My sister and I returned to Fredericktown last Saturday to tend to our parents. I had been praying what to do regarding them, and the Lord clearly opened up the opportunity for me to take a 4-week long medical leave from work. I don’t know what is beyond these four weeks, but I do know without a doubt that this is where God wants me right now and am praying that the Lord will use this time at home to make the future more clear.
The pace of life is so much different here and so is the focus. Instead of a full-time job and outside (of the home) ministries, my days are filled with trips to town,* cooking, and cleaning. I forget how much I enjoy cooking and taking care of the home. It’s not that I don’t do those things in Louisville, but I can’t do them as frequently or spend as much time on them with the other commitments that demand so much of my attention. I definitely have a lot more freedom here to use my time as I please, but I also have to be careful not to waste it. I am trying to – and I think I’m starting to – get into a new daily rhythm. Prayer and time in the Word is essential, and I need to make more time for both. The problem is that I’ve been so tired that I keep falling asleep when I’m spending time with the Lord. Some of this is from my lack of sleep last week and some of it is from emotional fatigue and weariness.
It’s not easy being here, though. My dad is in a lot of (constant) pain and is not doing well, and it is hard to watch him suffer so much. This is just another reason why Bible reading and prayer is so important. I do not have the strength for this. The Lord has been very gracious to sustain me the way He has been and to help me take each day as it comes. It is true that His mercies are new every morning and that His grace is sufficient for our daily needs. There are many people praying for both me and my family and I know that God is sustaining us through those prayers. That’s the only way to explain the peace I have felt in the midst of such hard circumstances.
The Lord is very kind in the way that He prepares His people for times such as these. It is no secret (if you’ve been reading my blog) that these past three years have been very difficult. I believe that the Lord has allowed every hard circumstance, every disappointment, every piece of bad news, and even silence from Himself in order to prepare me for these things that I now face. During those times, the Lord taught me to feed on His Word, taught me to trust His character over present circumstances, and taught me to depend on Him. I am not saying I have arrived in any of these areas, but I have grown in them tremendously.
In all the lessons, there seems to be on current theme: trust the Lord. And that makes sense right? We see this throughout the biblical narrative. Every time someone fails to trust the Lord, they sin (Adam & Eve, Israel, etc.) and wreck havoc in their lives and the lives of others. The Lord continually beckons us to trust Him. He is the only Good in all creation and He is sovereign over everyone and everything. As I read through Dr. Moore’s book, Tempted and Tried, he continually points to that truth. Jesus Christ trusted His Father perfectly, which is why He could not be tempted by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11). He trusted that He would provide for Him, so He refused to turn the stones into bread…even though He hadn’t eaten in 40 days. He trusted the Father would protect Him and exalt Him, so He refused to test God by jumping from the top of the temple. He trusted that God would give Him the nations (as He promised in Psalm 2), so He refused to bow down to Satan who offered Him the nations. But His trust in the Father included the cross. It included heartache and betrayal and abandonment and torture and false accusations and being misunderstood and being mocked and being murdered. The will of the Father for Him was not easy, but it was good (ultimately) and perfect and Jesus received everything He was promised. God was faithful to provide for Him, to protect and exalt Him, and to give Him the nations. And God is faithful to us as well. All of God’s promises to us find their fulfillment in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20). When we give our lives to the Lord Jesus, His resurrection, His life, and His reigning are also ours. But so is His suffering and death. We follow a crucified Savior and His obedient life and death are ours. And the life of sacrificial living and obedience come before the glory and honor. So while we wait for our hope and glory from heaven to be revealed, we must trust the Father’s good purposes for us. For He promises that He has a future for us that is good and not evil (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He has plans for us that are better than we could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20). But Trust is the Pathway. Like a child with his daddy, we are to trust our heavenly Daddy. He will guide us. He will provide for us. He will protect us. He is with us. He promises and He never breaks any of His promises (Hebrews 6:18).
Behold, God is my salvation;*For you city folk, I live outside of town and have to travel into town/city limits to go to the store, gas station, church, etc.
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2
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