Unplanned Paces and Places

I have mentioned before that I am reading John Piper's Future Grace. I am slowly making my way through it, but it's really rocking my world in some ways. I just finished a chapter about how to fight impatience with future grace. Now when I think of impatience, I envision scenarios that involve being stuck in traffic or waiting for someone who is running late or waiting for spring to come (okay, that's legit - I am so antsy for spring!). While those may be included, Piper moves beyond the more superficial instances of impatience to ones that are much deeper; namely, scenarios that involve shattered dreams, painful trials, painstakingly slow outcomes, and undesired locations. He refers to these as the unplanned pace and the unplanned place of life. It is in these paces and places that our patience is truly tested. And it's where I have seen my tested over and over again these last several years (revealing just how impatient I am).

Piper says that patience is the "capacity to wait and endure without murmuring and disillusionment - to wait in the unplanned place, and endure the unplanned pace." We have to trust God to "turn all of our detours and obstacles into glorious outcomes." This is hard. Piper admits that it is and talks about the strength it takes to wait patiently in the unplanned, unasked for circumstances of life - the circumstances that God Himself says He is sovereign over and working in to display His grace and goodness for us. This has been hard for me. I admit that I have often murmured while waiting in the unplanned place at the unplanned pace. In fact, Pittsburgh was not at all a part of my plan and I have often grumbled (mostly in my heart) against it.

I can say the same about myself when it comes to waiting. I like to know the when and the how. I like to be able to make long-term plans. Daniel and I find ourselves in a holding pattern as we wait for a specific job opportunity to develop. We can't make summer plans or financial plans or other long-term plans without this piece of the puzzle. And although I am not really worried about what's going to happen, it sometimes drives me crazy not knowing. I just want to know. I just want to be able to put the pieces together and say this is what the next few years look like. And the reason I want to know is rooted in the fact that I want to feel like I am in control; I don't want to be dependent on God. So at the core I am not trusting God to guide me and provide for me, which reveals a lack of faith. That's ugly, but it's the truth. And it is in the unplanned paces and places where I learn to trust God more and more.

Knowing the answers to what's next is a gift. But it's not a gift God has for us right now. Waiting (growing in patience) is His gift to us. Even though I want to know, He knows (and I know) I don't need to know. Many of what I would consider detours to going overseas have been unplanned (by me), but I can see how God has used every single place and pace to reveal more of Christ to me as well as my constant need for Him. His ways may not be mine, but they are always greater than mine.

Jesus instead bids me to trust Him. Trust Him that I am exactly where I should be. Trust Him that He will show me what's next. Trust Him that His timing is always perfect. Trust Him that the circumstances He allows in my life, no matter how painful or frustrating, are from His hand. Trust Him that He will fulfill His promise that in every situation He will work every single thing (good or bad, painful or joyful) for my good (Romans 8:28).

So the secret to being patient, as you would expect from the title of the book, is trusting in God's future grace: believing in God's promise to be for you and not against you (Romans 8:31), so much so that He delights in doing you good both now and in the future (Jeremiah 32:41) and works in and through all circumstances in such a way so that they bless you (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28). These are the promises I am trying to cling to in the unplanned pace and place of life. Wherever you find yourself today, I hope you will do the same. His promises are for all who believe in Jesus and they are guaranteed to you because of what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross (2 Corinthians 1:20).

God is ruling the world. He is ruling history. And it is all for the good of His people and the glory of His name...So the lesson of the whole Bible stands: when delays and detours and frustrations and opposition ruin our plans and bode ill for us, faith in future grace lays hold of the sovereign purpose of God to bring something magnificent to pass. That is the key to patience. (Future Grace, p. 175, 173)

Music and the Mind

I need more music in my life. Seriously. I used to listen to music more in my car. I used to have a song in my head. I used to sing more. I have noticed the past year or so that this hasn't been true of me. I often leave the radio off in the car. I have been cleaning in silence (though sometimes listening to a sermon). So, I got to thinking, I need to listen to more music. It helps settle my thoughts. It helps set my mind on things above, like Colossians 3 tells me to do. It makes me more aware of Jesus as I go about my day. And, often, Jesus uses music as a means to speak words of comfort to me.

To help with this, I recently burned three CDs from my iTunes account to listen to while in the car. I have lots of CDs in my car, but none of them have been appealing to me (which is a surprise - I used to be able to always listen to some Third Day). I guess I have just been needed something with deeper lyrics and more complex melodies than what I have had available to me on my drive. So, enter Sojourn and Indelible Grace music. They have been playing in my car for a few weeks now, and it has been good for me. I have also turned on music while I have been cooking or cleaning.

Music not only raises my soul to praise and focus on the One who truly matters (Jesus Christ), it also helps me to obey the command to think about things that are true and lovely and commendable (Philippians 4:8) and helps me to keep a better perspective on the difficult circumstances in my life. Of course, music is not the cure all. It is just a means. Jesus is the cure all. But He does choose to work through things and people to draw us to Himself and to renew our minds.

I was reminded last night about how much my mind needed to be renewed while reading yesterday's devotional from John Piper's Solid Joys app. He talked about the "remarkable" power of the mind to choose what it wants to think about. He says "what you set your mind on determines whether the issue is life or death." He got this from Romans 8:5-6 where the Apostle Paul says that to set the mind on the things of God results in life, but to set the mind on worldly things results in death. So it's really important what we set our minds on, what we think about. Piper talked about the need to be proactive in what we think about and not passive. It's easy to be passive. It's harder to be diligent in our thinking; to not think about the messiness around us and dwell on all the things that are going wrong.

In reading this, I was convicted. No wonder I haven't had a song to sing. No wonder I have been down at times. I am focused too much on what I don't like about this city or my job or my life, rather than all of the good things about living here or working where I do or the blessings that God has lavished upon me. Perspective changes everything. God knows this. This is why He repeatedly commands us to think about things that are above and to entrust Him with our cares and meditate on His promises of future grace and to remember everything that He has done for us. Yes, this life can be ugly. Yes, this world is messed up. But God has a plan and purpose for everything single thing we experience as believers. He is working in and through these things for good, and He promises to make all things new (Isaiah 48:6; Revelation 21:5). Look for evidences of His grace around you. I guarantee you He is at work and you will find His fingerprints in the most unlikely places. And when you do, you may even want to sing about it.

Faith in Future Grace

I can’t believe it’s December and this year is almost over. It’s went by so fast. Daniel and I have already been in Pittsburgh for over a year, which is crazy, and he finishes coursework in May. We have been seeking Jesus about what is next.

I started reading Piper’s Future Grace a few days ago. I am only on the second intro (of three) and I am already being challenged. One of the points Piper makes is that the Bible doesn’t use gratitude as a motivation for obeying and serving Jesus, but His future grace – His promises. Yes, we should be thankful to God for everything He has given us – especially the love He has demonstrated to us through sending His Son to die for our sins. But the Bible aims not to motivate us by past grace, but by promising us grace for the future. The two are not unrelated, though. The virginal birth, perfect life, atoning death, and powerful resurrection of Jesus that saves those who trust in Him happened in history, so that it is a past event, but it still holds bearing on the life of an believer (indeed, it’s the foundation of the life of a believer), and that one-time event also bought and secured all of the promises held forth in the Bible.

I think God is going to use this book greatly in my life. In fact, I think my faith needs it. So often I fall into despair and doubting when circumstances get really hard: when my mom is in the hospital, when my life begins to look different than I expected/planned, when I sense little direction from God, when those around me are hurting in so many ways. During those times, I usually doubt God’s good intentions toward me, which means that I am not trusting in His future grace, in His promises. And I don’t want to be like that. I, instead, what to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who laughs at the future because her faith is so firm in the God who controls it. I want to take God at His Word when He says that He works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4), that He is working for my good (Romans 8:28), and that He will never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). Lord, increase my faith and help me to stand firm on Your promises.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. Psalm 37:5

God’s Best???

