Joy Has Come!

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.

One of my all-time favorite Christmas carols is  “O Come, Come Emmanuel.” I think no song captures the spirit of anticipation and longing that the Advent season is supposed to be about than this one. As I listened to or sung the song this year, these few words stood out to me: cheer our spirits. And isn’t that exactly what Jesus did? He entered our gloomy, sin-wracked world as a fragile baby in order to die a death that we deserved so that we could have the thing for which we were created and for which we desperately long (whether we realize it or not): a relationship with God. Or to put it another way: so that we can have JOY in God. Because before Jesus came to rescue us (from our sin and from God’s anger), we did not and could not enjoy God, and He could not enjoy us because of our sins (Isaiah 59:2; John 3:36). But when Jesus came, He brought life and peace and joy and freedom. Apart from Him, none of these things are ours in their fullest sense.

I think these lyrics stood out to me this year because God has been drawing my attention to the word JOY in the Bible (or some variation of the word), which appears quite frequently (177 times in the ESV). I mean, I have been listening to and reading John Piper for years and one of his main themes is joy in God. He says that “God's glory [is] exalted in our everlasting joy” and that “God is plotting for our joy.” But, as much as I have read/heard these words and believed them, I feel like I am just now starting to grasp this concept.

Jesus Christ is JOY.  He came to not only reveal true peace and true life to us, but to show us what true joy is and to make a way for us to have it. He came to bring true and lasting joy; not the temporary joy we are so used to. Apart from Christ, we can have glimpses of happiness and joy, but they are just shadows of the true. We only think we have joy until we experience the ultimate joy that is found only in God. That is where Jesus’ joy came from. He was in perfect fellowship with the Father, so even though He was called a “Man of Sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3), he could say, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11). He had a perfect, intimate relationship with His Father (John 10:30, 17:11, 21) and He greatly delighted to do His Father’s will (John 5:30, 8:28, 15:10). Jesus could be joyful despite the sorrows and the suffering because He looked to the unseen (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). He knew that the Father was working out a plan that was far greater than His momentary suffering (Romans 8:28). That is why He could leave His rightful place in heaven and humble Himself to the point of death on a cross, because He was focused on the JOY that awaited Him (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians 2:5-11).

And that is how we as believers can have joy to in the midst of whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. Whether you find yourself this Christmas delighting in the sights and sounds of the seasons, or wishing this time of year would pass you by (or somewhere in between), true joy is available to you if you are in Christ.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

In the presence of God there is fullness, or completeness, of JOY. And God promises that His presence is always with His people (Matthew 28:20), which means that JOY is always available to us as believers. That is why James can exhort us to “count it all joy” no matter what circumstances we may face (James 1:2) and why Paul can say that all of our present suffering is not worth comparing to what awaits us (Romans 8:18). No matter what, we have God. No matter what, we can still rejoice in Him. Because no matter what, He is at work for His glory and our everlasting JOY. Because no matter what, nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:37-39). This is “good news of great joy” (Luke 2:10). Jesus has come and through His life, death, and resurrection, we can know life and peace and joy. We can know God.  

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 24-25

This is the God who came to us so long ago. To Him be the glory forever. Rejoice, rejoice with me for Emmanuel (which means "God with us") has come!

 Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmastime

I have to admit that I am a little excited about Christmas this year. The past two Christmases have been rather difficult and unpleasant (2011 and 2012), so Christmas had kind of lost its spark for me. It no longer symbolized the fun and relaxing times it used too. But this year is different. I think because the last two have been so different and because this year has been so hard, I see Christmas this year as a chance for kind of a fresh start. I know it will still be painful and bittersweet, but it also gives me, my sister, and my mom an opportunity to celebrate Christmas in a new and better way as compared to the two previous years.

But while Christmas has lost a lot of its holiday flavor for me, it has gained much theological meaning for me. In a way, it is almost fitting that some of my hardest times have come at Christmas because the first Christmas was hard. Yes, there was much rejoicing. Heaven rejoiced greatly as they saw God’s plan of redemption beginning to unfold at the birth of the long-awaited Messiah, God’s very Son (Luke 2:14). And, yes, there is always much joy surrounding the birth of a new baby. But this no-name couple of little means and little reputation had just traveled hundreds of miles to a small town, by themselves, with the help of a donkey. Oh, and the young woman was very, very pregnant. They knew God was up to something great – given the miracle of this virgin’s pregnancy – but they didn’t know exactly what and they didn’t know how it would all pan out. I am sure they were afraid, anxious, apprehensive, and confused at times, but they still obeyed in the midst of the unknowns. The first Christmas was not all roses – far from it – but there was still much to rejoice about even in the midst of such adversity. Maybe this is what the true Christmas spirit is really supposed to be.

Kristi and I have continued our fairly-recent tradition of preparing our hearts for Christmas. What began as just reading the accounts of Jesus' birth found in Matthew and Luke a few days before Christmas has now extended to participate in the season known as "Advent" (starting the first Sunday in December and continuing to Christmas Day). This year we are using a devotional based on Christmas songs so it’s added the interesting dynamic of singing into our devotionals. It isn’t as meaty theologically as the one last year (John Piper’s Good News of Great Joy), but it is serving its purpose of pointing us to Christ and His coming. The Lord usually shows me something new about His coming each year and this year is no exception, but I’ll save that for a future post.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

 So even though I have been gearing up for Christmas in different ways – hosting two parties, decorating our apartment (beyond mine and Kristi’s usual hang-a-stocking-on-our-bedroom-doors tradition), listening to Christmas music constantly (also a new thing for me; I even bought a CD this year) – it's hard to believe that Christmas is only ten days away. I am not sure what Christmas will look like this year, but I am trusting God for good things and looking forward to Him making it "new" (Revelation 21:5) for me and my family.

Grace upon Grace

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. – John 1:16

God is a very gracious God. He longs to show people grace. He does not delight in the death of the wicked and He desires for all people to know Him. Once a person becomes a believer, God’s grace toward them continues. His grace is displayed throughout our salvation, justification, sanctification, and then, finally, our glorification. There is no part of the Christian walk that God’s grace does not cover. John Piper says that God’s glory is most shown through His display of free grace. And if we pay attention, His grace is at work all around us. He is constantly wooing, disciplining, teaching, warning, and guiding because of His grace. As I have considered the past few months, there are two clear ways I have seen the grace and kindness of God displayed.

The first is the grace of God displayed in my dad’s life. Dad would have been the first to tell you that he backslid in his walk with the Lord. He wasn’t were he once was with God. The cares of this world, his flesh, and other things had distracted him from his first love. He was still a believer, but he wasn’t walking in the fullness of God. He was more or less going through the motions. This went on for many years. He still had a yearning for Christ, but I think there was some kind of disconnect, like he was lost in his circumstances. But God is a gracious God and He never loses one of His own. He will draw His people back to him in one way or another. Last summer (2012), my dad rededicated himself to the Lord. He began reading his Bible more, spending more time with the Lord, telling others about Christ – in short, cultivating his relationship with the Lord. And the Lord promises that those who draw near to Him, He will likewise draw near to (James 4:8). God started speaking to him and showing him things. My dad felt very close to the Lord and he was very excited about it. This is grace. It was very kind of God to draw my dad back to him in the last year of his life. God didn’t have to do this, but He chose to, and I praise Him for that.

