Out with 2011, In with 2012

This year is almost gone and although I am more than ready to kiss 2011 goodbye, the year hasn’t been a total loss. In fact, I have probably experienced more spiritual growth this year than any other. So, here is this year in review:

2011 Goals

Before this year began, I set some goals to accomplish. How did I do?

1. Focus in on a few particular ministries and relationships, so as not to be too scattered or busy. Um, the Lord pretty much took care of this for me as He weeded people and things out of my life. So, I guess you can say I accomplished this goal, but it was all the Lord’s doings.
2. Finish memorizing Ephesians. Check.
3. Develop and refine my photography skills. I really didn't do much with this goal until this past month. I invested in a Nikon digital SLR, which I am super excited about. Hopefully, this goal will be more fully realized in 2012. :)
4. Do a better job of actually eating meals for dinner. Living with Kristi has actually helped me a great deal with the goal, so I have greatly improved in this area.
5. Start a savings account/use the one I actually have. I forgot this was one of my goals (tsk, tsk), so no progress has been made. :(

2011 Lessons

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired even of life itself. Indeed, for we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

Where do I begin? This year has felt like one giant lesson as the Lord has put me through His crucible of refinement. He has taught me much about humility, dependence, trust, contentment and the richness of His Word. All of which, I am sure, I will continue to learn more about until He takes me home. It’s been hard and painful, but the fruit it has produced in me has been sweet. A.W. Tozer sums it up well in his book The Pursuit of God:

“Let us remember that when we talk of rending the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant, but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free.”

2011 Ministry

I began serving with Scarlet Hope at the beginning of this year. It is one of the few reasons I can visibly see for why I am still in Louisville. God is doing amazing things through this ministry and I am privileged to be a small part of it. I have been serving at various clubs throughout the year, waiting and hoping to be able to build relationships in order to share Christ. Finally, after waiting almost a year, I finally have a club I am consistently going to and have been able to make connections there. If you think of it, please pray for us as we go out to serve these ladies on Thursday nights.
For the majority of this year, Scarlet Hope was the only ministry the Lord opened for me. I looked into other ministry opportunities, but a lot of them were starting in the future or took time to get involved in. God sort of had me in a holding period. When August hit, however, the door to ministry seemed to fly wide open. I was asked to teach children’s Sunday School at Rolling Fields and, after much prayer, I accepted the offer. The apartment ministry at RF, which was slowly developing, offered more volunteer opportunities (including helping to lead an onsite Bible study) and, most recently, I started leading the Missions Team at church.

I mentioned a few posts back that the Lord started turning my heart toward East Asia. I then began to look for ways to get involved with people from that part of the world. There were more East Asian ministries than I realized and, with the Lord’s guidance, I started attending a fellowship geared to reaching this people. I have begun building relationships with several Asian ladies and the Lord continually opens the door for me to share Christ with them.

2011 Highlights

Kristi and I got to do some pretty cool things together this year. Like, travel to both New York and Central Asia:

Broadway in NYC

The Galata Tower in Central Asia

2011’s Final Roar

The last week of this year has been difficult. I lost The Z. I had to tell my boss that I was leaving Papers Unique (after 3.5 years) and even though it is with the Lord’s leading, it didn’t make it any easier. On Monday, I went to my grandma’s house to clean out her fridges and freezers. Her electric had been off for a week, so it was a messy job. The house was cold and empty, and I realized that it would probably never be the same again. Then there are the burdens of the sufferings and trials of the ones I love – burdens that I feel and bear right along with them. I have felt the weight of them most acutely these past few months and when I asked the Lord who would bear me up under this load, He led me to this verse:

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Psalm 68:19

Oh, yeah. He knows more than I ever will what it is like to bear the burdens of others.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Looking to 2012

2012 is already beginning to look different. I am driving a different car. I will be starting a new job. The next step in getting overseas is in February and it is coming quickly. I can sense the Lord working in my life again and it is exciting (not that He hasn’t been working; He just hasn’t allowed me to perceive it), and, even though I have no idea what 2012 will bring, I welcome it with open arms.

Happy New Year!

A Different Kind of Christmas

I woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow on the ground. Just a few days too late for Christmas. :)

Christmas this year was much different than originally planned or expected. Very little about it actually “felt” like Christmas and there were many surprises. The most obvious being that my sister and I didn’t make it to Missouri. We returned to Louisville after my car bit the dust, scrambling to make alternate plans. When it was decided that I could borrow my grandma’s car, my parents agreed to come to Louisville to get us.

