Music and the Mind

I need more music in my life. Seriously. I used to listen to music more in my car. I used to have a song in my head. I used to sing more. I have noticed the past year or so that this hasn't been true of me. I often leave the radio off in the car. I have been cleaning in silence (though sometimes listening to a sermon). So, I got to thinking, I need to listen to more music. It helps settle my thoughts. It helps set my mind on things above, like Colossians 3 tells me to do. It makes me more aware of Jesus as I go about my day. And, often, Jesus uses music as a means to speak words of comfort to me.

To help with this, I recently burned three CDs from my iTunes account to listen to while in the car. I have lots of CDs in my car, but none of them have been appealing to me (which is a surprise - I used to be able to always listen to some Third Day). I guess I have just been needed something with deeper lyrics and more complex melodies than what I have had available to me on my drive. So, enter Sojourn and Indelible Grace music. They have been playing in my car for a few weeks now, and it has been good for me. I have also turned on music while I have been cooking or cleaning.

Music not only raises my soul to praise and focus on the One who truly matters (Jesus Christ), it also helps me to obey the command to think about things that are true and lovely and commendable (Philippians 4:8) and helps me to keep a better perspective on the difficult circumstances in my life. Of course, music is not the cure all. It is just a means. Jesus is the cure all. But He does choose to work through things and people to draw us to Himself and to renew our minds.

I was reminded last night about how much my mind needed to be renewed while reading yesterday's devotional from John Piper's Solid Joys app. He talked about the "remarkable" power of the mind to choose what it wants to think about. He says "what you set your mind on determines whether the issue is life or death." He got this from Romans 8:5-6 where the Apostle Paul says that to set the mind on the things of God results in life, but to set the mind on worldly things results in death. So it's really important what we set our minds on, what we think about. Piper talked about the need to be proactive in what we think about and not passive. It's easy to be passive. It's harder to be diligent in our thinking; to not think about the messiness around us and dwell on all the things that are going wrong.

In reading this, I was convicted. No wonder I haven't had a song to sing. No wonder I have been down at times. I am focused too much on what I don't like about this city or my job or my life, rather than all of the good things about living here or working where I do or the blessings that God has lavished upon me. Perspective changes everything. God knows this. This is why He repeatedly commands us to think about things that are above and to entrust Him with our cares and meditate on His promises of future grace and to remember everything that He has done for us. Yes, this life can be ugly. Yes, this world is messed up. But God has a plan and purpose for everything single thing we experience as believers. He is working in and through these things for good, and He promises to make all things new (Isaiah 48:6; Revelation 21:5). Look for evidences of His grace around you. I guarantee you He is at work and you will find His fingerprints in the most unlikely places. And when you do, you may even want to sing about it.

O Great God Who Saved Me

Today is the 12-year anniversary since God saved me, and it’s cool how the Lord cleared my schedule (again) so that I could spend the evening with Him. The Lord has been doing a lot lately in my life and heart to weed out distractions, refocus my attention on Him, warm my affections toward Him, and give me a hunger for Him and His Word. This, in fact, is an answer to prayer. I have been praying for several weeks that the Lord would consume me with Himself and re-focus my attention on Him. I have asked others to pray that for me as well. And the Lord has been working out the answer to those prayers over these last few days, for which I am very thankful.

It seems that every year I have a song to go with the remembrance of when God saved me. This year is no exception. I have known for almost a year that I was going to use this song. It captures how God made me alive in Christ as well as the constant cry of my heart to be made like Christ in every way. The song is by Sovereign Grace and is called “O Great God.”

