Challenges of the Week

Last week was a tough week. It was one of those weeks when nothing seemed to go right:

• Several things happened at work that did not go smoothly (and were extremely frustrating) that weren’t my fault (though it usually is) or anyone else’s. One of the things being that there was a problem with Google and I couldn’t get a campus-wide email out in a timely manner.
• The upper radiator hose in my grandma’s car started splitting, spewing antifreeze. This should have been an fairly simple repair, but the manufacturers put the lower clamp on the hose upside down, making it almost impossible to get to. What should have taken an hour, took almost three. Plus, my pliers stopped working.
• I discovered I contracted head lice from one of the ministries I am involved in. I haven’t had to deal with this since South Asia and it’s got me wondering, is this going to be my Achilles heel of ministry? :) Oh, and I gave it to my sister as well.
• I have had late nights and little sleep due to taking care of the above two things, so I have been extremely tired.
• My laptop decided it didn’t recognize it’s battery. It told me to install an official DELL battery. (?!) The original battery has never been removed. I restarted it and I think it is okay now.

By the end of the week, nothing caught me by surprise. I believe the Lord is using these things to humble me. It’s a lesson I never seem to catch on to. I am completely exhausted now (and sore) and realize more than ever how much I need Christ in every moment of every day.

The pesky clamp (put back in the upright position)

The week, of course, had some bright spots. I went to a Hymn Sing on campus where the Lord graced me without His presence in a much needed way. In the weeks preceding, all I could see was my sin – my selfishness and pride and self-absorption. Every motive, every decision and even my worship seemed to be rooted in these things. I felt like I really was living life in Romans 7 (“for I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is in my flesh,” verse 18). And the worst part about it was my apathetic disposition towards the Lord. My feelings were not warm towards Him and I had no desire to do the things that I knew I should do. I hated feeling this way. I prayed constantly for Him to reveal what was going on and had others praying as well. The Lord is extremely kind in all this – even in allowing me to see the ugliness of my sin. It is only when we see ourselves as we truly are that we can see and appreciate and grow in love for Christ. At the Hymn Sing, the Lord was like water to my parched soul. I could literally feel the scales of sin and stubbornness fall from my being and my heart was warmed toward the Lord.The external struggles that I faced this week are much preferred to the inner ones I experienced the weeks prior. (I hope I don’t have to eat these words later).

Also, during these difficulties, I got to watch my sisters in Christ step up to the plate to help me. My friend, Jodi, who went with me to the Hymn Sing and was with me when I discovered the split hose, worked right along side of me to repair it (even though she knew I had lice!). My other friend, Katelyn, gave up her Saturday night to de-lice mine and my sister’s hair. Hasn’t the Lord given me amazing friends?! This is how the body of Christ is supposed to function – something the Lord is teaching me a lot about lately.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:3-7

Oh the Oddities

Yesterday I woke up (to my surprise) to a beautiful layer of snow on the ground. The most snow we’ve had all winter by far. It was truly beautiful, but it's crazy to think that just last Friday, it was 70 degrees with severe storms. And today was in the sixties. You know what that say about March coming in like a lion…

There seems to be a floss shortage in Louisville. I have been to two Targets and two Walmarts, on opposite sides of Louisville, and they have all been out. My sister and I do use a particular kind of floss due to our gum problems, but these stores have been out of almost all varieties of Reach floss. Crazy. I blame Target. They apparently had a sale on floss, which I think spawned this whole epidemic. I am going to try Kroger this evening. I might have to have my mom mail me some. :)

On a much more serious note, there are some things happening in our culture that are not only odd and illogical and even ironic, but horrifying and incomprehensible. One of the things that I really enjoy about my job is that I get stay up on the latest national and international news because I am in charge of printing Dr. Mohler’s The Briefing. If you have kept up with the latest articles, you probably noticed that most of the headlines have to deal with either homosexuality or abortion. These issues are very important and the Bible takes a clear stance on both (both are wrong and sinful). Unfortunately, the government has been trying to render judgment in these areas where it has no business. These are moral issues not political ones.

