I've been thinking about my dad a lot this year. I always think about him, but he's just been on the forefront of my mind more. This September marks the fifth anniversary of his death. Five years is a long time. So much has happened. But, yet, the memory of him seems so much closer.
I have been missing him. Mainly, I've been missing him missing out on our lives. I know he doesn't feel that way. He is in perfect health, free from sin, and in the presence of Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:8). He is at home in every sense of the word. But for us here, we miss his presence, and, from our earthly perspective, he has missed out on so much. Both me and my sister got married the year after he passed away. He wasn't there to walk us down the aisle or dance with us at the reception. I have trouble imagining what that would have been like - what he would have said, if he would have teared up - and it's something my heart will never know. This is something I realized I have never truly grieved over until this year. In the moment of wedding planning and all the changes that go with getting married, the busyness hid the reality. I actually did not even know who was going to walk me down the aisle until the week of my wedding due to things going on amongst my relatives (which was painful for several reasons). As I was looking through our wedding album earlier this year, these things hit me. I wish it could have been different. I wish my dad could have been there. But he wasn't and I have to trust God's Word that He's working in that for my good (Romans 8:28).
And then there's Justus. I think that is what has really been prompting me to think about my dad. I wish he was here to meet him, play with him, know him. My dad loved babies and he would have loved Justus so much - enough to even travel to visit us here in AL (and my dad was not one to travel). Now I can only show Justus pictures and videos of his grandpa and hope that that somehow makes him think fondly of him down the road.
Loss is hard. Its effects are far reaching, rippling into events unforeseen and surprising you with grief when you least expect it. The passage of time helps. It gives perspective and distance, but it doesn't lessen the loss. The grief may not be as raw as it was five years ago, but sometimes the pain can be. But, as a Christian, I can grieve with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Because Christ died and rose from the dead, I know that the same will be true of my dad. Because Jesus lives, he lives too. And one day we will worship Him together.
A year ago yesterday Daniel and I got married. It’s crazy to think it’s been a year since we committed our lives to each other and I traded my name for his, but, then again, so much has happened that it's also not that unbelievable.
Our first year of marriage was, in a word, grace-filled (or is that two words?). The Lord has been so incredibly generous to pour so much grace and love into our marriage. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with us as a couple because we rarely disagree. It could be our temperaments. It could be our desire to please the other. But I really believe it’s the Lord. He alone can create the peace and grace we’ve experienced in our relationship to date.
Though, don’t get me wrong, we have had our share of apologizing and compromising and forgiving. We have had miscommunications and conflicting desires. We have sinned against each other. But these have been, with God’s help, easily and quickly worked through, and we have been growing in communication through them (me especially).
One of the things I expected in marriage was that God would use it as a means of sanctification in each of our lives. By living in such a intimate relationship, our selfishness and pride has many opportunities to express itself. What I did not expect, however, was how the Lord would use Daniel in my life to expose, in greater depths, my desire to please others (especially him) and my desire to appear as though I have it all together (which is hard to do when you're having an almost weekly emotional meltdown due to all the stressers in life).
Photo credit: Sarah Mesa Photography
Not only was I still grieving the loss of my dad and still reeling from all the changes, but – and this is what I didn’t expect – I saw how much I fell short every day. You see, before I got married I would have considered myself a pretty competent person. But then I married my husband, who is extremely competent and does almost everything well (now I know he’s not perfect, but sometimes he comes pretty close!). All of a sudden, I saw how incompetent I was. It seemed like I was always making mistakes or getting my facts mixed up. It was very humbling – very pride-killing. Daniel never pointed out my flaws or really even noticed, but I did. I felt in a new way the weight of Romans 3:23. If I can’t even measure up to my own standards or to the standard my husband sets by his own competence and ability, then how on earth could I measure up to God’s? I can’t. The Bible tells me that. I knew it mentally. But now I felt it.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
This was one thing I did not expect marriage to sharpen for me, but it did. God knew I needed it. He knew I needed to feel my utter dependency and need for Him. He needed to kill my self-sufficiency and self-determination. And I think that the emotional stress and chaotic circumstances along with this drove me to God in a new and deeper way. I couldn’t be the wife God called me to be without Him. I couldn’t work with special needs children without Him. I couldn’t be the church member, friend, sister, daughter – you name it – without Him. I need Jesus desperately every single day.
