Surrender

“God always gives his best to those who leave the choice with Him.”
― Jim Elliot

Back in February, the Lord began dealing with me on the topic of surrender. He brought to my attention several areas of my life that I was trying to control or wanting to control instead of entrusting them to Him. These areas were causing me much anxiety. I was worried about my mom and my sister and that my future wouldn’t turn out the way that I wanted. So the Lord began bringing this lack of trust, these anxious thoughts, and the things I needed to surrender to my attention. And I didn’t like it. Surrendering is not easy. It does not come naturally. And it took months of reading the Bible and listening to messages and reading other Christian books and talking to other believers to move my stubborn heart in the direction of even wanting to release my cares and dreams to God.

I began reading a trilogy by Nancy Leigh DeMoss that covered three topics: brokenness, surrender, and holiness. I resonated with the first part (Brokenness) as I could see the work of the Lord over the past several years to break me of my self-sufficient and prideful spirit. Yes, I could relate to what DeMoss was saying, the stories she recounted, and the Scripture promises she wove throughout that section. In fact, it was really encouraging to think about all the good purposes God had in mind in the pruning work He had been doing.

But then the next section came: Surrender. Suddenly, I wasn’t so encouraged; I was challenged. Surrender follows brokenness. God was indeed chipping away the areas of my life that were not pleasing to Him, like the grand Master Sculptor and Architect He is, but I had a part to play as well. There were some things I needed to let go of and entrust to His sovereign care and plan. I needed to surrender my will regarding the location and type of my/our future ministry. I needed to surrender how I wanted to be used by God. I needed to surrender to God’s will for our future family (i.e. what it will look like, motherhood, etc.). The brokenness God had been doing in my life was bringing me to a place of total surrender to God’s will – no matter what that might mean.

And it was hard. Hard to let go of my dreams. Hard to let go of my ambition. How to let go to my self-determination. Hard to let go of my fears. Hard to let go of what I wanted out of life. I desire so much for my life to count for Christ and His Kingdom, but I wanted it to count in the manner I wanted it to. And that was the problem. That was what I needed to surrender. And Jesus, who was completely surrendered to do God’s will, is my example:

And going a little farther, [Jesus] fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup [of God’s wrath for the sins of the world] from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:35-36

That is the heart of surrender: a heart that is completely and utterly yielded to God and His will. I have been asking God to cultivate in me such a heart. And, slowly (and very imperfectly), I have been relinquishing these things, entrusting them to my Perfect and Good Heavenly Father.

And what I’m learning, together with the last post, is that surrender and sacrifice go together. These are the questions I face in the prospect of surrendering my will and my plans…in surrendering my very self. Will I sacrifice my body, my time, my dreams, my expectations, etc. to what God has in store for me? Will I allow Him to have His way with me? Isn’t that the calling of marriage and motherhood and the totality of the Christian life – laying myself down for the sake of God and others? Even if that means staying in the States (!), even if that means my ministry will look different than I envisioned, even if that means serving God in a more well-developed, Western nation, even if that means laying down ministry ambitions for the more quieter ministry of motherhood (and I’m not pregnant, so stand down :). Yes; even if it means all of these things. God knows what is best. He created me and He knows what my life is for and how to use it to maximize His glory and my joy. So, with His help, I am choosing to bow to His will – whatever that may be and whatever it may entail. That is what Jesus did. He joyfully sacrificed His life and joyfully submitted to the will of the Father to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5-11). He did this for the good of the world (John 3:16) and the joy of His people and for His own eternal joy (Hebrews 12:1-3).

Lord, have Your way with me.

 

Sacrifice

“We are the sheep of His pasture. ‘Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise’ [Psalm 100:4]. And what is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise.” – Jim Elliot quoted in Shadow of the Almighty

Back in the month of May [Yes; it has taken me this long to get around to writing this], while reading through my Bible reading plan and while traveling to Missouri for Mother’s Day, God continually brought one word to my attention: sacrifice.

Over the course of May 6th through 8th, I read the following verses:

• Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High…The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God! Psalm 50:14, 23
• The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise…then will you delight in right sacrifices,in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar. Psalm 51:17, 19
• I appeal to you therefore, brothers,by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1
• Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God…Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:16, 20-21

And also the next week on May 14th, I read:

• As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5

When I see a common theme or word repeatedly in a short amount of time, I think it’s important to lean in and listen to what God is trying to say. He’s obviously trying to get my attention.  He is the most diligent and purposeful Teacher.

