Let Me be a Biblical Woman

My sister and I just registered for our first women’s conference, which is not something I ever thought I’d say. I used to avoid women’s conferences (and most other women ministry activities) like the plague, because I thought they equaled theological fluff and materialism and manicures and other things that turn my stomach. But the Lord has been teaching me (and my sister – for her story click here) what true women’s ministry is and revealing our erroneous and prideful prejudices. So this is the story of my journey so far.

First, let me say, that the majority of the influences in my life have been male (especially when it comes to spiritual influences) – my dad, pastors, professors, authors, etc. To me this was the norm, so this makes me predisposed, I guess, to preferring male leadership. I wasn’t really even aware of the idea of women’s ministry until I came to seminary (more on that in a moment). At my home church, we all learned together. There was neither male nor female, single nor married, poor nor rich, but all studied the Word together without distinction. ;)   

Furthermore, I grew up in a home where gender roles were only separated by home responsibilities. Men do the work outside (mow the lawn, fix the car) and women do the work inside the home (clean the house, cook dinner). So from home, my sister and I learned that we were supposed to try to look pretty, learn how to cook and keep house. My dad didn’t really like for those lines to be blurred, but he didn’t have any boys, so I helped him at times with construction and mechanical work. And so he passed his interests in cars and fixing things onto his daughters (although I don’t think he meant to).

So that’s some of my background…and then I came to seminary. I remember being struck by many of the ladies I saw on campus: perfect hair and make-up, dresses and skirts, and heels. I remember thinking, “I don’t fit in here” (though, ironically, because of my job, I am now one those girls – ha!). I started learning about women’s ministry and women’s programs and a whole host of other things that were foreign to me and, at that time, I didn't understand why they were necessary. And a lot of what I saw on the surface seemed just that – surface level. I went to a women’s event/meeting that helped solidify my presuppositions, so I decided to stay within my area of study and let those ladies have their fun.

But, while I was in South Asia, I met an amazing woman who became my mentor for the six months I was there. Now this is not to say I hadn’t met some great women beforehand (like at my church) because I had, but this was the first time I had actually been discipled by a strong, godly woman. Then I began to notice that there were many like-minded women who are passionate about the gospel and not about other…things.

When I returned to Louisville, my small group had split from co-ed to all men/all women and so I joined the ladies of my group to study David Platt’s Radical. And, once again, I was reminded that there are women who are hungry for the Word, who want to grow in their knowledge of Christ, and who want to live their lives for Him. So there seemed to be this dichotomy between some of the women I met at the seminary and the women I served and served with in ministry.

The dichotomy was heightened when I went to a seminary women’s get-together. It was one of my attempts to break out of the anti-social lull I had been in since I had returned from South Asia. Plus, free Starbucks was involved. :) There was probably about 20 women who showed up along with the host (female) professor. The professor was giving us some advice and this is what she said, “Ladies, when you go to class, don’t go in a hoodie, without makeup, etc. Get up and fix your hair and put on your make-up and dress nicely because these men in your class could one day be your future employers.” I was like, "Really?" I can think of a few Scriptures to counteract that, and it’s not like that is something women need to be told – we have a natural concern for our visible appearance.

Now some of my attitude towards women’s ministry, I realize, is pride, and some is misunderstanding, but the Lord has graciously shown me that real women’s ministry is not about the powder or the pearls, but about leading women to be who He created them to be. God did create mankind to be both male and female (Genesis 1:27), and each reflect His glory a little differently. Leading women means helping them to see and celebrate and magnify those differences so that Christ is magnified through our womanhood. That’s a pretty amazing thing. The Lord has given me some beautiful and rich and deep godly woman friends and prayer partners, and I am so thankful for them. He is allowing me to serve women through Scarlet Hope and through leading the women in my small group (which is again composed of both men and women). These women are hungry for the gospel and are striving to make much of Christ in every area of their lives. And, as for this conference, I am actually excited about it - I have so much to learn! :)

Regaining Perspective

The Lord has been ever so gracious to refresh, revive and renew my spirit these past few weeks. The enemy had done a very good job of completely sidelining me and I had lost my eternal perspective and focus (which the Lord graciously revealed to me).

