Trust is the Pathway

It’s a warm, muggy evening in Southern Missouri tonight, but it’s still nice. There’s a gentle breeze and the birds are softly filling the air with their songs. I so enjoy being in the country and forget how much I do so until after I return from living in the city. I am currently sitting on the tailgate of my dad’s truck, writing this blog.

My sister and I returned to Fredericktown last Saturday to tend to our parents. I had been praying what to do regarding them, and the Lord clearly opened up the opportunity for me to take a 4-week long medical leave from work. I don’t know what is beyond these four weeks, but I do know without a doubt that this is where God wants me right now and am praying that the Lord will use this time at home to make the future more clear.

The pace of life is so much different here and so is the focus. Instead of a full-time job and outside (of the home) ministries, my days are filled with trips to town,* cooking, and cleaning. I forget how much I enjoy cooking and taking care of the home. It’s not that I don’t do those things in Louisville, but I can’t do them as frequently or spend as much time on them with the other commitments that demand so much of my attention. I definitely have a lot more freedom here to use my time as I please, but I also have to be careful not to waste it. I am trying to – and I think I’m starting to – get into a new daily rhythm. Prayer and time in the Word is essential, and I need to make more time for both. The problem is that I’ve been so tired that I keep falling asleep when I’m spending time with the Lord. Some of this is from my lack of sleep last week and some of it is from emotional fatigue and weariness.

It’s not easy being here, though. My dad is in a lot of (constant) pain and is not doing well, and it is hard to watch him suffer so much. This is just another reason why Bible reading and prayer is so important. I do not have the strength for this. The Lord has been very gracious to sustain me the way He has been and to help me take each day as it comes. It is true that His mercies are new every morning and that His grace is sufficient for our daily needs. There are many people praying for both me and my family and I know that God is sustaining us through those prayers. That’s the only way to explain the peace I have felt in the midst of such hard circumstances.

The Lord is very kind in the way that He prepares His people for times such as these. It is no secret (if you’ve been reading my blog) that these past three years have been very difficult. I believe that the Lord has allowed every hard circumstance, every disappointment, every piece of bad news, and even silence from Himself in order to prepare me for these things that I now face. During those times, the Lord taught me to feed on His Word, taught me to trust His character over present circumstances, and taught me to depend on Him. I am not saying I have arrived in any of these areas, but I have grown in them tremendously.
In all the lessons, there seems to be on current theme: trust the Lord. And that makes sense right? We see this throughout the biblical narrative. Every time someone fails to trust the Lord, they sin (Adam & Eve, Israel, etc.) and wreck havoc in their lives and the lives of others. The Lord continually beckons us to trust Him. He is the only Good in all creation and He is sovereign over everyone and everything. As I read through Dr. Moore’s book, Tempted and Tried, he continually points to that truth. Jesus Christ trusted His Father perfectly, which is why He could not be tempted by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11). He trusted that He would provide for Him, so He refused to turn the stones into bread…even though He hadn’t eaten in 40 days. He trusted the Father would protect Him and exalt Him, so He refused to test God by jumping from the top of the temple. He trusted that God would give Him the nations (as He promised in Psalm 2), so He refused to bow down to Satan who offered Him the nations. But His trust in the Father included the cross. It included heartache and betrayal and abandonment and torture and false accusations and being misunderstood and being mocked and being murdered. The will of the Father for Him was not easy, but it was good (ultimately) and perfect and Jesus received everything He was promised. God was faithful to provide for Him, to protect and exalt Him, and to give Him the nations. And God is faithful to us as well. All of God’s promises to us find their fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20). When we give our lives to the Lord Jesus, His resurrection, His life, and His reigning are also ours. But so is His suffering and death. We follow a crucified Savior and His obedient life and death are ours. And the life of sacrificial living and obedience come before the glory and honor. So while we wait for our hope and glory from heaven to be revealed, we must trust the Father’s good purposes for us. For He promises that He has a future for us that is good and not evil (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He has plans for us that are better than we could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20). But Trust is the Pathway. Like a child with his daddy, we are to trust our heavenly Daddy. He will guide us. He will provide for us. He will protect us. He is with us. He promises and He never breaks any of His promises (Hebrews 6:18).

Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

*For you city folk, I live outside of town and have to travel into town/city limits to go to the store, gas station, church, etc.