"The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower" - William Cowper

Over the summer, Daniel and I read a book on marriage by Timothy Keller called The Meaning of Marriage. We both desire a marriage that reflects the great love Jesus Christ has for His people. One of my biggest takeaways from that book is the fact that Jesus is the example for both the role of the husband and the role of the wife. He demonstrates what servant leadership and loving sacrifice looks like (in relation to us) for the husband. And He shows us what humble and joyful submission looks like (in relation to the Father) for the wife. I absolutely love that, and think it is so empowering and encouraging as a new wife to see that the way Jesus relates to the Father is the pattern for how I am to relate to Daniel.

Anyway, that really doesn’t have anything to do with the subject of this post. That was just a little freebie.

One of the chapters in the book was on singleness. Keller quoted a woman, who was single but desired to be married, who said she learned that singleness was God’s current best for her. If it wasn’t, she’d be married. I agreed with her. That was my thinking while I was single (which was until I was 30 – almost 31): If God promises to withhold no good thing from those who follow Jesus (Psalm 84:11), then He was not withholding marriage from me. Therefore, singleness was God’s best for me until He deemed otherwise and sent me a husband. I still believe that to be true.

But Daniel challenged me on that statement (“This is God’s best for me”) by asking me about a situation we know about where a husband cheated on his wife before they got married and throughout their first year of marriage until he was exposed. They are now separated. So Daniel posed the question, “Is that God’s best for this young woman?” It’s a fair question. God obviously allowed the marriage to take place and knew about the affair the whole time. So was that His best for this woman who is a believer – one of His daughters?

That question haunted me all week. When talking with a friend and my sister who were struggling in different ways, I thought, "Is this God's best?" When reading the book of Judges in the Bible, I read about a man who believed in God but foolishly vowed  to sacrifice whatever first came out of his house if God would give him victory in war (see Judges 11). God gave him the victory and when he returned, his beloved daughter ran out of the house to greet him. The man decided to keep his vow (a sin I believe) by sacrificing his daughter to God (the Bible says God would never require one to sacrifice their children to him – Deut. 18:10 and 2 Kings 17:17 for example). Was this God’s best for her? And what about my dad? A lot of what I believed about what has happened to be the past several years hung on the answer to this question. I didn’t want to live in a lie.

Thankfully, God met me in this question. He helped me to lean into Him instead of letting doubts drive me from Him (like in times past). He brought these truths to my mind from the Bible:

• When Joseph – a man who believed in God and had great character – was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, and then was lied about and thrown into prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and then forgotten about by someone who promised to get him out of prison (none of these look like God’s best right?), he trusted God. After many years and a turn in events (all brought about by the hands of a sovereign God), he was released from prison and became one of the most powerful men in Egypt. Instead of seeking vengeance on all who had done him wrong, he realized God’s good purposes for him and for the nation of Israel. Joseph said that they all meant it for evil but God meant it for good (Genesis 50:20). God intended all that for good. It was best for Joseph (but not immediately) and for the nation of Israel, His people. And it was all for the glory of God.
• The Apostle Paul tells us that God works all things (including evil and unpleasant circumstances) to fit into a pattern for good for those who love Him and belong to Him (Romans 8:28).
• Psalm 119:68 reminds us that God is good and does good. Sometimes it might not look good to us at first, but He beckons us to trust Him and to remember His great promises (like the one in the previous point).

These are just a few of the verses that God brought to mind. But He also spoke to me from a couple of sermons. One being from John Piper called “This Illness is for the Glory of God.” In it, he describes what love is:

“So what is love? What does it mean to be loved by Jesus? Love means giving us what we need most. And what we need most is not healing, but a full and endless experience of the glory of God. Love means giving us what will bring us the fullest and longest joy. And what is that? What will give you full and eternal joy? The answer of this text is clear: a revelation to your soul of the glory of God—seeing and admiring and marveling at and savoring the glory God in Jesus Christ. When someone is willing to die—or let your brother die—to give you (and your brother) that, he loves you.
Love is doing whatever you have to do to help people see and treasure the glory of God as their supreme joy—to help people see and be satisfied with the glory of God…
These are the two great purposes of all things: God’s demonstration of his glory in Christ, and human beings treasuring that glory above all things…God is doing more than you know.

So what is God’s best? The problem with that question is that it’s not the right question. God’s best is found in Revelation 21-22 when Jesus comes back to judge the earth, to rid it of evil, and to completely renew the earth and His people. There will be no more tears or pain or suffering or death. We will have perfect fellowship with Him forever. That is God’s best. In the meantime, we see glimpses of God’s renewal but we also live in a world full of suffering and pain and death. The circumstances we are in themselves may not be God’s best. But God is still working for the good of His people and the fame of His name. He has good purposes in the horrible things we experience and suffer, and He allows them for a reason. The goal of these things is God’s best. And God’s best for us is Himself, and He will do and allow whatever means necessary – no matter how horrific or painful – to draw us to Him and make us more like Jesus Christ. That is what true love does: it does whatever is necessary to magnify Christ. And it does whatever will be ultimately best for the beloved. Like Piper said, “God is doing more than you know.”Let's lean into that and remind each other of that continually.

Letting Go and Leaning In

I’m continuing to learn to relinquish my plans and dreams of the future to the Lord. It’s not that they are bad or wrong in and of themselves, because they’re not, but I’ve been more sold out to them than I have been to doing the Father’s will. It’s good and right to have plans and dreams for the future, but they must be held loosely in one’s hands, ready to be forsaken if not in tune with God’s ever-wise and all-good plans. This relinquishing may be short-lived and God may eventually fulfill your plans and desires as He sees fit; or it may be long-term, and He may in fact teach your heart to adopt His plans and teach you to set your hope on more eternal things. He alone knows what is best for us. He alone knows what it takes to make each of us more like Christ. For, according to the King David, every day of ours was written before there was yet one of them (Psalm 139:16). He will fulfill His purposes for us (Psalm 57:2) and He will work in our lives and hearts in such a way so that we will desire to fulfill those purposes as well (Philippians 2:13).

I think I am growing in this area, but there is much more to learn. This past week, I was listening to a John Piper sermon called “The Hope of Exiles on the Earth,” from Hebrews 11:13-22. In it, Piper was talking about how our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, did not receive the inheritance they were promised. Instead, they sought and desired an inheritance that was not of this world and so lived as strangers and exiles while they were here on earth. We Christians find ourselves in the same situation. Our citizenship is in heaven and from it we await a Savior, Christ Jesus our Lord (Philippians 3:20). Our treasure is not here. We may have houses and cars and material things and family and friends and food (and we enjoy them), but our treasure is Christ and all the riches we have in Him (forgiveness, freedom, adoption into God’s family, peace, eternal life, etc.). Things that robbers and moths and rust and failing economies cannot threaten or destroy (Matthew 6:19-20).

As Piper continued on in the passage, he talked about how Abraham had received the son God promised him (Isaac), through whom God would make him a mighty nation and through whom Abraham’s descendants would bless the whole world (Genesis 12:1-3). This is the child his wife Sarah, herself 90, bore to Abraham when he was 100 years old. This was the child that Abraham’s hopes and dreams were wrapped up in. And this is the child that God asked Abraham to sacrifice (!). As Piper pointed out, this to Abraham must have felt like the death of a dream. Not matter how he looked at this command from earthly eyes, this did not seem like it could end well. But, in faith, Abraham obeyed God’s command. He trusted that God would somehow work it out. He trusted that God would keep His promises, for He had proven Himself faithful thus far. And, as the account in Genesis unfolds, God intervenes and does not allow Abraham to slay his son. It was a test and Abraham proved his faith. He believed that God could even raise the dead (Hebrews 11:19). And God provided a ram to sacrifice in place of Isaac (Genesis 22:13). Abraham’s obedience was the pathway to joy…and to a much stronger faith.

