It Takes the Church

Wow. I can’t believe it's almost been two months since my last post - a testament to the craziness of the last few months. During that time I quit my job at Southern (July 25th), got married (August 2nd), and moved to Pittsburgh (August 19th) where my husband (!) just started a Ph.D. at Duquesne (August 25th). I am just now starting to feel like I can catch my breath.

There are so many things I could blog about, but I wanted to take time to focus on the faithfulness of God shown through His people, the church, to make my marriage ceremony to Daniel Hurst happen.

It is true that God cares about the most minute details of life. I experienced that firsthand. Jesus says that our heavenly Father feeds the birds and that He adorns the flowers with their many colors, shapes, and sizes (Matthew 6:25-33). How much more will He care for His children for whom He sent His Son Jesus to die…and care for them in every single detail of their lives (John 3:16; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Philippians 4:19)?

Daniel and I wanted Jesus to be put on display through our wedding ceremony (and most importantly our marriage), so we covered every detail of it with prayer. And God answered and provided. We wanted the ceremony to be a worship service that was full of God’s joy and peace and we wanted to honor God with our resources (i.e. we didn't want to spend a lot of money or have an elaborate ceremony). And God honored those desires. When choosing colors and cake and such, neither of us were set on any particular ideal. We were both very open to whatever the Lord might have for us. As I prayed about details, ideas would just “come to my mind.” For example: while looking at wedding cakes (which apparently are very expensive), I didn’t want to spend over $200. Everything I found was around $300 for a three-tier cake and sheet cake. I don’t even like cake. So I talked to the Lord about this and, as I was falling asleep one evening, the thought came, “What about a two-tier cake?” The next day, Daniel and I went to Whole Foods (who we heard had decently-priced wedding cakes). Each Whole Foods is different, and the one in Louisville was just starting to tap into the wedding-cake industry. Since that hadn’t launched, they could only do two-tier cakes for $50. Sold. And it turned out beautifully (especially after Daniel’s sister added the flowers).

Sarah Ayer Photography

That is just one example of many of how the Lord guided and provided. But what’s even better than that is how God’s people came together to make our wedding day happen. My bridesmaids and other Christian sisters let me borrow things to use as décor or connected me to people who had what I needed/wanted AND they did a lot of the work. I honestly could care less about decorating and such (not my forte), but these women were more than eager, not to mention joyful, to help in any way they could.

The same can be said about our church family, Rolling Fields Church. There was a buzz of excitement in the air throughout the church body leading up to our wedding day. There were so many people who helped out behind the scenes before, during, and after the ceremony: setting the stage, setting up chairs and tables for the rehearsal dinner and reception, preparing and serving food at the reception, making the bouquets and floral arrangements…I can’t help thinking that last year, Rolling Fields wept with those who wept, and how this year, they rejoiced with those who rejoiced (Romans 12:15). They practically showed the love of Christ to Daniel and me – and still continue to do so even though we’ve moved away.

The day of the wedding, everything just seemed to “fall into place” (Psalm 37:5). The rain moved out that morning just in time for outdoor pictures, and the Lord provided the beautiful weather for which we had prayed. Jesus filled me with His peace throughout the day and His presence was evident in our ceremony. Many people commented on how the ceremony pointed to Jesus – which is what we had deeply desired and prayed for (Psalm 37:4). To Him be the glory.

Sarah Ayer Photography

So this is why I titled this blog “It Takes the Church.” Could we have pulled off this wedding day on our own? Probably so, but it would have taken more time and money, been more stressful (because it turned out to be rather stress-free) and less joyful, and we wouldn’t have had the blessings of watching the church be the church to us. And these brothers and sisters not only invested in our wedding day, they invested into our lives and into our marriage, which they were rightly more concerned about. So in saying “It takes the church,” I am saying it takes the body of Christ expressed in the form of the local church body (not the building – though that was useful for our ceremony :). And that’s the way it should be, right? Because, after all, the wedding ceremony is a picture and foretelling of the Great Wedding to come: the marriage of Jesus Christ to His Bride, the Church (Revelation 19:6-9; Ephesians 5:32). This is the Wedding Day we’re all waiting for (whether we realize it or not) and the only one that matters eternally. “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9).

If you were unable to make it to our ceremony and want to watch it, click below.
 

One Thing is Necessary

It has been a very busy season of life (evidenced by my significant lack of posts). I truly believe I am doing the things that the Lord wants me to do, but I have been tired and spent and struggling to trust the goodness of Christ, struggling to "fight the good fight of faith" (1 Timothy 6:12).

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. Psalm 94:19

It has also been an emotionally hard season of life. There are so many things going on that it’s hard to keep my focus on the One Thing that is necessary (Luke 10:42; Psalm 27:4). And because of that, I have been a wreck on the inside. One minute I am excited and happy about all that God is doing (I mean, I am getting married :), and the next minute I’m fighting tears and feel that my heart is breaking with all the burdens and grief that this past year as brought. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least.

Father’s Day and Dad’s birthday have come and gone, and I have been missing my dad a lot. It feels like I'm losing him all over again. I have been concerned for Mom and Kristi, wondering how they will fare without me (as if their well-being depended upon me). There are so many things to tend to and relationships to invest in – and the days are dwindling in which to do so. Then there is the spiritual warfare/oppression I’ve felt – like an invisible weight on my shoulders - and all the anxieties and fears and doubts about the future. I am usually ready to pack up and leave for wherever God is leading, but I've been dragging my heels just a bit. Maybe I’ve been trusting in comfort and familiarity in the midst of this past storm more than I realized. Or maybe that’s why they say not to make major life changes within the first year of losing someone…

As usual, I am learning to navigate these emotions and share them. While God has taught me much about being vulnerable with others and sharing my burdens with my brothers and sisters in Christ (Galatians 6:2), my natural tendency is to close up and withdraw, to put on my I’ve-got-it-together face and smile, and to ignore/suppress my feelings altogether (because, honestly, I don’t trust them). So I think I’ve regressed a little in that area and I’m having to re-learn the same lessons that God taught me these past few years.
But, as usual, Jesus met me in my struggles – in my pain and doubts and fears and circumstances. He has been showing me through His Word and through His people how much I have not been trusting Him and how I need to seek Him above all other things and how I need to cast my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7; Matthew 11:28; Phil. 4:6-8). Two main ways He did that was through a Scripture passage in the Old Testament and through ReConnect at church.

The passage was 2 Chronicles 14:-15. It is the story of Asa, who was king of Judah. He was a faithful king who feared and served God. He took away all the pagan gods and commanded the people to seek and obey the one, true, and living God. And because he and the nation of Judah sought the Lord, the Lord gave them peace on every side. This was contrasted with the time period before when the nation did not seek God and had no peace at all. Furthermore, King Asa was humbly dependent upon the Lord when they were being attacked by their enemies and the Lord rewarded him by fighting for the nation of Judah and delivering them. As the I read this, the Lord pressed upon me the need to seek Him above all that is going on. He revealed to me that I didn’t have peace because I wasn’t looking to Him and depending upon Him. Instead, I was consumed with my circumstances, trying to handle everything on my own. One Thing was necessary – I needed turn my focus to the Lord. Only then would I have peace (Isaiah 26:3-4).

Then a few days later we had ReConnect at Rolling Fields (a special service we have when there is a 5th Sunday). Pastor Andy led us in a study of Psalm 22. We read through the psalm, noting the emotions that David felt and how he was focused on his circumstances, how  he would then turn his focus to the Lord and remember His faithfulness, only to switch back to focusing on his circumstances again (looks like he was on a roller coaster like me). He ended the psalm by re-directing and setting his gaze on the Lord and choosing to praise His name even though his circumstances had not changed. He remembered that God was working in his troubles for a purpose that he could not yet see, and He remembered that he had a responsibility to share God’s goodness and truth with others. He remembered that making God known among the nations was the aim. I needed to remember that too.

