Let Us GO to Him

Today is Good Friday. The day that Jesus suffered and died on the cross, fulfilling the very purpose for which He came to earth. To reflect on the weight of this day, listen to this. Jesus took on the full wrath (anger) of God that was meant for us. He did not deserve the punishment. We did. Yet He bore it willingly. He suffered outside the camp (Hebrews 13:11-3) - away from the comforts and prestige of Jerusalem. And He calls His followers to join Him there (outside the camp). According to John Piper, this means leaving our comfortable lives to live in radical obedience to Christ. Relating to those who are different from us, going somewhere we have never gone and doing things we have never done for the sake of Christ are all ways to go "outside the camp." Jesus did not call His followers to huddle together in isolation from the rest of the world. In fact, He prayed that the Father would not take them out of the world (John 17:5). The footnote on John 17:5 in the ESV study bible puts it like this:

The place of believers during this lifetime is not to withdraw from the world but to remain in the world and influence it continually for good, as difficult as that may be. 

So the call to us who follow Christ is to go.

And Jesus said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:18-20

Go to Jesus outside the camp. Go to the nations. Go and make disciples. Go. This does not necessarily mean that you have to pack your bag and move overseas (though it can mean that), but that you are always willing to be about the Father's business - wherever and whatever that means. This going looks differently in each of our lives. For me, it means going to the internationals that God has brought to Louisville and building relationships with them. It also means going to clubs to serve women who sell their bodies to make ends meet. For all of us it means that we are willing to give ourselves completely to Christ and His cause the way He gave Himself completely for us. While Jesus was on earth, He was constantly moving from place to place, putting aside Himself in order to meet the needs of others. Then He gave Himself in the ultimate sense by giving His life. The sermon I heard last week talked about this fact and really got me thinking: how much do I hold back from those I am serving? I need to give myself more fully to those around me - whether in ministry to nonbelievers or in fellowship with believers. It's not about me or my schedule or my desires, but about Christ and serving others in His name with the strength He supplies. It is not about just getting to know those I am serving, but allowing them to get to know me as well.

So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through His own blood. Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city but we seek the city that is to come. Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13:12-16

Aged Like Fine Wine... :)

Waiting, the Word and (not) Wasting

It's been a little bit since my last post. My silence is due to both not having the time and not having the motivation to blog. Primarily the latter as I have been quite anti-transparent lately. This year has been quite a difficult one...mainly because of the war that has been waging inside me. Suffice to say that those thoughts are delegated to my personal journal and possibly to those whom I deeply trust...possibly.

The Lord has not been silent, though. His messages have been consistent and strong. "Hear My voice." "Stay on the Path." "Follow Me." "Wait." This last one is the hardest. I don't know exactly what I am waiting for or how long I will have to wait. All I know is my Savior says, "Wait." So I will...with His strength. He is in full-control of my life and knows exactly where He is leading to me. In that I can take comfort.

The Lord has been so incredibly gracious to give me rich times in His Word. I am currently journeying through John until Easter (a chapter a day). I have been using the online ESV Study Bible to run references on each verse. The study has made me see more clearly the overall narrative of John, the perfect focus of Christ to do the Father's will, the constant call of Jesus for people to follow Him and the deity of Jesus Christ (the God-Man). I have also been slowly working through 1 Peter 3:4-6 (one key word at a time) to replace the time in the morning when I would be applying make-up, which I have given up for a while to focus on "inner beauty." This study too has been most enlightening as the Lord has taught me about the things that are precious to Him and how I need to trust Him more.

I have been listening and re-listening to a sermon by John Piper in my car this past week and a half or so about not wasting my life. I am gripped by almost every word as I do not want to waste the life God has given me. He talks about making Christ look great in every aspect of our lives by counting all things as loss compared to knowing Him. I am still trying to figure out how that looks exactly in my own life...but it is becoming my driving passion to do so. It is so easy to be distracted with anything and everything else that doesn't compare to His value. I guess this is one of those life-long battles of the Christian life: resisting all so that I can say "yes" to Christ. I want more of Him and I want all that He has for me (whatever that may look like). For it is my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing I will be ashamed by with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether in life or in death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:20-21).