I read these verses during a time when I was discouraged and downcast. Life at the time seemed hard. I was not content. I complained inwardly about my job (was I doing any good there?) and about Pittsburgh (all the reasons why I don’t like it) and about Daniel being gone and barely getting to communicate with him. I was still going to church and small group and reading my Bible and praying and even serving in ministry, but my heart was a wreck.

So what was God saying to me? I think it was: “I delight in inward sacrifice. These are the sacrifices that please Me.” I was sacrificing my time and energy for these spiritual disciplines (which we should do!) without checking my heart in the process. God says to King Saul when he disobeyed him:

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,and to listen than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22

Don’t get me wrong, we should sacrifice time and energy (and probably more than we normally do) in reading our Bibles and praying and serving and fellowshipping with other believers, but God sees behind our actions and cares more about our hearts. More than any external sacrifices we can make, God says these are the sacrifices that please Him: the sacrifice of thanksgiving, the sacrifice of a broken heart and contrite (repentant) spirit, the sacrifice of every ounce of our lives (living sacrifice), which includes our relationships and plans and jobs and finances and hobbies and every single aspect of who we are. Doing good and sharing what we have with others are also sacrifices that bring delight to God. These are spiritual sacrifices that are acceptable in God’s sight. They please Him. Imagine! We can bring delight to the most Powerful and Beautiful and Holy Being in the universe by being thankful and humbling ourselves before Him!

God is good to us. We have no reason to grumble and complain. We have no reason ultimately to despair. When we do, we dishonor Him. But when we look past our circumstances and feelings, we see that this life is only “light” and “momentary” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). God has given us every spiritual blessing in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:3). He saved us from darkness and death and eternal separation from Him. He displayed His great love for us by going to great and costly lengths to restore us to Himself. When we have Jesus Christ, we have everything. Therefore, there is no reason to complain. There is no reason to not be content. By God’s grace and power, we can learn to be thankful (James 1:3) and learn to be content (Philippians 4:13) no matter what.

And because Jesus greatly sacrificed Himself for us, holding nothing back, we can sacrifice ourselves completely – inwardly and outwardly; mind, body, and soul; thoughts, attitudes, emotions, and actions – for Him. Why wouldn’t we want to? For the love of Christ transforms and compels us to live for God and others just the way He did. In sacrificing what we think we deserve or our preoccupation with our circumstances, we aren’t actually sacrificing anything at all. It is in giving up all the things that we tend to cling to that we will gain more than we could ever imagine. Our Savior gave up everything for us. He expects no less in return. "Give Him thanks then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise."

Reflections on a Year Ago Today :: Engagement

One year ago today Daniel asked me to marry him at Radnor Lake in Nashville. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day (my favorite) in the midst of wildlife (my favorite) surrounded by lots of trees (my favorite). It was simple, laid back, and fun. So, in short, it was perfect (and so was the simple, classy ring he picked out for me). :)

Just-engaged-selfie

A lot has happened since then, including getting married (nine months ago yesterday). We’ve experienced a lot of change together. We’ve faced some difficulties as a new couple (family illnesses, adjusting to a new city, finding a new church, broken cars and drains and fridges), but adjusting to marriage itself has been relatively smooth. That is not because of us. I am overwhelmed with the grace that God continues to lavish on our marriage. We’ve both been incredibly blessed by this gift of marriage from God. And although it’s hard to daily die to self, to continually strive (with God’s enabling Spirit) to put the interests of Daniel before my own, to see my sin exposed for what it really is (ugly, deep, ever-present – I’m worse than I thought), God has been pleased to help us do just those things (though we will always have room for growth). It is Jesus in us that helps us to love as He loved, to bear with one another’s weaknesses, to seek the good of the other person. I believe that the closer you are in your relationship to Christ, the more these fruits of His character will overflow from you. I’m not there yet by any means, but I have seen the freedom to love others that come when we are secure in Him and are drawing near to Him and finding our satisfaction in Him alone.

So the word I would use to characterize mine and Daniel’s marriage is grace because God has filled our marriage with much, much grace (and love, of course!). The passage below is one of the ones we selected to be read at our wedding ceremony. I believe it is foundational to all relationships (not just spousal) and should be the goal of every mature believer in Christ. I believe it is one of the passages that is foundational to our marriage and undergirds how Daniel and I relate to one another.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8

Jesus could have rightly claimed the praises He was due in heaven. He is God. But, instead, He put our interests, our needs, above His own rights. He left His rightful place in heaven, setting aside His glory, so that He could become nothing in order that we could be saved. He lived for us, was tortured and murdered for us, was buried for us, and then was raised for us. All so that we could know Him and enjoy Him and share in His glory. This is the “mind of Christ” that we are supposed to have: a sacrificing mind, a loving mind, an other-centered mind. That is the disposition we are to have with everyone we interact with, especially those closest to us. And if you are a follower of Christ, then this mind is yours in Christ Jesus. By God’s grace and Spirit, let us become who we are in Him.