It’s amazing what a few weeks of focused time with the Lord can do! My heart was wandering far from the Lord in the midst of my busy schedule and spiritual oppression and the heavy burdens of life. I felt like I was dying on the inside, slowing slipping away, but as I continued to call out to the Lord, He answered me in His own time and way.

The Lord led me to a Piper book called When the Darkness Does Not Lift, and through it revealed to me what was going on in and around me. Through the awareness of my sinfulness, and the suffering of my loved ones, and spiritual warfare, I had gotten lost in the dark. I could not see God; I was failing to trust Him; and I had forgotten what I had learned while in the light. I was focusing on the things that are seen instead of the things that are unseen (2 Cor. 4:16-18) and I had stopped fighting for joy. Instead of trusting and resting in the sovereignty of Christ, I was living in reaction mode. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t good and it most definitely wasn’t Christ-honoring. I had lost sight of my great Treasure, who is Jesus Christ.

As I read through the Psalms and identified with the words of David and the other psalmists who cry to God for help, I wondered why God wasn’t answering me. God says He saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18), but where was He? The Lord gently reminded me that David had to wait to be answered too, like in Psalm 40:

   I waited patiently for the LORD;        he inclined to me and heard my cry.
    He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
        out of the miry bog,
    and set my feet upon a rock,
        making my steps secure.
    He put a new song in my mouth,
        a song of praise to our God.
    Many will see and fear,
        and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

I often read the Psalms and think that God responded immediately, but if I would compare them with the rest of Scripture, I would see that God usually waits to respond. He does this for our good and for His glory. He does this to grow our trust and faith in Him. He does this because His ways and timing are always perfect. He does this because He knows what’s best.

The Lord has been lovingly reminding me lately that He is working for my good and has good things in store for me (Romans 8:28), and that I need to believe that in faith, even when things don’t make sense and when circumstances would seem to prove otherwise. David Platt says, “What if in your suffering and in your sorrow, Christ is working for your satisfaction?” And, you know, what? Jesus is my satisfaction, and the Lord is working through everything that I am going through so that I will know Him more deeply and intimately. He is going to reveal Himself to me in ways I could never have imagined (Ephesians 3:20). The thought of this brings me incredible joy.

But, first, I must wait. The continual word from the Lord this past year and a half or so has been, “Wait.” He is preparing me for whatever is in store, but God is not just working in my life in a way that will effect me. God is working in and through my life to work in the lives of others as well. He holds every detain in the palm of His hand. Nothing is lost to Him. I find this incredibly encouraging and comforting. I am currently in another delay in the process to get overseas. I will be in the States for at least another year, but I know that ultimately this is God’s delay. He wants to keep me in Louisville for another year, and I have no doubt He will reveal that reason in due time. So, even though the waiting is frustrating, it is also exciting, because, for the first time in awhile, I believe that God has good things in store. :)

All of Grace

This evening I went to coffee with a friend. I ordered decaf, but my body is telling me it wasn’t decaf. So even though I should be asleep and want to be asleep, I’m not asleep. :(

My two weeks off from ministry to spend focused time with the Lord is coming to a close. It has been full of ups and downs, but the Lord is so gracious to reveal to me several things and to refocus my heart and attention on Him. For this I am very thankful. This refocusing is something I knew I desperately needed and knew that I wouldn’t be able to do on my own. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).