So I've been continually giving my cares to the Lord and slowly sharing them with others. And the Lord has been giving me His peace that surpassing all understanding (Philippians 4:6-8). The circumstances haven't really changed, but God has re-directed my focus. He is bigger than my circumstances. He is sovereign over my circumstances. And He has already gone before me into the future to work all of these things out for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28). There is no God like Him.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:13

Gladdened Days

but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love - Lamentations 3:32

The verse has been running through my mind the past few weeks. It’s no secret that the last few years have been hard. The Lord has done much to cause grief, but He did so in order to show His compassion. He has been at work refining and pruning and disciplining and teaching and revealing through the various trials and difficulties He has allowed in my life. The lessons have been invaluable, and even though I may not be thankful for the circumstances themselves, I am thankful for all that the Lord did in me and through me because of them.

But these latter months have been different. The Lord has been pleased to bring more joyous occasions into mine and my family’s lives. Namely, both my sister and me are getting married this year. This is the gift of the Lord and many people have pointed out His kindness in bringing such happy circumstances into our lives after such a tough season. I couldn’t agree more. But, yet, I still have this underlying fear that this will all end badly too; that the hard lessons aren’t over. In essence, I am not trusting God or hoping in Him or believing that He is working for my good – which is sin. God has proven Himself over and over to be both good and faithful to me, but yet I still have troubling believing Him. When my focus is on Him and not my circumstances or fears or my inabilities or shortcomings, I can live in the freedom and joy and peace of all God is for me in Jesus Christ. But when my focus is elsewhere, fear and disbelief and mistrust takes over.

But even when I’m faltering, God is still kind and ever-willing to show Himself faithful. As Jerry Bridges says, whether I believe it or not, God is still working all things for my good just as He promises in Romans 8:28. And God has been ever so gracious to give me glimpses of that.

There are some pretty hard holidays/occasions coming up for me and my family that will remind us of the pain from last year. There are also several bridal showers. As I was looking at the calendar for the summer, I realized that every single occasion coming up was surrounded by a celebratory event. God had already gone before us. 

May 3 – Azalea Weekend in Frederickown, MO (Derby Weekend in Louisville): Last year, Kristi and I went home to MO to spend Azalea weekend with Dad. We had visions of the tractor pull and car show…but it was not to be. It was rainy and chilly that weekend and my dad was super sensitive to the cold because of the chemo. It was a disappointing weekend and it was hard to see my dad so frail and miserable. But this year was not disappointing. This year I got engaged. :)

Mother’s Day – Mom said this would be a hard day for her because Dad always got her a gift and card. This year the Lord worked it out that Kristi and I could spend the weekend with her. We went wedding dress shopping. We went out to eat. We watched a movie together. I also had a bridal shower.

Father’s Day – We weren’t home last year, but we did call our Dad. I can’t do that this year. For obvious reasons, this will be a hard day. This year, on the day prior to Father’s day, Kristi & James and Daniel & I plan to go to St. Louis to do each other’s engagement photos.

Dad’s Birthday (June 23rd) – Last year, Kristi and I went home for Dad’s birthday. It was also the start of my FMLA leave from work to take care of Dad. This year, we are going home to Missouri again, but this time for Kristi’s first bridal shower.

Fourth of July – Last year, Dad was extremely sick and was throwing up for days. Both he and I went into the hospital (different ones) on July 5th. This year, Rolling Fields is throwing me a bridal shower on July 6th.

Mom & Dad’s Wedding Anniversary (July 11th) – Not only is this Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary, it was also the day that Dad had surgery last year and the day that the surgeon told us to call hospice. This year, I am throwing my sister a shower on July 12th.

September 3 – This will mark the one-year point since my dad’s death. Although, time does heal the wound, the pain is still very much there and so is the void. There actually isn’t an event this year to offset this date like those listed above, but both mine and my sister’s weddings (August 2nd and October 4th respectively) surround it perfectly. September 3rd is smack dab in the middle of those two dates.

Do you see the kindness of the Lord in this? We did not plan these dates, but He did. These were just the dates that “happened” to work best with our schedules or with the schedules of others. This is not to say that there won’t still be pain and tears and sorrow. There will be, but the Father is kind to give us something to celebrate in the midst of the sorrow. He is helping us make good memories in the midst of the painful ones. I’m not even that big on showers, but they are a celebration of something good that God is doing in our lives, of an earthly gift that the Lord is giving us, and of the future marriage union we believers will one day have with Christ.

Overwhelmed - in a good way

I am saying this not because of what He has done and does for me (though He is very amazing in that) or because life is “going my way” right now (because, frankly, it’s not as far as circumstances go), but because Jesus is amazing in His essence, in who He is, in His many perfections. When I asked the Father to give me a fresh vision of Jesus, He didn’t change my circumstances or take the pain away, but instead reminded me of who Jesus is and of all that I have in Him (Ephesians 1:3-14).

Dictionary definition of amazing:  “to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.”

Everything about Jesus Christ is more than I (we) could ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). His goodness is beyond my comprehension. His love His greater than I could dare to hope. His mercy is unfailing and His faithfulness is more sure than the sun’s appearance tomorrow morning. He is full of compassion and mercy, which the Bibles says will never fail (Lamentations 3:22-23). His grace is inexhaustible (thanks to Pastor Andy for that reminder) and sufficient for my every need and beyond (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As the Lord removed the scales from my eyes so I could see Him more clearly, He especially reminded me of these three things: His power, His presence, and His patience. (3 P’s – you like that?) The power of Jesus Christ is unlimited and cannot be thwarted. No one can stay His hand or can call Him into account (Daniel 4:35). He has conquered death and Satan and sin and one day soon His rule will be dominant and visible to all (Isaiah 9:7; Philippians 2:9-11). His very word can dissolve mountains and subdue kingdoms and bring the dead to life. Jesus Christ is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and End of all things (Romans 11:36; Ephesians 1:16; Revelation 22:13). And He is in control of all things and infuses every single event with purpose and meaning. He has the power to make something out of nothing and bring beauty out of ashes. He is able to make all things to work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). With such a God as this, there is no need to fear or worry or be anxious or hopeless…ever.

And, yet, Jesus is very personal. He knows me better than I know myself. In fact, He knew me and chose me before He created time and space and the world we know (Ephesians 1:3-4). He planned every one of my days before there was even one of them (Psalm 139:16). He is near to all who call upon Him (Psalm 145:18). So near, in fact, that He chooses to dwell within them (Ephesians 3:17; Colossians 1:27). His presence is constant; there is no place I can go to escape Him (Psalm 139:7-12). He is intimately and meticulously involved in the details of our lives (no matter how trivial or mundane or horrendous they may seem), working in them His particular purposes (though we cannot always perceive Him) with the goal of drawing us to Himself. In His great mercy and compassion, Jesus meets us in our grief and brokenness and rebellion. He enters our darkness to bring us to light. He walks with us through the valleys and sustains us in the wilderness. What we need is what He is (in His essence): Comforter, Healer, Savior, Guide, Rest, Restorer, Redeemer, Protector, Provider, King, etc. He is the I AM (Exodus 3:14). He is the fullness of all things and from that fullness we, who are believers, receive grace in ever-increasing measure (John 1:16). With such a God as this, we will never be alone or forsaken or in want...ever.

And when we seek Him, when we long to know Him, when we cry out to Him, Jesus reveals Himself to us (Jeremiah 29:13). He is always ready to respond and receive and forgive over and over and over again; no matter how many times we mess up or wander off or forget who He is and what He has done. Jesus is very, very patient (Exodus, 34:6; Isaiah 30:18; 2 Peter 3:9). And in His patience, when I was forgetful of His goodness and ungrateful and losing sight of hope, He reminded me of who He was. He did not treat me as I deserved, but gently led me back to Himself. With such a God as this, we should never be afraid to return to Him or run to Him for help. He will never cast us off...ever.

These meditations are an overflow of two things: an answer to prayer and time in the Word. I had asked God to give me a renewed vision of Christ and He, in His kindness, did so by meeting me very sweetly and most preciously through His Word. God’s Word, the Bible, reveals Jesus to us. It has transforming power to remove strongholds, to open blind or veiled eyes, to soften hardened hearts, to melt away fear, and to bring rest and restoration (Hebrews 4:12). It has this power because the Scriptures are the very words of God, and, therefore, they are life and bring life (John 6:63). God’s Word reveals Jesus to us because Jesus is the Word made flesh (John 1:14). Every single promise of God found in the Bible finds its fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20).

