A Cry for Help

I am currently working on my last paper of the semester. It is over the doctrine of the Trinity. I am really struggling with it right now. Please, please pray for me. I have been reading this evening about the things my dad believes and the scriptural basis for it as well as trying to formulate thoughts to explain the Trinity...and I just don't know. I feel such turmoil inside. Please pray.

God's Loving Care

Thanksgiving break is now officially over and I am back in Kentuckiana. I had such a pleasant time at home and I owe God all the praise for that. It was filled with food, football, family, and the occasional nap. :) It was indeed a blessed trip and I loved seeing everyone again-especially my sister-and the opportunity to attend my home church (twice!). God is so good to me.

I want to note two items of praise in particular that deal with God's providential and loving care:

1. Bath and Body Works (whom I interviewed with before I left) called me last Wednesday and offered me a seasonal position. This is such an answer to prayer. To God be the glory! :)
2. My sister and I had a little incident when I was taking her back to Saint Louis last night. It was drizzling rain (as it had been all day) so the roads were saturated. We were headed to Brentwood so that she could get some food for her dorm from Whole Foods. As I slowed down and turned onto the exit ramp, the rear of my car broke loose and we started to spin. I told her to hold on as the car whipped to the right. It all happened very fast and before I knew it I spun onto the embankment which slowed down and eventually stopped my car (facing us in the opposite direction on the ramp). I quickly turned my car around and continued down the ramp. It was scarry but God was with us through it all. There were no cars around us and the hill stopped the car from skidding any further. There was no damage to the car; although it did have mud all over it. I know that our safety was the result of the many people praying for our safe return. This was also a very humbling experience as God reminded me that I am not in control when I drive...He is.

I discovered something about my parents beliefs last weekend that has greatly disturbed me. I mean in all my 24 years, I have never even heard them mention this before. I plan on reading the book that talks about this belief and others that they hold to get a better understanding of it. I worry sometimes about their theology and I want so much for them to know the complete Truth.

Lessons from God this week: humility, obedience, trust, and the importance of praise/thanksgiving.

I need to study...

Catching Up...

So I am in the beautiful state of Missouri now. God is so good to me. He has allowed me to come home for an entire week! I arrived in the Show Me State last Thursday night where I stayed the night with a friend in the STL. It was nice to see all my Saint Louis friends again. I went to Mobap on Friday where I got to see my former coworkers and my sissy. The top three questions that were asked:
1. How is school?
2. Do you have any guy interests/prospects?
3. How long are you in for?
Kristi and I headed to Fredericktown Friday evening and we spend that night and Saturday hanging out with my parents. Sunday was absolutely wonderful. I was able to worship at MH and go to the annual Celebration service that night where we toured the new Arcadia Valley campus (awesome!), ate yummy dessert, and were led in worship by a Southern Gospel group. I am so thankful that God allowed me to be a part of that experience. We dedicated the facility and future to Him. The night involved much prayer. One of the coolest things was we were allowed to write scripture, prayers, and/or the names of the people from AV that we knew who were unsaved on the floor of the sanctuary. We did this at the Fredericktown campus when we had new carpet put in and I think it is just an absolutely amazing and powerful concept. God is going to do such great things at this new campus for the glory of His Name and I am so exicited for what is in store.

On Monday I took my mom to the foot doctor. I am not sure if I mentioned this before or not but she had surgery almost three years ago to have a nodule removed from her foot (caused by her arthritis) and it still hasn't healed. The whole situation has been a complete nightmare. This past summer her foot seemed like it was making significant progress towards healing, but it has recently taken a turn for the worst. It is so frustrating. I think the doctors are just experimenting on her. They even admit they don't know what the problem is, but when her foot starts healing, they change her medicine or the like to try something new. Maybe this is just me, but my logic says that if what they are doing is working, they should continue doing it. I just feel so bad for her. My mom has suffered more than anybody that I know. We have been praying for healing for her foot for such a long time. I know I have no right to question God, but I wonder why He doesn't just heal her. I know that He is sovereign, though, and good, and I trust that He has this situation all under control. He is not short on power and His arm is not too short to save so I must rest in that.

Studying for finals is proving a lot harder than I thought. I haven't even touched my schoolwork and have no desire too. I just want to play... so I have. :) Besides just hanging out with my parents (Kristi is back in St. Louis), I have been playing Tomb Raider on Playstation 2, coloring, and helping my mom with whatever she needs. I also haven't been spending time with Jesus as I should which has got to change. If anything, I need to spend MORE time with Him when I am home.

