A Closed Door and a New Direction

Last week was a extremely hard week emotionally and spiritually. Several factors played into this: missing Sarah, numerous mistakes at work and news regarding my application to serve in South America. Regarding the latter, I had been working under the assumption that no news was good news and trying to be patient knowing that those looking over my application were very busy. My assumption, however, was wrong. I called about my application early last week and after several rounds of phone tag, was eventually told that I was on a waiting list. Due to the number of applicants, there were only 4 spots available (all in East Asia). I was then told that I had to make my decision by the following day: I could either go to East Asia in six weeks or defer my application. I prayed about it that night, but the Lord was silent. When the next day came, I still had no idea what to do nor did I understand what the Lord was doing. I read through the job descriptions for the opportunities in East Asia but none seemed to "fit" my God-given gifts and passions. Still the Lord was silent. I had previously told the Lord that I would pursue this opportunity until He shut the door (though I thought He would have done so much sooner than this!). I decided to go ahead and defer my application to the spring 2010 semester. I am extremly disappointed but know that the Lord has a reason for all this. I was reminded by fellow Christ-followers that no step of faith goes unrewarded, that God is still in control, that He knows the plans He has for me and that God calls me to be submissive to Him. These are all things I needed to hear. The truth is that I had lost my focus. Instead of focusing on the Lord Jesus Christ, I was focusing on myself and my immediate circumstances. No wonder I had a rough week! BUT when I took time to dive intently into His Word and focus my eyes on Christ, His peace replaced my anxiety and His love melted my obstinate heart. Psalm 25 became the prayer of the hour and God used Isaiah 54-55 to speak His truth into my heart. Even though I felt alone, I wasn't and, as usual, God came to my rescue and comfort.

With this new change in plans (or rather MY plans), I have new things to think and pray about: like what classes to take this fall (or possibly even take a break from seminary), what ministries to become involved in and my living arrangements for Aug-Dec. My plans for the summer are still the same. I move out of my apartment at the end of the week into a friend's apartment. I will stay there through the month of June and then go home for the month of July (which I am so looking forward to; I desparately need the change of scenery!). The Lord has been gracious, however, in already providing me with living options over the past few days. Please pray for me as I learn more about these opportunities - that I would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading.

"My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins...Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You...Indeed, none who wait for You shall be put to shame...for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long." (Psalm 15-18, 20, 3, 5)