Verse 1
O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy warYou have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

This song begins with the words, “O great God of highest heaven,” and so does my testimony. In fact, God is the beginning of every testimony for He is the one who saves. He is the one who first loved me (1 John 4:19). He is the one who chose me in Christ before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:3-4). He first sought me out when He sent Christ to die for me while I was still in my sins (Romans 5:8), and then He gave me a new heart, a heart that desires Him. So the rest of the first verse of this song is my prayer. I desire for God to own all of my heart and to clear out all rebellion that lurks within it, so that Jesus Christ can be exalted in and through my life. This, of course, is no easy work as I am still very much a sinner. I am easily distracted and too easily satisfied with things other than God. He is the best thing, which I know in my head, but sin is not rational or logical; it’s defiant. But God loves me and has made me His. Nothing can separate me from Him. And what’s more is that He empowers me to fight sin and temptation. He helps me to obey His commands. He has freed me from sin’s enslaving grip so that I can now say no to sin and yes to Christ (Romans 6).

Verse 2
I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voiceDid not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Before Jesus saved me, I was blind to my sin and deaf to His voice. I did not desire Christ or the things of Christ. I was content living life my way; oblivious that I was on a road that led to destruction. God’s Word was closed to me. It made no sense when I read it. But then God, being rich in mercy, made me alive through Jesus Christ. He opened up my eyes to see the beauty of Jesus Christ and opened my ears to hear His voice. He gave me a hunger for the truth of His Word and both the will and ability to obey His commands. After I gave my life to Jesus, the Bible came alive to me. It was no longer just words on a page, but living words that spoke directly to my heart. God gave me eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to understand His Word (Deuteronomy 29:4). And the reason He could do this was because Jesus Christ obeyed God’s commands perfectly, took the punishment for my sin, died my death, and then came back to life so that I could be alive to God (Romans 6:11). This is the gospel and this is why Jesus Christ is able to give us endless hope and peace.

Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me

Finally, Jesus Christ is worthy. He deserves the reward for which He died. And, because of God’s unfathomable grace, I am part of that reward (!). This last verse is also my prayer. I want to become more dependent on the grace of Christ and less dependent on myself (which is a huge vice of mine). I want to make much of Christ with my every thought and deed. This has actually been on my mind a lot lately. The Lord has been impressing on my heart the need to restrict what I allow to influence me. It’s not that I don’t already do this but He is calling me to be even more careful about what movies I watch, what music I listen to, and what topics I talk about. The Bible says that we are to feed the Spirit and not the flesh (Romans 13:14) and that we are to walk in the Spirit (Romans 8:4-5; Galatians 5:16, 25). Whatever influences we allow into our lives will eventually come out; they will affect us even if we don’t think they do at the time. I am not saying this to be a legalist, for Christ has called us to freedom (Galatians 5:1), but so that our lives can be solely-focused on Jesus. Jesus Christ calls His followers to be radically committed to Him (Luke 9:23-27, 57-62). We are to forsake everything so that we may know Him and make Him known. Jesus also calls us to radical holiness. In fact, we cannot be radically obedient if we are not radically holy. The two go hand-in-hand. We are to be set apart from the world. How can we shine like lights in a dark world and be salt to a bland generation if we talk and act and chase after the same things unbelievers do? We can’t. But in Christ we can. He makes us to differ, and has secured our holiness by His death on the cross. I have been considering how I can live a life more pleasing to Him, more in line with who He is. He first turned my attention to prayer and to reading His Word (which is no surprise) and then to the things I can set aside so that I can make praying and Bible reading more of a priority. It's not easy and it is costing me something, but God in His kindness gives me both the desire and ability to do His will (Philippians 2:13). Plus, Jesus is worth it. :)

Morning is Coming

    For his anger is but for a moment,
        and his favor is for a lifetime.
    Weeping may tarry for the night,
        but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5

I love this promise from Scripture. It is a reminder that there is an end to what we may be going through, that the night will not last forever. It may last for weeks or months or years or even the entirety of our lives, but it will not last forever.