Oh, my car drama continued last week. Thursday morning when I was fixing to leave for school, my car wouldn't start. Obviously it wasn't the battery since I just got a new one the day before. So to make a long story short: four hours and $34 later, my car was doing fine. I had a corroded battery cable. I missed all my morning classes and chapel which is sad, but at least I was able to head to MO that day as planned. In addition to all the recent and unexpected expenses, God laid on my heart to give to the IMAGINE campaign at MH last Sunday. I had already determined in my heart to do so once I started receiving a paycheck, but God prompted me not to wait. I am really excited to be a part of it and trust that the Lord will provide my needs as He promises in His Word. He is really stretching my trust in Him right now in the area of finances. I hope the lesson is almost over...

Needless Drama

So today my car battery died in the mall parking lot. I was there looking for a seasonal part-time job. Sarah was with me. We flagged down a car to help us...it was two women...but they were still willing to help. I got my jumper cables out (thanks Dad!) and a young man joined us to help out. We hooked up the cars, I turned the key, and...nothing. I called my uncle in Fredericktown, MO who works at a parts store. He told me to let it sit for a while to charge the battery from the other car. We did. Finally, after about 10 minutes or so, she started (barely). I drove my limping car to Wal-Mart where I demanded (not really; I just wanted to sound dramatic) a replacement battery. Thankfully, it was still under warranty so I didn't have to pay anything. Actually, they paid me $9. Still not sure how that happened but am thankful nonetheless. As I think about the situation, I am thankful for God's wise, sovereign protection. This happened on a day where neither Sarah nor I had any obligations, several people stopped to try to help, the mall was close to Wal-Mart, I got a new battery under warranty, and came out $9 richer. Its amazing how He works.

My dad has been getting on me about getting a job until the tutoring one starts. I wish he'd leave me alone. Is this a bad attitude to have? I believe so, but it is how I feel. I think it is that natural tendency towards rebellion that us fallen humans are so inclined to have.

God has provided for me yet again. The church that my grandma attends has decided to send me money to help me out. Other people deserve it more than I yet I know that this is from the hand of God. I love seeing how He graciously provides for me and how He also moves my heart to glory in my Savior in the process.

Tomorrow I am heading back to Missouri!!!

This week's lessons from God: endurance in the faith, trust, the complexity of the Trinity, and worldview.

I'm Free!

After three days in the belly of the whale--er, on the futon in the living room--Sarah and I have finally finished our project. Although it was very time consuming, we had fun creating it and are pretty excited about our results. The project is for Systematic Theology and is a DVD tract attempting to move an atheist to the acknowledgement of the possibility of God's existence. I also finished my paper where I was supposed to design an outreach program for the local church. This paper was a lot of fun because I was allowed to let my imagination run wild. I pulled from the strategic plan of my home church as well as the church I am attending now.

This means that I only have one more paper (which is my final for Systematic), a little more reading, and finals. Call me crazy, but I am almost a little sad the semester is ending (did I just say that?!). I have really enjoyed my classes and believe that I have learned a lot. All good things must come to an end I guess.

In my small group we are doing a study through the book of Philippians. As we have slowly progressed through the book, breaking it down verse by verse, I have discovered so many things I have never noticed before. For instance, in chapter two, verse 19, Paul says that he "hopes in the Lord Jesus" to send Timothy to the Philippians. I love the way he is so specific. We use the term hope so loosely these days. I know for me that I often say that I hope to do this or that, but never stopped to consider what I was hoping in. I should be intentionally hoping in the Lord Jesus for He alone is my hope.

Speaking of hoping, I have been hoping for the majority of the semester that I could go home the entire week for Thanksgiving...and my birthday. As of now, it looks like I will be able to. Lord willing, I plan on leaving this Thursday after classes. Hurray! I am a little suprised at how excited I am. I haven't really been homesick this whole semester, but now that I know I get to go home, I long for it immensely. I miss everyone so much!

Okay, this is going to sound really dumb, but I have discovered a new function on my laptop. I have had it for over five years and I just now figured out how to use the keys with purple writing on them--the FN (function) key! This key allows me to adjust my volume and even dim my screen (which I didn't know I could do). Its like having a whole new computer! ;)

Time for Heroes!

The Sovereignty of My God

I love when God works out things in His wisdom and providence...especially when I at first perceive them to be an inconvenience. An example of that happened today (well, technically yesterday). Earlier this fall, I received minor hail damage on my Beretta. On Wednesday afternoon an insurance adjuster was scheduled to come out and view the damage. He was unable to, however, because of an extended appointment so he had to reschedule for Friday morning. How does this situation point to God? Well, on Wednesday the skies were clear and the sun was shining brightly. This morning, on the other hand, the sky was overcast. Because of this, the hail damage on my car was much more visible since there was no glare from the sun. The insurance agent assessed the damage, took photos, and is going to email me a quote. More to come once this happens...