It was this point in the sermon, at the very end, that the Holy Spirit convicted my heart. In letting go of my preconceived notions of the future, of my idea of what my future ministry and life should look like, I am facing a dying dream. But I am not trusting that God’s plans are greater; that He could either resurrect that dream or replace it with a better one. I'm not believing that obedience is the pathway to joy. Piper ended with this resounding question:

Do you desire God and His way and His promises more than anything, and do you believe that He can and will honor your faith and obedience by being unashamed to call Himself your God, and to use all His wisdom and power and love to turn the path of obedience into the path of life and joy?

Yes! I desire this! I want this! Lord, make me this way.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning what it means to surrender and to lean on God’s everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27). He will sustain me. He will guide me. And He will fulfill His good and perfect plans for me. All I need to do is trust Him and obey.

This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30

Chosen and Proven Love

Resurrection Weekend (aka Easter Weekend) and the days leading up to it flew by in a whirlwind of activity. I usually take some time during this time of year to reflect on what is known as Holy Week and to place special attention on the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I continued this tradition this year, but I wasn’t able to deeply reflect on the meaning of Easter as much as I would have liked.

Yet, God in His grace still helped me understand the depths of His love and the power of the gospel in a fresh way this year. He led me to a short Holy Week devotional called Love to the Uttermost by John Piper that helped greatly guide and focus my thoughts regarding the Easter story. This is the central and most crucial event in the Christian faith (as in, without it, we have no faith), so even though it deserves our constant reflection and attention, it is fitting to set aside specific time to ponder the depths of its reality and truth.

There seems to be several key words that encapsulate what God has been showing me about Jesus’ death and resurrection this year: joy, delight, choice, and love. All of them are related and all of them find their source in God, not in me – as in Jesus showed me it was the Father’s and His delight and joy and choice and love for Him to suffer, die on the cross, and then come back to life three days later. As Piper said over and over in his devotional, this extravagant love was a free love and it was driven by joy. The Father freely chose to send His Son to save rebellious, sinful people from eternal torment and separation from Him in hell, and the Son freely chose to give His live as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). The greatest and truest expression of love is a love that is given freely, not out of duty or coercion.

It was the Father’s delight to send His Son as the perfect substitute for sinners (John 3:16; 1 John 3:9-11). He freely chose to do so. He chose to set His love on us, even though we were spiritually dead in our sins (Ephesians 1:3-10; 2:1-10). God was not under any obligation whatsoever to do this. There was nothing in us that was desirable or that warranted His attention or affection (Deuteronomy 7:7-8; 10:15). There was nothing we did or could do to earn His favor or love because even the good things we think we do are filthy according to His perfect standard (Isaiah 65:6; Romans 3:23). So God didn’t owe us anything that He should set His love on us or show us favor. 

Furthermore, it was Jesus’ delight to do His Father’s will (Psalm 40:8) and to save a people for Himself (Hebrews 12:2). He freely chose to die a gruesome death in order to do so. His life was His to give over to death and it was His to bring back from the dead (John 10:17-18). No one took His life from Him in the ultimate sense; He freely chose to lay it down. He freely chose to endure the cross because of the joy and glory and reward that was set before Him (Hebrews 12:2). That reward was a people from every tribe, tongue, nation, and people that would be His treasured possession and that would sing His praises forever and ever (Revelation 7:9-10). So God demonstrates His love through the death of His Son Jesus Christ to save a people for Himself.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

What more can He do to prove His love for us (something God has asked me when I've doubted or questioned His love for me)? Nothing. The life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the ultimate expression of God’s love for His chosen people. It is something we will never fully grasp or explore or exhaust, but it is real. And it’s reality is rooted in history: in the real, historical person of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. God’s love is not abstract. Not at all. It was displayed in the most critical event of all of human history. 

So God chose a people for Himself and then He pursues that people and rescues that people by sending His Son to die in their place in order that He can be with His people for all of eternity. That’s grace. That’s love – love that’s chosen and proven. That is love to the uttermost (John 13:1).

This is the center of the gospel—this is what the Garden
of Gethsemane and Good Friday are all about—that God
has done astonishing and costly things to draw us near. He
has sent his Son to suffer and to die so that through him
we might draw near. It’s all so that we might draw near.
And all of this is for our joy and for his glory. Piper, Love to the Uttermost (page 28)

On a slightly different note, I have been thinking about how the resurrection of Jesus on that first Easter morning gives us such hope for our future resurrection to life with Him. I have been thinking about this especially in regards to my dad. Because of Jesus’ victory over death and His resurrection, my dad too will have victory over death and will be raised to new life. Because of Jesus’ resurrection, I will one day be re-united with my dad…but in much, much better circumstances. :)

He will swallow up death forever;
and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,
for the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 25:8

Joy Has Come!

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.

One of my all-time favorite Christmas carols is  “O Come, Come Emmanuel.” I think no song captures the spirit of anticipation and longing that the Advent season is supposed to be about than this one. As I listened to or sung the song this year, these few words stood out to me: cheer our spirits. And isn’t that exactly what Jesus did? He entered our gloomy, sin-wracked world as a fragile baby in order to die a death that we deserved so that we could have the thing for which we were created and for which we desperately long (whether we realize it or not): a relationship with God. Or to put it another way: so that we can have JOY in God. Because before Jesus came to rescue us (from our sin and from God’s anger), we did not and could not enjoy God, and He could not enjoy us because of our sins (Isaiah 59:2; John 3:36). But when Jesus came, He brought life and peace and joy and freedom. Apart from Him, none of these things are ours in their fullest sense.

I think these lyrics stood out to me this year because God has been drawing my attention to the word JOY in the Bible (or some variation of the word), which appears quite frequently (177 times in the ESV). I mean, I have been listening to and reading John Piper for years and one of his main themes is joy in God. He says that “God's glory [is] exalted in our everlasting joy” and that “God is plotting for our joy.” But, as much as I have read/heard these words and believed them, I feel like I am just now starting to grasp this concept.

Jesus Christ is JOY.  He came to not only reveal true peace and true life to us, but to show us what true joy is and to make a way for us to have it. He came to bring true and lasting joy; not the temporary joy we are so used to. Apart from Christ, we can have glimpses of happiness and joy, but they are just shadows of the true. We only think we have joy until we experience the ultimate joy that is found only in God. That is where Jesus’ joy came from. He was in perfect fellowship with the Father, so even though He was called a “Man of Sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3), he could say, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11). He had a perfect, intimate relationship with His Father (John 10:30, 17:11, 21) and He greatly delighted to do His Father’s will (John 5:30, 8:28, 15:10). Jesus could be joyful despite the sorrows and the suffering because He looked to the unseen (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). He knew that the Father was working out a plan that was far greater than His momentary suffering (Romans 8:28). That is why He could leave His rightful place in heaven and humble Himself to the point of death on a cross, because He was focused on the JOY that awaited Him (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians 2:5-11).

And that is how we as believers can have joy to in the midst of whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. Whether you find yourself this Christmas delighting in the sights and sounds of the seasons, or wishing this time of year would pass you by (or somewhere in between), true joy is available to you if you are in Christ.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

In the presence of God there is fullness, or completeness, of JOY. And God promises that His presence is always with His people (Matthew 28:20), which means that JOY is always available to us as believers. That is why James can exhort us to “count it all joy” no matter what circumstances we may face (James 1:2) and why Paul can say that all of our present suffering is not worth comparing to what awaits us (Romans 8:18). No matter what, we have God. No matter what, we can still rejoice in Him. Because no matter what, He is at work for His glory and our everlasting JOY. Because no matter what, nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:37-39). This is “good news of great joy” (Luke 2:10). Jesus has come and through His life, death, and resurrection, we can know life and peace and joy. We can know God.  

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25

This is the God who came to us so long ago. To Him be the glory forever. Rejoice, rejoice with me for Emmanuel (which means "God with us") has come!

 Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmastime

I have to admit that I am a little excited about Christmas this year. The past two Christmases have been rather difficult and unpleasant (2011 and 2012), so Christmas had kind of lost its spark for me. It no longer symbolized the fun and relaxing times it used too. But this year is different. I think because the last two have been so different and because this year has been so hard, I see Christmas this year as a chance for kind of a fresh start. I know it will still be painful and bittersweet, but it also gives me, my sister, and my mom an opportunity to celebrate Christmas in a new and better way as compared to the two previous years.

But while Christmas has lost a lot of its holiday flavor for me, it has gained much theological meaning for me. In a way, it is almost fitting that some of my hardest times have come at Christmas because the first Christmas was hard. Yes, there was much rejoicing. Heaven rejoiced greatly as they saw God’s plan of redemption beginning to unfold at the birth of the long-awaited Messiah, God’s very Son (Luke 2:14). And, yes, there is always much joy surrounding the birth of a new baby. But this no-name couple of little means and little reputation had just traveled hundreds of miles to a small town, by themselves, with the help of a donkey. Oh, and the young woman was very, very pregnant. They knew God was up to something great – given the miracle of this virgin’s pregnancy – but they didn’t know exactly what and they didn’t know how it would all pan out. I am sure they were afraid, anxious, apprehensive, and confused at times, but they still obeyed in the midst of the unknowns. The first Christmas was not all roses – far from it – but there was still much to rejoice about even in the midst of such adversity. Maybe this is what the true Christmas spirit is really supposed to be.

Kristi and I have continued our fairly-recent tradition of preparing our hearts for Christmas. What began as just reading the accounts of Jesus' birth found in Matthew and Luke a few days before Christmas has now extended to participate in the season known as "Advent" (starting the first Sunday in December and continuing to Christmas Day). This year we are using a devotional based on Christmas songs so it’s added the interesting dynamic of singing into our devotionals. It isn’t as meaty theologically as the one last year (John Piper’s Good News of Great Joy), but it is serving its purpose of pointing us to Christ and His coming. The Lord usually shows me something new about His coming each year and this year is no exception, but I’ll save that for a future post.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

 So even though I have been gearing up for Christmas in different ways – hosting two parties, decorating our apartment (beyond mine and Kristi’s usual hang-a-stocking-on-our-bedroom-doors tradition), listening to Christmas music constantly (also a new thing for me; I even bought a CD this year) – it's hard to believe that Christmas is only ten days away. I am not sure what Christmas will look like this year, but I am trusting God for good things and looking forward to Him making it "new" (Revelation 21:5) for me and my family.

Grace upon Grace

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. – John 1:16

God is a very gracious God. He longs to show people grace. He does not delight in the death of the wicked and He desires for all people to know Him. Once a person becomes a believer, God’s grace toward them continues. His grace is displayed throughout our salvation, justification, sanctification, and then, finally, our glorification. There is no part of the Christian walk that God’s grace does not cover. John Piper says that God’s glory is most shown through His display of free grace. And if we pay attention, His grace is at work all around us. He is constantly wooing, disciplining, teaching, warning, and guiding because of His grace. As I have considered the past few months, there are two clear ways I have seen the grace and kindness of God displayed.

The first is the grace of God displayed in my dad’s life. Dad would have been the first to tell you that he backslid in his walk with the Lord. He wasn’t were he once was with God. The cares of this world, his flesh, and other things had distracted him from his first love. He was still a believer, but he wasn’t walking in the fullness of God. He was more or less going through the motions. This went on for many years. He still had a yearning for Christ, but I think there was some kind of disconnect, like he was lost in his circumstances. But God is a gracious God and He never loses one of His own. He will draw His people back to him in one way or another. Last summer (2012), my dad rededicated himself to the Lord. He began reading his Bible more, spending more time with the Lord, telling others about Christ – in short, cultivating his relationship with the Lord. And the Lord promises that those who draw near to Him, He will likewise draw near to (James 4:8). God started speaking to him and showing him things. My dad felt very close to the Lord and he was very excited about it. This is grace. It was very kind of God to draw my dad back to him in the last year of his life. God didn’t have to do this, but He chose to, and I praise Him for that.

I, on the other hand, wondered why God was showing Dad things and what-not when he still wasn’t going to church or doing such and such. I was praying about that one day and the Lord said, “It’s because I love him.” Of course! Yes ,we should persevere in the spiritual disciplines – Bible reading, fasting, praying, fellowship with other believers (primarily expressed through attending a local church body), giving, evangelism, etc. – but they do not save us. They don’t make God love us any more or any less. They do not earn us more favor with Him and God does not require that we do them all or do them perfectly in order for Him to bless us with His presence. Jesus loves to show us His love. He loves to pour out on His people grace upon grace. I saw Him do that in my dad. Jesus was so kind to draw my dad back to Him during his final months, delighting my dad with His presence. And the effect on my dad was evident: he became more humble, he started tithing and giving more, he rediscovered what was truly important, and he was quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness (which he rarely did before). That’s what happens when you meet with Jesus. He changes you. You cannot meet with Jesus and not be changed.

As I considered these things, I realized that God drew my dad back to Him and allowed him to suffer like he did because He was preparing Dad for glory. The Apostle Paul says that “through many tribulations we much enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). Jesus was refining my dad for eternity, for perfect fellowship with his Creator, for seeing Him face-to-face. Jesus was making him “fit” for glory. And even though my dad suffered a great deal, his suffering does not compare to the glory that is now revealed to him (Romans 8:18). He is currently experiencing God’s grace in all of its fullness. And that, my friends, is God’s grace at its peak.

The second way I have seen the grace of God lately is in my own personal walk with Him. Granted, He pours out His grace on me daily in undeserved measure, but I have been keenly aware of “the riches of His grace in kindness” (Ephesians 2:7) compared to the coldness of my apathetic and weary heart. Last weekend (December 1st), even though I wasn’t spending the time in the Bible I normally do and I was having short devotions and even though I was distracted, tired, and apathetic, God still met me in a powerful way at Meadow Heights. He allowed me to sense His presence. He gave me His peace and joy. And He met me powerfully with His Word through a sermon that met me right where I was. The sermon was on Lamentations 3:20-26, which “happened” to be the exact verses in my devotional reading that morning from Jesus Calling. Several of the points in the sermon were exactly what I had been thinking about the day before (.e. there is a better Day coming). I was so surprised but also overjoyed that the Lord met me in this way. And it was not because I deserved it or earned it. I had been going through the motions through most of the previous week and had not been putting much effort into seeking God. And even though that is a horrible thing to do because Jesus is so precious and lovely and worthy and even though I had to repent of such an apathetic attitude, God did not draw away from me. He gave me exactly what I needed to jump-start my failing heart: Himself. Of course, we should seek God above all else, making our relationship with Him our top priority…but we don’t do these things perfectly nor do these things make God love us any more or less. He loves to display His love. He loves to pour out upon us grace upon grace. When our sin abounds, His grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20). This does not mean that we should not strive for holiness and obedience. The Apostle Paul was clear about that (Romans 6:1-2)! But it does mean that God is bigger than our disobedience and sin and apathy and backsliding. There is nothing than can separate us from His love. Nothing.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

His Eye is on the Sparrow

As for me, I am poor and needy,
but the Lord takes thought for me. Psalm 40:17

What is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him? Psalm 8:4

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

These verses came to my mind one evening while I was on a walk. It is when I do some of my best thinking, and the Lord is so kind to give me those times. There are no distractions (besides those of my own mind), and I am in the midst of God’s beautiful creation. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go on a walk with this as a backdrop?!

These days people, out of concern, often ask me, “How are you doing?” And I honestly don’t know how to answer them. None of the usual replies seem sufficient. For the most part I am doing okay (which is how I wind up responding). The Lord has been gracious to give me the strength needed for each day and has given me His indescribable peace. He is very kind to give me the morning time to spend with Him to prepare for the day ahead. And, let me tell you, I need this time alone with Him. Spending time with Jesus is the only reason why I am doing as well as I am in the middle of all of this horror. But it’s not like I don’t have my days (like yesterday) where I am tired and weary and hurting and overwhelmed and, well, just plain broken.