I, on the other hand, wondered why God was showing Dad things and what-not when he still wasn’t going to church or doing such and such. I was praying about that one day and the Lord said, “It’s because I love him.” Of course! Yes ,we should persevere in the spiritual disciplines – Bible reading, fasting, praying, fellowship with other believers (primarily expressed through attending a local church body), giving, evangelism, etc. – but they do not save us. They don’t make God love us any more or any less. They do not earn us more favor with Him and God does not require that we do them all or do them perfectly in order for Him to bless us with His presence. Jesus loves to show us His love. He loves to pour out on His people grace upon grace. I saw Him do that in my dad. Jesus was so kind to draw my dad back to Him during his final months, delighting my dad with His presence. And the effect on my dad was evident: he became more humble, he started tithing and giving more, he rediscovered what was truly important, and he was quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness (which he rarely did before). That’s what happens when you meet with Jesus. He changes you. You cannot meet with Jesus and not be changed.

As I considered these things, I realized that God drew my dad back to Him and allowed him to suffer like he did because He was preparing Dad for glory. The Apostle Paul says that “through many tribulations we much enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). Jesus was refining my dad for eternity, for perfect fellowship with his Creator, for seeing Him face-to-face. Jesus was making him “fit” for glory. And even though my dad suffered a great deal, his suffering does not compare to the glory that is now revealed to him (Romans 8:18). He is currently experiencing God’s grace in all of its fullness. And that, my friends, is God’s grace at its peak.

The second way I have seen the grace of God lately is in my own personal walk with Him. Granted, He pours out His grace on me daily in undeserved measure, but I have been keenly aware of “the riches of His grace in kindness” (Ephesians 2:7) compared to the coldness of my apathetic and weary heart. Last weekend (December 1st), even though I wasn’t spending the time in the Bible I normally do and I was having short devotions and even though I was distracted, tired, and apathetic, God still met me in a powerful way at Meadow Heights. He allowed me to sense His presence. He gave me His peace and joy. And He met me powerfully with His Word through a sermon that met me right where I was. The sermon was on Lamentations 3:20-26, which “happened” to be the exact verses in my devotional reading that morning from Jesus Calling. Several of the points in the sermon were exactly what I had been thinking about the day before (.e. there is a better Day coming). I was so surprised but also overjoyed that the Lord met me in this way. And it was not because I deserved it or earned it. I had been going through the motions through most of the previous week and had not been putting much effort into seeking God. And even though that is a horrible thing to do because Jesus is so precious and lovely and worthy and even though I had to repent of such an apathetic attitude, God did not draw away from me. He gave me exactly what I needed to jump-start my failing heart: Himself. Of course, we should seek God above all else, making our relationship with Him our top priority…but we don’t do these things perfectly nor do these things make God love us any more or less. He loves to display His love. He loves to pour out upon us grace upon grace. When our sin abounds, His grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20). This does not mean that we should not strive for holiness and obedience. The Apostle Paul was clear about that (Romans 6:1-2)! But it does mean that God is bigger than our disobedience and sin and apathy and backsliding. There is nothing than can separate us from His love. Nothing.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

The First Holiday

Thanksgiving was the first (meaningful) holiday since my dad passed in September. This is my favorite holiday, filled with lots of wonderful memories, some of the best food of the year, tons of laughter, and a great time with the Hovis side of the family. This year was different, though. It was bittersweet. I was still looking forward to the holiday: seeing everyone, the sense of comfort and normalcy that traditions bring, and, again, yummy food, but I knew this year would be different. There would be a void. Most of the aforementioned laughter was on account of my dad. He was the life of the party, always keeping things going. In ways I see now, he was almost the glue that held us all together. Everyone said that the holidays would be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard until the first one came. It definitely put my waterproof mascara to the test.

Hovis Family - Thanksgiving 2010

There are so many little things that you take for granted. When I first entered my uncle’s house, I realized that I didn’t know where to sit. It didn’t take my dad long to scout out a spot to sit and plant himself there, and I usually sat beside him. This time I wasn’t really sure what to do, so I just stood for a bit. Then came time to bless the food and eat. That’s when reality really hit me. Somehow my dad always managed to find his way to the front of the line and then he would go the opposite way around the table than everyone else. Mass chaos would then ensue. This year was quieter. Even though I was among family, I almost felt lost, out of place. I realized that this was the new normal, and I don’t like it. My dad's absence was like the elephant in the room that nobody was talking about it.

I miss him a lot. I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I am thankful to the Lord for all of the good memories I have of/with him. I am thankful that the Lord allowed him to be my dad. I am a very blessed woman to have had such a dad. Furthermore, I have the hope of seeing him again. He, right now, is enjoying the Lord, worshiping Him without the distraction of sin in perfect purity. There is a better feast coming, one better than we can imagine, with better food and perfect fellowship, in the presence of Him who is in His very being Satisfaction. There Thanksgiving will never cease. My dad is experiencing that right now. One day I will join him. But for now I cling to the hope found in Christ and His promises. Better things are coming. A better Day is coming. Jesus led me to this verse on Friday, which I found very comforting:

Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise.

You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!

For your dew is a dew of light,

and the earth will give birth to the dead. Isaiah 26:19

Just Embrace It

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. Robert Frost

Last Friday, I turned 30. It’s hard to believe that I have been alive for three decades. [What am I doing with my life?] My life looks different than I thought it would at this age. I thought I would be married. I thought I would be overseas. I never imagined that my dad would be gone. But Jesus has planned and established every one of my steps, so I am exactly where He wants me to be. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Indeed, with the psalmist I can say, “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places” (Psalm 16:6).

Although there are things that have happened in my life that are not good in and of themselves, God’s pronouncement over them is good because He is working in them for my good (Psalm 119:68; Romans 8:28; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18). And He has graciously allowed me to do some pretty incredible things and He still chooses to use me, usually in ways that I don’t even in realize, and I trust and pray that He will continue to do so. Without Christ, my life would look WAY different. I am so thankful that He chose me and saved me and has allowed me to know Him. All true joy and peace and satisfaction are found in Him. I realize that more and more with each passing year.

It’s been my experience that most people who turn 30 hate it. They get depressed or they freak out or they dread it. But to me it’s just another birthday. I’ve decided to embrace it. I mean, I don’t feel 30 and I don’t look 30, judging by the number of people who think I am in my late teens or early twenties or by the shock on their faces when they find out my real age (though, if I have too many more years like this one I will look my age! ;). Getting older means one glorious truth: I am one year close to my true Home. :)

I usually don’t do anything to celebrate my birthday in any formal way (I haven’t done that since I was 12 or 13) nor do I particularly care about my birthday. It’s usually around or even on Thanksgiving, which is my favorite time of year so that is celebration enough for me. But this year was a milestone birthday so my sister and one of my close friends wanted to make it memorable. It was. The details of it were a surprise, but they made a reservation at The Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Louisville where we celebrated with some of my dearest friends (and, thankfully, there was no corporate singing of Happy Birthday). It was cool to see the ladies from different areas of my life (Rolling Fields, Scarlet Hope, and SBTS) in one room. Normally those aspects of my life never collide.