Breaking Habits

Over the past few weeks, the Lord has been helping me slim-line my priorities and weed out distractions. Mainly this has been in regards to how I spend my time and the influences I allow into my life. I am already pretty strict about what movies and other media influences I consume, but He has been calling me to an even higher standard in this regard. I don’t mean this is a legalistic way, but in a way that frees me more to serve God and focus on Him. The Bible tells us that not all things are beneficial for us and that we are to fling away all distractions as we try to run the race that Christ has marked out for us (1 Corinthians 10:23). I have a very vivid imagination and images stick with me, so it is important for me to filter what I watch and listen to and read. For example, I watched Shudder Island with a friend and couldn’t shake some of the images for a week. Some things that may not bother others, will hinder me, but, in general, I think it’s important that we do not take in things that might grieve the Holy Spirit. It’s also important that we do not spend too much time gorging ourselves on the world’s entertainment – both for the sake our of walk with Christ and for the fact that time is short, so let’s not waste it.

This all began with Lent. After debating with myself, I decided to give up sugar. It’s not because I’m a junk-food junkie, but eating sweets had become a HABIT. Partly motivated by wanting to be healthier and partly because I wanted to give up something for the Lord for Lent, I denied myself chocolate and frozen yogurt and every other savory treat. And after a few weeks, I no longer wanted these things. Even when Easter came, I didn’t feel like I had to have dessert (though I did). The desire for something sweet was put back in its rightful place. It was no longer a habit or a must have or a craving, but simply an occasional treat. Now, by the Lord’s grace, I only have dessert when it is something I really like, not just to have it.

In nearly the same time period, I recognized another habit: Facebook. I wasn’t on there for long periods of time, but I did get in the HABIT of checking it daily. So even though I spent maybe a max of 30 minutes on it, it was distracting. So I took a break. I disabled my account for three weeks. And you know what’s pitiful? Immediately after I disabled my account, I was a little sad. Geez. That’s exactly why I needed to take a break.

Even though these things are rather small, they were distractions. And the discipline the Lord helped me learn in these areas has spilled over into other areas of my life, so that my time and energy can flow more fully and freely into what matters – Jesus and people. Prayer and Bible reading and ministry and fellowship have taken on a new and sweeter importance. The emails can wait and so can eating for that matter – only one thing is necessary and that will not be taken away from me (Luke 10:42). :)

All this is a small reflection of the biblical principle that sometimes God withholds the good we think we need so that He can give us the greater good that we truly need: Himself. A lot of time I lose sight of this truth, but the Bible is clear that the Lord has nothing but good intentions toward His own.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11

I am currently reading Dr. Moore’s book, Tempted and Tried, about the temptations of Christ. In talking about the first temptation, when the devil tempted Jesus to turn stones into bread to satisfy His hunger, Dr. Moore pointed out that one of the lies undergirding this temptation was that God was withholding something good, which was Jesus’ basic need and desire for food. Jesus wouldn’t buy this. He knew that His heavenly Father was all He needed and He would wait for Him to provide. This lie isn’t a new one. It is the same one that the devil sold Eve. He told her that God didn’t want her to eat of the forbidden fruit because He didn’t want her to become like Him. In essence, He was withholding good from her. So she bought the lie, ate the fruit, along with Adam, and plunged humanity into its present chaos. The truth is that God knows our needs better than we do, gives us what we need, and never withholds good from those who are in Christ. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about His goodness and His disposition to do His children good, but more on that in the next post.

Captivated

Last Sunday, I spoke to my sister’s Sunday School class regarding the ministry of Scarlet Hope. I have been a part of this ministry for a little over a year now. It’s a very difficult ministry, but the gospel of Jesus Christ is very powerful and God is doing amazing things in the strip clubs throughout Louisville.

When I was considering what I wanted to share, I kept going back to how the women (and men) in the sex industry are captives – captives to sin, captives to money, captives to their messy pasts, captives to a whole host of lies. And, on top of that, they are blind captives. Most of them don’t even see that they’re enslaved to an industry that will devour them nor do they see their need for Christ. The women want out, but they think their answer lies in money or self-improvement or love or (fill in the blank). They are spiritually dead. That may sound harsh, but it is how Scripture describes all people without Christ. I used to be dead too, but God made me alive in Jesus Christ.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:1-7

You see with God there are only two types of people: people with Christ (spiritually alive) and people without Christ (spiritually dead). There aren’t good people and bad people. There aren’t moral people and immoral people. There are just people alive to God and people dead to God. This is why God has called some of us, His daughters, to enter some of the darkest places in this city. He has more daughters that need to be awakened in the strip clubs of Louisville and He wants to make them alive in Christ and include them in His people (John 10:16). God has called us to this. Why else would we expose ourselves to things we would rather not see and engage with people who sometimes want little to do with us? It is the urgent call of Jesus Christ that beckons us out of our comfortable lives to join Him in the darkness where He is working, where He wants to shine His light through us. God calls us to expose the darkness, but how do we do that? Only by shining the light of Christ. We do not have light in and of ourselves, it is Christ in us that make the difference. He alone can reveal what has been hidden. He alone is the truth that exposes lies. He alone can reach the heart of those trapped in the messiness of life and sin. He alone can bring the dead to life.