And all of this is just a taste of what’s to come. One day the glory and knowledge of the Lord will cover the whole earth and all we see Him for who He is (Habakkuk 2:14; 1 John 3:2; Revelation 1:7). There will be no more distractions or confusion or brokenness. It will just be HIM in all of His fulness dwelling in the midst of His people (those who treasure Him now and are longing for His return).

It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the Lord; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” Isaiah 25:9

Carried

The past two weeks have been rather rough. My attitude and response toward life has been less than praiseworthy and I have had several meltdowns when bad news or disappointment has come my way. There is an instability within myself that I’ve not known before as I struggle to cling to God’s promises and wrestle with deep questions. But although I’ve been struggling (more like drowning on some days), I am not alone. God has not abandoned me. In fact, He meets me everyday through His Word and through His people to strengthen, encourage, sustain, and even rebuke me.

God has given me some amazing brothers and sisters in Christ for which I am deeply thankful. I do not deserve such kindness, but, thankfully, the Lord does not give me what I deserve. These men and women have shared Scripture with me, prayed for and with me, cried with me, pointed me to Christ, and helped me remember God’s promises. They have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to me during these turbulent times. Like on Friday when I was having one of those aforementioned meltdowns at work, one sweet friend took over my gatekeeper position in the office while I went to the bathroom to cry. As I was sitting on the floor sobbing, another sweet friend came in and sat with me and prayed with me. I know the Lord sent her to me to comfort me in that moment.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ…But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:12, 24-26

One of the sweetest aspects of the last few months has been watching the church be the church (as described in the passage above). While I do have amazing friends at work and in ministry, I am also very blessed to be a part of two wonderful church families – one in my hometown in Missouri and the other here in the Kentuckiana area. While they are pretty different from one another in many ways, both are committed to the Word of God and both long to show the love of Christ in practical ways. They long to be the church found in Acts 2 that is committed to the teachings of Jesus and devoted to love one another as well as the those who are unchurched. Most people have trouble finding one solid church that they can be a part of, but the Lord has let me be a part of two.

The first is Meadow Heights Church in Fredericktown, Missouri. I started attending this church when I was in the seventh grade. It was instrumental in me coming to faith in Christ, watering the seeds of faith that were sown by my parents, and played a vital role in my early stages as a new Christian, teaching me what it meant to follow Christ and the importance of having a daily quiet time with Him. Even though I haven’t been regularly attending that church since I moved to Louisville, they are still like family to me and are always more than willing to help me and my family. They were more than helpful when my dad was sick and when he passed away, bringing us food, providing a location as well as the menu for the after-funeral dinner, offering many, many prayers, giving money – willing and eager to do whatever was needed. Even now, they continue to help my mom with things she needs done around the house. They do this because the love of Christ compels them. Because, honestly, they are not receiving many benefits from my family. You can’t say it’s because of our tithes or our service or any such thing because Kristi and I don’t live there anymore. They did it out of love – love for Jesus and love for us.  

After moving to Louisville, I began attending Rolling Fields Church in Jeffersonville, Indiana (right across the river from Louisville). I have been a member there for six years now (hard to believe!). It is a small church and most people in the Louisville area haven’t heard of it, but God is up to some great things there. It is a rare place where you get solid teaching and have plenty of opportunities to serve. The Lord has used this church to stretch me in many ways when it comes to serving and leading, and it has also been instrumental in sustaining me through these difficult years. Every sermon is exactly what I need to hear. Since the church is small, I have grown a lot when it comes to fellowshipping with other believes. I am a private person and sinfully self-reliant, so this wasn’t my strong suit when it came to the spiritual disciplines, but you can’t hide that well in small places, and I have learned to give of myself to others and let them give of themselves to me, and I have been blessed immensely by the deeper relationships that God has allowed me to develop there. Rolling Fields has also been such a blessing to me and my family (whom they’ve barely met) these past few months. Even though they couldn’t be with us physically (though I know they wished they could!), they sent money and encouraging cards and emails and offered up countless prayers – willing and eager to do whatever was needed. They too do this because the love of Christ compels them. I was gone to Missouri for three months. They had every excuse to let my home church care for me, to focus on more local things, to say they are too small and their resources too few, but they didn’t. They did it out of love – love for Jesus and love for me and my family.

So these two bodies of believers have been God’s means of grace to me. God is the God of all comfort, and He chose to comfort and provide and care for me and my family through His people, His body, His church(es). And isn’t that the way it should be? Yes. This is the way the church is supposed to function: supporting weak members, caring for one another, sacrificing to help those in need. This is what Christ does for us. He helps the weak (2 Corinthians 12:9). He cares for others (1 Peter 5:7). He sacrificed Himself to help those in need (Hebrews 10:10-14). He is the head of the church, His body, and His body is supposed to follow His example (Colossian 1:18). This is the mark of a true church: loving God and loving others, representing Christ (His heart and mission) to those around them. I am blessed to be part of two such churches and I am very thankful for them both.

We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

One Day at a Time

During this past week or so the Lord has helped me regain perspective because, honestly, since the last post I had really been struggling. My thoughts were dark, my vision was limited, and my faith was wavering. God’s promises seemed to loom on the distant horizon far from reach. Roots of bitterness were starting to creep in and my heart was hardening, and I had not the strength to fight it. I knew what I needed to do – namely, focus on God, remember His promises, and be thankful – but I felt as if I was standing at a wall with no way over or around. I was stuck in the muck and the mire.

The Lord Jesus, however, is incredibly and infinitely gracious. He saw me struggling. He heard my whimpered prayers. He knew better than I did the depths of my sinful heart-attitude and the frailty of my faith. And He met me right where I was. He sent His Word and His people (often in combination) to pull me up out of the muck and mire and to set my feet upon the rock, which is Himself. I am always so amazed at how God in His sovereignty and wisdom sends me His Word at just the right time. One friend spoke the truth of John 9 to me (these things are happening "that the works of God might be displayed"). My pastor preached the sermon that I desperately needed to hear and exposed all the doubts and fears that were swimming in my heart. The radio (which I rarely listen to) played songs that pointedly addressed my circumstances and sin and weariness. Then there were the perfectly-timed texts filled with Scriptures that reminded me of the truths I had forgotten, and the people who God burdened to pray for me. These are all evidences of the love and care and provision and grace of Christ. He is faithful even when we are not. He is the perfect Groom who pursues His wayward Bride. He is the only Sovereign for whom nothing escapes His attention. He is the gentle Shepherd who never, ever loses one of His won. In sum, He is Perfection, and He is everything I need (and want!).

One of the things the Lord has been reminding me of is the truth that He gives me grace for Today. He doesn’t give me grace for tomorrow or any other time in the future, but for the day at hand. And, as I have been reminded by several people lately, He also doesn’t give grace for my imagination, and, lately, my imagination has been in overdrive. I am a planner by default, but for a while now I haven’t been able to plan much past the current day. I am in waiting mode in almost every area of my life – waiting for the next step, waiting for the next piece of news, waiting for the next set of test results. So my entire future seems to be just hanging in the balance. And, of course, I guess this is the way it always actually is (from the human perspective) because God alone knows the future and He alone establishes my steps, no matter how much I plan and think ahead. Life is always filled with uncertainties because we do not know what the next day, the next moment will bring. Oswald Chambers calls this living in "gracious uncertainty," and says it is a natural part of the spiritual life. We may have general ideas about what lies ahead, but we won’t actual know until the next moment happens. And isn’t this even what Jesus taught?

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

Yes. I am to live day by day. God’s grace is more than sufficient for today, and He lavishly gives me the daily grace and strength I need when I need it. Jesus Christ is the only certainty. Everything else may give way, but He alone is my hope and stay (as the old hymn goes). And the fact that I hate this state of limbo reveals that I am not trusting the provision of my heavenly Father. It reveals that I put too much trust and confidence in plans and planning, instead of placing all my trust in Christ alone. (This is not to say that plans and planning are bad because they are not and they have their place when they are rightly submitted to God).

And this leads me to another reminder from the Lord: I need to be disciplined in my thinking. As the Apostle Paul says, I need to take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). This means when I start thinking about a painful future without my dad or when I start to wonder how honoring my parents in their ill health meshes with moving permanently overseas or start creating a host of future scenarios and what-ifs, I need to stop the thought process, remember (or look it up) the truth found in God’s Word, and start thinking about the character of God and His unfailing promises.