I almost cannot believe the extreme decline our culture has shifted into in the past few years. It hasn’t come without warning or notice though. The more secular the US becomes, the more issues like these will come into view. I find it extremely ironic that the institution of marriage among heterosexuals is falling apart, but the fight for marriage among homosexuals is raging. The one could care less about getting married; the other could care for nothing more. The one almost refuses to get married; the other almost refuses not to not get married. It is all so disheartening because it is an attack upon Christ and His Church. Marriage is a picture of the Christ-Church union and our culture’s refusal to honor marriage, in either respect, is the work of Satan to destroy this picture and attack Christ Himself. Several states have already legalized the marriage of homosexuals and more are sure to soon follow.

The other top headline, abortion, continues to spiral out of control. Not only are more and more women getting abortions; not only is the process to get an abortion easier and easier; not only is mandating vaginal ultrasounds considered rape (I mean, really???); but now some people, who have a voice in this society, are pushing for after-birth abortions. This is a modern day holocaust. It is nothing short of legalized child abuse and murder. The argument used to be that unborn babies were not “persons.” An illogical, Satanist logic that has been bought into by many. Now, the logic goes like this: babies can’t communicate or anticipate the future, therefore they have no say in society and cannot contribute to it, therefore they are not persons, therefore their mothers have the right to end their lives if it is in the mothers’ best interest to do so. How can this even be considered right? Then, on the other hand, there are articles like the one in the Washington Times about the baby that almost lived through the recent round of tornadoes, but didn't and it is considered "tragic." You can't have both views. If its not murder to kill a baby because of inconvenience after he/she is born, then it's not tragic that this baby died. On the flip side, if this baby dying in the tornado is tragic (and it is!), then babies being aborted is tragic as well (and it is!). How can our culture have such a double standard? There is only one answer:

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Romans 1:28-32

Lessons Learned in the Dark : Singleness

Singleness is rarely a subject I talk about, much less blog about. So this post is deeply personal, but, yet, this is my current lot in life. I am 28 and I am single. And it is good because God says it is good (Psalm 16:6; 1 Corinthians 7:38). The Lord in His sovereignty has brought me to this point in my life and has arranged my circumstances just the way He wants them.

Now there is a lot of talk about a “call” to singleness. And, I guess, there is a such thing, but I see it mainly as a day-to-day thing. I can’t confidently say that I am called to be single for the rest of my life (though that may be true), but I can confidently say that this is what the Lord has called me to right now. And with every calling there are joys and challenges and responsibilities, and singleness is no different. The greatest challenge is learning to be content where God has me and the greatest joy is knowing I can give my undivided attention to the Lord, being free to go wherever He calls with the drop of a hat. The constant temptation is to look at others around me and want what they have, like the Israelites who wanted a king like the nations around them, even though God was their King. In the same way, my Maker is my husband (Isaiah 54:5), so I am not to desire what others have. God is all I need. More than that, He is the real Bridegroom, the perfect Husband (John 3:29; Revelation 21:2). Every marriage is just a picture, just a copy, just a shadow of the Reality that is to come (Ephesians 5:22-32; Hebrews 9; Revelation 21-22).

I want you to be free from anxieties…And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34-35

I remember first studying this passage when I was in college and thinking, “If being married is going to distract me from the Lord, then I don’t want it.” So I went through college with no desire to be married, but over time my desires changed. So now I would like to get married, but I also know that is not ultimately up to me. It’s up to God. “Lord, Your will be done.”

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him…So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. Are you bound to a wife [or husband], Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife [or husband]? Do not seek a wife [or husband]. 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24, 27

