Hope Renewed

What a blessing today has been! The Lord has ministered to me in such a powerful way from His Word:
1. My first class today let out early since the professor is out of town (he is at Union University where his daughter attends and where the tornado demolished the dorms, please pray for the Sills family) so I went to the cafe to read before chapel. While there I ran into two ladies the Lord has blessed me to know and they invited me to join their study of the "Psalm of the Day" which was Psalm 37. This Psalm is so powerful. We read through it together, discussed it, and each picked a verse or more to memorize. I chose verse 5: Commit your way unto the Lord; trust in Him and He will act.
2. Chapel today was about the "discipline of deprivation." What a blessing this message was! I had prayed last night as I was crying out to God that He would speak to my circumstances through chapel today and boy did He ever. Through it God reminded me that He is in control, He alone is my satisfaction, and that I am in His will despite the hardships. How faithful the Lord is in reassuring my soul as I had lost hope, and how vile I am for doubting Him. Furthermore, the benediction came from the first several verses of Psalm 37. How wise and sovereign He is!
3. After chapel, I poured out my heart to God in prayer and journaling and repented of my lack of trust in Him, reread Psalm 37, and read some of Ecclesiastes and Lamentations. During this time, the Lord strengthen me and restored my hope and joy in Him. He is so beautiful and worthy and I repent of ever taking my eyes of Him. My God is enough for me.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope; the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21-23)

When it Rains it Pours

The weather has been rather interesting and dangerous lately. The warm temperatures have indeed been a blessing but they haven't come without price as tornadoes and strong thunderstorm littered the area last night and earlier this afternoon. The warm weather can stay, as far as I am concerned though, until next winter. :)

Today, as I was walking into Friendship International in the rain, I couldn't help but notice the birds chirping away as if the sun was brightly shining. They were singing their praises to God despite the gloom. I could learn from them. This week has been gloomy for me. As most of you know, finances have been extremely tight since I moved to Louisville last August. The Lord has been stretching and testing my faith for many months now in that regard and I am becoming very weary. The latest situation that has added to the financial stress and pressure has come once again in the form of my car (I am almost sure that God is using my car for my sanctification). The fuel pump went out of Monday and until today it has been sitting in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I know you won't believe this when I say it but my car really is a good and dependable car; just of late has it been acting up...of course, when I have no money. Anyway, the first mechanic I called wanted to charge $212 just for labor. I am told this is the going rate. I think it is outrageous, but I guess I am just spoiled by the fact that my dad and uncle always used to work on my car for free. My pastor's wife from Rolling Fields called me yesterday and referred me to a mechanic at our church. He looked at my car today, tapped the fuel tank to "jump" the fuel pump to get it running, and it now sitting in his garage. Although he is not going to charge the "normal" amount for labor, it is still more than I can afford, but I need my car so whatcha gonna do? In the meantime, I am sporting a gray Honda thanks to my wonderful roommate (who has the flu so please pray for her).

I know this all probably sounds so petty. There are lots of people in the world who are in way more difficult circumstances than I am...yet I feel such despair. The months of financial stress are wearing on me and I am beginning to lose hope. I am not one to cry much, but I have shed more tears through all this as I cry out to God than any other time in my life. "How long, o Lord? Will you forget me forever?" (Psalm 13:1).

Hear the words of Jesus: "O my servant true; Thou are very weary; I was weary too; But that toil shall make thee some day all mine own, and the end of sorrow shall be near my throne." -John Mason Neale from the hymn "Christian, Does Thou See Them?"

On a brighter note: the Lord has presented me with three potential opportunities to meet with international woman in the Louisville area who want to learn more about Jesus and the Bible and/or improve their English. One is a Hindu from India, another is a Catholic from Columbia, and the third is an atheist from China. Praise the Lord who is working in their hearts! I am so humbled and thankful for the opportunities. Please pray for each of these ladies, for these opportunties to bear fruit, and for me--that the Holy Spirit would guide and direct my interaction with each of them. Only the Lord Jesus Christ can open blind eyes to His infinite beauty and worth. Please pray that He will do just that.

Prone to Wander

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse is one that God has used powerfully in my life since I began my walk with Him in high school, and it becomes dearer to me as time goes by. One of the most prominent and recurring sins in my life, one I have to die to daily, is my tendency to depend upon my own strength and wisdom (or lack thereof) rather than the Lord's. This has caused me unnecessary grief and axiety in the past. The Lord is gracious, however, and has been teaching me dependence on and trust in Him. Though the lesson has not been especially pleasant, I know that the result will be to my benefit and His glory for at "the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11). The Lord has been reminding me of Proverbs 3:5-6 quite a bit lately and boy do I need it. There are several situations in my life that I have been trying to take into my own hands...as if I have the means and ability to control them. How foolish I can be!

Lord God, I trust you with all of me. I do not know what lies ahead but I know that you are in control. Give me strength to rest in that truth and bring glory to Yourself as you light the path before me and I walk obediently in it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

What Does the Future Hold?

Tonight there is a plump, golden moon hanging low in the sky. I just love when the moon looks majestic like this, reminding me that it is much larger than it seems.

I have been pondering lately the calling the Lord has put on my life. I surrendered to His call to serve Him overseas during the fall of 2003, but what does that look like? Since that time He has placed in me a heart for His work among the nations and for reaching unreached peoples for His Name. He has given me a supernatural love, in particular, for Hispanic people. As of late, however, the Lord has given me a love for a couple of other things; namely, the local church and the peoples of Russia. How do all these tie in together? Has God called me to serve Him overseas full-time or will I serve Him in some other sense? I know that the Lord will reveal all this in His time, but I am just wondering how it is all going to play out. All I know now is that I am supposed to be here studying at Southern. I look forward to whatever He has in store.

The Power of the Word

I woke up this morning to a lovely dusting of snow on the ground. I think this makes for the 3rd one this year. It makes all this nasty cold weather worth while. :)

I had a wonderful weekend at home. I didn't do anything terribly exciting...just hung out with people I care about. I was also able to take care of a few items of business which consisted of closing down my Fredericktown bank account (which was long over due seeing I haven't touched it in years), grabbing some of my childhood books for tutoring, and letting my dad look at my car (he drained out the old power steering fluid and replaced it with fresh fluid as a precautionary measure). On Sunday, of course, I went to my home church which was a blessing as usual. I had planned on going to check out the new AV campus, but changed my mind when my sister told me that our pastor was still aking people to wait. In turns out that I got to experience the multi-site "feel" anyway because both campuses Sunday morning watched the sermon via the screen. I will have to admit that I was prepared for this in advance. I had had a dream last week that I went to the AV campus and my pastor was there. This dream almost came true: he was there, but I wasn't. Anyway, after the first initial minutes of getting used to the idea of not having my pastor in person giving the sermon, my focus shifted to the message (which it needed to be). The message was very good. Through it God reminded me of all that He has forgiven for and still is forgiving me of...especially of self-sufficiency, something that He has been especially working on in my life lately. I was also convicted of not loving deeply and challendged to "love out of my comfort zone." I rarely open myself up to others which prevents my relationships from growing as deep as they could. What really stood out to me during the service was that even though the message was not "live," God still used it in a powerful way in my life and, I am sure, in the lives of others. I was reminded again, that the service is about the Lord, not the messenger or the presentation or the package the message comes in or anything else we may be apt to focus on...just the Lord Jesus Christ. He promises His Word will not return to Him void, but will accomplish all He intends (Isaiah 55:11). How glorious He is!
I was also reminded about this truth as I listened to some sermons in my car (5 to be exact). For some reason I had such a hunger to hear His truth preached in my ears. I listened to the 2 messages I have from Passion '07 and 3 from my home church. All of which God used to speak to me in fresh ways even though I have heard them all at least once before. Once again Isaiah 55:11. I thoroughly enjoy those long extended trips in the car...just me and the Lord and the open road. :)

School begins on Monday, the 28th. I have been off for almost 2 months. I think I am ready for it to begin...

Lot Excited

Guess who is going home this weekend?! :) This has been something I have been praying about for the last week or so, and I am so thankful that the Lord has worked everything out. I wanted to ty to go home before school starts on the 28th, and I also wanted to get some of the children's books at my house for tutoring, so I simply asked God to work things out if it was His will for me to head home. So He did. :) I didn't request off from work, but I wasn't scheduled to work this weekend at Bath & Body Works. This will be the first weekend I have had off since Thanksgiving. Isn't it just amazing how God works? I am so excited to see my family and church family.

The Lord has also worked out things regarding my car. A couple of weeks the power steering started making the most awful noise. My dad told me the power steering pump sounded like it was going bad. Great, I thought. I reminded God I didn't have any money (like He didn't already know), bought the pump with my credit card, and started looking for a cheap mechanic to install it. During that time, the noise faded away and now my car is running fine-like nothing ever happening. I can't explain it, my dad can't explain it...but I am so thankful that I serve a God, who not only created the universe out of nothing, but cares about the details of my life-like my transportation. With God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

Most of all, I am very excited and exceedingly thankful for all that God has been teaching me about Himself and myself. He has been so gracious to me in opening up my understanding to His deep and beautiful truths. After much prayer and reading and exhortation from fellow brothers and sisters, I understand the Trinity better than ever. Don't get me wrong this doctrine is still a great mystery that will never be fully understood, but I believe I comprehend it better now, and for that I am truly grateful. Another thing that God is teaching me is that He is and I am not through Louie Giglio's book I Am Not But I Know I AM. Through that book I have been reminded of God's vast greatness and the importance of pointed to Christ and away from myself in all I do. It's not about me, but Christ. It's not because of me, but because of Christ. I am who I am because of Christ. "I am not but I know I AM." Furthermore, God has opened my eyes to myself...how I react to things/people, who I am because of Him, and areas that need to be submitted to Him. Sometimes I think I know myself, but then God lets me know otherwise (and often what He shows me is pretty scary).

"What we may need reminding of in our day is not that the knowledge of God is difficult to comprehend and to embrace—that’s more or less obvious—but that the knowledge of ourselves is just as difficult to comprehend and to embrace. Indeed, it may be more difficult, first, because a true knowledge of ourselves assumes a true knowledge of God, and, second, because we tend to think we do know ourselves, when, in fact, the depths or our condition are beyond our comprehension without the help of God." -John Piper

On the agenda today: helping Sarah paint the children's room at her church and Coldstone ice cream in celebration of Melissa's birthday. YUM. :)

Little Excited

From the title I guess you can tell that I am excited about something and I have good reason to be...my sister is coming to Louisville!!! She is coming with her boyfriend and our friend Scott to attend the Give Me an Anwer Conference this February. What a blessing! :)

Also, yesterday while I was on campus spending some spare time reading before meeting a friend, I ran into some of my favorite on-campus people. It was totally unplanned (by me anyways), but such a nice surprise from the Lord. Then, afterwards, I was able to hang out with some more of my favorite people (this time planned) as well as meet new ones as we bonded over food and the movie The Princess Bride.

This break has been so refreshing. I have been able to refocus my mind on the Lord and His Word as well as do a lot of reading, which for me, feeds and refreshes my spirit. I just finished Louie Giglio's book The Air I Breathe. It really challenged me in the way I worship and spend my time. This quote in particular stood out to me:

"Maybe you're a passionate lover of God, but frustrated by the presence of little idols you've kept around far too long."

Wow. I couldn't have stated it better myself. The Lord is revealing these 'little idols' to me and opening my eyes to His inifinte worth. How glorious and gracious my Lord is!
Yesterday, I began Louie's other book, I Am Not But I Know I AM. So far God has used this book to remind me of my own insignificance (apart from the Lord) as well as Christ's surpassing greatness and power. I praise God for books like these and authors like him.