Weddings and a Funeral

A lot has changed in my family in the past year. There have been some very joyous occasions, but also some very heart-wrenching ones. All of which were determined and designed by a loving God (Job 2:10; Romans 8:28). My sister and I both got engaged earlier this year. I got married a month ago yesterday and she gets married a month from tomorrow. Yesterday also marked two weeks since I moved to Pittsburgh with my new husband. It's been a whirlwind to say the least.

But while we did gain two new members to our family, a year ago today, we also lost one - the pain of which can still be keenly felt. Even though I have tried not to dwell on the memories leading up to my dad's death, everything within me has been very aware that the anniversary of his passing was coming. He started appearing in my dreams two weeks ago, which is probably why I haven't been sleeping well, and there have been so many things that remind me of him. I can't help but reflect back to this time last year as he slowing slipped away...The emotions and memories of which are still very real and raw.

It was hard not having my dad at my wedding. It was hard to have someone else walk me down the aisle and give me away (although I am very thankful that my uncle, my dad's brother, did). It was hard not to have my dad involved in the details and days leading up to the wedding and the move, and it's hard that he will never get to meet Daniel.

Sarah Ayer Photography

But God's grace is sufficient for these things. He helped me find ways to remember and honor my dad in the midst of his absence. I was able to work through some of these emotions the weekend before the wedding, and the Lord filled me with His perfect peace the day of the wedding so that I was not battling sorrow in the midst of the joy. I wrote a poem for my dad for my wedding. It was a way to express what I was feeling and to remind myself of the Hope that both his death and my wedding point to:

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" (Revelation 21:3-5).

In Loving Memory of Gary Lynn Hovis 

(June 23, 1953 - September 3, 2013)

I wish you were here, Dad,

to experience this day

to walk me down the aisle,

and to give me away.

I wish you were here, Dad,

your presence in this place,

so we could dance at the reception,

so I could kiss your face.

But God in his goodness, Dad, (Psalm 119:68)

took you Home to be with Him (2 Corinthians 5:8)

So we trust God for His wisdom

when our understanding's dim. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I know you're worshiping with us, Dad,

with the rest of the saints above (Hebrews 12:23)

as we magnify the Lord Jesus

and celebrate His love. 

You won’t return to me, Dad,

but I will go to you. (2 Samuel 2:23)

And then we’ll celebrate together

the Wedding this day looks forward to. (Revelation 19:6-8)

Sarah Ayer Photography

Eyes Searching

I started this poem when I was home over Christmas break to express how I was feeling during all the pain and chaos of the most recent events. I finished it (the latter half) when I returned to Louisville.

Eyes searching

Tears flowing

Flowing down

To the ground

Heart breaking

Soul aching

And is down

No hope's found

Darkness closing

Day's fading

Night abounds

All around

Vision leaving

Pain increasing

Relief's not found

Gonna drown

Prayers rising

Hope surprising

Do not fear

God is here

Darkness fleeing

Eyes are seeing

Faith is here

No more tears

Walls falling

Jesus calling

Grace is near

Hope appears

Joy springing

Praises ringing

In my ears

Christ is here!

A Strange Gift

I wrote this poem earlier this month as a response/summary of the first half of 2011. I am a "freestyle" poet - meaning, I don't follow any rules (not that I even know them). :) My sister informed me that it didn't follow a pentameter, which is the number of syllables per line, so I took up the challenge to correct it. I finally finished this evening. I think I prefer freestyle. :)

Disappointments and bad news

Closed door upon closed door

The silence makes me wonder

What this waiting is for

Day and night I cry to You

Tears are my food to eat

By God's grace I press forward

When I want to retreat

The Lord shuts out my prayers

He has darkened my mind

The pain is overwhelming

Yet I know He's still kind

I look around to see Him

He is hidden from my sight

He bids me to trust in Him

When He takes away the light

I read Job with streams of tears

His words are now my song

With the Psalmist I cry out,

"O Lord Jesus, how long?"

His goodness - beyond measure

His ways, who understands?

He works all things together

According to His plan

Loneliness is His present

And trials are His gift

Yet I know He is sov'reign

When Sat'n has me to sift

This Valley's not forev'r

As His Word has foretold

When His refining work ends,

I shall come out like gold

Jesus will show me the path

One He Himself has trod

"'This is the way walk in it'

And keep your eyes on God"

Soon He will hear my prayer

And bring springs from the sand

As I walk through this desert

Into the Promised Land

The weight of glory shall come

After all this is through

I know that this suffering

Leads me closer to You

Troubles last for a moment

But what reward they bring!

My eyes shall behold my God

And sin shall lose its sting!

The Discipline of Dependence

I wrote this poem three years ago and ran across it this evening, so I thought I'd share:

Reaching for the Prize,
it seems so far away
Longing for the eternal,
but caught up in the day 

Oh these wayward thoughts,
why do they afflict me so?
Lord, give me strength to focus
on You, on You alone 

The beauty and worth of Christ,
Father give me eyes to see
That I may find my Satisfaction
and be brought to my knees 

All day long I try to plan
how things are to be
What a foolish child I am
to think that power lies in me 

"Trust in Me," I hear you say,
"for I alone am wise."
Yet I feel myself resist
and foolish pride arise 

Holy Spirit, come and teach me
how to step in time with You
Light the path before me
and give me hope anew 

The discipline of dependence,
how difficult to learn
Yet I know it is needed
and for its fruit I yearn 

Soon I will see my Savior,
in His presence, face-to-face
Then all the struggles of the flesh
will have no hold or place

"If Thou but Suffer God to Guide Thee"

If thou but suffer God to guide thee,
And hope in him through all they ways,
He'll give thee strength, whate'er betide thee,
And bear thee through the evil days;
Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the rock that naught can move.

What can these anxious cares avail thee,
These never-ceasing moans and sighs?
What can it help, if thou bewail thee
O'er each dark moment as it flies?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness.

Only be still, and wait his leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate'er thy Father's pleasure
And all-deserving love hath sent;
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
To him who chose us for his own.

All are alike before the highest;
'Tis easy to our God, we know,
To raise thee up though low thou liest,
To make the rich man poor and low;
True wonders still by him are wrought
Who setteth up and brings to naught.

Sing, pray, and keep his ways unswerving,
So do thine own part faithfully,
And trust his Word, though undeserving,
Thou yet shalt find it true for thee;
God never yet forsook at need
The soul that trusted him indeed.

-Georg Neumark, 1641