Also, I have a job! I will be working with Educational Resources in the No Child Left Behind program. I am pretty excited about this because most of the students I will be tutoring are international students who need help with English. It is my prayer that God will use this job to grow and stretch me beyond my comfort zone as well as allow me to invest into the lives of these students. This job has what I consider perfect hours (in the afternoon) which allows me to attend classes in the morning and school and church activities in the evening. Plus, I have been told that I can work as many hours as I want during school breaks. :) God is so gracious to me! Unfortantely, I don't start work until December 1st (although this means I get to go home the whole week of Thanksgiving break which was a desire of mine) so I am praying on what to do between now and then. Right now I am looking at temporary holiday jobs. God will provide.

Who Knew?

Did you know that this month is No Shave November? This was the topic of discussion before my Old Testament class started today. I am not sure if this is a seminary thing, a Southern thing, or a guy thing in general. It cracks me up though.

Earlier this week a headlight went out on my car. Another unexpected expense. I replaced it myself though (with some coaching from my dad) and I am quite proud of myself for doing so (is that okay?). I also had to replace my windshield wiper blades and add more windshield wiper fluid to the reservoir. I feel like quite the mechanic. Hehe.

Today we started discussing the doctrine of the Trinity in Systematic Theology. I have been looking forward to this since the beginning of the semester. I pray that God gives me a deeper understanding of this doctrine. Because of conflicting views taught to me by my family, I struggle with this truth. I not only want to be able to understand it better but I want to be able to explain/teach it.

I still have not started the tutoring job. I know that God is using this time to stretch and grow my faith. Pray that I will perservere. I know that He will provide my every need according to His riches in Christ Jesus, but my imagination runs wild sometime. Pray that I will trust Him completely.

This week's lessons from God: the importance of ecclesiology while serving overseas; the necessity and importance of forgiveness; and trust.

"Country Road Take Me Home"

The trees are absolutely beautiful! Yesterday, Sarah invited me to go with her and her kids from church to pick pumpkins. We went to Huber's Orchard and Winery in Starlight, IN. The ride there was incredible. We drove on a curvy, hilly, two-lane blacktop road deep into rural Indiana which was bordered with bright yellow, orange, and red trees. We were at a fairly high altitude and the view was breath-taking. It reminded me so much of home and made me miss it a lot. I had almost forgotten how much I loved the country. Thanksgiving (the next time I will be heading back to MO) seems so far off right now.

Anway, we had a good time. Although we didn't pick pumpkins (they got rid of them after Halloween), Huber's had a variety of activities to do. We fed barnyard animals, ventured through a robe maze and bamboo maze, jumped on a big inflated jumpy thing, swung (I love to swing!), and slid down a long, steep slide. I also got to take lots of pictures for Sarah which was nice. I haven't done anyting related to photography in a while so it was so great to put my camera to good use.

Side Note: I am thankful my roommate remembered the time change....I sure didn't!

"If Thou but Suffer God to Guide Thee"

If thou but suffer God to guide thee,
And hope in him through all they ways,
He'll give thee strength, whate'er betide thee,
And bear thee through the evil days;
Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the rock that naught can move.

What can these anxious cares avail thee,
These never-ceasing moans and sighs?
What can it help, if thou bewail thee
O'er each dark moment as it flies?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness.

Only be still, and wait his leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate'er thy Father's pleasure
And all-deserving love hath sent;
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
To him who chose us for his own.

All are alike before the highest;
'Tis easy to our God, we know,
To raise thee up though low thou liest,
To make the rich man poor and low;
True wonders still by him are wrought
Who setteth up and brings to naught.

Sing, pray, and keep his ways unswerving,
So do thine own part faithfully,
And trust his Word, though undeserving,
Thou yet shalt find it true for thee;
God never yet forsook at need
The soul that trusted him indeed.

-Georg Neumark, 1641

Trunk or Treat

Yesterday for Halloween I helped my roommate Sarah with Trunk or Treat and Fall Festival at her church. I have never seen, heard of, or experienced Trunk or Treat before but it was fun and a good way for the church to get involved in the community. I helped her set up by stapling balloons to a board for the pop-the-balloon-with-a-dart game and drew and cut off leaves for the pin-the-leaf-on-the-pumpkin game. I am pretty sure I am a pro now at leaf drawing. :) I also blew up a few balloons...which I think pulled a few muscles in my jaws as evidenced by the throbbing pain afterwards. Our cars looked awesome, by the way, in their tropical attire. Oh, the kids were cute too (well, some were more on the scary side). ;)

Today God ministered to me in a powerful way in Systematic Theology as we discussed His faithfulness, love, goodness, grace, mercy, patience, and power. Truths that I needed to hear and that overwhelmed me. He is so derserving of more that I can give Him.

Sad news: my electric toothbrush died yesterday. Not a good week for me and electical things.