The questions from the Lord over these past few months have been sharp and pointed:

Where is your faith? (Luke 8:25) You were running well, who hindered you? (Galatians 5:7) Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40)

The Lord has been exhorting me to stand firm and be steadfast in Him (1 Corinthians 15:58), and to not lose heart, but to look to the things that are unseen (2 Corinthians 4:16-18), which is what I have not been doing. I have been severely distracted by the situations and circumstances and sin that so pervade my life personally and so pervade this world in general. But the Lord is helping me to throw that all to the side (Hebrews 12:1-2) and to cast my burdens on Him (Psalm 55:22; Matthew 11:28-30). He is setting my heart free.

I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart! Psalm 119:32

Jesus Christ is very kind and very patient. He has been showing me during these past two weeks how much I am not trusting Him. But through it all, He has been sustaining me by His grace. It is true that the whole of Christian life is all of grace. He chose me by His grace. He saved me by His grace. And He keeps me and will keep me to the end by His grace. This is very good news (and the gospel means good news) because I have seen in myself the inability to keep myself. I have seen the horror of my own unfaithfulness. BUT He is faithful even when I am not (2 Timothy 2:13) and He is more than able to keep me from falling and failing (Jude 24-25).

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of My hand. John 10:27-28

Overspent

I must admit that I have experienced some dark days of the soul this past month or more. The Lord continues to reveal to me my sin and it is so vile that at times I feel physically sick. To top that off I have felt far from the Lord. Not that He has changed or distanced Himself, but I have. It hurts to even say that. Without even realizing it, I have taken continual steps away from the Lord and now I don’t know how to get back. But the Lord is ever-so gracious and, even though I have wandered, He has not let me out of His sight. He knows how to bring me back. He always seeks after His children (Matthew 8:12). He sought us out at first when we were living in rebellion against Him (Isaiah 53:6), and He continues to pursue our hearts as we wander away and get entangled with the cares of this life. I am so thankful that the Lord always completes the work He starts (Philippians 1:6).

While I was studying Matthew, one of the cross-references led me to this passage in Revelation:

“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” Revelation 2:2-5

These words cut right to my heart (Hebrews 4:12). Even though Jesus said these words to the church in Ephesus two thousand years ago, He meant them for me at that moment. He was right: my love for Him had faded and I needed do the things that stirred my affections for Him. I needed to be in His Word. Now I have been keeping my daily quiet times, but they were more like snacks as compared to the feast that I so desperately needed. I was giving away way more in ministry and service than I was taking in through God's Word and I was burnt out. I needed to spend some extended amounts of time with Jesus.

But when? As I looked at my schedule, there was hardly a moment to spare. Many of the activities that had been waiting to be scheduled all seemed to fall in consecutive days over the past few weeks. All I wanted now was to spend hours alone with Christ, but I couldn’t. I was to busy. Through this the Lord help me realize that I had bought into a lie. I had convinced myself that since I was single, I needed to be spent for the gospel (which I’ve posted about before here and here). And while there is truth to that, I also need to be using this time to go deeper with Christ. There is such a thing as being overspent for the gospel. While the Lord does want me to serve Him and spread the message and hope of Christ, He is more interested in my heart. Once again, I’ve been a Martha and not a Mary.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

I cannot even tell you how many times the Lord has convicted me with this passage over the last ten years. My default is Martha, but I do long to be a Mary. The Lord knows I need help, though. :) He has been graciously showing me things that I can weed out of my schedule, so that I can spend more time with Him. I have taken the next two weeks off from ministry for this very purpose, and I am excited to see what the Lord does!

Therefore say to them, Thus declares the Lord of hosts: Return to me, says the Lord of hosts, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. Zechariah 1:3

Guarded Heart

I have been a position several times lately to give dating advice, which I find rather ironic considering my limited experience in that regard. But the Lord’s Word is sufficient for all areas and circumstances of life and so, I guess, in some respects I am fully equipped to speak truth to my sisters in Christ regarding dating.