I have a lot on my shoulders and, most of the time, I don’t feel the weight of it all, which I guess is another one of God’s many graces. Every day presents a new challenge and trial, and I wear many hats to do the things that need to get done. Usually the response of others to what I am going through helps me see a glimpse of the magnitude, but I suppose I won’t really realize the full weight until after it’s lifted. At least that is how it was in South Asia. The burden of living in a different culture, learning a new language, and being surrounded by spiritual darkness weighed heavily on my shoulders, but I didn’t realize it while I was living in the midst of it. It wasn’t until after I returned to the States that I sensed that a burden had lifted, and I felt “lighter.”

A lot has happened these past few years, especially this year – much of it unpleasant – that the Lord has used to grow and change me. I am not the same as I used to be even back when I graduated from seminary in 2010. The bitter circumstances have left their wounds, but, most significantly, the Lord has used them to strengthen my faith, clarify my priorities, deepen my trust in Jesus, grow me in the knowledge of God’s Word, and refine me. And He did this all through brokenness. I am learning that that is His master tool. Only when we are broken and humble before Him can His glory and greatness shine through. Brokenness is where He does some of His greatest work. And, trust me, my independent-self needed some breaking and refining. I used to consider myself a pretty compassionate person, but the Lord has worked some tenderness into my heart through all this that wasn’t there before. It doesn’t take much to make my eyes well up with tears anymore. Seeing anyone who is in some kind of emotional pain or who is grieving sends a piercing pain through my heart. I mean, I can barely watch anything even remotely sad on TV now without tearing up. MASH, The Waltons, Up (yep, even a cartoon), and The Lord of the Rings, have all done their part in making the tears fall. This is not like me, at least the old me, but I guess it is now. The Lord tells us to be tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32; 1 Peter 3:8; cf. Colossians 12:3), which doesn’t come naturally so the Spirit works it into our hearts through the circumstances God brings to help us obey this command.

As usual, the Lord meets me where I am. He wounds, but He also heals (Hosea 6:1). He has brought a few songs into my life this week to remind me that nothing is wasted. Every ounce of everything He has allowed into my life is preparing for me a glory I cannot even conceive of with my mind (1 Corinthians 2:9). It will be better than I can imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The weight that I referred to, both the big and small, is doing something unseen and majestic. It is preparing for me a particular weight of glory beyond all comparison that will make all of these trials, all of this suffering, “light and momentary” (2 Corinthians 2:16-18; cf. John Piper’s sermon on this text). Indeed, I am poor and needy, but my Lord takes thought for me and His thought is to do me good both now and forever.

What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

Good People Don’t Go to Heaven

Good people don’t go to heaven. This truth has been bouncing around in my head for several weeks now. I realize it is a scandalous statement that goes against everything we believe as humans, especially humans living in the American culture, but, according to the Word of God, it is true. I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me in recent weeks that they are “good people” or that someone they know is a “good person” when talking to them about their status with God. And, by human and societal standards, I suppose they are good. In fact, I used to believe the very same thing about myself before Jesus saved me and showed me otherwise. God’s Word, however, tells us something very different:

As it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.” Romans 3:10-11 (cf. Psalm 14:1-3; 53:1-3)

No one is good except God alone. Mark 10:18; Luke 18:19

Whether doctor, factory worker, homemaker, strip-club dancer, or whatever, each one thinks, “I’m a good person.” And, sure, compared to somebody else, we might be “good,” but not compared to God. He is perfect. He is the definition of good. These two men say it well:

“The terrible condition of man’s heart will never be recognized by people who assess it only in relation to other people…our depravity is a condition in relation to God primarily, and only secondarily in relation to man. This is the great awakening that needs to happen for people to see the extent of their sin and the greatness of the Savior.” John Piper, “Whatever is Not from Faith is Sin – Really?”

We should not be surprised that the secular world confuses sinners and sociopaths, prison and hell. Christians, however, must understand the differences. One need not be a monster, by human definition, to go to hell. The sinfulness of “normal” humanity is quite enough for that. But there are monsters among us, and Ariel Castro’s crimes and his lack of moral understanding put him in that category as well.” Dr. Mohler’s blog post, “'‘I Am Not a Monster’ – Ariel Castro as Sinner and Sociopath”

God is the essence of perfection and so is His standard. He requires perfection. You don’t have to be a sociopath to be deserving of hell. You need only to be a sinner, and we all qualify for that. So where does that leave us? I haven’t met anyone who says they are perfect. Usually they say, “Well, I’m not perfect…” But that’s the standard and absolutely no one meets it. No one. We all offend God in more ways that we could ever realize and He requires those who offend Him to be punished. So what do we do? What can we do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.
We all fade like a leaf,
and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64:6

All of our righteous deeds, our good deeds – the ones we depend on to outweigh our bad deeds and make us right with God – these deeds are like dirty, soiled rags to God. They are worthless and they earn us nothing in His sight; nothing, that is, but death.

For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

BUT. Did you notice the “but” in that last verse? We cannot do anything to make ourselves good, to make ourselves right with God, to save ourselves from His anger and fury. But God can. As Pastor Bryan said last week, “A good God came to be good for us.” He so loved the world that He gave His Son Jesus Christ to die for us, to take our punishment, so that whoever believes in Jesus will have eternal life (John 3:16). They are set free and declared not guilty. The perfect record of Jesus Christ, who obeyed God completely and loved others perfectly, becomes ours, and He becomes our sin and takes our punishment (2 Corinthians 5:21). This is how we become “good” in God’s sight. C.S. Lewis calls it “the great exchange.” You can spend your whole live serving others, but you won’t pay off the debt you owe to God. You can go to church every week, but that still won’t cut it. You can give all your money to the poor, but that won’t work either. You can be a very moral person, but it gets you nowhere. God sets the standard, and His standard is perfection. And He sets the terms, and the term is that we turn from our sins and believe in His Son Jesus Christ who loved us and gave His life for us so that we may live (Ephesians 5:2). There is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). He is the only way. This is good news! This is a good God. This is how you can be good in God’s eyes. Repent and believe and be saved.

Dying Embers

The Lord is very kind to me in more ways than I can count or recount. I am always amazed at how He sends things/people my way at exactly the right time. Although He is sovereign over the universe, He is also very diligent and personal in His dealings with each of His children. I love that about Him.

For the past 9 days, the Lord has been immersing me with sermons and events and videos that have reminded me of His great global purpose, His heart for the nations, the urgent need to share the gospel, and His personal call on my life to take this gospel to those who have no access to it. Last week was Global Evangelization Week at Southern where global ministry workers from around the world came and shared about what God was doing in their parts of the globe. There was a hymn sing, a 24-hour prayer vigil for the nations, and mission-focused chapel messages. I was also able to attend an International Women’s Ministry event at Immanuel Baptist Church and celebrate the Chinese New Year’s with friends. The week ended with the Resolute Conference where the theme was “To the Ends of the Earth.” My weak, self-centered, distracted, waning soul needed these things desperately, as the Lord knew. The truth is, as the Lord has had me in this holding pattern, as I have been waiting and waiting and waiting, as I have faced trials and struggles and painful circumstances, my passion and vision for serving God overseas has faded. In fact, it was on life support. I didn’t doubt my calling, but I could no longer see the end goal. I had gotten so bogged down in the present that I had almost forgotten my life’s aim, my ambition. The burning passion God had placed in my heart to answer His call to “go” had become dying embers.

But God, in His mercy and grace, would not let those embers completely burn out. It is not a mistake that all of these things happened within a week of each other. In fact, they are a direct answer to prayer. I had been asking the Lord (and asking others to ask the Lord for me) to revive my heart for His global mission. Not only had I lost sight of God’s desire for the nations, but I had also forgotten the power of the gospel – the power of the gospel to heal diseases and to save sinners and transform lives. All I could see was the muck and mire that I seemed to be entrenched in. But, like I said, God is very kind to me; kind to reveal my sin to me (I was not trusting Him for good things or even expecting Him to do good things) and kind to turn my heart toward the things that capture His.