First, let me just point out that a woman should not be trying to find a husband. That is the man’s job. Girls should not be pursuing guys. Anyway, back to the passage. I used to find this passage rather difficult. I mean, Paul is telling us believers to stay in the same state in which we were called: if  single, stay single; if married, stay married. Although marriage is the normal pattern for believers (and the rest of humanity), Paul elevates singleness because of the freedom it gives for service and devotion to the Lord. So when I read this, I find within me two desires. On one hand, I have the desire to be married, but, on the other hand, I want this better life that Paul is describing (1 Corinthians 7:38). Then one day, the Holy Spirit gave me further insight into this passage. I was missing the point. The point is not about being married or unmarried, but living in obedience to the Lord (and being content in that obedience). He designs for some to marry and some not to marry, but each are to serve Him faithfully, whole-heartedly and joyfully. Paul tells us to lead the life that God has assigned to us. We are not to seek these other things. Why? Because Jesus says there is only one thing we should be seeking:

But seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Now I am not saying that God will give you whatever you want if you are seeking the Kingdom. Because if you are obeying this verse, then you are not concerned about what you want. You want what God wants. God gives you the desire to want what He wants (Philippians 2:13).

So this I know: my current calling is singleness. Forever? I don’t know; I hope not, but it’s highly possible. Because the other thing I know is that the Lord has called me to serve Him abroad. And as I progress further along in the application process to serve overseas, I am coming face-to-face with singleness in whole different way (because it is not something I am constantly aware of or dwell on). I could stay here in hopes for a husband and if that were my aim, I probably would, but it’s not my aim. My one aim in life is not marriage (or any other thing for that matter), maybe if it were I would already be married, but it’s not. My aim is to please and follow Christ.

So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9

My aim is Christ. I want more and more of Him. All of Him. What does that look like? For me personally, it means a total surrender of my desires and plans to His. All of me for all of Christ (pretty much the best exchange ever!). It means following Him wherever that may lead and being satisfied completely in Him. It means pouring myself in faithful service to Him in whatever ministry He calls me to. And He is taking me to only He knows where. :) 

Light & Dark

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of the darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 2 Corinthians 4:3-7

Last Thursday, David Platt spoke in Chapel about our temptation to twist the worship of God into something that is comfortable and pretty, and to dilute the gospel of God so that it is less demanding and more palatable for the world. The truth is, though, that the worship of God is not comfortable for our sinful selves nor is it pretty – it cost God the bloody death of His Son. Nor is the gospel of God something that can be taken lightly; God accepts nothing less than our total allegiance and devotion.

As Platt talked about the spiritual battle us believers are in, he took us to 2 Corinthians 4. In this passage, the spiritual battlefield is vividly laid out. On one side, you have Satan, called the god of this world, blinding people all of the world so that they cannot see the glory and truth of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:4). He will do whatever it takes to keep them in the dark. He will use idols and other religions. He will use materialism and physical needs. He will even use truth so long as it keeps people from worshiping the one, true and living God. On the other side, you have God the Father, who shines His glory through the light of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6). He knows our spiritual state. He knows we are in darkness. So He sent His Son. The Apostle John says, “The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world” (John 1:9). This light is Christ (John 8:12). Right smack in the middle of this battle (between verses 4 and 6), which Platt so clearly pointed out (and which I never noticed before), is us. Second Corinthians 4:5 says our job is to proclaim Christ. God has called us to the front lines of the battle for this. And notice in verse 7: this treasure (the good news that the light of Jesus Christ has come) is in jars of clay. We are broken and fragile soldiers in this battle. We used to be on the other side in darkness, but because God saved us (shone light in our hearts), we are now on the side of light. And God did this so that His power might be demonstrated in us.

As I was listening to this message and later reading this passage, I couldn’t help but think of the people God has called me to minister to. With Scarlet Hope, I go into the darkest places in the city. Every time the outreach team goes out, we are engaging in spiritual battle. We, as broken as we are, are carrying the life-transforming light of Christ into the darkness of enemy territory. So I began to pray this passage for the ladies I meet, and it gave me a new sense of urgency for them. I, of course, cannot make them come to or choose the light, but I can share the hope of that light with them. Only God can open up their eyes, which have been blinded by Satan, to see the beauty and glory of Christ. He is doing that through this ministry and He will continue to do it. And He is not doing it because we are anything. We are just jars of clay. But He does it because He desires these women to know Him and He desires to rescue them and transform them and use them for His glory. God has many daughters in this city trapped in the darkness of the sex industry. They have yet to hear His voice and respond to His light. Pray with us that His daughters will wake up all over this city.