All of this has made me so thankful for the body of Christ. The Scripture proves true that God gives us many brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers when we follow Him (Mark 10:29-30). Both mine and Kristi's church families were ready and willing to put themselves out to help us at the drop of a hat. My church-friend Katie left her 3 children and sick husband and drove 85 miles (one way) in order to pick up Kristi and me from the side of the road. The next day, Kristi's church-friend Ruth took us out to eat for lunch and then to the grocery store. Kristi and I have mastered the art of making sure there is no (perishable) food in our apartment when we leave for long trips, so we were in need of food. Plus, I wanted to cook dinner for my parents when they got in. It was my first (and very impromptu) Christmas dinner - baked chicken, green beans, real mashed potatoes and peanut butter pie.

Christmas Eve lunch with Ruth at Saigon Cafe

Originally, my parents had agreed to go to the Christmas Eve service at Kristi's church in St. Louis, but since  that got scratched, we talked them into going to the Christmas Eve program at the Korean church she attends in Louisville.

Then they went with us to Rolling Fields on Sunday morning. It was the first time we have ever went to church together for Christmas. :) The Lord is very kind. We had been wanting our parents to come visit us and I really want to go to Rolling Fields for Christmas and, in ways I would have never imagined, the Lord granted those desires. So, even though the holidays were much different that I expected, it was still good. The Lord clearly ordained and worked through the events that took place. He had His own plans and gifts for Christmas 2011 and I praise the One who came and died in order that I might live for Him.

The Day the Beretta Died

One last look at The Z

This is a testimony of the Lord's provision and protection, His sovereignty and grace, and His Fatherly love and care. On Friday, Kristi and I set out for Missouri to spend Christmas with our parents. I had a feeling throughout the day that something was going to happen, but had no idea what (the Lord's kind preparation). I got off work a little early, picked up Kristi, went by Vint for some caffeine and headed West. When we were about 85 miles into the trip, my engine started stumbling. I checked my gauges - everything looked okay. We stopped at a rest stop. I checked the oil - good. The engine continued to stumble when I returned to the highway and then my oil pressure dropped. I pulled over as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The engine had locked up. After ten years and 261,000 miles, the Beretta has been laid to rest.

The Lord is so incredibly gracious as He protected my sister and me as we sat on the side of the interstate for several hours in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana, trying to figure out how to get back to Louisville and what to do with my non-functional car. Towing back to Louisville, even with Roadside Assistance, was outrageously expensive. My main concern was what to do with my car after I get back to Louisville. It eventually would have to be taken to the junk yard. Even in the midst of this mess, however, the Lord Jesus gave me His perfect peace. I just knew everything was going to be okay. Eventually, we decided to take my sweet friend Katie's offer to come get us (the Lord's provision) and to have my car towed to the rest stop nearby until further plans could be made. I wound up selling my car to the wrecker for a few hundred dollars, thus solving the what-to-do-with-my-car dilemma (Lord's provision). It's surreal to think that one moment I was driving down the road heading to Missouri and, within a few hours, I was on my back to Louisville - without my car.

After we returned to our apartment, my dad called telling me that my grandma, uncle and aunt had decided to let me use my grandma's car until I could get another one (the Lord's provision). Last summer, my grandma was diagnosed with Pastor's Syndrome and she moved down to Texas to live with my aunt, who is a nurse. Her car, however, stayed behind in Missouri and been hanging out in her garage ever since.

Do you see the grace and sovereignty of the Lord in all this? He is my perfect heavenly Father - preparing me for what's ahead and taking care of all my needs - just like He promises. He had every detail under control. He upholds the universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3) and nothing slips past Him.

Last year, I wrote about the bookend events that framed 2010. This year has bookend events as well - though much different in nature. 2011 began when someone broke into my apartment and stole my laptop and it comes to an end with the death of my car.

And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21

And He shall be Great

The older I get and the deeper I go in my walk with Christ, the more I appreciate Christmas. It’s not the lights, the presents, the food or any of that other stuff that goes along with this holiday in America. In fact, I care less and less for this stuff every year. But, with each year, I am learning the weight of this day we keep as a remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ. If you take the time to think about what this day truly means, it is very powerful.

