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Kristi and James :: Engaged! February 14, 2014

“Ears You Have Dug for Me”

This world is broken. I hear/read about it every day. I experience it in ministry. I see it in my own heart. The world is broken. People are broken. I am broken.

I am broken and I have been broken (Hosea 6:1). The Lord has done a lot in my life over the last three years to bring me to where I am now. Even though I would not want to relive the heartaches, pains, and disappointments of the last few years, I wouldn’t trade the lessons for anything. God knows the best way to get the attention of each of His children. Out of a heart of compassion and mercy, He sometimes allows His people to experience suffering and difficult times to refine them, increase their faith, and reveal even more of Himself to them. These have been some of the results I have seen in my own life.

It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes…
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction. Psalm 119:71, 92

I noticed during my time in South Asia, as I was teaching ESL to Muslims who opposed the truth of Christ, that the Lord was deepening my faith in His Word. It was an inner strength I could feel building within me as I defended God’s Truth and based my life on His Word. This conviction only deepened during the hardships I later faced and I have seen the mercy of God use it to give me a boldness and firmness when sharing the gospel that I had never had before. I believe this firmness and boldness is a direct result of all that God has allowed me to go through recently. It is a result of being forced to depend on God for everything; of realizing that I am not self-sufficient and that I need Him for everything – truths I knew mentally but wasn’t living out in my day-to-day life. But one of God’s many graces is that He does not let us live in self-deception; believing the lie that we are okay the way we are. He brings our sins to the forefront so that we might turn from them and experience more of the “abundant life” that He offers us in Christ (John 10:10). This abundant life does not necessarily mean a life of material things or comfort and ease, but one that is living in intimate communion with the Lord of the universe—Jesus Christ. He is Life and Freedom and Joy and the source of every good thing (James 1:17). And the way to know Him intimately is through His Word, the Bible.

Your words were found, and I ate them,
and your words became to me a joy
and the delight of my heart,
for I am called by your name,
O Lord, God of hosts. Jeremiah 15:16

And so through my time in South Asia and recent trials, the words of God have become to me a joy and the delight of my heart – just as the Prophet Jeremiah said above. I love God’s Word. It is the primary way in which God speaks to me and it is the foundation of all I do and believe. It is the only absolute truth (1 Peter 1:24-25) and tells us all we need to know about God, ourselves, our world, and how we can be saved from the punishment we deserve (2 Timothy 3:16-17). The Word of God is food for my soul; indeed, it is more important than the food I eat. I can go longer without food than without Scripture. My soul begins to shrivel rather quickly if I go more than one day without feasting on God’s Word.

And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Deuteronomy 8:3

But feeding on God’s Word does not happen by accident. It takes intentionality and discipline. It also take the help of the Lord (remember: we are dependent upon Him for everything). He gives us the desire and will. He – as the psalmist says – opens our ear to hear and understand His Word (Psalm 40:6; also Job 33:16). Literally in the Hebrew the phrase “open ear” means “ears you have dug for me.” I like that imagery. Sometimes God’s digs ears for us through affliction (like Psalm 119:71 above) or trials or other circumstances. We may have physical ears, but Jesus has to give us spiritual ears so that we can hear His voice, understand His words – ears trained to contain His truth and long for His truth. That is why I think the imagery of digging works so well. Our spiritual ears must be opened and dug deep to contain the greatness of God’s Word. I guess God could just open our ears in an instant…but I doubt we would treasure His Word so much without the journey it takes to make us depend upon and treasure His Word. We (or maybe it’s just me) usually don’t learn the lesson of dependence easily.

So this year I have decided to read through the Bible using a chronological reading plan. I also plan to study the book of Psalms in depth (because I need more than just four chapters a day). I encourage you to make a plan for reading the Bible this year as well if you haven’t already. It’s only January 19th, so it’s not too late to start. You won’t regret it. I promise. :)

2014: His Purposes Will Ripen Fast

Last year when I was writing my blog post reflecting on 2012 and looking forward to 2013, I titled it “Trust Him for His Grace.” When I wrote that I had in mind trusting God for good things, pleasant circumstances, a better year. But the Lord had something different in mind. The title still deemed to prove true, though; just in a different respect. This year proved to be much harder than 2012, but God’s grace was just as sufficient. The dependence I had learned in the previous year only deepened as this year slowly unfolded. And while the circumstances didn’t lighten or become favorable (indeed, they grew quite grim), Christ was still very much present and still very much in control. In fact, the details of the events were too perfect to not to have been ordained by God.