One of the benefits of being a single woman in my late twenties is that I know that dating and relationships and marriages aren’t just one big fairy tale. That bubble was burst long ago. The Lord has also shown me the culture’s influence in my ideas and standards of dating so that I have gotten rid of a lot of unessential expectations and qualifications that find no basis in God’s Word, so that when a friend does ask me my thoughts on her dating a Christian brother who’s asked her out, I have three questions I generally ask:

1. Are you interested? I mean, don’t just say yes because it feels good to be pursued. Don’t let him take you out if you already know you don’t want to go on a second date.
2. Do you respect him/do you think you could follow his leadership? I realize that this question requires some kind of previous interaction with the guy, so it may not be answerable at first, but it is a question to keep in mind.
3. Is God leading you to date this person? This is the question that trumps the other questions, regardless of how the first two are answered.

One little piece of advice I am more hesitant to give, however, is one that I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve had said to me (and, yes, I have said it numerous times to other ladies as well), and, that is, “Guard your heart.” This phrase derives from Proverbs 4:23 (NIV):

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

Now this verse is actually not in the context of relationships at all. It is, instead, calling believers to protect what kind of influences we allow into our lives because what we allow to influence us will shape us. Proverbs is all about walking in wisdom and to do that we must know and fear and obey the Lord. Nonetheless, this phrase is a common one in the dating world (I am not sure if it is with guys, but it definitely is with women).

Now I think the general meaning behind this phrase when applied to dating is “be careful, don’t let your feelings run away with you, don’t read into things, etc.” But the phrase itself is not very practical or clear advice. My sinful heart hears those words and says, “Guard your heart = disconnect yourself from all emotion so you don’t get hurt,” and so that’s what I did in the past and it's what I’m learning not to do now.

Now I have that natural sinful tendency anyway without any prompting. This is very anti-biblical (hence the adjective sinful). God tells us to love others and we can only love others by letting them into our lives, being vulnerable, and letting our guard down, so to speak. This applies to every kind of relationship. The truth is, relationships are messy and will be painful at some point. There is no way to guard against that unless you become anti-social altogether (which is also unbiblical and unnatural – God made us to be in relationship with both Him and others). In any relationship – whether with family or friends or dating – your heart and feelings are going to become involved. You will become attached. That’s just how it works. It’s deceptive to believe otherwise (and I am mainly preaching to myself here!), but, then again, sin is deceitful. That’s its nature and power, but God in His mercy exposes our sin for what it is and frees us with the truth (John 8:32) of His Word and the provision of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:2; Galatians 5:1).

The truth is we do not have the power to guard our hearts in this way and the Bible doesn’t command us to do this. Instead, the Bible commands us to guard our affections so that Christ and only Christ is central. He should be the object of all our love and devotion and thoughts and concern and desire. Him and Him alone. Not friends, not family, not dating relationships, or any other person or thing. They do not satisfy and they do not ultimately last. Jesus Christ alone satisfies us and He satisfies us forever (John 4:13-14).

    You open your hand;
        You satisfy the desire of every living thing. Psalm 145:16

For more on this topic see these articles from Revive Our Hearts and True Woman.

My Good Shepherd

Not to long ago, I posted about being God’s sheep. Since then, the Lord has been really been hitting me with how He is my Shepherd and what that means. Today, He pressed it upon my heart to study Psalm 23. It’s a very familiar passage to many, but it’s one I haven’t really meditated on too much until recently.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
        He makes me lie down in green pastures.
    He leads me beside still waters.
        He restores my soul.
    He leads me in paths of righteousness
        for his name's sake.
    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
        I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
        your rod and your staff,
        they comfort me.
    You prepare a table before me
        in the presence of my enemies;
    you anoint my head with oil;
        my cup overflows.
    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
        all the days of my life,
    and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
        forever. Psalm 23