But when anything is exposed by the light, it become visible, for anything that becomes visible is light, therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:13-14

Lessons Learned in the Dark : Waiting

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26

Patience is not my strong suit. I value efficiency, speed and progress; therefore, I do not like to wait. Patience, though, is a virtue, but even more than that it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Impatience is a sin I often have to repent of, and since I long to be like Christ, who is perfect in patience, I asked Him to “give” me patience. Jesus was pleased to answer that request by greatly testing and growing me in this area of my life. There are many areas of my life where He has been silent. He keeps telling me to wait—for what I do not know and for how long He hasn’t said. But the word is firm: wait.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14

Waiting takes courage; it’s not easy. Now waiting when I can see progress happening, when I can see Him at work, is no big deal to me. I could wait forever like that. But waiting when God is silent, when I can’t see Him working, when I can’t see the next step, when all around me is dark, is a whole different story. That kind of waiting is extremely hard and painful and requires a lot of trust and faith in the One who is sovereign over all things.

But when I hoped for good, evil came, and when I waited for light, darkness came. My inward parts are in turmoil and never still; days of affliction come to meet me. I go about darkened, but not by the sun; I stand up in the assembly and cry for help. Job 30:26-28

One area of my life in which He has been silent, but is now starting to allow me to see a little bit of progress, is my future overseas. For almost a year, I have waited for the next step in the application process with the international company I am interested in serving with. Besides that, I have been waiting for the Lord to confirm what organization to even go with – this one or some other one. Both finally came last weekend when I attended a conference and, while there, had my second of three interviews. The Lord was ever so gracious to allow me to sense His presence and leading as well as the prayers of the many people who were interceding for me. I knew I was right where He wanted me (a sense I haven’t “felt” for a long time”) and by the end of the conference knew that He wanted me to continue the application process with this company. It is so exciting to see a little progress in this area of my life again!

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

The conference was such a blessing and was so encouraging. Through it, I met some amazing people and I learned more about the company itself. I also learned about the vast amount of people who have yet to hear the name of Christ—billions and billions of faces that live in darkness apart from the saving light of Christ, but I was struck by the fact that God knows each person’s face and name and longs for them to hear His gospel. He has sons and daughters among those billions and He knows exactly who they are (Matthew 9:37; Acts 18:10; 2 Timothy 2:19). Most of these people are concentrated in Asia, the continent I am most interested in serving on. The more I learned about the different regions, though, the more my heart grew for all of them (which makes sense because God has a heart for and desires every nation). I was originally supposed to choose two breakout sessions in which to learn more about specific regions, but God opened the door for me to attend three and then I got to have lunch with the leader from a fourth region. I am still not sure where in Asia (East & South are the front-runners), but I am encouraged just the same that the Lord has shone a little light on my path.

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

What’s next? More waiting. I should hear back from the company in a month or so if they want to proceed with me or not. In the meantime, I will continue to trust and obey. If there is one thing I have learned through all this it is that the Lord knows when I should be overseas. I won’t get their too early or too late, but at just the right time. He is sovereign over all things and has me exactly where He wants me—in Louisville, Kentucky. But regardless if I have to wait a year or twenty years (though I hope not!) before this calling is realized, Jesus Christ is worth it. He is worth the pain and the silence and the mundane and the wait because this is all for Him anyway. At the end of the day, it won’t be about what I did or did not do, or where I invested my life, but about my faith and trust in Christ. Not to say that truth makes waiting any easier. My strength and my heart will fail; I will grow weary, but Jesus promises to be the strength of my heart as I wait on Him and my Portion forever (Psalm 73:26).

