I have been reflecting on what the Lord has been doing in my life these past two years and this word keeps coming to mind. I believe that was the theme and one of the primary lessons of 2012 (after coming out of 2011, which was a year of brokenness) in almost every area of my life: contentment with the car I drive, with my job, with staying in Louisville, in my singleness, in my circumstances, and with the things God was calling me to do that weren’t necessarily in my plans. Now that’s not to say that I don’t still desire that some of these things were different or that I have “arrived” at some sort of perfect state of contentment, but it is to say that the Lord has done such a work in my heart and life to make me satisfied in where He has me. Contentment, like so many other things, is a gift that God so graciously lavishes on His children.
I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:10-13So this is where God has me and it is good. During this time, He has allowed me to build strong friendships, be a part of an amazing church body and ministry, live with my sister (again), and soak up His Word through sermons and conferences and Bible studies. For these things I am very thankful. Indeed, the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6). It’s only by His strength that I can be content in the things that I would not choose for myself.
In addition/connection (maybe they’re supposed to go together; I don’t know) to this, the Lord has been growing my internal joy and satisfaction in Him. He has been showering me with evidences of His grace. He has been lifting the burdens from my shoulders. He has been turning my sorrow into gladness. And it’s not because my circumstances have changed because, for the most part, they haven’t. There are still some pretty painful realities that I have to deal with, but He has reset my focus to focus on Him who is invisible (Hebrews 11:27), to focus on eternal things instead of things that are temporary (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). He has been so kind to do that. It’s only by His strength that I can keep a proper perspective when circumstances can be so brutal.
One of the sweetest evidences of these things is that God has filled my heart with praise. He has given me a new song (Psalm 40:3). Now I usually have some type of song to the Lord running through my mind, but this is different. Now I am singing out loud. I didn’t realize how much I had not been vocally singing (besides at church) until I was driving to Missouri a few weeks ago. I started singing with the CD I was listening to and realized that I hadn’t heard my voice like that in quite a while. Another sweet evidence is the amount of laughter the Lord has allowed into my life these past few weeks. I mean, for real, I haven’t laughed this much in such a long time (which is a shame because I love to laugh!). Both of these things are evidences of God’s grace. They are both much welcomed gifts from Him after experiencing such painful and difficult things. And part of me (sinfully) fears that they won’t last long, fears that I will return very soon to the dark valley I’ve been is for so, so long.
The Lord convicted me of this fear during the Scarlet Hope Retreat this past weekend. He showed me that I was not expecting Him to do good things or, at least, afraid to hope for good things. But God is a God of good intentions and purposes and plans and gifts (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28; Ephesians 3:20). He is good and He does good is what the Psalmist says (119:68). In fact, the Bible says that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). He rewards us with Himself (Jeremiah 29:12-14). So do you see how sinful it is to fear what God has in store for me? Forgive me, Father, and help my unbelief.
At the retreat, the Lord was so kind to give me rest. Not physical rest, because I really didn’t sleep that great, but something even better than sleep (which is pretty great) – rest in Him. Jesus Christ is Rest (as my pastor preached on Sunday). He gave me rest in His Word and in His presence. As we worshiped through song and prayer, the Lord was so gracious to overwhelm me with His presence. Something He hasn’t done in quite a long time. I’ve missed experiencing His presence in that way so much!
One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.
For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.
And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the LORD.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, LORD, do I seek.”
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living!
Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:4-8, 13-14
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