Each Christmas season, the Lord focuses my attention on a certain aspect of Christ’s birth. This year I have been reflecting on two things: His appearing and His greatness. There are two passages that coincide with these themes. The first is Titus 2:11-14:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself up for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works. Titus 2:11-14

First, and most obviously, Jesus appeared. This is the whole reason why we celebrate Christmas – Jesus came. God came to earth. He left His glorious throne in heaven to become one of us so that He might save us. He became nothing so that we might gain everything through Him (Philippians 2:5-11). His appearing means our salvation, our life, our hope and our escape from the wrath of God. Jesus came not to judge but to save and serve, but when He appears for the second time, it will be for judgment. The first appearing was to display His great mercy and grace by accomplishing our salvation and His second appearing will be to display His wrath and justice. Only those who love His appearing will be saved from the wrath to come (2 Timothy 4:8).

The second passage is from the book of Luke:

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end. Luke 1:30-33

This proclamation from the angel tells us a lot about the Lord Jesus. His name will be Jesus, which means God saves (Matthew 1:23). He will be the Son of God. He will also be the Son of David. He will be the fulfillment of every Old Testament promise (2 Corinthians 1:20). He will be an eternal King – unlike all the other kings that have gone before. His Kingdom will last forever. These are some of the reasons why He will be great, but there are more. He is great because He alone can and did accomplish our salvation (Isaiah 63:5). He is great because He is the beginning and end, the first and the last (Revelation 22:13). He is great because in Him all the fullness of the deity dwells (Colossians 2:9). He is great because He is the King of kings and Lord of lords (Revelation 19:6). He is great because He is the very God of the universe (Hebrews 1:3 & 11:3). He is Immanuel – God with us - and He has come. So this is why we (should) celebrate Christmas: this great God has appeared so that we may be saved from our sins and so that we might know Him. I pray that you will truly know and believe this truth this year.

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

It has been a year since I graduated from Southern.  It was probably one of my top experiences because so much hard work had gone into my studies and the Lord had grown me and taught me so much about Himself through them. My life looks much different now than it did then. When I graduated, I thought I knew the direction the Lord was taking me. I was sort-of seeing a godly guy, which, at the time, the Lord was clearly leading in. I knew the region of the world that I wanted to serve in and I thought I knew what that serving would look like. The year of 2010 was like my mountaintop experience. I could see and sense the Lord clearly working in many areas of my life and it was exciting.

Then, enter 2011. Everything seemed to change. I went from the mountaintop into a dark valley. The people I hung around, the ministries I was involved in and my desires for the future all began to look different. The Lord was doing a deep work in my heart - purging, refining and humbling me so as to make me more like Christ. He began taking away many people and things from my life - my laptop was stolen, the relationship ended, ministry opportunities stagnated and friendships changed. Even my future seemed less certain. The desire for serving and living overseas never did, but the where and what did. South Asia had been my focus, but the Lord slowly began shifting my interest and desire to East Asia. Then there was His continual dealings with my sinfulness. And the very worst part of it all was that Jesus was silent. For eight long months, I could not sense Him working around me or leading me in any kind of direction except in one way: while I was in His Word, He took me to passages that explained why He had led me into the valley (Deuteronomy 8:2-10). I learned to identify with Job, cry out with the psalmists and see first-hand that I had a High Priest who could identify with my weaknesses because He had experienced them Himself but without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

This year has definitely been one of brokenness and waiting. The Lord has been breaking my independent and self-sufficient nature so as to make more and more dependent on Him. He has taught me my own weakness and insignificance apart from Him. He is also teaching me how to be vulnerable with others and how to truly grieve. I am so thankful that the Lord counts every tear (Psalm 56:8), because I have cried more this year than probably all my years put together. I am not one to cry. I grew up in a home that taught that crying was a sign of weakness. Even though I later learned better, my prideful self still acted as though it was true. I had become accustomed to being disconnected with my emotions. Sometimes this can be helpful in the moment in order to think more rationally, but eventually, I need to work through things and because I refused to deal with the pain immediately, it usually crept back up later. So, the Lord is helping me to share my burdens and tears with others. Not an easy or enjoyable lesson...but it is a humbling one.

