Sunday, July 29, 2012

Overspent

I must admit that I have experienced some dark days of the soul this past month or more. The Lord continues to reveal to me my sin and it is so vile that at times I feel physically sick. To top that off I have felt far from the Lord. Not that He has changed or distanced Himself, but I have. It hurts to even say that. Without even realizing it, I have taken continual steps away from the Lord and now I don’t know how to get back. But the Lord is ever-so gracious and, even though I have wandered, He has not let me out of His sight. He knows how to bring me back. He always seeks after His children (Matthew 8:12). He sought us out at first when we were living in rebellion against Him (Isaiah 53:6), and He continues to pursue our hearts as we wander away and get entangled with the cares of this life. I am so thankful that the Lord always completes the work He starts (Philippians 1:6).

While I was studying Matthew, one of the cross-references led me to this passage in Revelation:
“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” Revelation 2:2-5
These words cut right to my heart (Hebrews 4:12). Even though Jesus said these words to the church in Ephesus two thousand years ago, He meant them for me at that moment. He was right: my love for Him had faded and I needed do the things that stirred my affections for Him. I needed to be in His Word. Now I have been keeping my daily quiet times, but they were more like snacks as compared to the feast that I so desperately needed. I was giving away way more in ministry and service than I was taking in through God's Word and I was burnt out. I needed to spend some extended amounts of time with Jesus.

But when? As I looked at my schedule, there was hardly a moment to spare. Many of the activities that had been waiting to be scheduled all seemed to fall in consecutive days over the past few weeks. All I wanted now was to spend hours alone with Christ, but I couldn’t. I was to busy. Through this the Lord help me realize that I had bought into a lie. I had convinced myself that since I was single, I needed to be spent for the gospel (which I’ve posted about before here and here). And while there is truth to that, I also need to be using this time to go deeper with Christ. There is such a thing as being overspent for the gospel. While the Lord does want me to serve Him and spread the message and hope of Christ, He is more interested in my heart. Once again, I’ve been a Martha and not a Mary.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42
I cannot even tell you how many times the Lord has convicted me with this passage over the last ten years. My default is Martha, but I do long to be a Mary. The Lord knows I need help, though. :) He has been graciously showing me things that I can weed out of my schedule, so that I can spend more time with Him. I have taken the next two weeks off from ministry for this very purpose, and I am excited to see what the Lord does!
Therefore say to them, Thus declares the Lord of hosts: Return to me, says the Lord of hosts, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. Zechariah 1:3

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