Photo credit: Sarah Mesa Photography
On the heels of this, though, was another lesson filled with beauty. Any time I messed up, Daniel was always willing and ready to lavish me with grace – to help me and forgive me. He never thought twice about it. He didn’t see me as a mess up. In fact, he probably couldn’t recall the things I did or said wrong. He sees me much differently than I see myself. Isn’t that a picture of Jesus? He is always willing and ready to forgive us when we come to Him and He wants to help us grow. He doesn’t recall the sin He forgives - the sin which He paid for. God doesn’t see us for the mess we really are because the perfection of Jesus covers us. He sees us much differently than we see ourselves. When we look in the mirror, we see our mistakes, imperfections, what could have been; but when Jesus looks at us, He sees us as perfect.
So although marriage has exposed my imperfections and my sinful desires, it has also revealed Jesus to me in a deeper, fuller way. I understand and experience and visibly see His love better than I ever have before. My husband loves me a lot. He tells me so and shows me so every day. But Christ loves me infinitely more. There is so much more to learn about His great love (see the Ephesians passage below), but I am thankful for this first year of marriage that has taken me deeper into it already.
Daniel, thank you for showing Jesus to me. I love you.
No one has ever seen God; ifweloveoneanother, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:12
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19
One year ago today Daniel asked me to marry him at Radnor Lake in Nashville. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day (my favorite) in the midst of wildlife (my favorite) surrounded by lots of trees (my favorite). It was simple, laid back, and fun. So, in short, it was perfect (and so was the simple, classy ring he picked out for me). :)
Just-engaged-selfie
A lot has happened since then, including getting married (nine months ago yesterday). We’ve experienced a lot of change together. We’ve faced some difficulties as a new couple (family illnesses, adjusting to a new city, finding a new church, broken cars and drains and fridges), but adjusting to marriage itself has been relatively smooth. That is not because of us. I am overwhelmed with the grace that God continues to lavish on our marriage. We’ve both been incredibly blessed by this gift of marriage from God. And although it’s hard to daily die to self, to continually strive (with God’s enabling Spirit) to put the interests of Daniel before my own, to see my sin exposed for what it really is (ugly, deep, ever-present – I’m worse than I thought), God has been pleased to help us do just those things (though we will always have room for growth). It is Jesus in us that helps us to love as He loved, to bear with one another’s weaknesses, to seek the good of the other person. I believe that the closer you are in your relationship to Christ, the more these fruits of His character will overflow from you. I’m not there yet by any means, but I have seen the freedom to love others that come when we are secure in Him and are drawing near to Him and finding our satisfaction in Him alone.
So the word I would use to characterize mine and Daniel’s marriage is grace because God has filled our marriage with much, much grace (and love, of course!). The passage below is one of the ones we selected to be read at our wedding ceremony. I believe it is foundational to all relationships (not just spousal) and should be the goal of every mature believer in Christ. I believe it is one of the passages that is foundational to our marriage and undergirds how Daniel and I relate to one another.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men.And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8
Jesus could have rightly claimed the praises He was due in heaven. He is God. But, instead, He put our interests, our needs, above His own rights. He left His rightful place in heaven, setting aside His glory, so that He could become nothing in order that we could be saved. He lived for us, was tortured and murdered for us, was buried for us, and then was raised for us. All so that we could know Him and enjoy Him and share in His glory. This is the “mind of Christ” that we are supposed to have: a sacrificing mind, a loving mind, an other-centered mind. That is the disposition we are to have with everyone we interact with, especially those closest to us. And if you are a follower of Christ, then this mind is yours in Christ Jesus. By God’s grace and Spirit, let us become who we are in Him.
A lot has changed in my family in the past year. There have been some very joyous occasions, but also some very heart-wrenching ones. All of which were determined and designed by a loving God (Job 2:10; Romans 8:28). My sister and I both got engaged earlier this year. I got married a month ago yesterday and she gets married a month from tomorrow. Yesterday also marked two weeks since I moved to Pittsburgh with my new husband. It's been a whirlwind to say the least.
