Deeper Understanding

I am currently in Southern Missouri soaking up the countryside and taking a much needed breather from the daily demands and responsibilities of life. The Lord has been ever so gracious to answer mine and Kristi's prayers for a restful and relaxing weekend with beautiful weather.

The Lord has recently revealed to me something that I have allowed to become an idol in my life, namely, the understanding of what He has been doing. One of the verses the Lord continues to use in my life is Proverbs 3:5-6:

    Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
        and do not lean on your own understanding.
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
        and he will make straight your paths.

These are words I strive to live by. I do not want to make decisions in my own strength, but in His strength. I do not want to rely on my own limited wisdom, but on the infinite wisdom of my sovereign God. But what the Lord has shown me is that instead of fully trusting Him, I have been relying on my understanding of what I think He is doing. I have been tying to connect the dots of how He is working and figure out what He is doing, and when I connect a few dots, I run with it. But the Lord doesn't want me to trust in how I perceive Him to be working; He wants me to trust HIM. This is hard. I like answers and desperately want them, so much so that my focus has shifted from Christ to trying to figure out what He's doing. As messed up as this sounds (and sin is messed up!), I have made trying to understand what God is doing (which is in itself a good thing) into an idol (which is sin). The Lord has been very kindly and gently showing me this over the past few weeks, but He hit me with it full-force this morning at Meadow Heights. Pastor Bryan was giving an update on the fire that occurred at the AV campus and in so doing was testifying to the sovereignty of God over the fire and the delay that will now occur with future expansion plans. He shared this verse, which the Lord led him to in his personal study:

The Lord directs our steps,
so why try to understand everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24 NLT

Guilty, guilty, guilty. I am really struggling with this, and it's frustrating. Why can't I just rest in the Lord? He knows what He's doing and He doesn't need my help and He doesn't need my understanding of what He's doing. In my pride, I have been occupying myself with things to great and too wonderful for me (Job 42:3; Psalm 131:1). Verse seven of Proverbs three continues with this warning: "Be not wise in your own eyes." Which is what I have been doing. The truth is that the secret things belong to the Lord and only what He chooses to reveal is what is mine (Deuteronomy 29:29). He has given me everything I need to walk in faithfulness to Him (2 Peter 1:3). I need nothing else and any understanding He chooses to give me is a gift from Him.

One connection He has allowed me to make was when I was recently reading through my past journal entries of the last couple of years. As I was reading, I realized that the trials and lessons and struggles that I have faced these past 18 months or so have been a direct result of things for which I have been praying. Although, admittedly, they were not the answers I envisioned, the Lord has been graciously answering the cries of my heart for more of Him and less of me (John 3:30). It is a testament to the fact that we don't always fully understand what we're praying for (John 10:38). Here is a sampling of the requests that the Lord has been pleased to answer:

“make me like Christ in every way”
“give me patience”
“teach me how to wait” (For real, who prays for that???)
“kill my pride”
“make me more humble”
“break me”
“be my only satisfaction”
"help me to be more vulnerable with others"
“remove all the dross from my life”
"remove all the idols of my life”

Etc, etc. The Lord is obviously pleased with these kinds of prayers because He has been answering all of them at one time. I look at these and I’m like, “Rachel, these are good things to pray, but did you have to ask for them all at once?” :) But, obviously, it was the Lord’s will for me to do so. It is the will of the Father to make each of His children more like Christ (1 Thessalonians 4:3). His Holy Spirit gave me these desires and led me to pray what I did. And I would pray them all over again and I will continue to pray them because, even though they bring the refining and disciplining hand of the Lord, I know that the end result (more of Christ) is worth it. Even in the midst of the pain that these answered prayers have caused there is great joy because I know that the Lord is fulfilling His purposes in and through me (Psalm 138:8). In John 16:24, Jesus tells us to ask so that we will receive so that our joy may be full. The ESV footnote to this verse says:

Ask, and you will receive reminds believers that frequent answers to prayer will give Jesus' followers great joy as they see God actively at work in the world in answer to their prayers.

And it's true. It is encouraging to see that the Lord is answering my prayers for more of Christ. Everything He allows in my life is for that purpose. He works all things for good (Romans 8:28). Nothing comes into my life that does not first pass through His sovereign hand. In this there is hope and joy and freedom and, although I cannot say I am thankful for the pain or the circumstances themselves, I am thankful for the what Jesus is doing in me and for what He is teaching me. Pray that I will fully embrace all that He is doing and trust Him more fully.

There are many more lessons that I have learned in the darkness of these past 18 months, but the ones in this blog series have been the dominant ones and I pray that the Lord will continue to work these lessons deep within me and use them to further His kingdom purposes in making much of Christ.

What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. Matthew 10:27