It’s bittersweet, though. In the midst of the reminders of the millions of people who have never heard of Jesus Christ, who have no access to His saving gospel message, who have no Bible in their language, comes the cost of going. I’m not talking about financial cost; I’m talking about the cost of leaving people behind. The stakes are higher than ever before in my life now that my dad has cancer and my mom’s health has been questionable. That’s not to mention the possibility of my sister’s eyes continuing to deteriorate. Of course, I have always known there was a cost in going. Anything can happen when you are gone overseas for years at a time. There is no guarantee that you will see the faces of your family members again. But now that fact seems more certain. So I have been asking myself since the year began, should I still go? Is it right to leave behind ailing parents? What does honoring them look like in this situation while still be obedient to the Lord? The Lord Jesus’ answer this week was loud and clear: “Count the cost. Follow me. Trust me. Go.”

Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. Genesis 12:1

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.”
And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:57-62

These are hard things. There is a cost to following Jesus. And the question that comes to each of us is, “Is Jesus worth it?” Yes. He is infinitely worthy of anyone or thing we may be called to sacrifice. He is life and He is satisfaction, and it is only in living in daily obedience and surrender to His plan that I will fully experience that life and satisfaction. It doesn’t mean the sacrifice isn’t painful; it is gut-wrenchingly painful. But God once again in His kindness and grace helps us. He gives us the desire and the ability to do the things He has called us to do (Philippians 2:13). He is not a stern commander, but a gentle Shepherd. It’s not like He doesn’t care that we hurt and struggle with some aspects of His call. He is there with us, upholding us, strengthening us, and giving us more of Himself. I believe the last few years of hardship and heartache has prepared me for this very moment. They have provided me with ballast for my sailboat to keep me afloat during life’s storms (to use imagery John Piper used at the conference) – ballasts made of a deep belief in God’s sovereignty and the desire to see the name of Christ made great among the nations.  These weights are what keep me clinging to Jesus when life gets hard and they will be the things that keep me serving Him when I am in a foreign land. He is a sure and steady foundation and He will never disappoint.

2013: Trust Him for His Grace

My very dear child, What shall I say! A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had [your father] so long. But my God lives; and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be. Your affectionate mother, Sarah Edwards. [From a letter Sarah wrote to her daughter Esther when she found out that her husband had died from smallpox. Quoted by John Piper in his sermon “Job: Wrestling with Suffering.”]

The last days of 2012 went by in a daze, full of tears and sorrow. Now 2013 is here. I almost cannot believe another year has past. Where has it gone? The Lord’s hand has indeed been heavy during last year’s final months, but He did not leave Himself without witness. In fact, He had been preparing my sister and me for the trials we now face in numerous ways, especially as He taught us about His sovereignty and goodness in suffering. It would be easy to look back of the last year or so and recount the many difficulties and trials the Lord allowed into our lives and I had thought about doing that, but I read a post about the taken-for-granted goodness of God that made me rethink this post. “Where was God in the goodness of 2012?” is what this article asks; I can ask myself the same question.

• Where was God when I drove 20,000+ miles without an accident or even a speeding ticket?
• Where was God when I ate out almost every weekend and never got food poisoning?
• Where was God when I didn’t get the stomach virus my sister had or the numerous other illnesses other people I knew had?
• Where was God for all the miles I ran without twisting my ankle?
• Where was God in all the times I have walked through dark parking lots without being assaulted?
• Where was God in all the times I’ve said the right thing or bit my tongue to not say the wrong thing?
• Where was God every time I needed my next breath?

Answer: He was right there. He was reigning in sovereign power and wisdom on His throne. He was providing. He was protecting my coming in and my going out. He was directing my steps. It’s easy to lose sight of all the “smaller” ways that God shows evidences of His grace because we take them for granted. The Word is clear that Christ upholds all things by the word of His power and that every good and every perfect gift comes from Him, so there are many, many reasons to be thankful on a daily basis for God’s abundant goodness and grace. No wonder the Scripture tells us to always be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

There are so many things that I can thank God for as I reflect upon 2012, but there is one thing that stands out the most. And that is that my cousin, in whom I invested and for whom I prayed for 10 years, was saved by Christ. By God’s grace, he went from a life of addictions and rebellion to a life that seeks to please the Lord. And, also by God’s grace, I have spent the last several days of the year watching his zeal and hunger for the Lord grow. He has been a ray of light in the midst of this darkness.

So, as always, I have a choice. I can choose to waste my suffering, waste the hard things the Lord has given me, or I can choose to bow before my Maker and trust Him for His goodness and grace, even though it has been veiled by the present circumstances. Although cancer and infections and illnesses and disappointments and hurtful words are not good in and of themselves, they are designed by Jesus Christ for good, and there is hope in that. He is in control. He is good. He does as He pleases and He pleases to do me good (Jeremiah 29:11). So even though the pain is real and the burdens are heavy, there is joy: the joy that Jesus Christ is with me and He is working in such a way (a way that is often unseen to me) to make me and my family more like Christ and to exalt His name through us. And the truth is that I do not have the strength for these things nor do I even have the strength to make the right choice of focusing on and trusting in Christ through all this, but His grace is sufficient, and when I am weak He is very strong, and He works in me both to will and do the things that please Him. And as I look to the year ahead, Christ is helping me trust Him for His grace. He has good things in store. :)

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower. William Cowper, “God Moves in Mysterious Ways”

Pondering Christmas

I can’t believe Christmas is upon us and this year is almost over. This year, and these past few months in particular, have flown by. December is passing just as quickly, but not without some reflections on the reason for Christmas. Each year the Lord teaches me something new or takes me deeper into the depths of the incarnation of Christ (for that is what this time of year is supposed to be celebrating).

For the past several years, Christmas has been different in my family. In actuality, it’s not as pleasant and fun as it used to be and many of our traditions (what little we had) have slowly died away. My sister and I, however, have started our own traditions. We try to be intentional each year about fixing our minds and hearts on Jesus Christ, and the Lord, in His wisdom and abundant grace, is more than willing to give us resources and creative ideas in pondering the birth of the Son of God. This year my sister and I have been going through John Piper’s free advent book called Good News of Great Joy. It contains 25 short little devotionals meant to prepare your heart to purposely (it doesn’t happen by accident) see Christ during the Christmas season, and I believe it is helping us just do that.

Besides that, the Lord has gripped me this year with the purpose of His coming. He came to die. It is no secret that we are all going to die some time (Hebrews 9:27), but His purpose for being born was to die (Matthew 20:28; Hebrews 2:14). And that’s why there is Christmas.

And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life...Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour...Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. John 12:23-25, 27-28a, 31-33

At Rolling Fields, our pastors are preaching on the necessity of Christmas. This past Sunday, Pastor Aaron preached from the familiar passage of Philippians chapter two, but in doing so he focused not only on verses 5-11, but he included verses 1-16 in order for us to grasp and feel the weight of Paul’s main point. While verses 5-11 teach us much about the humility and reason for the coming of Christ, the Apostle Paul did not write them in isolation. It’s easy (for me anyway) to break up the paragraphs and forget they are one continuous thought. In the original Greek, there were no paragraph breaks and no paragraph headings. The text was meant to be read as a whole. Pastor Aaron was talking about church unity and how we are commanded to consider others as more important than ourselves (which is counter-intuitive). This is the point Paul is driving towards; it is the reason he includes the example of Christ’s humility. Christ, being in the very nature God and in the very presence of God (John 1:1), did not consider His own rights, but humbled Himself by taking on human flesh, by becoming one of us, by becoming like us so that He could identify with us in every way (Hebrews 4:15-16) and thus save us. Jesus Christ considered our needs (He considered us!) as more important that Himself so that He might save each of us. He emptied Himself of the glory His deserved in order to enter our mess of a world and save us wandering and hostile/indifferent sinners.