Finally, through all of this and underpinning all other lessons is the constant and continual reminder that I can’t do this. I cannot do this. I have not the strength. I have not the stamina. I have not the faith. I have not the wisdom. The situations that the Lord has allowed into my life, the path that He has me on, I simply have no ability in and of myself to do or even face. I literally and desperately need the grace and strength of Jesus every single hour, evening single moment. I need His grace. I need His wisdom. I need His guidance. I need His Word. I need HIM. And the great thing is that I have Him. He is mine and He promises in His Word that His grace is sufficient for me, that He is my ever-present help, that He will strengthen me, that He is with me and in me, that He is for me, and that He delights to do me good and will do me good for the glory of His name. And, furthermore, when I am weak, He is very, very strong.

If My God is For Me...

You have kept count of my tossings;

put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

Then my enemies will turn back

in the day when I call.

This I know, that God is for me. Psalm 56:8-9

I have been studying the Old Testament book of Jeremiah for several months now. Overall, it's a pretty grim book as the nation of Israel continually forsakes the one, true, and living God to do whatever her heart desires despite God's warnings. Throughout the book they experience discipline, destruction, and devastation. Then there come a few chapters near the middle of the book (chapters 29-33) where God promises to restore His people back to Himself and give them a new heart that will never forsake Him again. These hope-filled promises point toward the New Testament, to the coming of Christ. These chapters are in stark contrast to the surrounding ones that contain warnings of doom. The former has the favor of God and the latter doesn't. One contains "plans for a hope and future" (29:11), while the other promises plans for "harm and not for good" (21:10). Because of this study and because of things going on in my life, I have been pondering lately what it means for God to be for me. As the Scripture says above, He is for me. He is for every single person who has put their hope and trust in Jesus Christ. But what does that mean? There are many unfavorable circumstances in my life that would indicate that Jesus is not for me. The enemy has been whispering in my ear that it makes no difference for God to be for me, to have Him on my side. Just look at my life. My dad has terminal cancer. My mom just had the umpteenth surgery on her foot. My car wouldn't start last Thursday and I have been without a vehicle since (though, thankfully, I got a call today from the mechanic saying it's fixed). Bad news seems to lurk around every corner, so how is God for me? The evidence seems to point otherwise.

But the evidence doesn't always tell the whole truth. Yes, these things are happening and, yes, they are less than desirable, but there are unseen things transacting in the midst of these events that aren't so easy to discern (hence, unseen - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18). But God's Word reveals the unseen. This is where I learn how God is for me. This is where I go to learn how to think rightly about these things. This is where I go to reset my focus - away from my circumstances and toward my Savior (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Before I dive into how Scripture says God is for me, let's look first at what it means for God to be against me. In truth, we are all natural-born enemies of God. No one does good; no, not one. No one seeks after God. Everyone has sinned and fallen short of His glory. This is what Romans chapter three tells us. We are rebels. We are enemies of God and, therefore, He is against us. His wrath is upon us (John 3:36). We are separated from God and all of His goodness (Ephesians 2:12). In fact, God is working for our harm and not for our good (Jeremiah 21:10). Unless we repent of our sins and trust in Christ, this is our grim state. This is our indictment and it continues to be so for all eternity for those who don't trust in Jesus Christ. That is what hell is: it is an eternal state of separation from God and His goodness where you forever experience the full force of His wrath and fury.

Behold, I am against you, O proud one,

declares the Lord God of hosts,

for your day has come,

the time when I will punish you. Jeremiah 50:31

That used to be true of me, but it's not anymore. God saved me through His Son Jesus Christ twelve years ago. Because of Christ, God is no longer against me. I have been reconciled to Him. So here is a small listing of what it means for God to be for me:

• It means that I am no longer God's enemy. I am now His daughter. 1 John 3:1
• It means that God has done all that is required for me to know Him. He has given me the righteousness He requires and forgiven me through the death of His own Son. I am no longer guilty of my sin because Christ paid it for me and I no longer have to perfectly keep God's Law because Jesus kept it perfectly for me. Romans 4:1-12 (also see Pastor Andy's sermon, "A Call to Believe and Rest")
• It means that I am free from sin. I no longer have to sin; I now have a choice. I am now free to obey God. Romans 6; Galatians 5:1
• It means that God will provide all my needs according to His glories riches in Christ Jesus (which He more than proved to me while I've been without a vehicle). He will even give me my heart's desire (because He conforms it to His own). Philippians 4:19; Matthew 6:33; Psalm 37:4
• It means that He has a hope and a future for me; that I have a purpose; that He has planned good for me and not evil; that no matter what happens in my life, God is working in each circumstance for my ultimate good and His glory. The Lord is so powerful that He can take even the most horrible situation and bring good out of it. Think about the cross. Jesus Christ, the only perfect human to ever live, the one who obeyed God's holy law perfectly, the one who loved God and people completely and perfectly, the one who never sinned and only good was found in Him, this Perfect One was betrayed, spit upon, mocked, brutally whipped and beaten, and then nailed to a cross. That is not good in and of itself, but God ordained this to happen so that He could punish this Perfect One for the sins of His people, to satisfy His holy justice and anger, so that He could save a people for Himself. Now that is very good! He works everything for the good of those who love them and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28; Jeremiah 29:11

These are just some of the ways that God is for for me. I would like to say that I live perfectly in this truth, but I don't. I often forget who my God is and who I am in Him. I often lose sight of His promises and His goodness and choose to wallow in self-pity and bitterness as I see my life crumbling around me. But you know what? Even then God is for me. Even then He gently shows me my sin and calls me back to Him. Even then He never leaves me. That's grace. That's the God of the Bible. He is forever for His people. 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

Unselfish Disclosure

The Lord has done a lot in these past few years to grow me and stretch me and refine me. One of the areas in which He has stretched me a lot is helping me be more open and vulnerable with others. He has used the many hard things He has allowed into my life to force me to rely on others and, even though it has been hard, it’s been a beautiful thing as He has allowed me to cultivate deep and authentic relationships with the people He has placed in my life.

Lately, though, I have been tempted to regress. I have wanted to push people away and keep my thoughts and struggles to myself. I am very much aware of this temptation, but I haven’t been fighting it as fiercely as I should be. My personal preference and natural bent is to be more reserved because it’s safe and comfortable and easy, and sometimes I just don’t feel like fighting that temptation. The Lord, however, is relentless in His pursuit of my sanctification. Through His Holy Spirit, He has been alerting me to my desire to withdraw and Has been sending His Word my way.

At Rolling Fields, Pastor Andy has been preaching through the Ten Commandments (which has been so good, by the way!). While I was thinking about the above, the Lord used the sermon on the 9th commandment (you shall not bear false witness/lie) to pierce my heart. When someone asks me (genuinely asks me) how I’m doing and I answer, “Fine,” or, “Good,” when I am not fine or good, then I am breaking this commandment and committing sin. Sigh. God would have him preach that message and give that example when I am struggling with this temptation. Now it may seem silly, but when my pastor gave that example, it was like an arrow pierced my heart. I was guilty. But the grace of Christ is bigger than my guilt and sin, and He is always more than ready to forgive me when I repent and turn to Him. In fact, He gives me the strength and resources to do so and to follow His commands and ways.

Another reason I think I have been tempted to wall-up is because several relationships in my life seem to be in transition. Several close friends have moved away or are about to do so, and a few other friendships are changing because of life circumstances. I suppose relationships are always changing some since they are dynamic, but it’s a lot more noticeable when several seem to do so all at one time. And for someone like me who finds it hard to open up to others, it can be somewhat painful and challenging. The enemy, who knows my weaknesses and likes to capitalize on them, has been tempting me to withdraw, whispering that deep relationships aren't worth it and that I don’t belong. The latter is a tempting lie to believe, but it simply isn’t true because I do have a sister and a church family and other great friends, and, most importantly, I belong to Christ. All of this is a good reminder that my identity is not in my relationships (or anything else for that matter), but in Christ and in Him alone.