But while we did gain two new members to our family, a year ago today, we also lost one - the pain of which can still be keenly felt. Even though I have tried not to dwell on the memories leading up to my dad's death, everything within me has been very aware that the anniversary of his passing was coming. He started appearing in my dreams two weeks ago, which is probably why I haven't been sleeping well, and there have been so many things that remind me of him. I can't help but reflect back to this time last year as he slowing slipped away...The emotions and memories of which are still very real and raw.
It was hard not having my dad at my wedding. It was hard to have someone else walk me down the aisle and give me away (although I am very thankful that my uncle, my dad's brother, did). It was hard not to have my dad involved in the details and days leading up to the wedding and the move, and it's hard that he will never get to meet Daniel.
Sarah Ayer Photography
But God's grace is sufficient for these things. He helped me find ways to remember and honor my dad in the midst of his absence. I was able to work through some of these emotions the weekend before the wedding, and the Lord filled me with His perfect peace the day of the wedding so that I was not battling sorrow in the midst of the joy. I wrote a poem for my dad for my wedding. It was a way to express what I was feeling and to remind myself of the Hope that both his death and my wedding point to:
"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and deathshallbenomore, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" (Revelation 21:3-5).
In Loving Memory of Gary Lynn Hovis
(June 23, 1953 - September 3, 2013)
I wish you were here, Dad,
to experience this day
to walk me down the aisle,
and to give me away.
I wish you were here, Dad,
your presence in this place,
so we could dance at the reception,
so I could kiss your face.
But God in his goodness, Dad, (Psalm 119:68)
took you Home to be with Him (2 Corinthians 5:8)
So we trust God for His wisdom
when our understanding's dim. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I know you're worshiping with us, Dad,
with the rest of the saints above (Hebrews 12:23)
as we magnify the Lord Jesus
and celebrate His love.
You won’t return to me, Dad,
but I will go to you. (2 Samuel 2:23)
And then we’ll celebrate together
the Wedding this day looks forward to. (Revelation 19:6-8)
Wow. I can’t believe it's almost been two months since my last post - a testament to the craziness of the last few months. During that time I quit my job at Southern (July 25th), got married (August 2nd), and moved to Pittsburgh (August 19th) where my husband (!) just started a Ph.D. at Duquesne (August 25th). I am just now starting to feel like I can catch my breath.
There are so many things I could blog about, but I wanted to take time to focus on the faithfulness of God shown through His people, the church, to make my marriage ceremony to Daniel Hurst happen.
It is true that God cares about the most minute details of life. I experienced that firsthand. Jesus says that our heavenly Father feeds the birds and that He adorns the flowers with their many colors, shapes, and sizes (Matthew 6:25-33). How much more will He care for His children for whom He sent His Son Jesus to die…and care for them in every single detail of their lives (John 3:16; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Philippians 4:19)?
Daniel and I wanted Jesus to be put on display through our wedding ceremony (and most importantly our marriage), so we covered every detail of it with prayer. And God answered and provided. We wanted the ceremony to be a worship service that was full of God’s joy and peace and we wanted to honor God with our resources (i.e. we didn't want to spend a lot of money or have an elaborate ceremony). And God honored those desires. When choosing colors and cake and such, neither of us were set on any particular ideal. We were both very open to whatever the Lord might have for us. As I prayed about details, ideas would just “come to my mind.” For example: while looking at wedding cakes (which apparently are very expensive), I didn’t want to spend over $200. Everything I found was around $300 for a three-tier cake and sheet cake. I don’t even like cake. So I talked to the Lord about this and, as I was falling asleep one evening, the thought came, “What about a two-tier cake?” The next day, Daniel and I went to Whole Foods (who we heard had decently-priced wedding cakes). Each Whole Foods is different, and the one in Louisville was just starting to tap into the wedding-cake industry. Since that hadn’t launched, they could only do two-tier cakes for $50. Sold. And it turned out beautifully (especially after Daniel’s sister added the flowers).
The same can be said about our church family, Rolling Fields Church. There was a buzz of excitement in the air throughout the church body leading up to our wedding day. There were so many people who helped out behind the scenes before, during, and after the ceremony: setting the stage, setting up chairs and tables for the rehearsal dinner and reception, preparing and serving food at the reception, making the bouquets and floral arrangements…I can’t help thinking that last year, Rolling Fields wept with those who wept, and how this year, they rejoiced with those who rejoiced (Romans 12:15). They practically showed the love of Christ to Daniel and me – and still continue to do so even though we’ve moved away.
