Lessons Learned in the Dark : Singleness

Singleness is rarely a subject I talk about, much less blog about. So this post is deeply personal, but, yet, this is my current lot in life. I am 28 and I am single. And it is good because God says it is good (Psalm 16:6; 1 Corinthians 7:38). The Lord in His sovereignty has brought me to this point in my life and has arranged my circumstances just the way He wants them.

Now there is a lot of talk about a “call” to singleness. And, I guess, there is a such thing, but I see it mainly as a day-to-day thing. I can’t confidently say that I am called to be single for the rest of my life (though that may be true), but I can confidently say that this is what the Lord has called me to right now. And with every calling there are joys and challenges and responsibilities, and singleness is no different. The greatest challenge is learning to be content where God has me and the greatest joy is knowing I can give my undivided attention to the Lord, being free to go wherever He calls with the drop of a hat. The constant temptation is to look at others around me and want what they have, like the Israelites who wanted a king like the nations around them, even though God was their King. In the same way, my Maker is my husband (Isaiah 54:5), so I am not to desire what others have. God is all I need. More than that, He is the real Bridegroom, the perfect Husband (John 3:29; Revelation 21:2). Every marriage is just a picture, just a copy, just a shadow of the Reality that is to come (Ephesians 5:22-32; Hebrews 9; Revelation 21-22).

I want you to be free from anxieties…And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34-35

I remember first studying this passage when I was in college and thinking, “If being married is going to distract me from the Lord, then I don’t want it.” So I went through college with no desire to be married, but over time my desires changed. So now I would like to get married, but I also know that is not ultimately up to me. It’s up to God. “Lord, Your will be done.”

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him…So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. Are you bound to a wife [or husband], Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife [or husband]? Do not seek a wife [or husband]. 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24, 27

First, let me just point out that a woman should not be trying to find a husband. That is the man’s job. Girls should not be pursuing guys. Anyway, back to the passage. I used to find this passage rather difficult. I mean, Paul is telling us believers to stay in the same state in which we were called: if  single, stay single; if married, stay married. Although marriage is the normal pattern for believers (and the rest of humanity), Paul elevates singleness because of the freedom it gives for service and devotion to the Lord. So when I read this, I find within me two desires. On one hand, I have the desire to be married, but, on the other hand, I want this better life that Paul is describing (1 Corinthians 7:38). Then one day, the Holy Spirit gave me further insight into this passage. I was missing the point. The point is not about being married or unmarried, but living in obedience to the Lord (and being content in that obedience). He designs for some to marry and some not to marry, but each are to serve Him faithfully, whole-heartedly and joyfully. Paul tells us to lead the life that God has assigned to us. We are not to seek these other things. Why? Because Jesus says there is only one thing we should be seeking:

But seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Now I am not saying that God will give you whatever you want if you are seeking the Kingdom. Because if you are obeying this verse, then you are not concerned about what you want. You want what God wants. God gives you the desire to want what He wants (Philippians 2:13).

So this I know: my current calling is singleness. Forever? I don’t know; I hope not, but it’s highly possible. Because the other thing I know is that the Lord has called me to serve Him abroad. And as I progress further along in the application process to serve overseas, I am coming face-to-face with singleness in whole different way (because it is not something I am constantly aware of or dwell on). I could stay here in hopes for a husband and if that were my aim, I probably would, but it’s not my aim. My one aim in life is not marriage (or any other thing for that matter), maybe if it were I would already be married, but it’s not. My aim is to please and follow Christ.

So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9

My aim is Christ. I want more and more of Him. All of Him. What does that look like? For me personally, it means a total surrender of my desires and plans to His. All of me for all of Christ (pretty much the best exchange ever!). It means following Him wherever that may lead and being satisfied completely in Him. It means pouring myself in faithful service to Him in whatever ministry He calls me to. And He is taking me to only He knows where. :)