Jesus is My Life

Today marks the 10th year since I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. For the past several years, I have recounted my testimony of coming to faith in Christ (click the years to read them: 2008, 2009-1, 2009-2 or 2010). Each year I understand my journey of faith in deeper ways and find new ways to tell it. One of my favorite songs, All I Have Is Christ by Sovereign Grace, captures the power of the Gospel to transform a sinner's life and I am going to use it to tell how it transformed mine.

I once was lost in darkest night / Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life / Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own / A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first / I would refuse You still

Growing up in a Christian home exposed me to an awareness of God at an early age. My parents told me about Jesus, taught me to read the Bible and to pray. I saw God as this far-off being that I went to with requests and had no concept of a relationship with Him. As I grew older, I focused on being a "good girl" and excelling at everything I did. These things, however, were not enough. I had no peace and no direction.

But as I ran my hell-bound race / Indifferent to the costYou looked upon my helpless state / And led me to the crossAnd I beheld God's love displayed / You suffered in my placeYou bore the wrath reserved for me / Now all I know is grace

Indifferent. That was the perfect way to describe my view of God. I had no compelling desire to know Him and yet I had no hatred towards Him either. I was as Jesus describes "lukewarm." I would never deny His existence (with my actions maybe, but not verbally or intellectually), but then I didn't think I needed Him either. Regardless, I was in trouble and didn't know it. Jesus has strong words for those who are indifferent: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). BUT God knew I was helpless. I had no power in my self to come to Him or to even see my need for Him. I was spiritually dead. I was living life my way, in my power and for my glory - ignoring the very God who created me for HIS glory. Because of this, I was storing up for myself wrath from God (Romans 2:5). Now, how does one appease the anger of an holy and perfect God? Answer: one can't...it's impossible. BUT with God all things are possible and He provided the way for humanity to know Him. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to live the perfect, fully-pleasing-to-God life that we are unable to live. He obeyed all of God's commands perfectly. Then, He died a horrific and gruesome death on the cross to absorb God's anger toward us and to pay for all our sins (the bad things we do and say and think). He came back to life three days later in His own power to prove His power over sin and death and to show that His sacrifice on our behalf was pleasing to God. God became man to save man from Himself and for Himself. That is the Gospel and it is very good news.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone / And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands / Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life / In any way You choose And let my song forever be / My only boast is You

God had every right to leave me on the path I was on - the path to destruction. BUT He didn't. He in His grace intervened in my life so that I might know Him and fulfill the purpose for which He created me. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on how different my life would look right now if Christ had not called me to Himself and saved me. I recently heard a sermon from C.J. Mahaney that further spurred these reflections. He encouraged Christ-followers to "consider your origin, what you were and what you would have been apart from divine grace and look upon yourself now. Grace has made you to differ." He goes on to quote Spurgeon who put it this way, "Great Christian, you would have been a Great Sinner if God had not made you to differ." And it's true. My life would look radically different if Christ had not saved me from myself: I would not live in Louisville; I would not have attended Southern; I would have some form of an eating disorder; I would have had a much different dating and relationship history (instead of the very limited one I have had so far, which I praise God for); I would be pursuing the American dream instead of God's dream; I would be living without the peace, direction and satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus Christ and I would be destined for hell. The reality is that I have much to be thankful to God for. I am nothing without Christ. He has made me who I am and given me everything I have. The only thing that separates me from those I share Christ with (whether club dancers or those deceived by false religions) is the extravagant grace of God. And this is why I share with them. I want them to know the infinitely glorious and worthy God of the universe who made a way for all peoples to know Him through Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world. God has saved me and blessed me so that all the earth will see and savor the glory of Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ / Hallelujah! Jesus is my life