The Remedy

I have been thinking about my dad this past week…and about how much I hate cancer. There were a few things that triggered this; one being a movie in which the character lost a loved one to cancer. It wasn’t even shown or a main aspect of the movie, but it doesn’t take much to remind me of all the horrors and destruction cancer entails.

As I thought about how much I hate cancer, I also thought about how much sin is like cancer (I hate sin too). Sin often lies hidden beneath the surface, growing silently, taking what is good and using it to grow and conquer, stealing life. That’s how sin works and that’s how cancer works. Of course, the parallels aren’t perfect. We are all born with sin; it is ingrained in who we are. Not everyone will get cancer. Cancer is something other than us, outside of us, foreign. Sin is usually attractive on the surface; there is nothing attractive about cancer. But cancer and sin both lead to destruction, both ravish who we are, and both wreck our lives as well as the lives of those around us.

Sin, however is a lot more deadly. Cancer only affects this earthly life. The affects of sin are eternal. Cancer can sometimes be cut out or even cured with radiation and/or chemo (another thing I hate). Sin cannot be cut out and there is no earthly treatment for it. But there is a remedy. It's a divine one. That is why we celebrate Easter. God did what we could not do. He crushed sin and removed its power over us (1 Cor. 15:55-57). He made His Perfect Son, who came to earth and never sinned, to become sin so that God could punish every sin ever committed in His Son on the cross (2 Cor. 5:21; Romans 8:3). God took the punishment for us in order that we could have life - eternal life, full life, joy-filled life (John 3:16, 10:10; Prov. 16:11). All those who place their trust in Jesus are considered cleansed from sin and have His perfect record credited to them.

And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. John 17:3

God predicted hundreds of years before Jesus was born that He would do this. And at the right time, He did. He sent His Son to take away the sin of the world (Gal. 4:4; John 1:29; Romans 5:6).

Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
Yet the Lord laid on him
the sins of us all. Isaiah 53:3-6

Jesus Christ is the remedy. There is now a way for us to be free from sin and to have life and freedom in God, for us to know God and have a unbroken relationship with Him. By His own blood, Jesus purchased for us what we could not purchase for ourselves. God requires a perfect sacrifice and He willingly became that sacrifice for us. He lived for us. He died for us. And He was raised from the dead for us to live again. He came, He conquered, and now He reigns, beckoning all to come to Him, to believe in Him, to learn from Him, to obtain the eternal life and joy in Him. So, come; taste and see that the Lord is good.

Love Fulfills the Law

One of the things that the Lord has been pressing upon my heart these last several weeks is how love fulfills His law (His perfect standard, requirements, and will). “Every sin is a failure in love” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me). No wonder Jesus can say that to love God with all one’s heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself sums up the entirety of God’s law (Matthew 22:34-40; cf. Matthew 7:12). He said these were were the greatest commandment. The Apostle Paul says the same thing:

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. Romans 13:8-10

And again:

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

This is incredibly hard for us. We love God and others far from perfectly. We tend to focus on our own little kingdoms and put our own desires, preferences, and needs before those of others. We are selfish to the core and selfish people don’t love others perfectly  (which is what God requires of us), no matter how hard we may try or desire. Which means – and this is the bad news – we constantly break God’s standard, storing up for ourselves His just wrath (Romans 2:5; John 3:36).

But, thankfully, there is good news. There is a remedy available purchased by God Himself. The Bible says He is love (1 John 4:8), and He showed His great love for us “in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Jesus came to earth to live the perfectly life that we could not. He loved and served God perfectly and He loved and served others perfectly. He always put the needs of others before His own, so much so that He willingly gave His life to save people from sin and death and eternal punishment (which the Christian world will be celebrating next Sunday). Jesus Christ fulfilled the righteous requirement of the law, so that those of us who follow Him would have His perfect record of loving others credited to us (Romans 8:4). He loved God and others perfectly for us.

