One of the benefits of being a single woman in my late twenties is that I know that dating and relationships and marriages aren’t just one big fairy tale. That bubble was burst long ago. The Lord has also shown me the culture’s influence in my ideas and standards of dating so that I have gotten rid of a lot of unessential expectations and qualifications that find no basis in God’s Word, so that when a friend does ask me my thoughts on her dating a Christian brother who’s asked her out, I have three questions I generally ask:
1. Are you interested? I mean, don’t just say yes because it feels good to be pursued. Don’t let him take you out if you already know you don’t want to go on a second date.One little piece of advice I am more hesitant to give, however, is one that I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve had said to me (and, yes, I have said it numerous times to other ladies as well), and, that is, “Guard your heart.” This phrase derives from Proverbs 4:23 (NIV):
2. Do you respect him/do you think you could follow his leadership? I realize that this question requires some kind of previous interaction with the guy, so it may not be answerable at first, but it is a question to keep in mind.
3. Is God leading you to date this person? This is the question that trumps the other questions, regardless of how the first two are answered.
Above all else, guard your heart,Now this verse is actually not in the context of relationships at all. It is, instead, calling believers to protect what kind of influences we allow into our lives because what we allow to influence us will shape us. Proverbs is all about walking in wisdom and to do that we must know and fear and obey the Lord. Nonetheless, this phrase is a common one in the dating world (I am not sure if it is with guys, but it definitely is with women).
for everything you do flows from it.
Now I think the general meaning behind this phrase when applied to dating is “be careful, don’t let your feelings run away with you, don’t read into things, etc.” But the phrase itself is not very practical or clear advice. My sinful heart hears those words and says, “Guard your heart = disconnect yourself from all emotion so you don’t get hurt,” and so that’s what I did in the past and it's what I’m learning not to do now.
Now I have that natural sinful tendency anyway without any prompting. This is very anti-biblical (hence the adjective sinful). God tells us to love others and we can only love others by letting them into our lives, being vulnerable, and letting our guard down, so to speak. This applies to every kind of relationship. The truth is, relationships are messy and will be painful at some point. There is no way to guard against that unless you become anti-social altogether (which is also unbiblical and unnatural – God made us to be in relationship with both Him and others). In any relationship – whether with family or friends or dating – your heart and feelings are going to become involved. You will become attached. That’s just how it works. It’s deceptive to believe otherwise (and I am mainly preaching to myself here!), but, then again, sin is deceitful. That’s its nature and power, but God in His mercy exposes our sin for what it is and frees us with the truth (John 8:32) of His Word and the provision of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:2; Galatians 5:1).
The truth is we do not have the power to guard our hearts in this way and the Bible doesn’t command us to do this. Instead, the Bible commands us to guard our affections so that Christ and only Christ is central. He should be the object of all our love and devotion and thoughts and concern and desire. Him and Him alone. Not friends, not family, not dating relationships, or any other person or thing. They do not satisfy and they do not ultimately last. Jesus Christ alone satisfies us and He satisfies us forever (John 4:13-14).
You open your hand;For more on this topic see these articles from Revive Our Hearts and True Woman.
You satisfy the desire of every living thing. Psalm 145:16
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