Mostly, this birthday has been a reminder to reflect on the Lord's grace and goodness displayed in my life. That in itself is a grace from the Lord as He has been gently reminding me of all that He has done and continues to do. He has done a lot in my heart these last few weeks to restore my hope in Him, particularly in regards to the future. I just want to be used by Christ and consumed with Him (though I lose focus of that at times), and I know that is what He wants too. That is my birthday “wish” this year (and every year).

Overwhelmed - in a good way

I am saying this not because of what He has done and does for me (though He is very amazing in that) or because life is “going my way” right now (because, frankly, it’s not as far as circumstances go), but because Jesus is amazing in His essence, in who He is, in His many perfections. When I asked the Father to give me a fresh vision of Jesus, He didn’t change my circumstances or take the pain away, but instead reminded me of who Jesus is and of all that I have in Him (Ephesians 1:3-14).

Dictionary definition of amazing:  “to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.”

Everything about Jesus Christ is more than I (we) could ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). His goodness is beyond my comprehension. His love His greater than I could dare to hope. His mercy is unfailing and His faithfulness is more sure than the sun’s appearance tomorrow morning. He is full of compassion and mercy, which the Bibles says will never fail (Lamentations 3:22-23). His grace is inexhaustible (thanks to Pastor Andy for that reminder) and sufficient for my every need and beyond (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As the Lord removed the scales from my eyes so I could see Him more clearly, He especially reminded me of these three things: His power, His presence, and His patience. (3 P’s – you like that?) The power of Jesus Christ is unlimited and cannot be thwarted. No one can stay His hand or can call Him into account (Daniel 4:35). He has conquered death and Satan and sin and one day soon His rule will be dominant and visible to all (Isaiah 9:7; Philippians 2:9-11). His very word can dissolve mountains and subdue kingdoms and bring the dead to life. Jesus Christ is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and End of all things (Romans 11:36; Ephesians 1:16; Revelation 22:13). And He is in control of all things and infuses every single event with purpose and meaning. He has the power to make something out of nothing and bring beauty out of ashes. He is able to make all things to work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). With such a God as this, there is no need to fear or worry or be anxious or hopeless…ever.

And, yet, Jesus is very personal. He knows me better than I know myself. In fact, He knew me and chose me before He created time and space and the world we know (Ephesians 1:3-4). He planned every one of my days before there was even one of them (Psalm 139:16). He is near to all who call upon Him (Psalm 145:18). So near, in fact, that He chooses to dwell within them (Ephesians 3:17; Colossians 1:27). His presence is constant; there is no place I can go to escape Him (Psalm 139:7-12). He is intimately and meticulously involved in the details of our lives (no matter how trivial or mundane or horrendous they may seem), working in them His particular purposes (though we cannot always perceive Him) with the goal of drawing us to Himself. In His great mercy and compassion, Jesus meets us in our grief and brokenness and rebellion. He enters our darkness to bring us to light. He walks with us through the valleys and sustains us in the wilderness. What we need is what He is (in His essence): Comforter, Healer, Savior, Guide, Rest, Restorer, Redeemer, Protector, Provider, King, etc. He is the I AM (Exodus 3:14). He is the fullness of all things and from that fullness we, who are believers, receive grace in ever-increasing measure (John 1:16). With such a God as this, we will never be alone or forsaken or in want...ever.

And when we seek Him, when we long to know Him, when we cry out to Him, Jesus reveals Himself to us (Jeremiah 29:13). He is always ready to respond and receive and forgive over and over and over again; no matter how many times we mess up or wander off or forget who He is and what He has done. Jesus is very, very patient (Exodus, 34:6; Isaiah 30:18; 2 Peter 3:9). And in His patience, when I was forgetful of His goodness and ungrateful and losing sight of hope, He reminded me of who He was. He did not treat me as I deserved, but gently led me back to Himself. With such a God as this, we should never be afraid to return to Him or run to Him for help. He will never cast us off...ever.

These meditations are an overflow of two things: an answer to prayer and time in the Word. I had asked God to give me a renewed vision of Christ and He, in His kindness, did so by meeting me very sweetly and most preciously through His Word. God’s Word, the Bible, reveals Jesus to us. It has transforming power to remove strongholds, to open blind or veiled eyes, to soften hardened hearts, to melt away fear, and to bring rest and restoration (Hebrews 4:12). It has this power because the Scriptures are the very words of God, and, therefore, they are life and bring life (John 6:63). God’s Word reveals Jesus to us because Jesus is the Word made flesh (John 1:14). Every single promise of God found in the Bible finds its fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20).

And all of this is just a taste of what’s to come. One day the glory and knowledge of the Lord will cover the whole earth and all we see Him for who He is (Habakkuk 2:14; 1 John 3:2; Revelation 1:7). There will be no more distractions or confusion or brokenness. It will just be HIM in all of His fulness dwelling in the midst of His people (those who treasure Him now and are longing for His return).

It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the Lord; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” Isaiah 25:9

Times of Refreshing

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance… Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

The past two weeks, the Lord has been incredibly kind to keep my schedule pretty clear so that I can spend extra time with Him. And, let me tell you, I needed this time. I mentioned in my previous post that the Lord kept reminding me of His presence. He was beckoning me to rest in His presence, which is what I knew I needed. There is healing in the presence of Jesus that can be found nowhere else. I had been really struggling in the weeks following my dead’s death to trust the Lord for His grace and goodness (Ephesians 3:20; Romans 8:28), to count it all joy (James 1:2), to be thankful in all things (Ephesians 5:20), and to keep my eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). My faith was small and my perspective skewed, but times of refreshing come in the presence of the Lord (Acts 3:20).

So sensing the prompting of the Lord and the urgency of His call to draw near to Him, I sat aside a few days last week to rest and be in the Word. The Lord was kind to add to those days and give me some more of them this week. God’s promises are true: His Word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11) and when you draw near to Him, He draws near to you (James 4:8), which is what happened. In a way that cannot be explained apart from His grace, the Lord adjusted my focus and attitude, renewed my hope, realigned my priorities, and healed my brokenness, giving me a clearer vision of Him just as I had asked. He drew me out of the muck and the mire that I found myself in and set my feet on the Rock, filling my mouth with praise (Psalm 40:1-3). Even though my circumstances didn’t change, Jesus Christ has given me His unexplainable peace and joy. The change was in me. Jesus always works from the inside out.

As the Lord gave me comfort and strength, I sensed Him gently telling me, “Okay. You’ve had your time. It’s time to move forward.” It was time for me to stop being withdrawn and to start being about His work again. This is not to say that my grieving is over or that there is no pain because that is not the case, but it is to say that I cannot stay where I was. There is a time for more concentrated mourning and processing, but you cannot stay there forever. That’s not healthy or beneficial for anyone. The call to move forward came at the perfect time (as always), as I was already supposed to resume teaching the kids at church that Sunday. And the healing the Lord brought in that week prepared and strengthen me to dive back into that role as well as make a few hospital visits and reconnect with friends over the weekend. The time has come for the things that have been on hold (ministry, my future) to move to the forefront of my thoughts, as they slowly have been doing. Serving overseas has been more and more on my mind, and I have been praying about mentoring with Scarlet Hope for most of the year, and I believe the Lord is leading me to take steps forward in both of these areas.

But involving myself in these things and other ways of serving the Lord does not take the place of my need to be in His presence. His call to move forward doesn't negate my need to be silent in His presence and seek His face. By no means!

Seek the Lord and his strength;

seek his presence continually! Psalm 105:4

I can only serve Jesus when I spend time in the presence of Jesus. He empowers me to do His work. I will never outgrow my dependence upon Him for rest and strength and guidance, etc. Spending time with Jesus Christ is always the better portion, which will never be taken away from His people (Luke 10:42). Furthermore, the Lord's presence is our aim as Christians (Revelation 21:3). His presence will be our portion forever!

Dearly Loved

This is the message that a friend wrote on my calendar for me to find when I returned in September from Missouri: “You are dearly loved.” It is a phrase that kept popping up during those surrounding weeks from those dear to me and even from one of Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotionals. And I did feel loved, as people had poured into me for months (see previous post), carrying me through some of my most difficult hours. God revealed the depths of the relationships He had given me during that time. But, more importantly, God was revealing His love for me through His people. He was reminding me that I am dearly loved by Him (more on that in a moment).

Along with the above message, the Lord kept bringing a particular verse to my attention through my daily devotionals, other people, songs, and even a signature line at the bottom of an email:

The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

In the hardness, God wanted to remind me that He delights in me; even though I was in a deep valley, teetering on despair, He was singing over me. And He was (is) with me. That is a sweet verse and I gladly welcomed the reminder.

Then more hard weeks followed. Disappointments. Bad News. Failing Faith. Exposed sin. Zephaniah 3:17 forgotten. Most days felt like a struggle or a fog and the presence of Christ seemed far away. All I could see was my life crumbling around me and the wickedness of my own heart rising in response (selfishness, doubts, cynicism, bitterness, anger, etc.). Added to these things was an almost constant internal spiritual warfare. But Christ had a purpose in allowing all of these things into my life. Namely, He wants to magnify His grace as He refines me and reveals more of Himself (in, through and to me).

But it is hard to keep focus on that purpose in the heat of the fire. I realized that I was struggling and the Holy Spirit was prompting me to spend more time in the Word, but I felt like there was a veil keeping me from seeing Christ and His promises clearly. So, over the past week, I started praying for a fresh vision of Christ. And I believe the Father is answering that prayer and here’s why. First, Pastor Bryan prayed that for me and my sister this past weekend. He didn’t know I was desiring that, but God did. Second, the speaker in chapel today said something to that affect at the beginning of his sermon (and can I just say that that sermon was exactly what I needed to hear; pretty much a sum of all that God is teaching me, which I am describing in this post!). Third, God is constantly reminding me of His presence. I mean, constantly: almost daily in my devotionals, in His Word, through other people, and in the past three sermons I have heard. It’s like He is saying, “Just open your eyes, I am here!” Even when I can’t see Him, He is present. Even when I can’t sense Him, He is present. Even when I feel forsaken, He is present. How do I know that? Because the Bible tells me so (Joshua 1:9, Psalm 46:5; Zephaniah 3:17 above, Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5, etc.; cf. Matthew 1:23).

Admittedly, these are much more pleasant lessons to learn than those of patience and waiting and endurance (though I’m learning the former in the midst of the latter). And it goes to show you that you never “arrive.” These are basic, yet deeply-profound truths. Even though I’ve been to seminary and have been following Jesus for a little over a decade, I still need to be reminded of them over and over again:

1. God loves me (Romans 5:8)
2. God is with me (Matthew 28:20)
3. God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)

The first one is probably the most difficult one for me to grasp. I have trouble connecting with it. Maybe it's because I'm not a super-sappy kind of person. Maybe it's because I have heard this truth so flippantly used over and over again. I know mentally that God loves me and believe that He does based on Scripture, as a theological truth, but I have trouble feeling it, receiving it, letting it affect me daily (if that makes sense). I don't wake up saying, "God loves me" (though, maybe I should!). I mean, I get that God is just. I get that He is sovereign. I get that He is holy and perfect and true and worthy. But that He loves me specifically and personally (and not just generally), that’s another story. This is something I know that I’ve been deficient in for awhile and something the Lord is slowly growing me in. I know it is something I will never understand completely (see Ephesians 3:18-19), but I also know there is much room for growth. And it’s not like the Lord doesn’t demonstrate His personal love and care for me regularly (like all the examples noted above). The deficiency is in me. I’m having a connection problem. I know that I am dearly loved by Jesus Christ, but I want to feel it, sense it, soak in it. So, if you don’t mind, please pray these words for me from the Apostle Paul:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Carried

The past two weeks have been rather rough. My attitude and response toward life has been less than praiseworthy and I have had several meltdowns when bad news or disappointment has come my way. There is an instability within myself that I’ve not known before as I struggle to cling to God’s promises and wrestle with deep questions. But although I’ve been struggling (more like drowning on some days), I am not alone. God has not abandoned me. In fact, He meets me everyday through His Word and through His people to strengthen, encourage, sustain, and even rebuke me.

God has given me some amazing brothers and sisters in Christ for which I am deeply thankful. I do not deserve such kindness, but, thankfully, the Lord does not give me what I deserve. These men and women have shared Scripture with me, prayed for and with me, cried with me, pointed me to Christ, and helped me remember God’s promises. They have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to me during these turbulent times. Like on Friday when I was having one of those aforementioned meltdowns at work, one sweet friend took over my gatekeeper position in the office while I went to the bathroom to cry. As I was sitting on the floor sobbing, another sweet friend came in and sat with me and prayed with me. I know the Lord sent her to me to comfort me in that moment.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ…But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:12, 24-26

One of the sweetest aspects of the last few months has been watching the church be the church (as described in the passage above). While I do have amazing friends at work and in ministry, I am also very blessed to be a part of two wonderful church families – one in my hometown in Missouri and the other here in the Kentuckiana area. While they are pretty different from one another in many ways, both are committed to the Word of God and both long to show the love of Christ in practical ways. They long to be the church found in Acts 2 that is committed to the teachings of Jesus and devoted to love one another as well as the those who are unchurched. Most people have trouble finding one solid church that they can be a part of, but the Lord has let me be a part of two.

The first is Meadow Heights Church in Fredericktown, Missouri. I started attending this church when I was in the seventh grade. It was instrumental in me coming to faith in Christ, watering the seeds of faith that were sown by my parents, and played a vital role in my early stages as a new Christian, teaching me what it meant to follow Christ and the importance of having a daily quiet time with Him. Even though I haven’t been regularly attending that church since I moved to Louisville, they are still like family to me and are always more than willing to help me and my family. They were more than helpful when my dad was sick and when he passed away, bringing us food, providing a location as well as the menu for the after-funeral dinner, offering many, many prayers, giving money – willing and eager to do whatever was needed. Even now, they continue to help my mom with things she needs done around the house. They do this because the love of Christ compels them. Because, honestly, they are not receiving many benefits from my family. You can’t say it’s because of our tithes or our service or any such thing because Kristi and I don’t live there anymore. They did it out of love – love for Jesus and love for us.  

After moving to Louisville, I began attending Rolling Fields Church in Jeffersonville, Indiana (right across the river from Louisville). I have been a member there for six years now (hard to believe!). It is a small church and most people in the Louisville area haven’t heard of it, but God is up to some great things there. It is a rare place where you get solid teaching and have plenty of opportunities to serve. The Lord has used this church to stretch me in many ways when it comes to serving and leading, and it has also been instrumental in sustaining me through these difficult years. Every sermon is exactly what I need to hear. Since the church is small, I have grown a lot when it comes to fellowshipping with other believes. I am a private person and sinfully self-reliant, so this wasn’t my strong suit when it came to the spiritual disciplines, but you can’t hide that well in small places, and I have learned to give of myself to others and let them give of themselves to me, and I have been blessed immensely by the deeper relationships that God has allowed me to develop there. Rolling Fields has also been such a blessing to me and my family (whom they’ve barely met) these past few months. Even though they couldn’t be with us physically (though I know they wished they could!), they sent money and encouraging cards and emails and offered up countless prayers – willing and eager to do whatever was needed. They too do this because the love of Christ compels them. I was gone to Missouri for three months. They had every excuse to let my home church care for me, to focus on more local things, to say they are too small and their resources too few, but they didn’t. They did it out of love – love for Jesus and love for me and my family.

So these two bodies of believers have been God’s means of grace to me. God is the God of all comfort, and He chose to comfort and provide and care for me and my family through His people, His body, His church(es). And isn’t that the way it should be? Yes. This is the way the church is supposed to function: supporting weak members, caring for one another, sacrificing to help those in need. This is what Christ does for us. He helps the weak (2 Corinthians 12:9). He cares for others (1 Peter 5:7). He sacrificed Himself to help those in need (Hebrews 10:10-14). He is the head of the church, His body, and His body is supposed to follow His example (Colossian 1:18). This is the mark of a true church: loving God and loving others, representing Christ (His heart and mission) to those around them. I am blessed to be part of two such churches and I am very thankful for them both.

We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

The Aftermath

This week is the third week since my dad left us to be with Jesus. Even though it still seems surreal at times, reality has begun to set in. My dad is gone. His battle with cancer and his suffering are over, and his faith and hope has been realized. His pain has ended, but ours has just deepened. My emotions are mixed with with grief, relief, hope, and joy for him.

It’s amazing the things I have learned about my dad since his death. I knew him mainly in one capacity: as my dad. He never really shared his heart, his dreams, his hopes; he was a pretty private person (I guess I get that from him :). I suppose that is somewhat normal in the parent-child relationship, but the stories I have heard, the people he has impacted, and the things he did behind the scenes has made me appreciate him more, and made me realize how much I took him for granted.

Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl. When I was elementary school, I remember being at the water fountain and all the other little girls were talking about boys, boyfriends, etc. When I was asked something to the effect of who I liked or who I wanted to be my boyfriend, I answered my dad. I was perfectly content with him as the only man in my life (as I think it should be for every little girl). We kind of grew apart some when I went off to college and seminary – we didn’t usually see eye-to-eye on things – but the last year or so we started growing closer again (another grace of the Lord) and I started trying to do a better job of sharing what was going on in my life and heart.

The Lord was very kind to allow me to go home and take care of my dad during the last 10 weeks of his life. I know that is what my dad would have wanted (he loved having his girls around) and the Lord was so generous to give that to him. I was his primary caretaker during those days. It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. My dad suffered a great deal and I saw things I’d rather not remember, but God’s grace was sufficient for those times (2 Corinthians 12:9). He always gave me the needed strength for each day, despite my faint heart and weak knees (Psalm 61:2). Now that it is all over, my mind is trying to process what just took place. In the moment, you just do what needs to be done with little thought, but now that things have slowed down, my mind is trying to get a handle on these last three months, and emotional/physical/spiritual exhaustion has set in. I feel like I could sleep for days.

I have to be careful, though. I realize I must allow myself time to grieve and process, but, at the same time, I have to be very careful what I am thinking about. It is easy to get lost in thought. I could probably think for hours about all that just happened, but I don’t think that’s good or healthy – especially if I am just thinking about the pain and turmoil that has marked my life as of late. So I have to be extra vigilant about taking thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). It is better to reflect on the situation, look for God’s goodness in it, and give Him thanks, or choose to think about the happy times with my dad instead (there are far more of those anyway) and give thanks for them.

It would be easy to question God during this time. Many of the prayers that were lifted up on behalf of my dad were not answered the way we hoped and desired. The answer from heaven was a continual “no” when it came to his healing and such. God was set on taking him Home. We received continual bad news from when he was diagnosed with cancer last November. So, again, I have to be careful. It would be easy to distrust or question God. But it is not like He was silent. Far from it. The peace and presence of Christ was continually with our family. He provided for us in every way and gave us some very, very sweet times with my dad. In fact, my dad was conscious and could communicate up to the last hours of his life. That is a priceless gift from God. My dad could have easily slipped into a coma hours and hours before he passed, but God did not allow that. And because He didn’t, many people in our family got to say their final goodbyes to him. God's kindness has been very evident throughout all this and I must remind myself of Romans 8:28 every time I am tempted to resent His hard dealings with my family. Many good things have come from my dad's death and continue to come from it because it is all orchestrated by a very good God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Furthermore, God’s timing was so perfect. In fact, it was too perfect to not be orchestrated by Him. The Lord delayed my application to serve overseas until right before I went home. Also, when I went home in June is when my dad really started to deteriorate. The Family Medical Leave Act allows one to be gone from work for 12 weeks. I checked in with my employer every two weeks, so when it was time for my 10th week check-in, I sought the Lord on whether I should quit my job and stay in Missouri or return to Louisville. I sensed him telling me to do the latter, and I knew then He was going to take my dad. My dad passed away exactly a week later, which was a week and a half before I was supposed to return to Louisville. The Lord’s timing is perfect.

Below is a video of my dad singing. This was recorded on his 60th birthday, June 23rd of this year, the day Kristi and I came home to take care of Dad. He was in a lot of pain that day, but he got out his guitar and praised Jesus despite the pain. We could learn from him. Enjoy.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

As for me, I am poor and needy,
but the Lord takes thought for me. Psalm 40:17

What is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him? Psalm 8:4

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

These verses came to my mind one evening while I was on a walk. It is when I do some of my best thinking, and the Lord is so kind to give me those times. There are no distractions (besides those of my own mind), and I am in the midst of God’s beautiful creation. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go on a walk with this as a backdrop?!

These days people, out of concern, often ask me, “How are you doing?” And I honestly don’t know how to answer them. None of the usual replies seem sufficient. For the most part I am doing okay (which is how I wind up responding). The Lord has been gracious to give me the strength needed for each day and has given me His indescribable peace. He is very kind to give me the morning time to spend with Him to prepare for the day ahead. And, let me tell you, I need this time alone with Him. Spending time with Jesus is the only reason why I am doing as well as I am in the middle of all of this horror. But it’s not like I don’t have my days (like yesterday) where I am tired and weary and hurting and overwhelmed and, well, just plain broken.

I have a lot on my shoulders and, most of the time, I don’t feel the weight of it all, which I guess is another one of God’s many graces. Every day presents a new challenge and trial, and I wear many hats to do the things that need to get done. Usually the response of others to what I am going through helps me see a glimpse of the magnitude, but I suppose I won’t really realize the full weight until after it’s lifted. At least that is how it was in South Asia. The burden of living in a different culture, learning a new language, and being surrounded by spiritual darkness weighed heavily on my shoulders, but I didn’t realize it while I was living in the midst of it. It wasn’t until after I returned to the States that I sensed that a burden had lifted, and I felt “lighter.”

A lot has happened these past few years, especially this year – much of it unpleasant – that the Lord has used to grow and change me. I am not the same as I used to be even back when I graduated from seminary in 2010. The bitter circumstances have left their wounds, but, most significantly, the Lord has used them to strengthen my faith, clarify my priorities, deepen my trust in Jesus, grow me in the knowledge of God’s Word, and refine me. And He did this all through brokenness. I am learning that that is His master tool. Only when we are broken and humble before Him can His glory and greatness shine through. Brokenness is where He does some of His greatest work. And, trust me, my independent-self needed some breaking and refining. I used to consider myself a pretty compassionate person, but the Lord has worked some tenderness into my heart through all this that wasn’t there before. It doesn’t take much to make my eyes well up with tears anymore. Seeing anyone who is in some kind of emotional pain or who is grieving sends a piercing pain through my heart. I mean, I can barely watch anything even remotely sad on TV now without tearing up. MASH, The Waltons, Up (yep, even a cartoon), and The Lord of the Rings, have all done their part in making the tears fall. This is not like me, at least the old me, but I guess it is now. The Lord tells us to be tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32; 1 Peter 3:8; cf. Colossians 12:3), which doesn’t come naturally so the Spirit works it into our hearts through the circumstances God brings to help us obey this command.

As usual, the Lord meets me where I am. He wounds, but He also heals (Hosea 6:1). He has brought a few songs into my life this week to remind me that nothing is wasted. Every ounce of everything He has allowed into my life is preparing for me a glory I cannot even conceive of with my mind (1 Corinthians 2:9). It will be better than I can imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The weight that I referred to, both the big and small, is doing something unseen and majestic. It is preparing for me a particular weight of glory beyond all comparison that will make all of these trials, all of this suffering, “light and momentary” (2 Corinthians 2:16-18; cf. John Piper’s sermon on this text). Indeed, I am poor and needy, but my Lord takes thought for me and His thought is to do me good both now and forever.

What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

Good People Don’t Go to Heaven

Good people don’t go to heaven. This truth has been bouncing around in my head for several weeks now. I realize it is a scandalous statement that goes against everything we believe as humans, especially humans living in the American culture, but, according to the Word of God, it is true. I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me in recent weeks that they are “good people” or that someone they know is a “good person” when talking to them about their status with God. And, by human and societal standards, I suppose they are good. In fact, I used to believe the very same thing about myself before Jesus saved me and showed me otherwise. God’s Word, however, tells us something very different:

As it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.” Romans 3:10-11 (cf. Psalm 14:1-3; 53:1-3)

No one is good except God alone. Mark 10:18; Luke 18:19

Whether doctor, factory worker, homemaker, strip-club dancer, or whatever, each one thinks, “I’m a good person.” And, sure, compared to somebody else, we might be “good,” but not compared to God. He is perfect. He is the definition of good. These two men say it well:

“The terrible condition of man’s heart will never be recognized by people who assess it only in relation to other people…our depravity is a condition in relation to God primarily, and only secondarily in relation to man. This is the great awakening that needs to happen for people to see the extent of their sin and the greatness of the Savior.” John Piper, “Whatever is Not from Faith is Sin – Really?”

We should not be surprised that the secular world confuses sinners and sociopaths, prison and hell. Christians, however, must understand the differences. One need not be a monster, by human definition, to go to hell. The sinfulness of “normal” humanity is quite enough for that. But there are monsters among us, and Ariel Castro’s crimes and his lack of moral understanding put him in that category as well.” Dr. Mohler’s blog post, “'‘I Am Not a Monster’ – Ariel Castro as Sinner and Sociopath”

God is the essence of perfection and so is His standard. He requires perfection. You don’t have to be a sociopath to be deserving of hell. You need only to be a sinner, and we all qualify for that. So where does that leave us? I haven’t met anyone who says they are perfect. Usually they say, “Well, I’m not perfect…” But that’s the standard and absolutely no one meets it. No one. We all offend God in more ways that we could ever realize and He requires those who offend Him to be punished. So what do we do? What can we do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.
We all fade like a leaf,
and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64:6

All of our righteous deeds, our good deeds – the ones we depend on to outweigh our bad deeds and make us right with God – these deeds are like dirty, soiled rags to God. They are worthless and they earn us nothing in His sight; nothing, that is, but death.

For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

BUT. Did you notice the “but” in that last verse? We cannot do anything to make ourselves good, to make ourselves right with God, to save ourselves from His anger and fury. But God can. As Pastor Bryan said last week, “A good God came to be good for us.” He so loved the world that He gave His Son Jesus Christ to die for us, to take our punishment, so that whoever believes in Jesus will have eternal life (John 3:16). They are set free and declared not guilty. The perfect record of Jesus Christ, who obeyed God completely and loved others perfectly, becomes ours, and He becomes our sin and takes our punishment (2 Corinthians 5:21). This is how we become “good” in God’s sight. C.S. Lewis calls it “the great exchange.” You can spend your whole live serving others, but you won’t pay off the debt you owe to God. You can go to church every week, but that still won’t cut it. You can give all your money to the poor, but that won’t work either. You can be a very moral person, but it gets you nowhere. God sets the standard, and His standard is perfection. And He sets the terms, and the term is that we turn from our sins and believe in His Son Jesus Christ who loved us and gave His life for us so that we may live (Ephesians 5:2). There is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). He is the only way. This is good news! This is a good God. This is how you can be good in God’s eyes. Repent and believe and be saved.

Enclosed by the Everlasting Arms

The eternal God is your dwelling place,
and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deuteronomy 33:27a

It’s hard to put into words these past few weeks. The days have been long and tiring and filled with one trial after another, but the Lord has so strengthened me by His grace and given me His unexplainable peace and joy. Sometimes I almost feel guilty that I am not doing worse than I am considering the circumstances, but that’s the power of God’s sustaining grace. It is nothing in me, not at all. I would have collapsed under the weight of my life if not for Jesus Christ. And the primary way that the Lord Jesus has been sustaining me and my family is through His people, through the Church. We have been lovingly bombarded with emails, phone calls, text messages, meals (compliments of Meadow Heights Church), money, and even flowers (sent by my sweet coworkers in the President’s Office). Most importantly, though, and most powerfully, God has used the innumerous prayers of His people to carry us through these difficult days.

Another way that God has sustained us that is just as important and just as powerful is His Word. I am always amazed at how His Word always comes at just the right time. Sermons, devotionals, daily Bible reading, Scripture passages given to us by others – all of these things are exactly what my family and I have needed to hear and, often, the same Scripture verses are interwoven throughout all these various means. The Word of God has indescribable and mysterious power to speak directly to our specific circumstances and bring the kind of inner healing and comfort nothing and no one else can.

I have been trying to take each day one at a time and deal with each situation as it comes, but sometimes I see the magnitude of my current life circumstances and I am overwhelmed. Last week everything seemed to happen at once: I had a gallbladder attack and had to have surgery to remove it; while I was in the hospital, my mom took my dad to another hospital because he had been throwing up for three days; two of our three cars are having problems…even the cat has been limping. I am not one that thinks there is a demon behind every bush, but it really seems like our family is under attack from the enemy. But what he means for evil, God designs for good, and it is ultimately God who has allowed these circumstances into our lives for His good purposes, which are yet to be revealed and which I don't even pretend to understand.

Our circumstances darkened this week. My dad was scheduled to have surgery to remove a partial blockage and his gallbladder, but when the surgeon cut him open, he saw that he has many partial blockages and that the cancer has pretty much taken over his abdomen and intestinal system. He wound up not doing anything as planned, but instead inserted a tube in his stomach to use as a kind of pressure/overflow valve to help prevent vomiting. Then came the dreaded word: Hospice. They are calling in hospice next week.

I am so thankful that the Lord has settled in my mind the truths of His sovereignty and goodness in the difficult years leading up to this. I know for a fact that God is sovereign and good and those weighty truths have been a source of comfort and stability in the midst of this storm. But hard days do lie ahead. I mean, how do you prepare for someone leaving you for good, someone that has been a part of your whole life, when even now just walking into his bedroom makes me burst into tears…

It’s the unknown, I guess, that is the most scary. Kind of like with my recent surgery. I was not afraid of the actual surgery, but it was the pain I would experience afterward that made me a little apprehensive. It would be a pain I had not experienced before. It’s the same with this. I am not as afraid of the actual death of my dad, as much as of the pain that will follow with the empty shirts and the broken-down cars and when I need advice…How do you prepare for that?! The same way we prepare for anything: giving thanks, praying always, and trusting the Lord; taking each day one at a time, remembering that His mercies are new every morning, and that His grace is sufficient for anything and everything that comes.

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:21-26

Where to Set Your Heart and Mind

As I have been reading the Bible and my daily devotional, I have noticed a reoccurring phrase: “set your heart/mind on…” (or its antithesis: set not your heart/mind on…). This has grabbed my attention every time because it is so easy to set my heart/mind on other things besides on where it needs to be, which is on Christ Jesus Himself. This is the verse that first grabbed my attention regarding this:

Put no trust in extortion;
set no vain hopes on robbery;
if riches increase, set not your heart on them. Psalm 62:10 ESV

Riches may increase, but we are not to set our hearts on them. We should be thankful for them and praise God for them, but we should not let them be our heart’s desire or let them consume us. But I think riches can be replaced with any other thing that we are tempted to set our hearts on. Money is not the only thing to trip us up. When things like material goods, positive/improving circumstances, relationships, respect/fame/honor, dating prospects, time off/vacations, children, ministry opportunities increase, we should not set our hearts on them.

But that’s no easy task. Our hearts are easily distracted and very prone to wander. Just in the past few days I have been battling this; this time in the form of medical help. My sister and I took my dad to his chemo treatment on Tuesday. He has been in unrelenting pain these past few weeks, so he told his doctor this when he saw him before the treatment. The doctor prescribed him a 12-hour pain medication to manage the pain with his other pain pills. We were pretty excited about this, but then the next day came when my dad took his first pill. He threw up the rest of the day (because it’s a 12-hour, time-released pill). My dad was (and still is) in complete misery and we were all very disappointed and discouraged. But the Lord brought the verse above to my mind, gently reminding me not to set my hope on medicine or doctors or anything else.  
So what does it even mean to set your heart or mind on something? Well, according to the always-handy Internet, this is the definition of these phrases:

“set your heart on” – to desire or greatly long for
“set your mind on” – to focus all your attention or pour all your energy into

So basically to set your mind/heart on something is to give it your full attention and affection and to make it the object of your desire. There is only one who deserves such devotion and His name is Jesus Christ. He is to be the focal point of our lives. We are to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:3). So it is no wonder that Scripture tells us what and what not to focus our heart and mind on.

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:29-31 NIV

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:2-4 ESV

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 ESV

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV

From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” Matthew 16:21-23

Brothers, join in imitating me [the Apostle Paul], and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. Philippians 3:17-19

So set your mind and heart on the unseen, on heaven, on eternal things, which basically means we have to trust the Lord and take what He says in His Word as true over whatever we can see and hear and feel and sense. We have to remember that God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts aren’t our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8), and trust that He is working all things to the good for us that are His (Romans 8:28). But who is sufficient for these things? God is. He gives us the strength and the faith and the desire to set on mind and heart on Him. Like Romans 8:5 says above, those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit helps us in this. He directs us and prompts us and rebukes us to keep us focused on the Lord Jesus, and we work with Him by filling our mind with Scripture and following His lead, instead of filling our hearts and minds with the influences of the world. And, not only that, but God promises to guard our hearts and minds in Jesus Christ as we place our focus and trust Him (Philippians 4:7). Where we set our hearts and minds is crucial. It is a matter of life and death, as each verse above demonstrates. The stakes are high and God is jealous to have all of your affection and attention. But He doesn't leave us on our own. He equips us and empowers us. He gives us all the resources we need to live the life He has called us to live. He even gives us Himself. So let's give Him all of us.

Trust is the Pathway

It’s a warm, muggy evening in Southern Missouri tonight, but it’s still nice. There’s a gentle breeze and the birds are softly filling the air with their songs. I so enjoy being in the country and forget how much I do so until after I return from living in the city. I am currently sitting on the tailgate of my dad’s truck, writing this blog.

My sister and I returned to Fredericktown last Saturday to tend to our parents. I had been praying what to do regarding them, and the Lord clearly opened up the opportunity for me to take a 4-week long medical leave from work. I don’t know what is beyond these four weeks, but I do know without a doubt that this is where God wants me right now and am praying that the Lord will use this time at home to make the future more clear.

The pace of life is so much different here and so is the focus. Instead of a full-time job and outside (of the home) ministries, my days are filled with trips to town,* cooking, and cleaning. I forget how much I enjoy cooking and taking care of the home. It’s not that I don’t do those things in Louisville, but I can’t do them as frequently or spend as much time on them with the other commitments that demand so much of my attention. I definitely have a lot more freedom here to use my time as I please, but I also have to be careful not to waste it. I am trying to – and I think I’m starting to – get into a new daily rhythm. Prayer and time in the Word is essential, and I need to make more time for both. The problem is that I’ve been so tired that I keep falling asleep when I’m spending time with the Lord. Some of this is from my lack of sleep last week and some of it is from emotional fatigue and weariness.

It’s not easy being here, though. My dad is in a lot of (constant) pain and is not doing well, and it is hard to watch him suffer so much. This is just another reason why Bible reading and prayer is so important. I do not have the strength for this. The Lord has been very gracious to sustain me the way He has been and to help me take each day as it comes. It is true that His mercies are new every morning and that His grace is sufficient for our daily needs. There are many people praying for both me and my family and I know that God is sustaining us through those prayers. That’s the only way to explain the peace I have felt in the midst of such hard circumstances.

