Relaxing and Reminiscing

I had a wonderful, relaxing time in Missouri last weekend. Exactly what I had asked God for (minus the snow :). It was nice to get away and just chill for a few days and spend time with family. We didn't do anything much, but we did laugh a whole lot. :) My dad read to my sister and me from her Kindle. He read the end of Pilgrim's Progress. It is the first time I can remember him reading a book to us and it's one of those moments I will treasure.

While I was home, I was going through my filing cabinet and ran across a notebook from college. It in I found sermon notes, prayers and inspiring quotes. I even found a list for my ideal mate, which was pretty amusing. It had 27 things (!), which I am sure would be pretty intimidating for any guy. The Lord has brought me a long way since then, though, and now I only have 2 things on my "list" (both of which are pretty specific and neither of which I will budge on). One of the prayers was a response to the reading I had just done in Acts 6-7:

Verse that spoke to me: 7:3
"Get thee out of thy country (America), and from thy relatives (family), and come into the land which I shall show thee."
Is this not my future? For God has called me to something bigger than myself and my present lifestyle.
Use me as You please, Lord Jesus.

I believe that the Lord is continually answering this prayer.

I also got to spend some extra time with the Lord - reflecting on what He has done and is doing in my life, spending time in His Word and submitting myself to do whatever He leads. He continues to teach me about prayer and depending on Him (which goes hand-in-hand). I think I am in a period of preparation for whatever God has in store. Much of the verses, sermons and the like that Jesus sends my way have to do with waiting on Him, staying on the right path and hearing His voice. It is no wonder that the Bible exhorts Christ-followers to be strong and courageous as we wait on the Lord (Psalm 27:14). It's hard to wait!

I have started re-reading Elisabeth Elliot's Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. It is one of my favorite books and for some reason Jim Elliot has been on my mind lately. I did just read Psalm 91 last night, which may have something to do with it (where the title of the book comes from). He is one of my heroes in the faith. His life is one that encourages, inspires and challenges me...and I hope my life reflects a desire for Christ and impacts the Kingdom of Christ the way his did (and still does).

Jesus is My Life

Today marks the 10th year since I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. For the past several years, I have recounted my testimony of coming to faith in Christ (click the years to read them: 2008, 2009-1, 2009-2 or 2010). Each year I understand my journey of faith in deeper ways and find new ways to tell it. One of my favorite songs, All I Have Is Christ by Sovereign Grace, captures the power of the Gospel to transform a sinner's life and I am going to use it to tell how it transformed mine.

I once was lost in darkest night / Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life / Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own / A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first / I would refuse You still

Growing up in a Christian home exposed me to an awareness of God at an early age. My parents told me about Jesus, taught me to read the Bible and to pray. I saw God as this far-off being that I went to with requests and had no concept of a relationship with Him. As I grew older, I focused on being a "good girl" and excelling at everything I did. These things, however, were not enough. I had no peace and no direction.

But as I ran my hell-bound race / Indifferent to the costYou looked upon my helpless state / And led me to the crossAnd I beheld God's love displayed / You suffered in my placeYou bore the wrath reserved for me / Now all I know is grace

Indifferent. That was the perfect way to describe my view of God. I had no compelling desire to know Him and yet I had no hatred towards Him either. I was as Jesus describes "lukewarm." I would never deny His existence (with my actions maybe, but not verbally or intellectually), but then I didn't think I needed Him either. Regardless, I was in trouble and didn't know it. Jesus has strong words for those who are indifferent: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). BUT God knew I was helpless. I had no power in my self to come to Him or to even see my need for Him. I was spiritually dead. I was living life my way, in my power and for my glory - ignoring the very God who created me for HIS glory. Because of this, I was storing up for myself wrath from God (Romans 2:5). Now, how does one appease the anger of an holy and perfect God? Answer: one can't...it's impossible. BUT with God all things are possible and He provided the way for humanity to know Him. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to live the perfect, fully-pleasing-to-God life that we are unable to live. He obeyed all of God's commands perfectly. Then, He died a horrific and gruesome death on the cross to absorb God's anger toward us and to pay for all our sins (the bad things we do and say and think). He came back to life three days later in His own power to prove His power over sin and death and to show that His sacrifice on our behalf was pleasing to God. God became man to save man from Himself and for Himself. That is the Gospel and it is very good news.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone / And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands / Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life / In any way You choose And let my song forever be / My only boast is You