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
        and your healing shall spring up speedily;
    your righteousness shall go before you;
        the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8

The Lord has brought Psalm 30:5 to my attention over and over again lately. I just finished reading a book that’s two parts were divided into “Weeping may last for the night” and “Joy comes with the morning.” In the first part, the heroine journeyed with her God-given guides Sorrow and Suffering to the High Places. She learned much from them and learned to find joy in them as she experienced many hardships, difficulties, and temptations. In the second part, she finally reaches the High Places where she is given rest, a new name, and her companions are transformed into Joy and Peace. The Lord was taking her through difficulty in order to transform her into His image. That’s His pattern.

        But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
        which shines brighter and brighter until full day. Proverbs 4:18

Mostly my meditations on the hope and promise of morning have been prompted by a song from Third Day’s new album Miracle called, “Morning Has Broken." It is a very poetical and imagery-inducing song that was written in the ‘70s (see below), and as I listened to the words I couldn’t help but think of this verse. When the morning does come after a long, hard, dark night (Job 7:4), your senses seem to be sharpened, your heart more joyful and thankful, and you seem to be more aware of the presence and goodness of Christ. Your heart seems to be more tuned to sing God's praise. At least this is what I get out of this song and this is what I have experienced. Furthermore, it reminds me of the daily renewed mercies of God:

    The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
        his mercies never come to an end;
    they are new every morning;
        great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22

Morning is coming. I don't know when, but it is. And while I get to experience temporary mornings in this lifetime, there will be a day when the morning will come and it will never, ever leave (Revelation 22:5).    

Morning Has Broken
 
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for them springing, fresh from the world

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from Heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness, of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness, where His feet pass

Morning has broken, like the first dawn
Sing Hallelujah; A new day is born

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation, of the new day

Morning has broken, like the first dawn
Sing Hallelujah; A new day is born

Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
        his going out is sure as the dawn;
    he will come to us as the showers,
        as the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3

The Hidden Smile of God

I stole the title of this post from the title of one of John Piper’s books. It is something I have been thinking a lot about lately, as the Lord has hidden His favor and workings from me in such a way that I cannot perceive them…or Him. Yet I know that He is working. Even during this time of pain and silence, He is deepening my belief in His absolute sovereignty and goodness. All things are from His hand - both the good and the bad - and He wants me to use these gifts to make much of Him. These are such deep and rich and sweet theological truths and I know they will prepare me for whatever He has in store for me.

God moves in a mysterious way;

His wonders to perform

He plants His footsteps in the sea

and rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds you so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

and He will make it plain.

"God Moves in a Mysterious Way" by William Cowper

This weekend, Kristi and I came home to Missouri for our dentist appointments. It turns out, however, that I had the weekends wrong in my head. Our dentist appointments were actually scheduled for next week, not this one. I was so sure that they were on the 23rd that I never even looked at the appointment card that was in my purse. We were on our way to Fredericktown when we figured all this out, so we continued Missouri-bound in faith that we would both still get our teeth cleaned. And we did. Our gracious hygienist worked a little over time in order to work us both in. I am always amazed at the amount of favor that the the Lord gives us with people. The appointment was one of my more painful ones and I received another poor report on my gums. No matter how faithful I am to my teeth and gums, it seems to no avail. I am discouraged. 

How long, O Lord?

Jesus is My Life

Today marks the 10th year since I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. For the past several years, I have recounted my testimony of coming to faith in Christ (click the years to read them: 2008, 2009-1, 2009-2 or 2010). Each year I understand my journey of faith in deeper ways and find new ways to tell it. One of my favorite songs, All I Have Is Christ by Sovereign Grace, captures the power of the Gospel to transform a sinner's life and I am going to use it to tell how it transformed mine.

I once was lost in darkest night / Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life / Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own / A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first / I would refuse You still

Growing up in a Christian home exposed me to an awareness of God at an early age. My parents told me about Jesus, taught me to read the Bible and to pray. I saw God as this far-off being that I went to with requests and had no concept of a relationship with Him. As I grew older, I focused on being a "good girl" and excelling at everything I did. These things, however, were not enough. I had no peace and no direction.