The day of the wedding, everything just seemed to “fall into place” (Psalm 37:5). The rain moved out that morning just in time for outdoor pictures, and the Lord provided the beautiful weather for which we had prayed. Jesus filled me with His peace throughout the day and His presence was evident in our ceremony. Many people commented on how the ceremony pointed to Jesus – which is what we had deeply desired and prayed for (Psalm 37:4). To Him be the glory.
Sarah Ayer Photography
So this is why I titled this blog “It Takes the Church.” Could we have pulled off this wedding day on our own? Probably so, but it would have taken more time and money, been more stressful (because it turned out to be rather stress-free) and less joyful, and we wouldn’t have had the blessings of watching the church be the church to us. And these brothers and sisters not only invested in our wedding day, they invested into our lives and into our marriage, which they were rightly more concerned about. So in saying “It takes the church,” I am saying it takes the body of Christ expressed in the form of the local church body (not the building – though that was useful for our ceremony :). And that’s the way it should be, right? Because, after all, the wedding ceremony is a picture and foretelling of the Great Wedding to come: the marriage of Jesus Christ to His Bride, the Church (Revelation 19:6-9; Ephesians 5:32). This is the Wedding Day we’re all waiting for (whether we realize it or not) and the only one that matters eternally. “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9).
If you were unable to make it to our ceremony and want to watch it, click below.
Yesterday I woke up (to my surprise) to a beautiful layer of snow on the ground. The most snow we’ve had all winter by far. It was truly beautiful, but it's crazy to think that just last Friday, it was 70 degrees with severe storms. And today was in the sixties. You know what that say about March coming in like a lion…
There seems to be a floss shortage in Louisville. I have been to two Targets and two Walmarts, on opposite sides of Louisville, and they have all been out. My sister and I do use a particular kind of floss due to our gum problems, but these stores have been out of almost all varieties of Reach floss. Crazy. I blame Target. They apparently had a sale on floss, which I think spawned this whole epidemic. I am going to try Kroger this evening. I might have to have my mom mail me some. :)
On a much more serious note, there are some things happening in our culture that are not only odd and illogical and even ironic, but horrifying and incomprehensible. One of the things that I really enjoy about my job is that I get stay up on the latest national and international news because I am in charge of printing Dr. Mohler’s The Briefing. If you have kept up with the latest articles, you probably noticed that most of the headlines have to deal with either homosexuality or abortion. These issues are very important and the Bible takes a clear stance on both (both are wrong and sinful). Unfortunately, the government has been trying to render judgment in these areas where it has no business. These are moral issues not political ones.
I almost cannot believe the extreme decline our culture has shifted into in the past few years. It hasn’t come without warning or notice though. The more secular the US becomes, the more issues like these will come into view. I find it extremely ironic that the institution of marriage among heterosexuals is falling apart, but the fight for marriage among homosexuals is raging. The one could care less about getting married; the other could care for nothing more. The one almost refuses to get married; the other almost refuses not to not get married. It is all so disheartening because it is an attack upon Christ and His Church. Marriage is a picture of the Christ-Church union and our culture’s refusal to honor marriage, in either respect, is the work of Satan to destroy this picture and attack Christ Himself. Several states have already legalized the marriage of homosexuals and more are sure to soon follow.
