Unselfish Disclosure

The Lord has done a lot in these past few years to grow me and stretch me and refine me. One of the areas in which He has stretched me a lot is helping me be more open and vulnerable with others. He has used the many hard things He has allowed into my life to force me to rely on others and, even though it has been hard, it’s been a beautiful thing as He has allowed me to cultivate deep and authentic relationships with the people He has placed in my life.

Lately, though, I have been tempted to regress. I have wanted to push people away and keep my thoughts and struggles to myself. I am very much aware of this temptation, but I haven’t been fighting it as fiercely as I should be. My personal preference and natural bent is to be more reserved because it’s safe and comfortable and easy, and sometimes I just don’t feel like fighting that temptation. The Lord, however, is relentless in His pursuit of my sanctification. Through His Holy Spirit, He has been alerting me to my desire to withdraw and Has been sending His Word my way.

At Rolling Fields, Pastor Andy has been preaching through the Ten Commandments (which has been so good, by the way!). While I was thinking about the above, the Lord used the sermon on the 9th commandment (you shall not bear false witness/lie) to pierce my heart. When someone asks me (genuinely asks me) how I’m doing and I answer, “Fine,” or, “Good,” when I am not fine or good, then I am breaking this commandment and committing sin. Sigh. God would have him preach that message and give that example when I am struggling with this temptation. Now it may seem silly, but when my pastor gave that example, it was like an arrow pierced my heart. I was guilty. But the grace of Christ is bigger than my guilt and sin, and He is always more than ready to forgive me when I repent and turn to Him. In fact, He gives me the strength and resources to do so and to follow His commands and ways.

Another reason I think I have been tempted to wall-up is because several relationships in my life seem to be in transition. Several close friends have moved away or are about to do so, and a few other friendships are changing because of life circumstances. I suppose relationships are always changing some since they are dynamic, but it’s a lot more noticeable when several seem to do so all at one time. And for someone like me who finds it hard to open up to others, it can be somewhat painful and challenging. The enemy, who knows my weaknesses and likes to capitalize on them, has been tempting me to withdraw, whispering that deep relationships aren't worth it and that I don’t belong. The latter is a tempting lie to believe, but it simply isn’t true because I do have a sister and a church family and other great friends, and, most importantly, I belong to Christ. All of this is a good reminder that my identity is not in my relationships (or anything else for that matter), but in Christ and in Him alone.

The Lord is very kind in the way He always meets us in our struggles and strengthens us against temptations. As I have struggled with the feeling of not belonging and the temptation to pull inward, He has not left me to myself. He has reminded me of His perfect awareness and acceptance of me (Psalm 139) and His unfathomable love and grace (Zephaniah 2:17; Ephesians 1:3-14, 2:4). Plus, He is giving me new friendships to develop and older ones with which to re-connect. In just these past few days, two people I haven’t seen in awhile visited the office where I work and told me they wanted to get together and catch up, and another friend from church (whom I don’t know very well) told me she wants to hang out as well. God is very kind and reminded me through these interactions that He sees my heart struggles and hears my prayers, and He is constantly working in them for my good and His glory.

Plus, God isn’t calling me to do anything that He hasn’t already done. He knows more than I will ever know or will ever grasp what it means to make oneself vulnerable (in a sense) to others. And we should be very thankful that He does so because if He didn’t, we would have no hope, no salvation, and no way of knowing Him. I love this quote from Carl F.H. Henry quoted by Dr. Mohler:

My mentor in so many ways Carl Henry described revelation—he was not a very poetic man, but he was capable of rare instances of poetry and generally when he did not mean to be poetic. And he defined God’s revelation as God’s unselfish disclosure and gracious forfeiture of His own personal privacy so that His sinful creatures might know Him.

This is a pretty awesome truth. The God of the universe chooses to make Himself vulnerable so that we, His creatures, might know Him. He didn’t have to do this, but He chose to. We would have no way of knowing who God is or what He has done or how to serve Him if He had not chosen to reveal Himself through His Word, throughout history, and through His Son, Jesus Christ (Hebrews 1:1-3). That’s grace. There is no other God like Him. And He calls us to do the same in the relationships He has given us. Doing so is the only way to truly love our neighbor, to be effective in ministry, to testify to God’s gracious dealings in our lives, and to illustrate the life-transforming power of the gospel. People cannot see how we trust God in the good times and bad if we do not let them in, if we do not graciously and unselfishly disclose ourselves, if we do not give up our personal privacy. This is a challenging call, especially for an introvert, but God’s grace is sufficient for these things. For His power is put on display through our weaknesses.