"There is nothing about us that makes us deserve to be in the presence of God, and if the One who did deserve to be in the presence of God would empty Himself, be found in the form of a man, come as a servant - why did Christ do it? For our greatest need! Life. We are dead in our sin and our trespasses apart form Christ's work." Pastor Aaron

Another thing that I have been pondering is this: we all too often question the goodness of God, but never think twice of questioning the goodness of humanity. I know a friend that is having trouble getting a job in the healthcare profession because when asked on a psychiatric test required for employment if she believes that human beings are innately good and she responds no, she is rejected for employment and told “her values don’t line up with theirs.” When you look at society, the assumption seems to be that humans are innately good and that God’s goodness is questionable. But that is not what Scripture or experience teaches. Scripture says that our hearts are deceitfully wicked (Jeremiah 17:6), that we are tempted by our own evil desires (James 1:13-15), and that there is no one that is good (Psalm 14:1-3; Romans 3:10-18). The truth is that we are all innately evil, but because of God’s grace the expression of that evil is restrained. The same sin that is so readily apparent in heinous crimes (like that of last Friday), is in each of us. It is only by God’s grace that we aren’t as bad as we could be. But that’s why there is Christmas. We need new hearts. We need new desires. We need a remedy. And the bad news is that that remedy is not something we can conjure up. As Pastor Andy says, “God is not concerned with making bad people good, but with making dead people alive.” So we are dead and cannot help ourselves.

This is where Christmas comes in. Christmas is the remedy. God the Father saw our helpless state and decided to send His Son. Jesus Christ left His rightful place in heaven where He was worshiped by countless angels. He left the place He deserved and belonged in order to come to us – to enter a womb, to take on human flesh, to be born in human likeness, to obey God’s law perfectly, to fulfill all that God requires of us, to be perfect for us, so that He could die for us and take our punishment, so that we would be united with Him and God the Father forever. This is the message and hope of Christmas. Jesus Christ was born for the purpose of dying so that you and I could become the righteousness, the children, the inheritance of God. He came to make us, who were dead, alive to God. And this is very good news. This is the hope of Christmas. Oh, taste and see that He is good!

Not Just for Me

Last weekend I went on a beautiful road trip down to Georgia. The drive was a visual delight as most of the trees had turned shades of yellow and orange and red. Autumn is such a lovely time of the year.
One of the things I like to do on long drives is listen to sermons. My sweet sister prepared a couple of CDs for me of John Piper’s preaching on Romans 8:28.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28   

This verse has become very dear to me and continues to be so as I continue this journey with Jesus Christ. Sometimes this verse is what sustains me on painful days and dark nights. There was a point earlier this year when I began doubting this verse. In my limited wisdom and perspective, I could not see God working for my good in the midst of the situations and trials I found myself in. I couldn’t see Him at work and couldn’t imagine how He could bring beauty from the ashes that surrounded me. But God is gracious and faithful and patient even when His children waver in trusting in Him or His promises. He gently showed me that I had a choice: I could believe and claim this promise by faith or I could continue to doubt Him and forsake the only one in whom hope and life are found. Because God’s grace and mercy is limitless and because He sustains His children and nothing can separate us from Him, He gave me endurance and strength to believe this promise by faith, even if it was just a mustard seed of faith.

So I began believing this verse again and resting in the character of God through which the Lord grew my trust in His sovereignty and goodness and through which He comforted me through the sorrow and pain. But what Piper brought to my attention is that this verse gives not only comfort for the past, it is also provides hope for the future. Look at the context of this verse. The Apostle Paul is talking about persecution and suffering and sorrow and impending death, and, yet, he says that no one can be against us. How can this be? The truth is there are many things against us and there are many things that can harm us, but, ultimately, we are eternally united with Christ and our victory is secure. We can stand firm because He is our unshakable foundation. The worst thing that can happen to us is death, but even that ushers us into the presence of God where we will behold the face of Jesus Christ. So this verse gives hope for the future because we can confidently do what God calls us to do, no matter what the risk or danger may be, precisely because God is currently working in all things for our good and is working in whatever may happen for our good. And that’s a pretty awesome promise.

The Lord is also showing me, though, that the things in my life – whether struggles or joys – are not always for me. Now they will, of course, affect me because they are happening in my life, but sometimes God allows things into my life so that He can work in the lives of others. So even though He will still use the circumstance for my good, He may be working ultimately in and through the situation I am going through to ultimately affect someone else’s life for their good. My pastor stated this truth much better in this blog post, which I encourage you to read.

There are many examples of this in Scripture. I want to point out just a few of them. I will list them, not chronologically, but from the amount of the evidence of how these individuals could see God working through their circumstance. In other words, how clearly they saw that God was allowing hard things in their lives in order to save the lives of others.

First there is Joseph (Genesis 37-50). His is one of my all-time favorite stories in the Bible. I love the way that the Lord worked through His life and I love the way that Joseph never seemed to falter in his faith in God. Joseph was 17 and the favorite son of his father. He had 10 half-brothers who hated him for his favored status. They sinfully plotted to kill him, but wound up changing their minds and selling him into slavery instead. He became the servant to Pharaoh’s captain of the guard in Egypt. The Lord prospered him in his work and he found great favor with his master – that is, until his master’s wife falsely accused him of trying to rape her. This accusation sent him to prison. Again, the Lord prospered him in his work and he found great favor with the prison guard. He had a glimmer of hope of getting out when he correctly interpreted a dream one of the Pharaoh’s servants had, but he was soon forgotten. Finally, the Pharaoh himself had a dream and he was called upon to interpret it. When he did so, Pharaoh made him the number two ruler in the land. God had brought him from slavery to be the second most powerful man in Egypt. When his was reunited with his father and brothers, he did not use his power to enact vengeance. He did not hold what they did to him against them. Instead, he recognized that God had worked through those tragic circumstances to save others. Here is what Joseph said to his brothers:

And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. Genesis 45:5-8

Another example is Esther (the Book of Esther). She was a young, beautiful Jewish girl. In fact, she was the most beautiful woman in the Persian Empire. The king had just got rid of his wife for disobeying him and was looking to replace her, so he held a sort-of beauty contest and chose Esther to be his new queen. As Piper points out, this isn’t a good thing. She was a Jewish woman who loved God and had a promising future, but now she has just become part of a pagan king’s harem. It is not like she was at home daydreaming about marrying the king. He was no prince charming. But the Lord was working through her situation to save many lives. She had been brought to the palace, to this point in history for “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14) and God used her to intercede for the Jewish people when one of the king’s men wanted to annihilate them.

Finally, there is Leah (Genesis 29-30 - Thank you, Melissa, for drawing her story to my attention!). Her story is harder because it is much more bleak and she never really sees the good that comes from her life, but God does use her. She was one of the wives of Jacob and desperately wanted his love, except he loved his other wife (her sister) Rachel more. When God blessed her with conceiving several sons, almost every time she would say, “Now my husband will love me,” but he didn’t. Even though she bore Jacob six sons, she did not draw his affection away from Rachel. And so was the story of her life. She never lived to see the good that God was working from her situation. In fact, the good that came from her life wasn’t realized until thousands of years later. You see she was the mother of Judah and through his line came the promised Messiah, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. So although she did not receive the favor she longed for from her husband, she did find favor with God. He saw her affliction; He saw how she was overlooked by her husband; and He chose to use one of her sons as the family line for His Son. He did this so that many people would be save.