But as I ran my hell-bound race / Indifferent to the costYou looked upon my helpless state / And led me to the crossAnd I beheld God's love displayed / You suffered in my placeYou bore the wrath reserved for me / Now all I know is grace

Indifferent. That was the perfect way to describe my view of God. I had no compelling desire to know Him and yet I had no hatred towards Him either. I was as Jesus describes "lukewarm." I would never deny His existence (with my actions maybe, but not verbally or intellectually), but then I didn't think I needed Him either. Regardless, I was in trouble and didn't know it. Jesus has strong words for those who are indifferent: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). BUT God knew I was helpless. I had no power in my self to come to Him or to even see my need for Him. I was spiritually dead. I was living life my way, in my power and for my glory - ignoring the very God who created me for HIS glory. Because of this, I was storing up for myself wrath from God (Romans 2:5). Now, how does one appease the anger of an holy and perfect God? Answer: one can't...it's impossible. BUT with God all things are possible and He provided the way for humanity to know Him. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to live the perfect, fully-pleasing-to-God life that we are unable to live. He obeyed all of God's commands perfectly. Then, He died a horrific and gruesome death on the cross to absorb God's anger toward us and to pay for all our sins (the bad things we do and say and think). He came back to life three days later in His own power to prove His power over sin and death and to show that His sacrifice on our behalf was pleasing to God. God became man to save man from Himself and for Himself. That is the Gospel and it is very good news.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone / And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands / Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life / In any way You choose And let my song forever be / My only boast is You

God had every right to leave me on the path I was on - the path to destruction. BUT He didn't. He in His grace intervened in my life so that I might know Him and fulfill the purpose for which He created me. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on how different my life would look right now if Christ had not called me to Himself and saved me. I recently heard a sermon from C.J. Mahaney that further spurred these reflections. He encouraged Christ-followers to "consider your origin, what you were and what you would have been apart from divine grace and look upon yourself now. Grace has made you to differ." He goes on to quote Spurgeon who put it this way, "Great Christian, you would have been a Great Sinner if God had not made you to differ." And it's true. My life would look radically different if Christ had not saved me from myself: I would not live in Louisville; I would not have attended Southern; I would have some form of an eating disorder; I would have had a much different dating and relationship history (instead of the very limited one I have had so far, which I praise God for); I would be pursuing the American dream instead of God's dream; I would be living without the peace, direction and satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus Christ and I would be destined for hell. The reality is that I have much to be thankful to God for. I am nothing without Christ. He has made me who I am and given me everything I have. The only thing that separates me from those I share Christ with (whether club dancers or those deceived by false religions) is the extravagant grace of God. And this is why I share with them. I want them to know the infinitely glorious and worthy God of the universe who made a way for all peoples to know Him through Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world. God has saved me and blessed me so that all the earth will see and savor the glory of Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ / Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Deja Vu

Since last fall my life has included much drama - especially regarding those of the male persuasion. I don't even like to watch drama on TV, much less do I want it in my own life (though not all of it has been negative). Yet, the Lord was pleased to grow me in new ways through these interactions and for that I am thankful. Jesus continues to help me realize and deal with my own fears and insecurities in this area; to identify the influence of American culture on my view of relationships and to rely on Him more and more. Through the most recent event, God has reminded me of His steadfast love and everlasting faithfulness. He does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is so gracious in overwhelming me with the sense of His sweet presence and of the reality that He is in complete control. He is my firm foundation and shelter during these little storms of life. 