God uses the imagery of being the Shepherd of His people throughout the Bible (Psalm 100:3, Isaiah 40:11, Ezekiel 34:11-31, Matthew 9:36, John 10:1-18, Hebrews 13:20-21, 1 Peter 2:25, Revelation 7:17). A good shepherd provides for and protects and knows his sheep. Jesus is our Good Shepherd (John 10:11). He knows us better than we know ourselves (Psalm 139). He gives us everything we need (verse 1; Psalm 34: 9, 10). He protects us from every kind of danger (Psalm 91:14; 1 Peter 2:25). He does what is best for His sheep (John 10:15). Like sheep, we can sometimes be very disobedient, distracted, ugly (on the inside), needy, and naive. God is very kind not to leave us as helpless, lost sheep. Instead, He seeks us out and brings us into His fold (Psalm 119:176). Jesus said there is much rejoicing in heaven when a sheep is found and restored to the fold (Matthew 18:12-14).
While reading this Psalm, I was struck by how Christ is not only the Shepherd in this passage, but He is also the provision this passage talks about. He leads us to Himself. He is the one in whom we have no lack. He is the rest for which we long. He brings restoration to our wayward souls. He is the path of righteousness. He overcame the evil one and grants us peace in the valley of deep darkness. He gives us access into the house of the Lord. And what really hit me is that He is the table that was prepared.

“You prepare a table before me…” - One of the cross-references for this verse is Psalm 78:19, which quotes the Israelites asking, “Can God spread a table in the wilderness?” The Israelites asked this as they were wandering in the wilderness. They were very hungry and thought they were going to starve do death. Now, remember, they had just witnessed God’s awesome power in delivering them from slavery in Egypt and they had just seen God give them water out of a rock when they were thirsty. Now they ask, “Can God save us again? Did He deliver us in order to kill us off in the desert?” God if faithful and does again meet their needs. After they had wandered in the desert for 40 years (because of their disobedience), the Lord told them why He allowed them to wander for so long:

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deuteronomy 8:2-3

God was teaching them that He was all they needed; that He would supply all their needs; that He was sufficient. Isn’t that the same lesson He wants to teach all of His sheep? So God wanted more for them that physical bread; He wanted to give them the bread of His Word. He wants the same for us. Jesus Christ is that Bread (John 6:35). He is the Word made flesh (John 1:1, 14) and His flesh gives us life (John 6:54; Matthew 26:26). God wants us to feast on Him. It is in Christ that the goodness of God overflows to us (verse 5; Ephesians 1:3). He is the table prepared.

Like before when I talked about two different masters (Jesus or sin), there are two different shepherds. You either have one or the other; there is no in-between. Jesus is the true Shepherd, but unless/until we know Him, Death is our Shepherd (Psalm 49:14). Psalm 49 describes our helpless state. We are wise in our own eyes and live as though death will not touch us. No one can help us because our life is costly (verses 7, 8). No man can save us. But God can and He did by becoming a man to rescue us from death. He is perfect and can pay the full cost of our ransom. He snatches us from the path of destruction – a path we are all on until Christ saves us. He does this by living a perfect life for us and then dying the death we deserve, taking our punishment. Jesus Christ is the Good Shepherd who gives His life for His sheep.

An Unexpected Treat

It's been forever since I've been to the races. When I was in high school, my family and I went to the dirt track almost every weekend. My sister and I have been discussing how we "need" to go to a race and are actually supposed to be going sometime this summer with a few friends (and I do mean few; race fans are scarce in the seminary world :). This past Thursday, however, my sister and I were given free tickets to this weekend's NASCAR race. We were stoked. Although I used to avidly follow NASCAR on TV, I had never been to a race. Until this weekend. And it was so much fun!

The Lord is incredibly kind in His dealings with us. Not only does He gives us every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3), but He gives us nonspiritual blessings as well. Every good gift comes from Him (James 1:17), and I would consider this a good gift. :) Not only that, but I am amazed at how tailored God's gifts are. He didn't give my sister and me free tickets to, let's say, the ballet, but to something we enjoy: racing. Jesus knows His people really well and enjoys blessing us in every way...even with something as insignificant as racing.