David Platt put it like this: “What if God ordained suffering and persecution in our lives for the salvation of others?” And that is what we see in these examples. Joseph experienced much hardship. He was separated from his family of origin, betrayed, enslaved, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten, and God ordained and used all of these things to position him as the second most powerful man in Egypt in order that his family, the people of Israel, might be saved. Esther was made the wife of a pagan king who was not Kosher or God-fearing so that God would use her to save the people of Israel. And Leah was trapped in a loveless marriage, deceitfully arranged by her father, which was ordained and used by God to bring about the family line from the people of Israel through which He would send His Son and save the world. God’s purposes are so much bigger than us and He chooses to include us in His kingdom story of redeeming the nations. Joseph, Esther, Leah – all used to save a people…and save the world because from this people the Messiah would come.

And all of this points ultimately to Jesus Christ, God’s very own son. He is called the man of sorrows. He was misunderstood. He was rejected by many. He was called demon-possessed and a drunkard. He was falsely accused and arrested. He was beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a a cross. He was spit upon and mocked. He was slaughtered. And this was all ordained and used by God so that many people would be saved. Because He did not stay dead. He rose from the grave three days later in power and glory. God ordained suffering and persecution and death in the life of His Son for the salvation of sinful people like you and me. This is extremely good news for us. The suffering of Christ was not for Him, it was for us. And sometimes our suffering is not for us as well.

Let Me be a Biblical Woman

My sister and I just registered for our first women’s conference, which is not something I ever thought I’d say. I used to avoid women’s conferences (and most other women ministry activities) like the plague, because I thought they equaled theological fluff and materialism and manicures and other things that turn my stomach. But the Lord has been teaching me (and my sister – for her story click here) what true women’s ministry is and revealing our erroneous and prideful prejudices. So this is the story of my journey so far.

First, let me say, that the majority of the influences in my life have been male (especially when it comes to spiritual influences) – my dad, pastors, professors, authors, etc. To me this was the norm, so this makes me predisposed, I guess, to preferring male leadership. I wasn’t really even aware of the idea of women’s ministry until I came to seminary (more on that in a moment). At my home church, we all learned together. There was neither male nor female, single nor married, poor nor rich, but all studied the Word together without distinction. ;)   

Furthermore, I grew up in a home where gender roles were only separated by home responsibilities. Men do the work outside (mow the lawn, fix the car) and women do the work inside the home (clean the house, cook dinner). So from home, my sister and I learned that we were supposed to try to look pretty, learn how to cook and keep house. My dad didn’t really like for those lines to be blurred, but he didn’t have any boys, so I helped him at times with construction and mechanical work. And so he passed his interests in cars and fixing things onto his daughters (although I don’t think he meant to).

So that’s some of my background…and then I came to seminary. I remember being struck by many of the ladies I saw on campus: perfect hair and make-up, dresses and skirts, and heels. I remember thinking, “I don’t fit in here” (though, ironically, because of my job, I am now one those girls – ha!). I started learning about women’s ministry and women’s programs and a whole host of other things that were foreign to me and, at that time, I didn't understand why they were necessary. And a lot of what I saw on the surface seemed just that – surface level. I went to a women’s event/meeting that helped solidify my presuppositions, so I decided to stay within my area of study and let those ladies have their fun.

But, while I was in South Asia, I met an amazing woman who became my mentor for the six months I was there. Now this is not to say I hadn’t met some great women beforehand (like at my church) because I had, but this was the first time I had actually been discipled by a strong, godly woman. Then I began to notice that there were many like-minded women who are passionate about the gospel and not about other…things.

When I returned to Louisville, my small group had split from co-ed to all men/all women and so I joined the ladies of my group to study David Platt’s Radical. And, once again, I was reminded that there are women who are hungry for the Word, who want to grow in their knowledge of Christ, and who want to live their lives for Him. So there seemed to be this dichotomy between some of the women I met at the seminary and the women I served and served with in ministry.

The dichotomy was heightened when I went to a seminary women’s get-together. It was one of my attempts to break out of the anti-social lull I had been in since I had returned from South Asia. Plus, free Starbucks was involved. :) There was probably about 20 women who showed up along with the host (female) professor. The professor was giving us some advice and this is what she said, “Ladies, when you go to class, don’t go in a hoodie, without makeup, etc. Get up and fix your hair and put on your make-up and dress nicely because these men in your class could one day be your future employers.” I was like, "Really?" I can think of a few Scriptures to counteract that, and it’s not like that is something women need to be told – we have a natural concern for our visible appearance.

Now some of my attitude towards women’s ministry, I realize, is pride, and some is misunderstanding, but the Lord has graciously shown me that real women’s ministry is not about the powder or the pearls, but about leading women to be who He created them to be. God did create mankind to be both male and female (Genesis 1:27), and each reflect His glory a little differently. Leading women means helping them to see and celebrate and magnify those differences so that Christ is magnified through our womanhood. That’s a pretty amazing thing. The Lord has given me some beautiful and rich and deep godly woman friends and prayer partners, and I am so thankful for them. He is allowing me to serve women through Scarlet Hope and through leading the women in my small group (which is again composed of both men and women). These women are hungry for the gospel and are striving to make much of Christ in every area of their lives. And, as for this conference, I am actually excited about it - I have so much to learn! :)

Regaining Perspective

The Lord has been ever so gracious to refresh, revive and renew my spirit these past few weeks. The enemy had done a very good job of completely sidelining me and I had lost my eternal perspective and focus (which the Lord graciously revealed to me).

It’s amazing what a few weeks of focused time with the Lord can do! My heart was wandering far from the Lord in the midst of my busy schedule and spiritual oppression and the heavy burdens of life. I felt like I was dying on the inside, slowing slipping away, but as I continued to call out to the Lord, He answered me in His own time and way.

The Lord led me to a Piper book called When the Darkness Does Not Lift, and through it revealed to me what was going on in and around me. Through the awareness of my sinfulness, and the suffering of my loved ones, and spiritual warfare, I had gotten lost in the dark. I could not see God; I was failing to trust Him; and I had forgotten what I had learned while in the light. I was focusing on the things that are seen instead of the things that are unseen (2 Cor. 4:16-18) and I had stopped fighting for joy. Instead of trusting and resting in the sovereignty of Christ, I was living in reaction mode. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t good and it most definitely wasn’t Christ-honoring. I had lost sight of my great Treasure, who is Jesus Christ.

As I read through the Psalms and identified with the words of David and the other psalmists who cry to God for help, I wondered why God wasn’t answering me. God says He saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18), but where was He? The Lord gently reminded me that David had to wait to be answered too, like in Psalm 40:

   I waited patiently for the LORD;        he inclined to me and heard my cry.
    He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
        out of the miry bog,
    and set my feet upon a rock,
        making my steps secure.
    He put a new song in my mouth,
        a song of praise to our God.
    Many will see and fear,
        and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

I often read the Psalms and think that God responded immediately, but if I would compare them with the rest of Scripture, I would see that God usually waits to respond. He does this for our good and for His glory. He does this to grow our trust and faith in Him. He does this because His ways and timing are always perfect. He does this because He knows what’s best.

The Lord has been lovingly reminding me lately that He is working for my good and has good things in store for me (Romans 8:28), and that I need to believe that in faith, even when things don’t make sense and when circumstances would seem to prove otherwise. David Platt says, “What if in your suffering and in your sorrow, Christ is working for your satisfaction?” And, you know, what? Jesus is my satisfaction, and the Lord is working through everything that I am going through so that I will know Him more deeply and intimately. He is going to reveal Himself to me in ways I could never have imagined (Ephesians 3:20). The thought of this brings me incredible joy.

But, first, I must wait. The continual word from the Lord this past year and a half or so has been, “Wait.” He is preparing me for whatever is in store, but God is not just working in my life in a way that will effect me. God is working in and through my life to work in the lives of others as well. He holds every detain in the palm of His hand. Nothing is lost to Him. I find this incredibly encouraging and comforting. I am currently in another delay in the process to get overseas. I will be in the States for at least another year, but I know that ultimately this is God’s delay. He wants to keep me in Louisville for another year, and I have no doubt He will reveal that reason in due time. So, even though the waiting is frustrating, it is also exciting, because, for the first time in awhile, I believe that God has good things in store. :)