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
Chorus
All of my life I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
But now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through - David Crowder Band

Some things that have happened (including the above) have made me question my discernment. Discernment is a gift that I believe the Lord has given me. By His Spirit, He usually prepares me in advance for things that will happen or gives me an indescribable assurance of His leading into certain situations or places. Recently, there have been a couple of areas that I was certain He was leading in, but the doors have closed. I have no idea what God is up to, but He promises to make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) and always keeps His promises. :) All of this reminds me of two years ago when I applied to serve overseas in South America. The Lord kept opening doors for me to go and then suddenly He closed them. BUT later He opened the doors wide for me to go to South Asia with a job assignment that resonated with the passions and gifts He has given me. His ways are truly not ours and, most of the time, I am really glad about that. :)

Yesterday, I spend the day with the Lord seeking His face about a few things and trying to gain insight and understanding as to what He is doing in my life. When I was questioning and interceding, He brought this Scripture to my mind, "What is that to you? You follow Me" (my paraphrase). I then went and looked up the verse and ran references on it. Later, I watched a sermon by Dr. Moore online and what Scripture did he "happen" to be preaching on? The one the Lord had just brought to my mind from John 21. As always, Jesus is right. I need to be focused on following Him and everything else will fall into place.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

On a slightly different note, the Lord has brought me encouragement from an unsuspecting place - my dad. As I updated him on the situation at hand, he was so sweet in giving me helpful advice, encouragement and offered prayer for the parties involved. It was a good conversation and I am so thankful to the Lord for it. :)

There are a few more things I'd like to mention (unrelated to the above), but those will have to wait until another post because this one is getting rather lengthy. Though, I will say one last thing: in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bought Lucky Charms today. :)

Jesus in the Psalms

I have come to terms with the fact that my computer is most likely gone for good (though I will keep an eye on Craig's List and eBay for the next few weeks to see if it shows up) and have been praying about what I should do about it next. The Lord continues to remind me that my wisdom is limited and that I need His direction in every area of my life...including this one.

I just finished a book on prayer by Tom Elliff called A Passion for Prayer. The Lord had pressed upon my heart a while back my need to grow in this discipline. I got this book for free at one of the chapel services last semester and knew it was the Lord's way of pushing me in this area. It was a great and challenging read. It always amazes me how the Lord uses books like these to speak to specific circumstances in my life. This past week, I went back and re-read the portions I had underlined in the chapters "Praying for the Grace to Forgive" and "Praying During the Hard Times of Life." The Lord is gracious is giving me the grace to forgive the person who swiped my computer. Forgiveness usually has to do with restoring broken fellowship, but in this case, it was a matter of me letting go for my need for revenge, trusting God to be my vindicator and not holding bitterness towards the thief. Easier said than done, but, like I said, God is gracious and gave me the strength to surrender the situation to Him. God is a just God so I can take rest in the fact that justice will be done - whether in this life or the next; whether in Christ (if the thief comes to salvation) or out of Him (in judgment).

All that I have in Christ is more than I could ever imagine or comprehend. I was thinking about the Psalms and how they are a collection of prayers (I have been reading and praying through them). I was also thinking about how God hears and answers all the prayers of His children. When I was considering how God answered the prayers of the psalmists, I realized that they all found their answer in Jesus Christ. Prayers for forgiveness - answered in Christ. Prayers for vindication - Christ. Prayers for provision - Christ. Prayers for justice - Christ. Prayers for guidance - Christ. Jesus Christ is the answer to our every need. In Him, we are forgiven. In Him, justice is served. In Him, we are given everything we need. That is why the Bible tells us to seek God's Kingdom above everything else and to live righteously because God knows our every need and provides for us (Matthew 6:31-33).

So, the lesson of the past few weeks can be found in this one theme: trust God and wait on Him. I feel like I am in a period of waiting in several areas of my life. God has given me hints as to what is ahead, but I must be patient and trust Him as things unfold. This waiting time is also a time of preparation for what is in store. Satan knows this and has been throwing his fiery darts my way with a vengeance. As I have committed to developing a deeper prayer life, am preparing for ministry and trying to seek the Lord above all else, I have caught the enemy's attention. Even in this, I need not fear for "greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

On Mountains High

God You are the God of all created things
Before the worlds were formed You knew who I would be
Your ways are higher than the ways of man
So help me trust Your heart as You hold my hand

On mountains high, I'll praise Your Name
In valleys low, I'll do the same
And as the river runs to find the ocean blue
My heart will always run to find You