The Lord is very kind in the way He always meets us in our struggles and strengthens us against temptations. As I have struggled with the feeling of not belonging and the temptation to pull inward, He has not left me to myself. He has reminded me of His perfect awareness and acceptance of me (Psalm 139) and His unfathomable love and grace (Zephaniah 2:17; Ephesians 1:3-14, 2:4). Plus, He is giving me new friendships to develop and older ones with which to re-connect. In just these past few days, two people I haven’t seen in awhile visited the office where I work and told me they wanted to get together and catch up, and another friend from church (whom I don’t know very well) told me she wants to hang out as well. God is very kind and reminded me through these interactions that He sees my heart struggles and hears my prayers, and He is constantly working in them for my good and His glory.

Plus, God isn’t calling me to do anything that He hasn’t already done. He knows more than I will ever know or will ever grasp what it means to make oneself vulnerable (in a sense) to others. And we should be very thankful that He does so because if He didn’t, we would have no hope, no salvation, and no way of knowing Him. I love this quote from Carl F.H. Henry quoted by Dr. Mohler:

My mentor in so many ways Carl Henry described revelation—he was not a very poetic man, but he was capable of rare instances of poetry and generally when he did not mean to be poetic. And he defined God’s revelation as God’s unselfish disclosure and gracious forfeiture of His own personal privacy so that His sinful creatures might know Him.

This is a pretty awesome truth. The God of the universe chooses to make Himself vulnerable so that we, His creatures, might know Him. He didn’t have to do this, but He chose to. We would have no way of knowing who God is or what He has done or how to serve Him if He had not chosen to reveal Himself through His Word, throughout history, and through His Son, Jesus Christ (Hebrews 1:1-3). That’s grace. There is no other God like Him. And He calls us to do the same in the relationships He has given us. Doing so is the only way to truly love our neighbor, to be effective in ministry, to testify to God’s gracious dealings in our lives, and to illustrate the life-transforming power of the gospel. People cannot see how we trust God in the good times and bad if we do not let them in, if we do not graciously and unselfishly disclose ourselves, if we do not give up our personal privacy. This is a challenging call, especially for an introvert, but God’s grace is sufficient for these things. For His power is put on display through our weaknesses.

Contentment & Rest

Contentment – it’s one of those words that, like humility, seems elusive and almost impossible to attain. And it is - apart from Christ. Contentment is also not something that just naturally happens to us or that can be learned easily. No. In my limited experience, contentment is a long, hard lesson that is forged in the refining trials designed by an all-wise and perfect teacher, Jesus Christ. He is contentment.

I have been reflecting on what the Lord has been doing in my life these past two years and this word keeps coming to mind. I believe that was the theme and one of the primary lessons of 2012 (after coming out of 2011, which was a year of brokenness) in almost every area of my life: contentment with the car I drive, with my job, with staying in Louisville, in my singleness, in my circumstances, and with the things God was calling me to do that weren’t necessarily in my plans. Now that’s not to say that I don’t still desire that some of these things were different or that I have “arrived” at some sort of perfect state of contentment, but it is to say that the Lord has done such a work in my heart and life to make me satisfied in where He has me. Contentment, like so many other things, is a gift that God so graciously lavishes on His children.

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:10-13

So this is where God has me and it is good. During this time, He has allowed me to build strong friendships, be a part of an amazing church body and ministry, live with my sister (again), and soak up His Word through sermons and conferences and Bible studies. For these things I am very thankful. Indeed, the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6). It’s only by His strength that I can be content in the things that I would not choose for myself.

In addition/connection (maybe they’re supposed to go together; I don’t know) to this, the Lord has been growing my internal joy and satisfaction in Him. He has been showering me with evidences of His grace. He has been lifting the burdens from my shoulders. He has been turning my sorrow into gladness. And it’s not because my circumstances have changed because, for the most part, they haven’t. There are still some pretty painful realities that I have to deal with, but He has reset my focus to focus on Him who is invisible (Hebrews 11:27), to focus on eternal things instead of things that are temporary (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). He has been so kind to do that. It’s only by His strength that I can keep a proper perspective when circumstances can be so brutal.

One of the sweetest evidences of these things is that God has filled my heart with praise. He has given me a new song (Psalm 40:3). Now I usually have some type of song to the Lord running through my mind, but this is different. Now I am singing out loud. I didn’t realize how much I had not been vocally singing (besides at church) until I was driving to Missouri a few weeks ago. I started singing with the CD I was listening to and realized that I hadn’t heard my voice like that in quite a while. Another sweet evidence is the amount of laughter the Lord has allowed into my life these past few weeks. I mean, for real, I haven’t laughed this much in such a long time (which is a shame because I love to laugh!). Both of these things are evidences of God’s grace. They are both much welcomed gifts from Him after experiencing such painful and difficult things. And part of me (sinfully) fears that they won’t last long, fears that I will return very soon to the dark valley I’ve been is for so, so long.

The Lord convicted me of this fear during the Scarlet Hope Retreat this past weekend. He showed me that I was not expecting Him to do good things or, at least, afraid to hope for good things. But God is a God of good intentions and purposes and plans and gifts (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28; Ephesians 3:20). He is good and He does good is what the Psalmist says (119:68). In fact, the Bible says that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). He rewards us with Himself (Jeremiah 29:12-14). So do you see how sinful it is to fear what God has in store for me? Forgive me, Father, and help my unbelief.
 
At the retreat, the Lord was so kind to give me rest. Not physical rest, because I really didn’t sleep that great, but something even better than sleep (which is pretty great) – rest in Him. Jesus Christ is Rest (as my pastor preached on Sunday). He gave me rest in His Word and in His presence. As we worshiped through song and prayer, the Lord was so gracious to overwhelm me with His presence. Something He hasn’t done in quite a long time. I’ve missed experiencing His presence in that way so much!

       One thing have I asked of the LORD,
        that will I seek after:
    that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
        all the days of my life,
    to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
        and to inquire in his temple.
    For he will hide me in his shelter
        in the day of trouble;
    he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
        he will lift me high upon a rock.
    And now my head shall be lifted up
        above my enemies all around me,
    and I will offer in his tent
        sacrifices with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make melody to the LORD.
    Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
        be gracious to me and answer me!
    You have said, “Seek my face.”
    My heart says to you,
        “Your face, LORD, do I seek.”
   Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
        for false witnesses have risen against me,
        and they breathe out violence.
    I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
        in the land of the living!
    Wait for the LORD;
        be strong, and let your heart take courage;
        wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:4-8, 13-14

Tears for Christmas

The timing of the way the Lord sends His word is always perfect. I always hear what I need to hear at just the right time. This Christmas is shaping up to be a rather painful one. My sister and I arrived home to Missouri last evening. There was already a cloud hanging over us due to my dad’s cancer, but the Lord has been gracious to keep our heart and hope in Him. My personal hope was that this Christmas would be more pleasant than the last. So far this is not the case. I knew my mom had not been doing very well. My dad took her to the ER last week and they said she had something viral and refused to admit her into the hospital (they made this diagnosis without running any tests). The extent of her condition was not communicated to me, so I was not prepared for what I came home to. When I walked in the door, she was sitting in her rocking chair – pale and rigid with wide eyes full of fear. She can barely move and barely speak. She has suffered more than anyone I know and sometimes it’s hard to see God’s good purposes in that. Even now she is writhing in agony as she tries to sleep, and my heart is breaking…

There have been a few other things that have happened– disappointments and hard conversations – that have added to the sorrow. As I was journaling last night, I told the Lord how much I needed Him to meet me in the pain. I have not the strength for these things, but He says that His grace is sufficient. I needed a fresh wave of His mercy and grace. God heard my prayer. In my inbox this morning were two emails that met me where I was. One was a blog post from Dr. Mohler about those who mourn during Christmas time. He says:

Christmas is especially for those who mourn and suffer grief, for the message of Christmas is nothing less than the death of death in the death and resurrection of Christ.

Yes. Christmas gives us hope for the Man of Sorrows entered our suffering and sorrow to secure for our everlasting joy and healing. The other was a blog post from my pastor about believing in Jesus’ ability and willingness to heal.

Do you go through your day as if the miracle you need is just too much to hope for let alone ask for?  Do you find yourself continuing to ask for the supernatural, but not believing in your heart that God can actually do it? 