The Discipline of Dependence

I wrote this poem three years ago and ran across it this evening, so I thought I'd share:

Reaching for the Prize,
it seems so far away
Longing for the eternal,
but caught up in the day 

Oh these wayward thoughts,
why do they afflict me so?
Lord, give me strength to focus
on You, on You alone 

The beauty and worth of Christ,
Father give me eyes to see
That I may find my Satisfaction
and be brought to my knees 

All day long I try to plan
how things are to be
What a foolish child I am
to think that power lies in me 

"Trust in Me," I hear you say,
"for I alone am wise."
Yet I feel myself resist
and foolish pride arise 

Holy Spirit, come and teach me
how to step in time with You
Light the path before me
and give me hope anew 

The discipline of dependence,
how difficult to learn
Yet I know it is needed
and for its fruit I yearn 

Soon I will see my Savior,
in His presence, face-to-face
Then all the struggles of the flesh
will have no hold or place

Relaxing and Reminiscing

I had a wonderful, relaxing time in Missouri last weekend. Exactly what I had asked God for (minus the snow :). It was nice to get away and just chill for a few days and spend time with family. We didn't do anything much, but we did laugh a whole lot. :) My dad read to my sister and me from her Kindle. He read the end of Pilgrim's Progress. It is the first time I can remember him reading a book to us and it's one of those moments I will treasure.

While I was home, I was going through my filing cabinet and ran across a notebook from college. It in I found sermon notes, prayers and inspiring quotes. I even found a list for my ideal mate, which was pretty amusing. It had 27 things (!), which I am sure would be pretty intimidating for any guy. The Lord has brought me a long way since then, though, and now I only have 2 things on my "list" (both of which are pretty specific and neither of which I will budge on). One of the prayers was a response to the reading I had just done in Acts 6-7:

Verse that spoke to me: 7:3
"Get thee out of thy country (America), and from thy relatives (family), and come into the land which I shall show thee."
Is this not my future? For God has called me to something bigger than myself and my present lifestyle.
Use me as You please, Lord Jesus.

I believe that the Lord is continually answering this prayer.

I also got to spend some extra time with the Lord - reflecting on what He has done and is doing in my life, spending time in His Word and submitting myself to do whatever He leads. He continues to teach me about prayer and depending on Him (which goes hand-in-hand). I think I am in a period of preparation for whatever God has in store. Much of the verses, sermons and the like that Jesus sends my way have to do with waiting on Him, staying on the right path and hearing His voice. It is no wonder that the Bible exhorts Christ-followers to be strong and courageous as we wait on the Lord (Psalm 27:14). It's hard to wait!

I have started re-reading Elisabeth Elliot's Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. It is one of my favorite books and for some reason Jim Elliot has been on my mind lately. I did just read Psalm 91 last night, which may have something to do with it (where the title of the book comes from). He is one of my heroes in the faith. His life is one that encourages, inspires and challenges me...and I hope my life reflects a desire for Christ and impacts the Kingdom of Christ the way his did (and still does).

Jesus is My Life

Today marks the 10th year since I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. For the past several years, I have recounted my testimony of coming to faith in Christ (click the years to read them: 2008, 2009-1, 2009-2 or 2010). Each year I understand my journey of faith in deeper ways and find new ways to tell it. One of my favorite songs, All I Have Is Christ by Sovereign Grace, captures the power of the Gospel to transform a sinner's life and I am going to use it to tell how it transformed mine.

I once was lost in darkest night / Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life / Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own / A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first / I would refuse You still

Growing up in a Christian home exposed me to an awareness of God at an early age. My parents told me about Jesus, taught me to read the Bible and to pray. I saw God as this far-off being that I went to with requests and had no concept of a relationship with Him. As I grew older, I focused on being a "good girl" and excelling at everything I did. These things, however, were not enough. I had no peace and no direction.

