My very dear child, What shall I say! A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had [your father] so long. But my God lives; and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be. Your affectionate mother, Sarah Edwards. [From a letter Sarah wrote to her daughter Esther when she found out that her husband had died from smallpox. Quoted by John Piper in his sermon “Job: Wrestling with Suffering.”]The last days of 2012 went by in a daze, full of tears and sorrow. Now 2013 is here. I almost cannot believe another year has past. Where has it gone? The Lord’s hand has indeed been heavy during last year’s final months, but He did not leave Himself without witness. In fact, He had been preparing my sister and me for the trials we now face in numerous ways, especially as He taught us about His sovereignty and goodness in suffering. It would be easy to look back of the last year or so and recount the many difficulties and trials the Lord allowed into our lives and I had thought about doing that, but I read a post about the taken-for-granted goodness of God that made me rethink this post. “Where was God in the goodness of 2012?” is what this article asks; I can ask myself the same question.
- Where was God when I drove 20,000+ miles without an accident or even a speeding ticket?
- Where was God when I ate out almost every weekend and never got food poisoning?
- Where was God when I didn’t get the stomach virus my sister had or the numerous other illnesses other people I knew had?
- Where was God for all the miles I ran without twisting my ankle?
- Where was God in all the times I have walked through dark parking lots without being assaulted?
- Where was God in all the times I’ve said the right thing or bit my tongue to not say the wrong thing?
- Where was God every time I needed my next breath?
Answer: He was right there. He was reigning in sovereign power and wisdom on His throne. He was providing. He was protecting my coming in and my going out. He was directing my steps. It’s easy to lose sight of all the “smaller” ways that God shows evidences of His grace because we take them for granted. The Word is clear that Christ upholds all things by the word of His power and that every good and every perfect gift comes from Him, so there are many, many reasons to be thankful on a daily basis for God’s abundant goodness and grace. No wonder the Scripture tells us to always be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
There are so many things that I can thank God for as I reflect upon 2012, but there is one thing that stands out the most. And that is that my cousin, in whom I invested and for whom I prayed for 10 years, was saved by Christ. By God’s grace, he went from a life of addictions and rebellion to a life that seeks to please the Lord. And, also by God’s grace, I have spent the last several days of the year watching his zeal and hunger for the Lord grow. He has been a ray of light in the midst of this darkness.
So, as always, I have a choice. I can choose to waste my suffering, waste the hard things the Lord has given me, or I can choose to bow before my Maker and trust Him for His goodness and grace, even though it has been veiled by the present circumstances. Although cancer and infections and illnesses and disappointments and hurtful words are not good in and of themselves, they are designed by Jesus Christ for good, and there is hope in that. He is in control. He is good. He does as He pleases and He pleases to do me good (Jeremiah 29:11). So even though the pain is real and the burdens are heavy, there is joy: the joy that Jesus Christ is with me and He is working in such a way (a way that is often unseen to me) to make me and my family more like Christ and to exalt His name through us. And the truth is that I do not have the strength for these things nor do I even have the strength to make the right choice of focusing on and trusting in Christ through all this, but His grace is sufficient, and when I am weak He is very strong, and He works in me both to will and do the things that please Him. And as I look to the year ahead, Christ is helping me trust Him for His grace. He has good things in store. :)
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower. William Cowper, “God Moves in Mysterious Ways”