I can all too well relate to this. The circumstances have been bitter as of late and under of the weight of them I am struggling to cling to the truth that God is working in these things for good (Romans 8:28), that He intends to answer and heal and restore. But this is what Scripture teaches us about His character. He longs to show grace and mercy (Isaiah 30:18) and He is good and does good (Psalm 119:68). Christmas is the ultimate expression of God’s disposition toward us to do us good. In the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God meets our deepest need and gives us our greatest hope. So even though circumstances may be hard and painful, I can still have joy because it was secured forever by Jesus Christ when He chose to take on flesh forever in order to save us in every possible way. The night may be dark, but morning is coming and there is joy in the dawn.

So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. John 16:22

Pondering Christmas

I can’t believe Christmas is upon us and this year is almost over. This year, and these past few months in particular, have flown by. December is passing just as quickly, but not without some reflections on the reason for Christmas. Each year the Lord teaches me something new or takes me deeper into the depths of the incarnation of Christ (for that is what this time of year is supposed to be celebrating).

For the past several years, Christmas has been different in my family. In actuality, it’s not as pleasant and fun as it used to be and many of our traditions (what little we had) have slowly died away. My sister and I, however, have started our own traditions. We try to be intentional each year about fixing our minds and hearts on Jesus Christ, and the Lord, in His wisdom and abundant grace, is more than willing to give us resources and creative ideas in pondering the birth of the Son of God. This year my sister and I have been going through John Piper’s free advent book called Good News of Great Joy. It contains 25 short little devotionals meant to prepare your heart to purposely (it doesn’t happen by accident) see Christ during the Christmas season, and I believe it is helping us just do that.

Besides that, the Lord has gripped me this year with the purpose of His coming. He came to die. It is no secret that we are all going to die some time (Hebrews 9:27), but His purpose for being born was to die (Matthew 20:28; Hebrews 2:14). And that’s why there is Christmas.

And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life...Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour...Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. John 12:23-25, 27-28a, 31-33

At Rolling Fields, our pastors are preaching on the necessity of Christmas. This past Sunday, Pastor Aaron preached from the familiar passage of Philippians chapter two, but in doing so he focused not only on verses 5-11, but he included verses 1-16 in order for us to grasp and feel the weight of Paul’s main point. While verses 5-11 teach us much about the humility and reason for the coming of Christ, the Apostle Paul did not write them in isolation. It’s easy (for me anyway) to break up the paragraphs and forget they are one continuous thought. In the original Greek, there were no paragraph breaks and no paragraph headings. The text was meant to be read as a whole. Pastor Aaron was talking about church unity and how we are commanded to consider others as more important than ourselves (which is counter-intuitive). This is the point Paul is driving towards; it is the reason he includes the example of Christ’s humility. Christ, being in the very nature God and in the very presence of God (John 1:1), did not consider His own rights, but humbled Himself by taking on human flesh, by becoming one of us, by becoming like us so that He could identify with us in every way (Hebrews 4:15-16) and thus save us. Jesus Christ considered our needs (He considered us!) as more important that Himself so that He might save each of us. He emptied Himself of the glory His deserved in order to enter our mess of a world and save us wandering and hostile/indifferent sinners.

"There is nothing about us that makes us deserve to be in the presence of God, and if the One who did deserve to be in the presence of God would empty Himself, be found in the form of a man, come as a servant - why did Christ do it? For our greatest need! Life. We are dead in our sin and our trespasses apart form Christ's work." Pastor Aaron

Another thing that I have been pondering is this: we all too often question the goodness of God, but never think twice of questioning the goodness of humanity. I know a friend that is having trouble getting a job in the healthcare profession because when asked on a psychiatric test required for employment if she believes that human beings are innately good and she responds no, she is rejected for employment and told “her values don’t line up with theirs.” When you look at society, the assumption seems to be that humans are innately good and that God’s goodness is questionable. But that is not what Scripture or experience teaches. Scripture says that our hearts are deceitfully wicked (Jeremiah 17:6), that we are tempted by our own evil desires (James 1:13-15), and that there is no one that is good (Psalm 14:1-3; Romans 3:10-18). The truth is that we are all innately evil, but because of God’s grace the expression of that evil is restrained. The same sin that is so readily apparent in heinous crimes (like that of last Friday), is in each of us. It is only by God’s grace that we aren’t as bad as we could be. But that’s why there is Christmas. We need new hearts. We need new desires. We need a remedy. And the bad news is that that remedy is not something we can conjure up. As Pastor Andy says, “God is not concerned with making bad people good, but with making dead people alive.” So we are dead and cannot help ourselves.

This is where Christmas comes in. Christmas is the remedy. God the Father saw our helpless state and decided to send His Son. Jesus Christ left His rightful place in heaven where He was worshiped by countless angels. He left the place He deserved and belonged in order to come to us – to enter a womb, to take on human flesh, to be born in human likeness, to obey God’s law perfectly, to fulfill all that God requires of us, to be perfect for us, so that He could die for us and take our punishment, so that we would be united with Him and God the Father forever. This is the message and hope of Christmas. Jesus Christ was born for the purpose of dying so that you and I could become the righteousness, the children, the inheritance of God. He came to make us, who were dead, alive to God. And this is very good news. This is the hope of Christmas. Oh, taste and see that He is good!

Hard Things

Frodo: “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Tomorrow marks two years since I graduated from seminary. That’s crazy to think about. A lot has happened since that time, and it doesn’t seem like I am that much closer to going overseas. There have been a lot of delays, and disappointments, and bad news. In short, there have been a lot of hard things. And while this year has been better than the last, this continues to be the general theme. But even the hard things are from God.

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil [or disaster]?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job 2:10

This truth is very comforting and gives me hope because no matter what happens in my life, I know that it has first passed through the sovereign and always loving hands of my Savior. It means that there is a purpose for the hard things. Namely, a deeper and more intimate knowledge of Jesus Christ, and conformity to His likeness – things that I desire and things that God is more than pleased to give me.

It’s sometimes very easy, though, to lose sight of this hope; to get stuck in the muck and the mire of present circumstances. Honestly, these past few weeks have been rather rough. My dad and my uncle were both diagnosed with cancer in the same week. One of my very best friends and one of the leading families in my church (with whom I’m close) are both moving away in less than a month. Then there are the daily burdens of ministry, the delays to getting overseas, and fighting sin that add to the weight. It has been in the midst of these things that the Lord has been pleased to expose the rebellion and pride and selfishness in my own heart. I am daily reminded of how limited I am in strength and wisdom, and how much I need God’s sustaining grace.

When the cares of my heart are many,
        your consolations cheer my soul. Psalm 94:19

And His grace is more than sufficient for these things. He has not left me alone in these struggles. Instead, He is persistently pursuing me and beckoning me to fight for joy. Of the latter, I admit, I have not been doing a very good job. I have found it quite easy to overlook the many evidences of God’s grace as I focus on the painful circumstances that have been flooding my way. But Christ never lets me stray to far before he resets my focus and attention back to Him. He did so this week through a number of friends and teachers in the faith. The Lord showed me during a Bible study that I have not been taking thoughts captive. And when I say this, I mean thoughts toward myself (what some people like to call “self-talk”). I have been listening to myself a lot more than I should be. And when I was confronted with this through a book our group is studying, I could clearly see the lies for what they were and how they were further adding to these burdens. In this book, the author talked about how we need to remember that even though things may not be going well with us, things are well with our souls. In fact, things will always be well with the soul of a believer because he/she is forever right with God and can now choose to say “no” to sin and do what’s right. There are many times when my soul doesn’t “feel” well, so I have to believe it is well by faith. So, basically, I need to be preaching the gospel to myself instead of listening to myself…which is a full-time job.

The Lord graciously reminded me of His glorious gospel through the preaching of His word this morning at Rolling Fields. Because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, my victory and deliverance is secured. There will be a Day when there will be no more tears or heartache or brokenness or disappointments or delays or bad news (Revelation 21:1-8). There will be no more hard things. But even now there is victory and deliverance. For those in Christ, we are secure and safe. We have a new song right now to sing. The hard things are still very much present and real, but Jesus Christ has secured for us indescribable joy in Him. He has freed us to be who He created us to be. He has destroyed the power of sin, so that we no longer carry the burden, guilt, and penalty for sin. Even when the odds are stacked against us, Christ is for us, so we ultimately win. So that we can say in faith and with confidence, "Even so, it is well with my soul."