God had every right to leave me on the path I was on - the path to destruction. BUT He didn't. He in His grace intervened in my life so that I might know Him and fulfill the purpose for which He created me. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on how different my life would look right now if Christ had not called me to Himself and saved me. I recently heard a sermon from C.J. Mahaney that further spurred these reflections. He encouraged Christ-followers to "consider your origin, what you were and what you would have been apart from divine grace and look upon yourself now. Grace has made you to differ." He goes on to quote Spurgeon who put it this way, "Great Christian, you would have been a Great Sinner if God had not made you to differ." And it's true. My life would look radically different if Christ had not saved me from myself: I would not live in Louisville; I would not have attended Southern; I would have some form of an eating disorder; I would have had a much different dating and relationship history (instead of the very limited one I have had so far, which I praise God for); I would be pursuing the American dream instead of God's dream; I would be living without the peace, direction and satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus Christ and I would be destined for hell. The reality is that I have much to be thankful to God for. I am nothing without Christ. He has made me who I am and given me everything I have. The only thing that separates me from those I share Christ with (whether club dancers or those deceived by false religions) is the extravagant grace of God. And this is why I share with them. I want them to know the infinitely glorious and worthy God of the universe who made a way for all peoples to know Him through Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world. God has saved me and blessed me so that all the earth will see and savor the glory of Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ / Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Spring Cleaning

Spring is finally upon us! Though I’ve heard that we’re in for a cool front, mostly warm days lie ahead and for that I am extremely thankful. There is something about the new life and warm sunshine that inspires hope and energy. It is also that time of year that we call “Spring Cleaning.” The Lord has saw fit to do some spring cleaning in me. He is clearing out the cobwebs in the areas of my life where I’ve become too lackadaisical and it has been painful. He is bringing me to the end of myself. It is easy, especially here in the States, to become too comfortable and to deceive myself into thinking that I have the strength I need for day-to-day living. The Lord has been breaking my independent spirit by revealing my sin of self-reliance and showing me how much I desperately need Him every single hour. It’s a hard lesson that the Lord, in His infinite patience, has to continually teach me. Currently, I am weary. Weary with my sin…weary with life in general…which is a good sign of who’s strength and energy I have been relying on: mine. Christ, however, in his everlasting wisdom and grace has reminded me of His promises to give strength to the weary (Isaiah 40:31), to take on my burden (Matthew 11:28) and to give me His energy to accomplish the tasks He has called me to (Colossians 1:29). Plus, He has given me the much needed opportunity to get out of Louisville for a few days and to enjoy the beautiful countryside in Missouri. :) My hope and prayer is that it will be a time of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.

Deja Vu

Since last fall my life has included much drama - especially regarding those of the male persuasion. I don't even like to watch drama on TV, much less do I want it in my own life (though not all of it has been negative). Yet, the Lord was pleased to grow me in new ways through these interactions and for that I am thankful. Jesus continues to help me realize and deal with my own fears and insecurities in this area; to identify the influence of American culture on my view of relationships and to rely on Him more and more. Through the most recent event, God has reminded me of His steadfast love and everlasting faithfulness. He does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is so gracious in overwhelming me with the sense of His sweet presence and of the reality that He is in complete control. He is my firm foundation and shelter during these little storms of life. 

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
Chorus
All of my life I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
But now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through - David Crowder Band

Some things that have happened (including the above) have made me question my discernment. Discernment is a gift that I believe the Lord has given me. By His Spirit, He usually prepares me in advance for things that will happen or gives me an indescribable assurance of His leading into certain situations or places. Recently, there have been a couple of areas that I was certain He was leading in, but the doors have closed. I have no idea what God is up to, but He promises to make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) and always keeps His promises. :) All of this reminds me of two years ago when I applied to serve overseas in South America. The Lord kept opening doors for me to go and then suddenly He closed them. BUT later He opened the doors wide for me to go to South Asia with a job assignment that resonated with the passions and gifts He has given me. His ways are truly not ours and, most of the time, I am really glad about that. :)

Yesterday, I spend the day with the Lord seeking His face about a few things and trying to gain insight and understanding as to what He is doing in my life. When I was questioning and interceding, He brought this Scripture to my mind, "What is that to you? You follow Me" (my paraphrase). I then went and looked up the verse and ran references on it. Later, I watched a sermon by Dr. Moore online and what Scripture did he "happen" to be preaching on? The one the Lord had just brought to my mind from John 21. As always, Jesus is right. I need to be focused on following Him and everything else will fall into place.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

On a slightly different note, the Lord has brought me encouragement from an unsuspecting place - my dad. As I updated him on the situation at hand, he was so sweet in giving me helpful advice, encouragement and offered prayer for the parties involved. It was a good conversation and I am so thankful to the Lord for it. :)

There are a few more things I'd like to mention (unrelated to the above), but those will have to wait until another post because this one is getting rather lengthy. Though, I will say one last thing: in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bought Lucky Charms today. :)

