of the idea of women’s ministry until I came to seminary (more on that in a moment). At my home church, we all learned together. There was neither male nor female, single nor married, poor nor rich, but all studied the Word together without distinction. ;)   

Furthermore, I grew up in a home where gender roles were only separated by home responsibilities. Men do the work outside (mow the lawn, fix the car) and women do the work inside the home (clean the house, cook dinner). So from home, my sister and I learned that we were supposed to try to look pretty, learn how to cook and keep house. My dad didn’t really like for those lines to be blurred, but he didn’t have any boys, so I helped him at times with construction and mechanical work. And so he passed his interests in cars and fixing things onto his daughters (although I don’t think he meant to).

So that’s some of my background…and then I came to seminary. I remember being struck by many of the ladies I saw on campus: perfect hair and make-up, dresses and skirts, and heels. I remember thinking, “I don’t fit in here” (though, ironically, because of my job, I am now one those girls – ha!). I started learning about women’s ministry and women’s programs and a whole host of other things that were foreign to me and, at that time, I didn't understand why they were necessary. And a lot of what I saw on the surface seemed just that – surface level. I went to a women’s event/meeting that helped solidify my presuppositions, so I decided to stay within my area of study and let those ladies have their fun.

But, while I was in South Asia, I met an amazing woman who became my mentor for the six months I was there. Now this is not to say I hadn’t met some great women beforehand (like at my church) because I had, but this was the first time I had actually been discipled by a strong, godly woman. Then I began to notice that there were many like-minded women who are passionate about the gospel and not about other…things.

When I returned to Louisville, my small group had split from co-ed to all men/all women and so I joined the ladies of my group to study David Platt’s Radical. And, once again, I was reminded that there are women who are hungry for the Word, who want to grow in their knowledge of Christ, and who want to live their lives for Him. So there seemed to be this dichotomy between some of the women I met at the seminary and the women I served and served with in ministry.

The dichotomy was heightened when I went to a seminary women’s get-together. It was one of my attempts to break out of the anti-social lull I had been in since I had returned from South Asia. Plus, free Starbucks was involved. :) There was probably about 20 women who showed up along with the host (female) professor. The professor was giving us some advice and this is what she said, “Ladies, when you go to class, don’t go in a hoodie, without makeup, etc. Get up and fix your hair and put on your make-up and dress nicely because these men in your class could one day be your future employers.” I was like, "Really?" I can think of a few Scriptures to counteract that, and it’s not like that is something women need to be told – we have a natural concern for our visible appearance.

Now some of my attitude towards women’s ministry, I realize, is pride, and some is misunderstanding, but the Lord has graciously shown me that real women’s ministry is not about the powder or the pearls, but about leading women to be who He created them to be. God did create mankind to be both male and female (Genesis 1:27), and each reflect His glory a little differently. Leading women means helping them to see and celebrate and magnify those differences so that Christ is magnified through our womanhood. That’s a pretty amazing thing. The Lord has given me some beautiful and rich and deep godly woman friends and prayer partners, and I am so thankful for them. He is allowing me to serve women through Scarlet Hope and through leading the women in my small group (which is again composed of both men and women). These women are hungry for the gospel and are striving to make much of Christ in every area of their lives. And, as for this conference, I am actually excited about it - I have so much to learn! :)