Not Just for Me

Last weekend I went on a beautiful road trip down to Georgia. The drive was a visual delight as most of the trees had turned shades of yellow and orange and red. Autumn is such a lovely time of the year.
One of the things I like to do on long drives is listen to sermons. My sweet sister prepared a couple of CDs for me of John Piper’s preaching on Romans 8:28.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28   

This verse has become very dear to me and continues to be so as I continue this journey with Jesus Christ. Sometimes this verse is what sustains me on painful days and dark nights. There was a point earlier this year when I began doubting this verse. In my limited wisdom and perspective, I could not see God working for my good in the midst of the situations and trials I found myself in. I couldn’t see Him at work and couldn’t imagine how He could bring beauty from the ashes that surrounded me. But God is gracious and faithful and patient even when His children waver in trusting in Him or His promises. He gently showed me that I had a choice: I could believe and claim this promise by faith or I could continue to doubt Him and forsake the only one in whom hope and life are found. Because God’s grace and mercy is limitless and because He sustains His children and nothing can separate us from Him, He gave me endurance and strength to believe this promise by faith, even if it was just a mustard seed of faith.

So I began believing this verse again and resting in the character of God through which the Lord grew my trust in His sovereignty and goodness and through which He comforted me through the sorrow and pain. But what Piper brought to my attention is that this verse gives not only comfort for the past, it is also provides hope for the future. Look at the context of this verse. The Apostle Paul is talking about persecution and suffering and sorrow and impending death, and, yet, he says that no one can be against us. How can this be? The truth is there are many things against us and there are many things that can harm us, but, ultimately, we are eternally united with Christ and our victory is secure. We can stand firm because He is our unshakable foundation. The worst thing that can happen to us is death, but even that ushers us into the presence of God where we will behold the face of Jesus Christ. So this verse gives hope for the future because we can confidently do what God calls us to do, no matter what the risk or danger may be, precisely because God is currently working in all things for our good and is working in whatever may happen for our good. And that’s a pretty awesome promise.

The Lord is also showing me, though, that the things in my life – whether struggles or joys – are not always for me. Now they will, of course, affect me because they are happening in my life, but sometimes God allows things into my life so that He can work in the lives of others. So even though He will still use the circumstance for my good, He may be working ultimately in and through the situation I am going through to ultimately affect someone else’s life for their good. My pastor stated this truth much better in this blog post, which I encourage you to read.

There are many examples of this in Scripture. I want to point out just a few of them. I will list them, not chronologically, but from the amount of the evidence of how these individuals could see God working through their circumstance. In other words, how clearly they saw that God was allowing hard things in their lives in order to save the lives of others.

First there is Joseph (Genesis 37-50). His is one of my all-time favorite stories in the Bible. I love the way that the Lord worked through His life and I love the way that Joseph never seemed to falter in his faith in God. Joseph was 17 and the favorite son of his father. He had 10 half-brothers who hated him for his favored status. They sinfully plotted to kill him, but wound up changing their minds and selling him into slavery instead. He became the servant to Pharaoh’s captain of the guard in Egypt. The Lord prospered him in his work and he found great favor with his master – that is, until his master’s wife falsely accused him of trying to rape her. This accusation sent him to prison. Again, the Lord prospered him in his work and he found great favor with the prison guard. He had a glimmer of hope of getting out when he correctly interpreted a dream one of the Pharaoh’s servants had, but he was soon forgotten. Finally, the Pharaoh himself had a dream and he was called upon to interpret it. When he did so, Pharaoh made him the number two ruler in the land. God had brought him from slavery to be the second most powerful man in Egypt. When his was reunited with his father and brothers, he did not use his power to enact vengeance. He did not hold what they did to him against them. Instead, he recognized that God had worked through those tragic circumstances to save others. Here is what Joseph said to his brothers:

And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. Genesis 45:5-8

Another example is Esther (the Book of Esther). She was a young, beautiful Jewish girl. In fact, she was the most beautiful woman in the Persian Empire. The king had just got rid of his wife for disobeying him and was looking to replace her, so he held a sort-of beauty contest and chose Esther to be his new queen. As Piper points out, this isn’t a good thing. She was a Jewish woman who loved God and had a promising future, but now she has just become part of a pagan king’s harem. It is not like she was at home daydreaming about marrying the king. He was no prince charming. But the Lord was working through her situation to save many lives. She had been brought to the palace, to this point in history for “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14) and God used her to intercede for the Jewish people when one of the king’s men wanted to annihilate them.

Finally, there is Leah (Genesis 29-30 - Thank you, Melissa, for drawing her story to my attention!). Her story is harder because it is much more bleak and she never really sees the good that comes from her life, but God does use her. She was one of the wives of Jacob and desperately wanted his love, except he loved his other wife (her sister) Rachel more. When God blessed her with conceiving several sons, almost every time she would say, “Now my husband will love me,” but he didn’t. Even though she bore Jacob six sons, she did not draw his affection away from Rachel. And so was the story of her life. She never lived to see the good that God was working from her situation. In fact, the good that came from her life wasn’t realized until thousands of years later. You see she was the mother of Judah and through his line came the promised Messiah, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. So although she did not receive the favor she longed for from her husband, she did find favor with God. He saw her affliction; He saw how she was overlooked by her husband; and He chose to use one of her sons as the family line for His Son. He did this so that many people would be save.

David Platt put it like this: “What if God ordained suffering and persecution in our lives for the salvation of others?” And that is what we see in these examples. Joseph experienced much hardship. He was separated from his family of origin, betrayed, enslaved, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten, and God ordained and used all of these things to position him as the second most powerful man in Egypt in order that his family, the people of Israel, might be saved. Esther was made the wife of a pagan king who was not Kosher or God-fearing so that God would use her to save the people of Israel. And Leah was trapped in a loveless marriage, deceitfully arranged by her father, which was ordained and used by God to bring about the family line from the people of Israel through which He would send His Son and save the world. God’s purposes are so much bigger than us and He chooses to include us in His kingdom story of redeeming the nations. Joseph, Esther, Leah – all used to save a people…and save the world because from this people the Messiah would come.

And all of this points ultimately to Jesus Christ, God’s very own son. He is called the man of sorrows. He was misunderstood. He was rejected by many. He was called demon-possessed and a drunkard. He was falsely accused and arrested. He was beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a a cross. He was spit upon and mocked. He was slaughtered. And this was all ordained and used by God so that many people would be saved. Because He did not stay dead. He rose from the grave three days later in power and glory. God ordained suffering and persecution and death in the life of His Son for the salvation of sinful people like you and me. This is extremely good news for us. The suffering of Christ was not for Him, it was for us. And sometimes our suffering is not for us as well.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

    “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
        and do not return there but water the earth,
    making it bring forth and sprout,
        giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
    so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
        it shall not return to me empty,
    but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
        and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11

The Lord has overwhelmed me this week with His grace and faithfulness in such a way that I’m not sure that I’ll recover from it…nor do I want to. He has reminded me that He has heard my every prayer even when heaven was silent and no answer seemed to be coming. But He was working in ways I could not see to bring about the answers in His own way and in His own timing.

First, there is my friend from India. I haven't seen her for about a year and a half, but I haven’t stopped praying for her salvation (though I have been tempted to stop). The Lord has saw fit to bring her back into my life. She “happened” to call my sister two weeks ago and, while they were talking, she got my number, which she apparently had lost. I then found out that she “happens” to live less than a mile from me (we have both moved since the last time we saw each other). We hung out this weekend over coffee, and the Lord graciously gave me the opportunity and the boldness to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with her. She told me that she didn’t know what god she was praying to, but knew that there was a higher power/energy directing her life. The Lord brought Acts 17 to my mind and He empowered me to share with her how God created her and brought her to where she is now in life so that she would seek Him and find her way to Him because He is not far from her (Acts 17:27).