Waiting has been another theme of this year. Patience isn't always my strong suit, but it is starting to become one as the Lord refuses to give me any clarity for the future and refuses to answer some of the questions that have risen from the events of this year. He just tells me to wait and trust. Sigh. His ways are not mine and neither are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). My next step in getting overseas is not until February of next year. Wait and trust. My work future is still up in the air. Wait and trust. I still don't understand some of the events of this year. Wait and trust. Sometimes I fear I will never get to the field. Wait and trust. Another sigh. The Lord reminded me the other week of how the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. He was with them the whole way - leading them, providing for them and teaching them. He would lead them by day with a cloud and by night with a pillar of fire. Wherever the cloud rested, the Israelites were to set up camp. They were to stay there until the Lord took up the cloud and moved on and, then, they were to pack back up in follow. For now, the Lord has settled me in Louisville and His cloud is still resting here. He told them when it was time to go and will tell me as well. I guess this is my time to stay.

The events of this year began to take their toll physically last month. I developed a sharp pain in my shoulder/left side of neck that sent me to the chiropractor for the first time. The chiropractor said that it was due to stress and that I carry my stress in that area of my body. It was like physical evidence of the Lord's heavy hand this year (Psalm 32:4). As 2011 draws to a close, I am looking forward expectantly to 2012. I have spent the majority of this year studying the Book of Isaiah. As I read through the book, I felt like I was living what Isaiah was talking about. Near the end of the book, Isaiah speaks of the "Year of the Lord's Favor" (Isaiah 61:2). My prayer is that 2012 will be the year of the Lord's favor for me. Not that I am not in His favor because all of those who are in Christ are in God's favor (Ephesians 1:1-14) and His disciplining of me is evidence of His favor (Hebrews 12:3-11), but I pray that His favor is seen more outwardly in the coming year. Nonetheless, I want Him to complete the refining work He has began in me so that I will be "perfect and entire, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).

Of course, I have much to be thankful for in 2011. Even though the Lord took away ministry opportunities for a while, He brought them back in full force during the latter part of the year so that my schedule is quite full. He is deepening my friendships and my roots at Rolling Fields. Actually, RF is one of my favorite things about staying here. It will be hard to leave them when it comes time. Though I cannot say I am thankful for the events of this year, I am very thankful for their sweet fruit. I have probably experienced more growth in Christ this year than in any other. The Lord has taught me about His complete sovereignty and goodness, how He is my portion, how to feed on His Word and how to trust Him when all I see is dark. In the words of Andrew Peterson, "The aching my remain, but the breaking does not" (from his Silence of God song).

Longing for His Face

One of my favorite verses in all the Bible is 1 John 3:2:

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.

My heart beats with this verse. I long for the day for when I can see my Savior face-to-face, when I will be with Him forever. Christmas is all about how Jesus made our way to be with God possible. He is called Immanuel, which means "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). Jesus Christ - God in the flesh - came and dwelt among us. He lived the perfect life, in complete obedience to God, satisfying all of God's commands, and then He died on the cross, bearing our sin burden and taking our punishment. He came back to life three days later to signify that His sacrifice was satisfactory. He conquered sin and death. All this so that we can know God and be with Him forever. This is the great hope of the Christian: to be completely set free from the bondage of sin so that we can know God and enjoy Him forever. Currently, this hope is only realized in part. Sin still exists in our bodies and the presence of Christ is not available in its fullest form. He is still with us for He promises never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), but we are waiting on Him to come back and establish His Kingdom here on earth. The Book of Revelation gives us a peek at what that will look like:

Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

We will experience the pure, unhindered presence of God. This is the greatest gift: God Himself. This year the Lord has taught me what a gift sensing His presence really is. He withheld this experience from me for the first eight months of this year. He took me through the wilderness and taught me to thirst for Him (Psalm 143:6). He made me hunger for His presence, so that He was all that I sought and desired. A sweet and hard lesson, but one from which I have learned much. 

The next verse, 1 John 3:3, goes on to say that those who have this hope of seeing Christ make themselves pure as He is pure. In short, this hope transforms us. If was long to see and be with Christ, our priorities and desires and ambitions change. We no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. We no longer seek the things of this world, but Christ. We no longer see this world as our home, but realize that our home is with Christ. We no longer live our lives our own way, but in submission to Christ. This hope changes everything...and only those who have this hope in Christ can see Him. 

But nothing unclean will ever enter into [the Kingdom of God], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life...No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 21:27; 22:3-5

"I will sigh and with all creation groan for the Hope that will come for me." - C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser.