The God Who Sees Me

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing [Hb. ’El Ro’i],” for she said, “Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.” Genesis 16:13 I just got back from a woman’s conference. The Lord met me there in powerful ways and He gave me much to think about. One of the truths He reminded me of was the fact that He sees me. In my struggles, in my serving, in my strivings, in my circumstances, in my weakness, He sees. I am not lost to Him. He notices me and He chooses to come and meet me at the point of my need. This is how he did so last Friday.

I went to the True Woman conference with three ladies that are very dear to me. For the break-out sessions, we chose to go to different ones in order to learn different things and then share them with one another later. I went to Joni Eareckson Tada’s breakout session called “The God I Love: A Lifetime of Walking with Jesus.” I know she usually has much to saw about suffering and endurance and, since the Lord has been teaching me a lot about those subjects, I decided to see what she had to say.

The session started off with a give-a-away of a few of her books. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who was interviewing her, would ask a question and then give a book to someone she saw who raised her hand. The second book she gave away was Joni’s book entitled A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God’s Sovereignty. Nancy said something like, “Raise your hand if you have a loved one who is suffering. If so this book will be very helpful for you.” Immediately, tears started flowing down my face as I thought about my mom and my sister. And they continued to flow during the rest of the session. I raised my hand, but nobody saw me. In fact, the lights were turned down very low and I sat near the back. This made me feel free to cry because, I thought to myself, no one sees me…or at least nobody that knows me does.

One of the many things the Lord has done in my heart over these past two years is make me very tender towards people who are suffering and hurting. While I used to hardly ever cry, now I feel like I cry at everything (not really, but it feels that way sometimes): couples struggling with infertility; aborted babies and the women who abort them; men struggling with pornography; miscarriages; terminal illness. The world has definitely gone wrong and the Father is giving me a heart of compassion like He has so that I can and will weep with those who weep.

As the session came to a close, we began singing the old, but beautiful hymn, “Man of Sorrows.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a lady coming toward me. She sat next to me, gave me a hug, and said, “I saw you raise your hand earlier. Do you have a loved one who is suffering?” I told her yes and told her who. She asked for my name and the names of my mom and sister in order to pray for us. Then she reached into her pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, handed it to me, and said, “Get whatever book you need.” When she left me, another lady came up to me and did the same thing. Then the Lord said to me, “I see you. It may be dark in here and you may not know anyone, but I see your tears. You are not lost to me.”

The Lord is merciful and gracious,slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8