Second, there is my cousin. I started praying for his salvation over 10 years ago. My home church of Meadow Heights challenged the congregation to pray for someone daily at a certain time each day for a certain length of time. The Lord laid him on my heart, and have been praying for him almost daily ever since. His picture is in my Bible as a constant reminder to ask God to save him. His name is written under the carpet of Meadow Heights in faith that God would save him and bring him to that church. The Lord has given me numerous opportunities to talk to him about Christ at family get-togethers, and when he stopped coming to those, the Lord gave me the idea to send him a birthday card every year in which the Lord will lead me to some word of Scripture to share with him. During this past year, I started praying that the Lord will bring someone into his life to share Christ with him more regularly. The Lord did just that. My dad's and cousin’s paths began crossing almost every week and my dad would talk about Christ with him. Then, last Sunday, my cousin surrendered his life to the Lord. I have been praying and hoping and longing for this for such a long time that I almost feel as if my life's work is complete. The Lord, indeed, is mighty to save (Isaiah 63:1).

Finally, there is a young woman I met on a short-term trip to Central Asia. My church, Rolling Fields, sends a team to Central Asia every October. My sister and I went last October. This year’s team just got back yesterday. They asked me if I remember meeting a certain young woman from last year. I told them I did, and they told me that she has placed her faith in Christ. The Lord is so faithful to hear and answer our every request. I have been praying for her since I met her and asking the Lord to bring her from the darkness of Islam into the light of Christ. Most of the time, you never see the fruit of short-term trips, but the Lord graciously allowed us to see a glimpse of His sovereign grace through the testimony of this young woman.

I am so encouraged by the Lord’s faithfulness to answer these prayers. It is tempting sometimes to stop praying for people or things when there is no perceived answer. And, quite honestly, praying can seem so insignificant compared to other methods of ministry. BUT it’s not. Prayer is God’s ordained means to spread the fragrance of Jesus Christ to a lost and dying world. We are to pray for laborers (Luke 10:2) and for wisdom (James 1:5) and for boldness (Ephesians 6:19) and for opportunities to share the gospel (Colossians 4:3) and for the salvation of those around us (Romans 10:1). Basically, we are to pray for God’s will to be done on earth (Matthew 6:10)! The Lord has used the above answers to prayer to increase my faith, to encourage me to come boldly before Him with my requests, and to persevere in prayer for the people and things I have been praying for for such a long time.

And [Jesus] told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. Luke 18:1

These things are not to point to me at all. They are evidences of God's grace. I know I am/was not the only one investing or praying, but the Lord did allow me to be a small part of what He is/was doing in each of their lives (mainly through prayer). Plus, no matter what I do or say, I cannot save anyone. Only God can do that. “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord” (Zechariah 4:6; cf. John 3:3-8). This is all the Lord’s work. He ordains the times and places of where we dwell and He determines our steps to fulfill His purposes (Acts 17:26; Proverbs 16:9). Our job is obedience.

What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building.1 Corinthians 3:5-9

Journey Through Revelation

I have been deeply studying the Book of Revelation these past couple of months, which is perfect because that “happens” to be the book my pastor is preaching through and my small group is studying. Most churches and Christians tend to shy away from this book because of its hard-to-decipher imagery and symbolism, which is a shame because the Book of Revelation is filled with so much hope and comfort for struggling and suffering Christians. It’s easy to get bogged down in the details: who/what is the beast? Who are the 144,000 sealed believers? Will there be a brand new heavens and earth or a renewed heavens and earth? Etc, etc. In the sanctuary of my church, as my pastor preaches through this book, are four big signs with one word each that say: Don’t Miss The Point. Decoding Revelation is not why God gave us this book. He gave us this book to encourage us to persevere in the faith, to reveal His sovereign purposes, and to show that our faith is secure and we will be victorious in the end. The point of this book is, as my pastor says, God’s pursuit of presence with His people. From Genesis to Revelation, you see God gloriously and sovereignly working out this purpose. He desires to be among His chosen people and nothing will thwart that purpose. It will happen. Christ will receive the reward for which He was slain (21:1-4, 9-14)!

My personal study through this book has been very enlightening. I have seen several overarching truths that are repeated throughout the book.

1. Jesus Christ is supreme. He is God. He calls Himself the “Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end” (2:8; 22:13), which are the same words that God the Father uses to identify Himself (1:8; 21:6). He receives worship from angels and believers and the four living creatures (5:9-13; 7:10). He has all knowledge (symbolized by His seven eyes in 5:6) by which He he accurately judges His churches in chapters 2 and 3. He has all power and authority by which He unleashes God’s wrath (5:7; 6:1) and executes final judgment on all of creation (19:11-21; 20:11-15). He alone can accomplish and secure the redemption of His people (chapter 5). In this there is hope.

2. God is completely sovereign over all hearts and events. Over and over again, when Revelation talks about the devil and his minions causing destruction, it says they were “allowed” (9:5; 13:5, 7, 14, 15; 16:8) or “given” (6:4, 8; 7:2; 9:1, 3). There is nothing outside of God's control. He is sovereign over both the good and the evil. While God is in no way the source of evil, He uses it to accomplish His always good purposes. As much as Satan tries whatever He can to destroy God’s people and thwart God’s plan, he actually winds up furthering God’s redemptive purposes as God uses it for the good of His people, the glory of His name, and the spread of His gospel (Romans 8:28). In this there is hope.

3. God is patience in slowly pouring out His wrath. The truth is that all human beings are separated from God and deserve immediate His punishment and wrath (Romans 3:23), and there is nothing we can do about it. This is the bad news, but the good news is that God does not delight in punishment, but in steadfast love and mercy, and He desires that all people be saved (Jeremiah 9:4; Ezekiel 18:32; 2 Peter 3:9) and He provided the way of salvation through the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ (John 14:6; Romans 5:8). Because of this He is very patient with us and does not immediately pour out His just wrath upon us. In the Book of Revelation, you see Him slowly pour out His wrath in the opening of the seven seals and then in the blowing of the seven trumpets and then in the pouring out of the seven bowls. He would be right and just to immediately judge us for our sins (Romans 1-3) and give us no time to repent. We do not deserve even one seal or trumpet or bowl, but God is infinitely patient and loving and He delays His just anger in order that many more people might be saved. In this there is hope.

4. Human beings are extremely wicked and sinful. Although God in His infinite patience gives people time to repent, they do not. They even recognize that He is the one bringing the plagues that are causing them torment, but they still refuse to repent and turn to Him (2:21; 16:9, 11, 21). They, instead, curse Him and continue to worship their own idols. We are born God-haters. There is no one that is innately good. We may be good compared to others, but even that is by God’s grace as He restrains evil. We are not as bad as we could be, but even more than that we are nothing in comparison to a perfectly holy and good God. We are rebellious and selfish and prideful and we reject God and make ourselves the god over our own lives. God would be right and just to have annihilated the whole human race after the fall in Genesis 3. But He didn’t. Do you see the grace in that? He chose to allow us to live so that He could save a people for Himself. He knew before creation that we would rebel against Him, but He chose to create us anyway, and He purposed in advance that He would save us by slaughtering His own Son, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8). In this there is hope.

5. God’s people are not exempt from suffering. The health and wealth gospel, which is really no gospel at all, is wrong. Joel Osteen is wrong. This is not our best life now and God does not will that His people live safe, comfortable, trouble-free lives. Just look at the examples throughout Scripture and throughout history. Joseph, Daniel, the Prophets, Jesus, Stephen, Paul, Jason Martyr, David Brainerd, Jim Elliot, and countless other unknown Christians have suffered, and even died, for their faith in Christ. God ordains that His people suffer (John 15:20; Acts 14:22; 1 Thess. 3:3; 2 Tim. 3:12). In His mysterious wisdom and plan, He uses the suffering of His people to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the nations. In Revelation 6:11, we see that God has an appointed number of His people that will die for their faith. God does not save His people from suffering and persecution, but He sustains them through it. In this there is hope.

6. Our salvation is secure and we will see His face! This is my absolute favorite promise in Scripture. One day I will see my Savior, Jesus Christ, face-to-face (1 Corinthians 13:12; 1 John 3:2; Revelation 22:4)! There will be no more sin to blind my eyes or temptations to distract my gaze, but I will see Him as He is in all of His beauty and perfection and glory. And I will join in with the song of the redeemed. In this there is hope!

    “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
    to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might
    and honor and glory and blessing!” Revelation 5:12