But as I ran my hell-bound race / Indifferent to the costYou looked upon my helpless state / And led me to the crossAnd I beheld God's love displayed / You suffered in my placeYou bore the wrath reserved for me / Now all I know is grace

Indifferent. That was the perfect way to describe my view of God. I had no compelling desire to know Him and yet I had no hatred towards Him either. I was as Jesus describes "lukewarm." I would never deny His existence (with my actions maybe, but not verbally or intellectually), but then I didn't think I needed Him either. Regardless, I was in trouble and didn't know it. Jesus has strong words for those who are indifferent: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). BUT God knew I was helpless. I had no power in my self to come to Him or to even see my need for Him. I was spiritually dead. I was living life my way, in my power and for my glory - ignoring the very God who created me for HIS glory. Because of this, I was storing up for myself wrath from God (Romans 2:5). Now, how does one appease the anger of an holy and perfect God? Answer: one can't...it's impossible. BUT with God all things are possible and He provided the way for humanity to know Him. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to live the perfect, fully-pleasing-to-God life that we are unable to live. He obeyed all of God's commands perfectly. Then, He died a horrific and gruesome death on the cross to absorb God's anger toward us and to pay for all our sins (the bad things we do and say and think). He came back to life three days later in His own power to prove His power over sin and death and to show that His sacrifice on our behalf was pleasing to God. God became man to save man from Himself and for Himself. That is the Gospel and it is very good news.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone / And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands / Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life / In any way You choose And let my song forever be / My only boast is You

God had every right to leave me on the path I was on - the path to destruction. BUT He didn't. He in His grace intervened in my life so that I might know Him and fulfill the purpose for which He created me. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on how different my life would look right now if Christ had not called me to Himself and saved me. I recently heard a sermon from C.J. Mahaney that further spurred these reflections. He encouraged Christ-followers to "consider your origin, what you were and what you would have been apart from divine grace and look upon yourself now. Grace has made you to differ." He goes on to quote Spurgeon who put it this way, "Great Christian, you would have been a Great Sinner if God had not made you to differ." And it's true. My life would look radically different if Christ had not saved me from myself: I would not live in Louisville; I would not have attended Southern; I would have some form of an eating disorder; I would have had a much different dating and relationship history (instead of the very limited one I have had so far, which I praise God for); I would be pursuing the American dream instead of God's dream; I would be living without the peace, direction and satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus Christ and I would be destined for hell. The reality is that I have much to be thankful to God for. I am nothing without Christ. He has made me who I am and given me everything I have. The only thing that separates me from those I share Christ with (whether club dancers or those deceived by false religions) is the extravagant grace of God. And this is why I share with them. I want them to know the infinitely glorious and worthy God of the universe who made a way for all peoples to know Him through Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world. God has saved me and blessed me so that all the earth will see and savor the glory of Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ / Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Spring Cleaning

Spring is finally upon us! Though I’ve heard that we’re in for a cool front, mostly warm days lie ahead and for that I am extremely thankful. There is something about the new life and warm sunshine that inspires hope and energy. It is also that time of year that we call “Spring Cleaning.” The Lord has saw fit to do some spring cleaning in me. He is clearing out the cobwebs in the areas of my life where I’ve become too lackadaisical and it has been painful. He is bringing me to the end of myself. It is easy, especially here in the States, to become too comfortable and to deceive myself into thinking that I have the strength I need for day-to-day living. The Lord has been breaking my independent spirit by revealing my sin of self-reliance and showing me how much I desperately need Him every single hour. It’s a hard lesson that the Lord, in His infinite patience, has to continually teach me. Currently, I am weary. Weary with my sin…weary with life in general…which is a good sign of who’s strength and energy I have been relying on: mine. Christ, however, in his everlasting wisdom and grace has reminded me of His promises to give strength to the weary (Isaiah 40:31), to take on my burden (Matthew 11:28) and to give me His energy to accomplish the tasks He has called me to (Colossians 1:29). Plus, He has given me the much needed opportunity to get out of Louisville for a few days and to enjoy the beautiful countryside in Missouri. :) My hope and prayer is that it will be a time of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.