Freedom Sunday

Today is Freedom Sunday. A day set aside for fasting and prayer by the Not For Sale Campaign for the over 30 million people who are enslaved throughout the world. Most of these slaves are women and children that are forced to sell their bodies to meet the demands of the commercial sex industry. It is a horrific reality that exists in every country - including ours. Some of the modern-day slaves have been kidnapped and sold into this slavery, others have been deceived or led into it blindly and still others become slaves willingly out of economic desperation. Whether willingly or unwillingly, slavery needs to be stopped. The Church is slowly awaking from slumber to realize the overwhelming need to be the hands and feet of Christ and to speak up on behalf on the oppressed. Jesus is a God of justice (Isaiah 30:18) and we cannot, as His followers, stand by and do nothing.

Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9

I asked the Lord today how I can become more involved in being a light for Christ to the exploited and oppressed. Currently, I am involved in a local ministry that reaches out to women involved in the sex industry. These women do what they do either out of coercion or sheer desperation. They have little hope and they are forgotten by the church of Christ. It is a hard ministry that is full of darkness, but Christ has called His people to dark places. We are not to settle for a life of comfort and ease. Christ Jesus Himself left the glory of heaven to enter into our dark world. He is the Light and He shines in and overcomes the darkness (John 1:5). We are called to follow Him and become like Him.

There was a special church service held in South Korea today in honor of Freedom Sunday. I watched it online earlier this afternoon. David Bratstone was the speaker and he told the listeners to ask themselves this question: "Who own's me?" Now, that is an interesting question because most of us would consider ourselves free. But are we really? His point was that many of us have sold ourselves to materialism and other similar things so that we are not really free to pursue Christ or to make a difference. For those of us who call ourselves Christians, we belong to Christ. He owns us. Jesus bought our freedom with His blood and He frees His people to be agents of redemption throughout the world. We are His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20).

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Christ has set us free from sin and death and has made us right with God. But there are millions of people throughout the world who have neither spiritual nor physical freedom. They have no hope. It is up to us as the people of God to share the hope of Christ with them and to equip them to pursue a slave-free live because no one should be for sale.

Shifting Interests

It has been raining all day today and little rivers are forming in places where there used to be none. It is wet and damp, but the promise of spring still hangs like a light in the dark skies. It is already March and even though 2011 is quickly passing, the winter has seemed rather long. I am looking forward to warm, sunny days, extended daylight and to storing my winter coat. :)

The lessons from the Lord continue to be many. He has been shifting my priorities and interest and refocusing my attention on what really matters - HIM. One of my goals of the new year was to focus in on particular relationships and ministries. The Lord has helped me to do just that as one of the ministry leads I was following at RF fell through and the other outside ministry opened wide. Both ministries were more time consuming that I originally realized, so the Lord is so gracious in removing one so that I can focus more on the other. He truly does help us in our weaknesses (over-committing). He has done the same in my relationships as well. There are three people in particular that I consistently spend time with on a weekly basis and they are the ones that get priority with my time.

The way I spend my time is also getting an overhaul. I have been spending less time on the computer (hence the long silence since the last post) and more time with the Lord, with people and with books. I am currently reading two books right now: Radical by David Platt and Not for Sale by David Batstone. Both books have been extremely challenging and powerful. The first has made me reconsider how I spend my time and the priority I give Christ in my life. I do not seek Him as I should or desire Him as I should and my constant prayer is that my love for Him and satisfaction in Him would grow. The Lord has been so gracious to begin answering that prayer by turning my thoughts toward Him and by helping me to seek His Kingdom above all else  (Matthew 6:33). As I grow in my relationship with Christ, I am find that other things that I used to desire or be interested in no longer hold sway. For instance, I used to be a pretty die-hard NASCAR fan. I was faithful to watch the race every week, was upset if I was not able to and my day was determined by how well my driver did. I also watched all the pre- and post-race shows and some of the other shows throughout the week. I knew every driver and number and who were in the top 10 in points. I would even skip church-related activities so I wouldn't miss a race. I had it bad. BUT, over time, as I grew in and fell more in love with Christ and He gave me His desires, my interest in racing slowly faded. Before this past Daytona 500, I couldn't tell you the last time I had watched a NASCAR race. I can't even tell you what car my favorite driver drives. Now, don't get me wrong, I could still sit down and enjoy a race, but not with the same interest, intensity or concern. It's just not that important to me anymore, which I think is a good thing. It, hopefully, means that I am growing and maturing and becoming more like Jesus and that I am focused on what really matters.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I main gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness of God that depends of faith - that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:8-11