By sovereign grace, He places you in daily, little moments that are designed to take you beyond your character, wisdom, and grace so that you will seek the help and hope that can only be found in Him. In a lifelong process of change, He is undoing you and rebuilding you again — exactly what each one of us needs. Paul Tripp, “Trading One Dramatic Resolution for 10,000 Little Ones”

So God is constantly at work in each of our lives. Nothing escapes His notice and nothing catches Him by surprise. Everything in our lives in under His sovereign control and He has loving and just purposes for everything He allows to happen. Nothing is arbitrary or random. There is no such thing as luck or fortune or happenstance. Jesus Christ is intimately involved in every detail, upholding all things by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3). And for those who are believers, this involvement is for our good. I find much hope and comfort and strength in that. Nothing in my life is random; all of it is totally meaningful because Jesus Christ is risen and reigning and ruling over my life in such as way as to make all things work together for my good and, ultimately, to make me more like Himself (Romans 8:28-29). This is His will for me and every other believer.

So Jesus will continue His work of “undoing me and rebuilding me again” as this new year unfolds. The circumstances will look different, but the purposes remain the same. I have no idea what kind of joys and heartaches await me in 2014, but Christ does and His grace is more than sufficient for every one of them. As this new year begins, I have many things to pray about and consider. The Lord has had me in this waiting period for several years now and it seems that His plans and purposes for the next phase of my life are about to be revealed. So, as I look to 2014, I am going to continue the William Cowper theme from last year. The speed at which things are progressing regarding the near future and the decisions I need to make regarding them, lead me to believe that God's purposes are going to ripen fast. I don’t even pretend know what those purposes are (because they are usually far different than I expect), but I feel pretty sure that God is fixing to unveil them...and I'm pretty excited about that. 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower. William Cowper, “God Moves in Mysterious Ways”

Joy Has Come!

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.

One of my all-time favorite Christmas carols is  “O Come, Come Emmanuel.” I think no song captures the spirit of anticipation and longing that the Advent season is supposed to be about than this one. As I listened to or sung the song this year, these few words stood out to me: cheer our spirits. And isn’t that exactly what Jesus did? He entered our gloomy, sin-wracked world as a fragile baby in order to die a death that we deserved so that we could have the thing for which we were created and for which we desperately long (whether we realize it or not): a relationship with God. Or to put it another way: so that we can have JOY in God. Because before Jesus came to rescue us (from our sin and from God’s anger), we did not and could not enjoy God, and He could not enjoy us because of our sins (Isaiah 59:2; John 3:36). But when Jesus came, He brought life and peace and joy and freedom. Apart from Him, none of these things are ours in their fullest sense.

I think these lyrics stood out to me this year because God has been drawing my attention to the word JOY in the Bible (or some variation of the word), which appears quite frequently (177 times in the ESV). I mean, I have been listening to and reading John Piper for years and one of his main themes is joy in God. He says that “God's glory [is] exalted in our everlasting joy” and that “God is plotting for our joy.” But, as much as I have read/heard these words and believed them, I feel like I am just now starting to grasp this concept.

Jesus Christ is JOY.  He came to not only reveal true peace and true life to us, but to show us what true joy is and to make a way for us to have it. He came to bring true and lasting joy; not the temporary joy we are so used to. Apart from Christ, we can have glimpses of happiness and joy, but they are just shadows of the true. We only think we have joy until we experience the ultimate joy that is found only in God. That is where Jesus’ joy came from. He was in perfect fellowship with the Father, so even though He was called a “Man of Sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3), he could say, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11). He had a perfect, intimate relationship with His Father (John 10:30, 17:11, 21) and He greatly delighted to do His Father’s will (John 5:30, 8:28, 15:10). Jesus could be joyful despite the sorrows and the suffering because He looked to the unseen (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). He knew that the Father was working out a plan that was far greater than His momentary suffering (Romans 8:28). That is why He could leave His rightful place in heaven and humble Himself to the point of death on a cross, because He was focused on the JOY that awaited Him (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians 2:5-11).

And that is how we as believers can have joy to in the midst of whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. Whether you find yourself this Christmas delighting in the sights and sounds of the seasons, or wishing this time of year would pass you by (or somewhere in between), true joy is available to you if you are in Christ.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

In the presence of God there is fullness, or completeness, of JOY. And God promises that His presence is always with His people (Matthew 28:20), which means that JOY is always available to us as believers. That is why James can exhort us to “count it all joy” no matter what circumstances we may face (James 1:2) and why Paul can say that all of our present suffering is not worth comparing to what awaits us (Romans 8:18). No matter what, we have God. No matter what, we can still rejoice in Him. Because no matter what, He is at work for His glory and our everlasting JOY. Because no matter what, nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:37-39). This is “good news of great joy” (Luke 2:10). Jesus has come and through His life, death, and resurrection, we can know life and peace and joy. We can know God.  

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25

This is the God who came to us so long ago. To Him be the glory forever. Rejoice, rejoice with me for Emmanuel (which means "God with us") has come!

 Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmastime

I have to admit that I am a little excited about Christmas this year. The past two Christmases have been rather difficult and unpleasant (2011 and 2012), so Christmas had kind of lost its spark for me. It no longer symbolized the fun and relaxing times it used too. But this year is different. I think because the last two have been so different and because this year has been so hard, I see Christmas this year as a chance for kind of a fresh start. I know it will still be painful and bittersweet, but it also gives me, my sister, and my mom an opportunity to celebrate Christmas in a new and better way as compared to the two previous years.

But while Christmas has lost a lot of its holiday flavor for me, it has gained much theological meaning for me. In a way, it is almost fitting that some of my hardest times have come at Christmas because the first Christmas was hard. Yes, there was much rejoicing. Heaven rejoiced greatly as they saw God’s plan of redemption beginning to unfold at the birth of the long-awaited Messiah, God’s very Son (Luke 2:14). And, yes, there is always much joy surrounding the birth of a new baby. But this no-name couple of little means and little reputation had just traveled hundreds of miles to a small town, by themselves, with the help of a donkey. Oh, and the young woman was very, very pregnant. They knew God was up to something great – given the miracle of this virgin’s pregnancy – but they didn’t know exactly what and they didn’t know how it would all pan out. I am sure they were afraid, anxious, apprehensive, and confused at times, but they still obeyed in the midst of the unknowns. The first Christmas was not all roses – far from it – but there was still much to rejoice about even in the midst of such adversity. Maybe this is what the true Christmas spirit is really supposed to be.

Kristi and I have continued our fairly-recent tradition of preparing our hearts for Christmas. What began as just reading the accounts of Jesus' birth found in Matthew and Luke a few days before Christmas has now extended to participate in the season known as "Advent" (starting the first Sunday in December and continuing to Christmas Day). This year we are using a devotional based on Christmas songs so it’s added the interesting dynamic of singing into our devotionals. It isn’t as meaty theologically as the one last year (John Piper’s Good News of Great Joy), but it is serving its purpose of pointing us to Christ and His coming. The Lord usually shows me something new about His coming each year and this year is no exception, but I’ll save that for a future post.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

 So even though I have been gearing up for Christmas in different ways – hosting two parties, decorating our apartment (beyond mine and Kristi’s usual hang-a-stocking-on-our-bedroom-doors tradition), listening to Christmas music constantly (also a new thing for me; I even bought a CD this year) – it's hard to believe that Christmas is only ten days away. I am not sure what Christmas will look like this year, but I am trusting God for good things and looking forward to Him making it "new" (Revelation 21:5) for me and my family.

Grace upon Grace

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. – John 1:16

God is a very gracious God. He longs to show people grace. He does not delight in the death of the wicked and He desires for all people to know Him. Once a person becomes a believer, God’s grace toward them continues. His grace is displayed throughout our salvation, justification, sanctification, and then, finally, our glorification. There is no part of the Christian walk that God’s grace does not cover. John Piper says that God’s glory is most shown through His display of free grace. And if we pay attention, His grace is at work all around us. He is constantly wooing, disciplining, teaching, warning, and guiding because of His grace. As I have considered the past few months, there are two clear ways I have seen the grace and kindness of God displayed.

The first is the grace of God displayed in my dad’s life. Dad would have been the first to tell you that he backslid in his walk with the Lord. He wasn’t were he once was with God. The cares of this world, his flesh, and other things had distracted him from his first love. He was still a believer, but he wasn’t walking in the fullness of God. He was more or less going through the motions. This went on for many years. He still had a yearning for Christ, but I think there was some kind of disconnect, like he was lost in his circumstances. But God is a gracious God and He never loses one of His own. He will draw His people back to him in one way or another. Last summer (2012), my dad rededicated himself to the Lord. He began reading his Bible more, spending more time with the Lord, telling others about Christ – in short, cultivating his relationship with the Lord. And the Lord promises that those who draw near to Him, He will likewise draw near to (James 4:8). God started speaking to him and showing him things. My dad felt very close to the Lord and he was very excited about it. This is grace. It was very kind of God to draw my dad back to him in the last year of his life. God didn’t have to do this, but He chose to, and I praise Him for that.

I, on the other hand, wondered why God was showing Dad things and what-not when he still wasn’t going to church or doing such and such. I was praying about that one day and the Lord said, “It’s because I love him.” Of course! Yes ,we should persevere in the spiritual disciplines – Bible reading, fasting, praying, fellowship with other believers (primarily expressed through attending a local church body), giving, evangelism, etc. – but they do not save us. They don’t make God love us any more or any less. They do not earn us more favor with Him and God does not require that we do them all or do them perfectly in order for Him to bless us with His presence. Jesus loves to show us His love. He loves to pour out on His people grace upon grace. I saw Him do that in my dad. Jesus was so kind to draw my dad back to Him during his final months, delighting my dad with His presence. And the effect on my dad was evident: he became more humble, he started tithing and giving more, he rediscovered what was truly important, and he was quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness (which he rarely did before). That’s what happens when you meet with Jesus. He changes you. You cannot meet with Jesus and not be changed.