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God?” Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow weary or faint [like I do!]; His understand is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and grow weary, and young men [and women] shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31

My Real Home

I have been thinking a lot about how this world is not my home. I have read some pretty horrific and disheartening stories in the news lately: a young Arab woman was murdered by her husband for giving birth to a girl rather than a boy; a twelve-year-old sued her school (and won) because she was offended by the prayer that was written on the cafeteria wall; the decline in marriage in the West, but the surge in the fight for the “right” for homosexuals to marry; the 300,000 abortions that happen every year and the fight to keep it that way; the disdain for religion and Christianity because they go against the so-called freedom and rights of tolerant and secular America; the increase in sex trafficking both in our country and around the world; and, most recently, the new requirement for contraceptives (including abortifacient one) to be offered and funded by employers – even religious ones. These and numerous other horrible, horrible, heart-breaking things take place on a regular basis around the world and they are a vivid reminder that I don’t belong here. And, honestly, they make me not want to be here (which is something I have to repent over because I know that doesn’t honor the Lord). This country is not my real country and this city is not my real city. I am waiting and looking forward to a City that has foundations (of which Christ is the cornerstone), whose designer and builder is God (Hebrews 11:6; Ephesians 3:20).

The Lord has been teaching me much about my dual citizenship—both here and in heaven—my sojourning in a foreign land—through the sermons I hear at Rolling Fields as we go through the Psalms; through the messages I am transcribing on Hebrews at work; through my personal time of study through the Book of Daniel; through the books I am reading; and through the chapel sermons (yes I get paid to go to chapel!) that Dr. Mohler and Dr. Moore gave last week. Obviously the Lord wants to remind me where my true allegiance lies. He wants me to belong less here in this world so that I reflect more of the world of His kingdom to those around me (and I think last year was a big part of His working that out—stripping away the extras in my life so that all that I have left is Christ). I wish I could put into words the longing I have for this real, eternal home, but I can’t. (And you probably think I am crazy). The things here are just a copy, just a shadow of the true reality to come—the only City, Country and Kingdom that will last.

But it’s also true that I am still a citizen of this world as well, and until the Lord allows me to come Home it will continue to be so. Christ says that His people are in the world, but not of the world (John 15:19, 17:15), which means I function as citizens of two cities. I truly and ultimately belong to the City of God, but I am also part of this city. While I am here my King calls me to influence this world for good, which seems pretty futile when you look at the darkness of the times we are living in (just read the short list above) and the vast amount of lostness that exists among the nations. And if it weren’t for Christ that would be so. But the Gospel is powerful and can transform even the darkest places into a haven for God’s glory to shine forth. I have seen it happen and it will continue to happen. This is the mission of the people who name themselves Christ-followers—the Church. It is no easy task, but it is urgent and commanded (Matthew 5:14-16; Ephesians 5:7-17), and we have the promise of Jesus Christ that He will be with us, empowering us, always, even until the end of this world (Matthew 28:20).

And in the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed, nor shall the kingdom be left to another people. It shall break in pieces all these kingdoms and bring them to an end, and it shall stand forever. Daniel 2:44

Unexpected Provision

I loathe shopping. Absolutely loathe it. Yet it is one of those necessary evils of life. It goes against my value of efficiency and against my priorities. I am so bad that I don’t even work it into my budget. Jesus, of course, knows this, and sometimes He chooses to use shopping to grow my patience and sometimes He chooses to to use shopping as a way to glorify Himself. The latter is what happened recently.

As I mentioned in one of my last posts, my new job required me to get a new wardrobe. Skirts/dresses, dress shoes and pantyhose are the new order of the day. A couple of friends (both of whom are gifts from the Lord) allowed me to borrow some of their skirts to get me through my first couple of weeks. I eventually, though, sucked it up and went to the mall, dreading the time and number of stores I would have to visit in order to get what I needed. I first went to JC Penney’s and, apparently, they have an annual sale this time every year. With the Lord’s provision and kindness, I was able to buy several skirts for between $5 and $7. According to the receipt, I saved $260 (for real?!). AND I didn’t have to go to more than one store! A shopping trip that was efficient, thrifty and successful – definitely a gift from the Lord. I am so thankful that He cares about the little details in our lives and blesses in ways we might not expect (my lack of expecting probably just shows how small my faith is). The experience almost made me like shopping. Almost. :) But it definitely made me praise the Father, who gives me everything I need just as He promises.

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the Gentiles seek after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33