The other top headline, abortion, continues to spiral out of control. Not only are more and more women getting abortions; not only is the process to get an abortion easier and easier; not only is mandating vaginal ultrasounds considered rape (I mean, really???); but now some people, who have a voice in this society, are pushing for after-birth abortions. This is a modern day holocaust. It is nothing short of legalized child abuse and murder. The argument used to be that unborn babies were not “persons.” An illogical, Satanist logic that has been bought into by many. Now, the logic goes like this: babies can’t communicate or anticipate the future, therefore they have no say in society and cannot contribute to it, therefore they are not persons, therefore their mothers have the right to end their lives if it is in the mothers’ best interest to do so. How can this even be considered right? Then, on the other hand, there are articles like the one in the Washington Times about the baby that almost lived through the recent round of tornadoes, but didn't and it is considered "tragic." You can't have both views. If its not murder to kill a baby because of inconvenience after he/she is born, then it's not tragic that this baby died. On the flip side, if this baby dying in the tornado is tragic (and it is!), then babies being aborted is tragic as well (and it is!). How can our culture have such a double standard? There is only one answer:
And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Romans 1:28-32
I heard on WAY-FM that marriages are more stable and divorce is less common than in the 1980s. Over 70% of the people who got married in 1990 are still together. Even though less people are getting married today, the ones that do are sticking together. I find this very encouraging. Maybe the tides are turning. :) Divorce is a devastating and horrendous (and, most of the time, needless) reality in our culture. When one looks at the ultimate reason God designed marriage - a visual representation of the relationship between Christ and His church (i.e. the Gospel; Ephesians 5) - then the travesty of divorce is all the greater. Since I work in the wedding industry, I see the very beginning of marriages as I work with excited and hopeful couples. Rarely do I get the chance to see anything past the wedding invitation. We have had, however, a few customers come in recently to buy invitations to celebrate fifty years or more in marriage. I think that is awesome. I get excited when I meet people who have been married for a long time. With the divorce, lack of commitment & responsibility and the exchange of love for lust that so permeates our culture, to meet a couple that has been married for over ten years is a rarity and privilege. My own parents will be celebrating their 35th anniversary this July. :)
On the same radio program, the DJ's were talking about the increase in women proposing to men.. Sign of the liberal times, I guess. Apparently, women get sick of waiting, so they pop the question to their man. There is something very disturbing and upside-down about this shift in our culture and points to the passivity in many men in our society. Sort of along the same lines, I have noticed a rising trend in women not taking their husbands' surnames in marriage. Here are some reasons I have heard for it: fear of losing her "identity" (whatever that means); afraid people won't know her in the professional world with a new last name; and a the desire (though not verbally expressed, but implied) to go against tradition. Several married women have come into Papers Unique lately to order stationery with their monogram or name on it announcing to me that they have either kept their previous last name or hyphenated their new last name with their old. They then want to know how their name and/or monogram should appear on their stationery. My answer (well, at least in my head): take your husband's last name and the world would be a simpler, happier place. :)
I was talking to a friend once about relationships, marriage and divorce. This friend does not trust men in general and believes that a woman must be self-sufficient so as not to be dependent on her husband. She broke my heart as she told me she didn't plan on being married to the same man for the rest of her life. I explained to her God's design for marriage (along with the Gospel of Christ), the relational roles of the husband and wife and how ultimately our trust must be in God who sovereignly orchestrates all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). It was a difficult conversation, to say the least, but the Lord has graciously given her a heart to learn more of what the Bible says on the matter. She is not a believer, but she has come to see that God's design for marriage is good and right and that Jesus makes the difference in relationships. Pray with me that she will also see that Jesus is the one who will make the difference in her life and that she will realize her need for Him.
Summer Movie Review: Country Strong - 2 out of 5 stars
Now that my sister is out of school and summer is practically here, we can now hang out and do fun things...like catch up on movies we haven't seen. I have created my first movie list, which consists of about 10 movies (some newly produced and some older). Country Strong wasn't actually on my list, but it looked interesting and the title was appealing. I mean, the Hovis girls are country strong, right??? ;) This movie was not what I expected. It was terribly depressing. There was no conflict resolution, a lot of sex and a horrid ending. The fact that adultery was in it automatically prevents it from having more than 3 stars. Kristi and I decided to give it 2 stars because the music was good (we appreciate good and genuine country music) and the acting was superb. As depressing at it was, the plot could have been taken out of real life (but don't we watch movies to escape real life?). Throughout the movie, the main character was referred to as "a strong woman," "tough as nails," etc. This woman had fame, riches, honor and everything this world could buy, but she had no hope and no peace and her life reflected it. She needed Christ. The movie is a perfect picture of what happens when we try to live life in our strength - our strength runs out and we fail. I ran across this verse after watching the movie in my study in Isaiah:
And the strong shall become tinder, and his work a spark, and both of them shall burn together, with none to quench them. Isaiah 1:31
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