As I considered these things, I realized that God drew my dad back to Him and allowed him to suffer like he did because He was preparing Dad for glory. The Apostle Paul says that “through many tribulations we much enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). Jesus was refining my dad for eternity, for perfect fellowship with his Creator, for seeing Him face-to-face. Jesus was making him “fit” for glory. And even though my dad suffered a great deal, his suffering does not compare to the glory that is now revealed to him (Romans 8:18). He is currently experiencing God’s grace in all of its fullness. And that, my friends, is God’s grace at its peak.

The second way I have seen the grace of God lately is in my own personal walk with Him. Granted, He pours out His grace on me daily in undeserved measure, but I have been keenly aware of “the riches of His grace in kindness” (Ephesians 2:7) compared to the coldness of my apathetic and weary heart. Last weekend (December 1st), even though I wasn’t spending the time in the Bible I normally do and I was having short devotions and even though I was distracted, tired, and apathetic, God still met me in a powerful way at Meadow Heights. He allowed me to sense His presence. He gave me His peace and joy. And He met me powerfully with His Word through a sermon that met me right where I was. The sermon was on Lamentations 3:20-26, which “happened” to be the exact verses in my devotional reading that morning from Jesus Calling. Several of the points in the sermon were exactly what I had been thinking about the day before (.e. there is a better Day coming). I was so surprised but also overjoyed that the Lord met me in this way. And it was not because I deserved it or earned it. I had been going through the motions through most of the previous week and had not been putting much effort into seeking God. And even though that is a horrible thing to do because Jesus is so precious and lovely and worthy and even though I had to repent of such an apathetic attitude, God did not draw away from me. He gave me exactly what I needed to jump-start my failing heart: Himself. Of course, we should seek God above all else, making our relationship with Him our top priority…but we don’t do these things perfectly nor do these things make God love us any more or less. He loves to display His love. He loves to pour out upon us grace upon grace. When our sin abounds, His grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20). This does not mean that we should not strive for holiness and obedience. The Apostle Paul was clear about that (Romans 6:1-2)! But it does mean that God is bigger than our disobedience and sin and apathy and backsliding. There is nothing than can separate us from His love. Nothing.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

The First Holiday

Thanksgiving was the first (meaningful) holiday since my dad passed in September. This is my favorite holiday, filled with lots of wonderful memories, some of the best food of the year, tons of laughter, and a great time with the Hovis side of the family. This year was different, though. It was bittersweet. I was still looking forward to the holiday: seeing everyone, the sense of comfort and normalcy that traditions bring, and, again, yummy food, but I knew this year would be different. There would be a void. Most of the aforementioned laughter was on account of my dad. He was the life of the party, always keeping things going. In ways I see now, he was almost the glue that held us all together. Everyone said that the holidays would be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard until the first one came. It definitely put my waterproof mascara to the test.

Hovis Family - Thanksgiving 2010

There are so many little things that you take for granted. When I first entered my uncle’s house, I realized that I didn’t know where to sit. It didn’t take my dad long to scout out a spot to sit and plant himself there, and I usually sat beside him. This time I wasn’t really sure what to do, so I just stood for a bit. Then came time to bless the food and eat. That’s when reality really hit me. Somehow my dad always managed to find his way to the front of the line and then he would go the opposite way around the table than everyone else. Mass chaos would then ensue. This year was quieter. Even though I was among family, I almost felt lost, out of place. I realized that this was the new normal, and I don’t like it. My dad's absence was like the elephant in the room that nobody was talking about it.

I miss him a lot. I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I am thankful to the Lord for all of the good memories I have of/with him. I am thankful that the Lord allowed him to be my dad. I am a very blessed woman to have had such a dad. Furthermore, I have the hope of seeing him again. He, right now, is enjoying the Lord, worshiping Him without the distraction of sin in perfect purity. There is a better feast coming, one better than we can imagine, with better food and perfect fellowship, in the presence of Him who is in His very being Satisfaction. There Thanksgiving will never cease. My dad is experiencing that right now. One day I will join him. But for now I cling to the hope found in Christ and His promises. Better things are coming. A better Day is coming. Jesus led me to this verse on Friday, which I found very comforting:

Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise.

You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!

For your dew is a dew of light,

and the earth will give birth to the dead. Isaiah 26:19