The Lord is very kind in the way that He prepares His people for times such as these. It is no secret (if you’ve been reading my blog) that these past three years have been very difficult. I believe that the Lord has allowed every hard circumstance, every disappointment, every piece of bad news, and even silence from Himself in order to prepare me for these things that I now face. During those times, the Lord taught me to feed on His Word, taught me to trust His character over present circumstances, and taught me to depend on Him. I am not saying I have arrived in any of these areas, but I have grown in them tremendously.
In all the lessons, there seems to be on current theme: trust the Lord. And that makes sense right? We see this throughout the biblical narrative. Every time someone fails to trust the Lord, they sin (Adam & Eve, Israel, etc.) and wreck havoc in their lives and the lives of others. The Lord continually beckons us to trust Him. He is the only Good in all creation and He is sovereign over everyone and everything. As I read through Dr. Moore’s book, Tempted and Tried, he continually points to that truth. Jesus Christ trusted His Father perfectly, which is why He could not be tempted by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11). He trusted that He would provide for Him, so He refused to turn the stones into bread…even though He hadn’t eaten in 40 days. He trusted the Father would protect Him and exalt Him, so He refused to test God by jumping from the top of the temple. He trusted that God would give Him the nations (as He promised in Psalm 2), so He refused to bow down to Satan who offered Him the nations. But His trust in the Father included the cross. It included heartache and betrayal and abandonment and torture and false accusations and being misunderstood and being mocked and being murdered. The will of the Father for Him was not easy, but it was good (ultimately) and perfect and Jesus received everything He was promised. God was faithful to provide for Him, to protect and exalt Him, and to give Him the nations. And God is faithful to us as well. All of God’s promises to us find their fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20). When we give our lives to the Lord Jesus, His resurrection, His life, and His reigning are also ours. But so is His suffering and death. We follow a crucified Savior and His obedient life and death are ours. And the life of sacrificial living and obedience come before the glory and honor. So while we wait for our hope and glory from heaven to be revealed, we must trust the Father’s good purposes for us. For He promises that He has a future for us that is good and not evil (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He has plans for us that are better than we could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20). But Trust is the Pathway. Like a child with his daddy, we are to trust our heavenly Daddy. He will guide us. He will provide for us. He will protect us. He is with us. He promises and He never breaks any of His promises (Hebrews 6:18).

Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

*For you city folk, I live outside of town and have to travel into town/city limits to go to the store, gas station, church, etc.

The Lord is Good to All

In the last post, I mentioned how the Lord has been teaching me about His goodness. It has been a very long and hard lesson, but one that has come to be very sweet. I think it’s really impossible to try to explain the goodness of the Lord or to even recount what He has been teaching me in this regard, but I would like to share even just a morsel of this deep truth that He has been showing me.

You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes. Psalm 119:68

The Lord confronted me last year with my disbelief in His goodness. I would not have actually admitted that I did not trust the Lord’s goodness, but my troubled thoughts and attitude revealed otherwise. It all started with a thought, a question, a doubt about the goodness of God (from the enemy no doubt). Instead of dismissing the lie immediately, however, I pondered it. I did not obey the Scripture about taking thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), and, as a result, allowed the thought to take root. The Lord, however, was quick to bring His Word. When I went to church that weekend, the sermon title was, “God is Good and Does Good,” from the psalm above. I was like, “Of course that is the message this weekend.” Then I started doing a study with a friend through Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, and the first lie she addressed in the book was, “God is not really good. If He were, He would…” Do you see the kindness (and goodness) of the Lord in this? He seen my struggle and sent His Truth speedily to meet me. I would like to say that that was the end of doubting His goodness, but it was only the beginning. Since that time, I have been tempted over and over to believe that the Lord is not good – or, at least,  that He is not good to me. And since that time, the Lord has continually convicted me, pursued me, and taken me deeper and deeper into the truth of His goodness.

I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

The Lord’s goodness is a fundamental truth. It is important to believe that the Lord is both sovereign and good, and losing sight of one or the other makes for some pretty dark nights of the soul. Admittedly, there have been several times when I had considered walking away from everything, thinking that I just could not do this anymore. But you know what? The Lord never lets go of His own  (2 Timothy 2:13). Furthermore, where else would I go? Jesus Christ alone has the words of Life and Truth (John 6:68; 14:6). I have seen and experienced that there is no person or thing or belief system that satisfies and sustains and transforms and renews like He does. He is life (Colossians 3:4). So, recently, the Lord has brought to my attention that I should not even allow questioning His goodness to be an option (which sounds like a no brainer). Up until now that is exactly what I have been doing, but, instead, Jesus calls me to trust Him. And that’s exactly what it all comes down to, doesn’t it? Trust the Lord. Trust His Word. What He says is true, no matter how things look on the outside. And Scripture is clear that God alone is good. He not only does good (Psalm 119:68); He not only gives good (James 1:17), but He IS good.

And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. Mark 10:18

Goodness is intricate to God’s nature. [By the way, Jesus is not saying that He Himself is not good. He is pointing out that only God is innately good, so for Jesus to be called good means that He is equal with God, which, of course, He is.] The problem is that we define goodness based on our own ideologies and limited perspective. We want to know why tragic things happen and why our desires are not met. Why questions are not bad in and of themselves, but the truth is we don’t always get to know why. Answers are a privilege, not a right. So when answers don’t come, we are quick to blame God and question His character.

God is absolute righteousness, love, goodness, and justice. Most errors related to this issue [ascribing evil to God] occur because of our human tendency to impose an external standard–a human construction of goodness–upon God. But good does not so much define God as God defines good. – Dr. Mohler’s blog post, “The Goodness of God and the Reality of Evil”

I love that: good does not define God, but God defines good. Reading this was like an ah-ha moment for me. God is good and therefore He defines it, and He reveals what goodness is through His perfect and inerrant Word. Over and over again, the Bible says that, “The Lord is good, for His steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 100:5; 106:1; 2 Chronicle 5:13; Ezra 3:11; Jeremiah 33:11, etc.). Scripture proclaims this truth over and over because we need to hear it over and over.

Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you
and worked for those who take refuge in you,
in the sight of the children of mankind!
In the cover of your presence you hide them. Psalm 31:19

The Lord brought this verse to my mind this week as I was pondering His goodness. I love the three ways the psalmist describes the goodness of Christ in this verse. First, he says that God’s goodness is abundant. It is not limited; it is infinite like God is. Furthermore, it is stored up for God’s people (notice the qualifier). This shows His intention to do His people good. Even when life is difficult, God has goodness stored up for us, which may or may not be poured out in this lifetime, but it will most definitely be revealed in full when Christ returns. Finally, God works out this goodness for His people (again, notice the qualifier – this promise is not for all people). This reminds me of Romans 8:28 where the Apostle Paul says that God works all things (both good and bad) together for good for those who love God and are chosen in Christ. So God is working out His goodness in the lives of those who have trusted in Christ. And His goodness is most gloriously displayed in the life and death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God worked His goodness in the midst of gruesome and unspeakable events as Jesus Christ, the only perfect man to walk this earth, was betrayed, mistreated, beaten, mocked, falsely accused, misunderstood, slaughtered, and resurrected so that God could offer salvation to sinful human, among whom there is no one good, not even one (Romans 3:12). So God made His Son Jesus Christ (who is perfectly good and righteous) to be sin, so that in Christ we (who are unrighteousness and in whom no goodness is found) might become the righteousness of God. Indeed, Psalm 145:9 rings true: “The Lord is good to all, and His mercy is over all that He has made.”