Work
For starters—and this wasn’t really my choice—I have to wear dresses/skirts for work. Now I have nothing against dresses and skirts and it may seem weird that wearing them is against my reserved nature, but those who know me well, know that I don’t show my legs. I haven’t wore shorts since the seventh grade and I only occasionally wear skirts/dresses. That changed in January, though, when I began working at Southern where the dress code requires women to wear dresses or skirts. I don’t like showing that much of my skin (i.e. legs) so this exposed one of my insecurities. And I will admit that at first I was very self-conscious, but after several months I got over it (which is a good thing). I mean, I least my legs were still covered by pantyhose, that is, until the dress code changed last week and pantyhose are no longer required. Now I could technically still wear pantyhose, but, seriously, who really wants to? So I am learning to get comfortable with this increased level of exposure. I know this sounds ridiculous (and it is), but it is the truth, and it is good for my sanctification because at the root of insecurity is fear and fear is anti-God. The Apostle Paul says that God’s love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) – even little fears like this one.
Socially
So far this year I have been to a dance party (seminary student related – don’t worry), I have sung karaoke (which was partially videoed), and I went contra dancing for the first time (and loved it!). The first two definitely weren’t my thing, but were good experiences, but the last one was so much fun and I plan to do again if given the opportunity. All of them, though, were good ways to build relationships and kick self-consciousness in the face.
I have also been developing some deep friendships with some of the godly women the Lord has placed in my life. I meet with two ladies for prayer and accountability every week (one each week) and have made an intentional effort to go deeper with the ladies at RF. Even though I would (selfishly) prefer to keep most people at arms length, these relationships have been great blessings and the Lord is continually teaching me the importance of His body, the church (not the building, but other believers). The Lord has a lot to say about this in His Word, especially in Ephesians and First John.
Ministry
Let me just say that ministry is usually out of our comfort zones. We are naturally selfish, so ministry, by definition, pulls us out of ourselves. Now some methods of ministry I find more comfortable than others because of the gifts and abilities the Lord has given me, but I find the Lord likes to call me to do things that I don’t especially feel equipped to do – like teach or speak in public settings. So far this year, the Lord has allowed me to—dare I say—lead the congregation in prayer during a couple of our Sunday morning services at RF; He has given me the opportunity to speak at my sister’s Sunday School class regarding Scarlet Hope; He allowed me to teach a parable to the kids during VBS; and He constantly empowers me to teach children’s Sunday School every Sunday at RF. All of these situations force me to rely more on God and seek His strength because public speaking and teaching don’t come “naturally” to me. I am quite inadequate to do both, but where I am weak (in all these situations), Jesus Christ proves to be very strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).
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| Storying with the kids during VBS |
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