Apparently, I am in the Master’s refining fire once again. He is preparing me for overseas service, I am sure, and, boy, does He have His work cut out for Him because I am a sinful mess. Not that He’s surprised, but I am. I am worse than I thought (as we always tend to think better of ourselves than we actually are; sin is deceitful like that). One of the lessons of 2011 that continues into this year, and probably will continue until the day I die, is vulnerability/transparency/dependence upon others. This is not my favorite lesson. It is extremely hard on my prideful, independent self, but it is very necessary.
In fact, we are called to this. Whether in a church family or in ministry or with family and friends, we are to be sharing ourselves with others. Now, granted, you have to use wisdom in what you share with whom, but in order for any relationship to grow deep, there must be mutual sharing done among the two parties. The Apostle Paul lived out this principle and it can be seen in his New Testament letters. At times he was very vulnerable, even with those he had never met face to face.
So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.The Lord has brought circumstances into my life in such a way as to force me to rely on other people in a spiritual and emotional way. You see, I am not one to express my emotions. It was never really encouraged growing up, so I learned to shut them in or express them in solitude. This has continued into adulthood, but sometimes now I just refuse to feel the emotion/pain/whatever. But it’s still there. I deceive myself at the time into thinking that all is well and that I am unaffected, but eventually the pain comes back around at an unexpected time and then I have to deal with it. So, the Lord is teaching me to be honest and open with my emotions. He is teaching me that it is okay to cry in front of others. It is not a sign of weakness, but an expression of the emotion at hand that needs to be released. And Christ has allowed much in my life in the past 15 months that has needed release (just ask my brothers and sisters at Rolling Fields Church :).
1 Thessalonians 2:8
On top of the tears, I am learning to share my struggles and to confess my sins before others. The healing and freedom that comes from that is amazing. The Lord is showing me the sisters He has placed into my life for this very purpose: for us to be completely vulnerable with one another in such a way that it spurs us on towards Christlikeness. God created us for community and while we should always go to Him first for everything, He places His children in local congregations for them to help each other along in this walk of faith. The journey was not made to be done alone. This is why we need each other.
The very sweet lesson in this has been the body of Christ – my brothers and sisters in the Lord who have prayed for, encouraged, comforted, listened to and even rebuked me when necessary as I laid my heart and tears before them. I am learning that they are there for me no matter what and that they are indeed my family as Christ says they will be (Mark 10:29-30). I am very thankful for them.
This lesson continues and I know there is much good to be gleaned from it. Just before I wrote this post, I was encouraged by a sister in the Lord and fellow blogger who was recounting how the Lord met her in her troubles with 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. I needed this verse as well.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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