Now He commands us to imitate Him. He calls us to love as He loved (John 13:34). And how did He love? He loved sacrificially, humbling, and to the uttermost.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Romans 2:3-8

This is a high calling. But we are not to try to do it on our own. Those who know and love God have His Spirit in them, which gives them the desire and ability to obey His commands (Romans 8:9; Philippians 2:13). And this love that we display for God by loving others is an overflow of the work He has already done for and in us. We can love and serve others, we can consider their interests above our own, exactly because we have been loved, forgiven, adopted, accepted, and given a hope and future in Jesus Christ. We are secure in Him, so we have no need to be jealous or strive to make our name great or defend our reputation or fear rejection or failure because in Christ we have a new name, a new identity, an eternal home, and we have been forever accepted by God. This is what every human heart longs for ultimately – acceptance/belongingness, security, and purpose. If you are in Christ, you have all of those things and more (see Ephesians 1:3).

What does this look like? It varies depending on where you are and what you are doing on a daily basis, but at the bare-bones level, it simply means serving others, treating others the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). One practical example, one in which I failed out, comes to mind. As the Lord was starting to bring all the above to my mind, He used a concrete example to burn it into my mind. I was driving to work one day and saw someone’s garbage can in the middle of the opposing lane. It was a windy day and the wind had rolled it out onto the road. I watched as cars swerved to go around it. Later, on my way home from work, the trash can was still in the road – this time in my lane. I watched as the two cars in front of me swerved to go around it. The thought “came” to me that I should pull over and move the trash can to the side of the road. I thought about it, but when the moment came, I drove around it instead. As I pondered my decision, I asked myself, “Is it okay that I didn’t move that trash can out of the way? Was it my responsibility to?” Then the Lord’s words came rushing to my mind about loving one’s neighbor and doing good to one’s neighbor, which fulfills the law. The question isn’t, “Is it my responsibility?”, but, “What is the most loving action here?” To which the answer would of course be: pull over and pick up the trash can.

Before ending, I would also like to point out that loving others is proof that we belong to God. If someone claims to know Christ, to be a Christian, and doesn’t show love to others (not perfectly, of course, but consistently), then it is questionable if he or she knows Christ at all. At least that is what the Apostle John says:

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother. 1 John 3:10

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20

As our word grows colder and more selfish and loveless, the words of Christ will seem even truer:

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

The world will know that we are Christians by our love for one another. Thank God for His great love displayed most potently in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Take this week before Easter Sunday to meditate on this demonstration of God's great love (John 3:16).

Abounding and Astounding Grace

Today marks the 14th year since God opened my eyes to see the beauty of Jesus Christ and I, as a result, gave my life to Him (full story here). God has yet again arranged my schedule so that I could spend the day with Him. Daniel just “happens” to be away at a conference in St. Louis, so it’s just me and my Lord this afternoon and evening. I am glad God takes notice of these occasions even more than I do. :)
I have come such a long way since God saved me as a 17-year-old, but what I am continually learning is that I never outgrow my need for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I need it daily. His life, death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven give hope and meaning (or at least it should) to everything I am and do. There have been many hard lessons in the last several years, but no matter if my life is peaceful or stormy, all of it is of grace. Jesus has just as much to teach me in the mundane and rocky seasons of life as He does in the sweet and exciting. All are of Him and under His control and all are a gift that are for my ultimate good (Romans 8:28).

I am currently reading a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick called Because He Loves Me. It’s rocking my world. The goal of the book is to help believers practically apply the gospel of Jesus Christ – His life, death, resurrection, and ascension – to their everyday lives. How does the gospel affect me while I’m stuck in traffic, when I’m entering a new situation, when I’m sweeping the floors, when I mess up, when I have a bad dream (as those have been rather frequent)? More often that not, I’m ashamed to say, it doesn’t. I often lose sight of the gospel during those times. I all too often focus on what’s around me instead of on God’s promises, which leads to frustration, complaining, impatience, self-pity, and a host of other sins that spew from my heart.

Yet, what I’m seeing in this book is that the gospel does really intersect our daily living (and it’s meant to). It is not an abstract reality. It’s not a one-time profession of belief. It’s to be remembered and believed daily, moment by moment. And that’s how much I need it: every moment of every day.

So even though I’ve been following Jesus for 14 years, I will never get passed these basic truths: I was a rebellious enemy of God who deserved His punishment, and God requires my sins be punished and He also requires that I be perfect. I am not perfect and could never measure up to God’s perfect standard. God knew this, so in His great love, mercy, and grace, He provided a way. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to live the perfect life God required of me and to suffer the punishment that God required of me. Then three days later, God raised Jesus from the dead to show that His sacrificial death was accepted. Jesus then ascended into heaven where He now remains to intercede for those who believe in Him. He did everything. I bring nothing to the table except the sin that nailed Him to the cross.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to thy Cross I cling. Augustus M. Toplady, “Rock of Ages”

All that He requires of me, of us, is that I (we) believe, which is also from Him.

Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” John 6:29
“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15
Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

God is so gracious. I am coming out of a spiritually dry season. I was lost, so to speak. I was full of complaining and bitterness and self-pity and had totally lost sight of who God is and what He has done. But God in His grace pulled me up out of this muck and mire and set my feet upon a rock, filling my mouth with praise and heart with joy (Psalm 40:1-3). Jesus has been patiently teaching me about His great love and grace, softening my heart, and showing me His many good gifts that He daily lavishes upon me. The lessons have been sweet of late. Jesus has brought so much healing to my heart in recent months and has been restoring and strengthening my trust in Him. His grace really is astounding.Nothing compares to knowing Him.

Letting Go and Leaning In

I’m continuing to learn to relinquish my plans and dreams of the future to the Lord. It’s not that they are bad or wrong in and of themselves, because they’re not, but I’ve been more sold out to them than I have been to doing the Father’s will. It’s good and right to have plans and dreams for the future, but they must be held loosely in one’s hands, ready to be forsaken if not in tune with God’s ever-wise and all-good plans. This relinquishing may be short-lived and God may eventually fulfill your plans and desires as He sees fit; or it may be long-term, and He may in fact teach your heart to adopt His plans and teach you to set your hope on more eternal things. He alone knows what is best for us. He alone knows what it takes to make each of us more like Christ. For, according to the King David, every day of ours was written before there was yet one of them (Psalm 139:16). He will fulfill His purposes for us (Psalm 57:2) and He will work in our lives and hearts in such a way so that we will desire to fulfill those purposes as well (Philippians 2:13).

I think I am growing in this area, but there is much more to learn. This past week, I was listening to a John Piper sermon called “The Hope of Exiles on the Earth,” from Hebrews 11:13-22. In it, Piper was talking about how our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, did not receive the inheritance they were promised. Instead, they sought and desired an inheritance that was not of this world and so lived as strangers and exiles while they were here on earth. We Christians find ourselves in the same situation. Our citizenship is in heaven and from it we await a Savior, Christ Jesus our Lord (Philippians 3:20). Our treasure is not here. We may have houses and cars and material things and family and friends and food (and we enjoy them), but our treasure is Christ and all the riches we have in Him (forgiveness, freedom, adoption into God’s family, peace, eternal life, etc.). Things that robbers and moths and rust and failing economies cannot threaten or destroy (Matthew 6:19-20).

As Piper continued on in the passage, he talked about how Abraham had received the son God promised him (Isaac), through whom God would make him a mighty nation and through whom Abraham’s descendants would bless the whole world (Genesis 12:1-3). This is the child his wife Sarah, herself 90, bore to Abraham when he was 100 years old. This was the child that Abraham’s hopes and dreams were wrapped up in. And this is the child that God asked Abraham to sacrifice (!). As Piper pointed out, this to Abraham must have felt like the death of a dream. Not matter how he looked at this command from earthly eyes, this did not seem like it could end well. But, in faith, Abraham obeyed God’s command. He trusted that God would somehow work it out. He trusted that God would keep His promises, for He had proven Himself faithful thus far. And, as the account in Genesis unfolds, God intervenes and does not allow Abraham to slay his son. It was a test and Abraham proved his faith. He believed that God could even raise the dead (Hebrews 11:19). And God provided a ram to sacrifice in place of Isaac (Genesis 22:13). Abraham’s obedience was the pathway to joy…and to a much stronger faith.

It was this point in the sermon, at the very end, that the Holy Spirit convicted my heart. In letting go of my preconceived notions of the future, of my idea of what my future ministry and life should look like, I am facing a dying dream. But I am not trusting that God’s plans are greater; that He could either resurrect that dream or replace it with a better one. I'm not believing that obedience is the pathway to joy. Piper ended with this resounding question:

Do you desire God and His way and His promises more than anything, and do you believe that He can and will honor your faith and obedience by being unashamed to call Himself your God, and to use all His wisdom and power and love to turn the path of obedience into the path of life and joy?

Yes! I desire this! I want this! Lord, make me this way.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning what it means to surrender and to lean on God’s everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27). He will sustain me. He will guide me. And He will fulfill His good and perfect plans for me. All I need to do is trust Him and obey.

This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30