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
    “Awake, O sleeper,
        and arise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:11-14

There are another set of captives I would like to discuss. These are men not too different from the men I see in the strip clubs. In the past several days, I have read (well really I’ve been bombarded by) several articles about the prevailing problem of pornography among men (including solid Christian men) from the various biblical writers and speakers I follow (Piper, Moore, Mohler). I am so burdened and broken by this growing and ever-present reality. The urgency is so great. I know that I have brothers in Christ (though I don’t know who they are; I just know I have them) who are in this fight and some may feel they are in a losing battle. They are captives.

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. Colossians 2:8

Porn viewers are not really different from the men in the clubs I serve in. It’s the same idol of the heart manifested in different ways – one being more public than the other. Both essentially see women as objects to be used rather than created in the image of God, and both are slaves to the gods of sex and lust. And my heart breaks for them. For those in Christ, they have been set free, but they have subjected themselves to again to the slavery of sin (Galatians 5:1). They have made themselves prisons that only the power of the gospel can break.

    Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
        prisoners in affliction and in irons,
    for they had rebelled against the words of God,
        and spurned the counsel of the Most High.
    So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor;
        they fell down, with none to help.
    Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
        and he delivered them from their distress.
    He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
        and burst their bonds apart.
    Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
        for his wondrous works to the children of man!
   For he shatters the doors of bronze
        and cuts in two the bars of iron. Psalm 107:10-16

I know what it’s like to be a captive. I had built my own prison of lies and shame and guilt that at the heart level is no different than those who view porn (choosing to treasure something over Christ). But the Lord, in His grace, exposed my hidden sins and set me free (Psalm 107:17-22). Only Christ can do this. So if you are struggling (with porn or any other hidden sin), please reach out to a brother or sister in Christ. Expose the darkness. Only then will freedom and healing be found (James 5:16).

Deja Vu

Since last fall my life has included much drama - especially regarding those of the male persuasion. I don't even like to watch drama on TV, much less do I want it in my own life (though not all of it has been negative). Yet, the Lord was pleased to grow me in new ways through these interactions and for that I am thankful. Jesus continues to help me realize and deal with my own fears and insecurities in this area; to identify the influence of American culture on my view of relationships and to rely on Him more and more. Through the most recent event, God has reminded me of His steadfast love and everlasting faithfulness. He does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is so gracious in overwhelming me with the sense of His sweet presence and of the reality that He is in complete control. He is my firm foundation and shelter during these little storms of life. 

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
Chorus
All of my life I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
But now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through - David Crowder Band

Some things that have happened (including the above) have made me question my discernment. Discernment is a gift that I believe the Lord has given me. By His Spirit, He usually prepares me in advance for things that will happen or gives me an indescribable assurance of His leading into certain situations or places. Recently, there have been a couple of areas that I was certain He was leading in, but the doors have closed. I have no idea what God is up to, but He promises to make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) and always keeps His promises. :) All of this reminds me of two years ago when I applied to serve overseas in South America. The Lord kept opening doors for me to go and then suddenly He closed them. BUT later He opened the doors wide for me to go to South Asia with a job assignment that resonated with the passions and gifts He has given me. His ways are truly not ours and, most of the time, I am really glad about that. :)

Yesterday, I spend the day with the Lord seeking His face about a few things and trying to gain insight and understanding as to what He is doing in my life. When I was questioning and interceding, He brought this Scripture to my mind, "What is that to you? You follow Me" (my paraphrase). I then went and looked up the verse and ran references on it. Later, I watched a sermon by Dr. Moore online and what Scripture did he "happen" to be preaching on? The one the Lord had just brought to my mind from John 21. As always, Jesus is right. I need to be focused on following Him and everything else will fall into place.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

On a slightly different note, the Lord has brought me encouragement from an unsuspecting place - my dad. As I updated him on the situation at hand, he was so sweet in giving me helpful advice, encouragement and offered prayer for the parties involved. It was a good conversation and I am so thankful to the Lord for it. :)

There are a few more things I'd like to mention (unrelated to the above), but those will have to wait until another post because this one is getting rather lengthy. Though, I will say one last thing: in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bought Lucky Charms today. :)