Joy & Hope in Sorrow & Pain

It’s amazing how life can change in an instant; how one’s world can be shaken in such a way that “normal” becomes something new and different. These few weeks have been the hardest and most painful that I have experienced to date. Death has been the theme. Now, thankfully, I haven’t had to experience that grief, but I have had to face it in both of my parents. It’s a hard reality, and, apart from God’s divine intervention, they are both facing illnesses that will eventually consume them.

    So teach us to number our days
        that we may get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

This verse has been running through my mind since I walked into my parents’ home and saw my mom on December 23^rd. We are but a vapor; here today and gone tomorrow. God alone knows the number of days that He has given each of us and sometimes He allows circumstances into our lives to remind us how fragile we really are, how fleeting life is, and to remind us to look to Him, our Hope, Salvation, Deliverer, and Treasure.

I am learning many lessons through this and, I am sure, there are many more to come. The Lord has not been silent, and for that I am very thankful. He has not left me or my family without comfort. It is hard watching those you deeply love struggle and suffer. There have been numerous times that I have walked away from a hospital room, entered a bathroom, and nearly crumbled underneath the weight of what was happening, telling God that I could not do this anymore. And it’s true; I can’t. I have not the strength to face the circumstances that the Lord has allowed into my life, but His grace is sufficient. It is sufficient for cancer. It is sufficient for autoimmune diseases. It is sufficient for unbearable pain. It is sufficient for frustrating doctors. It is sufficient for long days at the hospital. It is sufficient for every single circumstance that I face, and Jesus graciously reminded me of this when I felt I could go no further. He gave me the strength needed for each day, and continues to do so.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

The Lord, in His grace, had been preparing my sister and me for these things. We were learning a lot about suffering and God’s goodness and sovereignty in suffering over the last two years through books and sermons and circumstances. I remember standing with her in the kitchen of our apartment last year discussing what the Lord was teaching us and knowing that He was preparing for something rather hard. Now, I believe, we have arrived at that moment. The Lord is so kind to prepare us like He did; otherwise our reactions to these things would look much different.

During all of this, the Lord has been beckoning me to come to Him. To cast my cares upon Him (Matthew 11:28-30), to rest/abide in Him (Psalm 91; John 15:1-11), to wait on Him (Isaiah 40:31), to place my hope in Him (2 Cor. 4:16-18), and to be still before Him as He glorifies Himself through these things (Psalm 46:10). The Lord has been pleased to use that latter passage (Psalm 46) over and over again. My cousin read it to me, then my friend read it to me, and it was in my devotional readings three days in a row. I think God wants me to learn something here, and I think it is this:

    God is our refuge and strength,
        a very present help in trouble.
    Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
        though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
    though its waters roar and foam,
        though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Psalm 46:1-3

God is my ever-present help. The ESV foot note for “very present help” says that the Hebrew can also be translated “well proved help,” which I love. God is faithful. He is ever present. He is well proved. He never fails. He never forsakes. Even though the earth gives ways, even though my world comes crashing down, I do not need to fear because God is with me. He is Immanuel. He dwells in the midst of His people. He protects (refuge) and provides (strength). Twice the psalmist declares in verses 7 and 11, “The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” This is why there is no need to fear. This is why there can be joy in sorrow and suffering. God is sovereign over the circumstances (He designs them), He purposes good in them, and He walks with His people during them. If God is for us then who can ultimately be against us?

            This I know, that God is for me.
    In God, whose word I praise,
        in the LORD, whose word I praise,
    in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
        What can man do to me? Psalm 56:9-11

So in the midst of all the unknown and in all the pain, there is joy and there is hope. There is joy because Christ is with me and because He is working all things for good and because He is going to reveal Himself in new ways to me and my family. There is joy because I am His and He is mine. There is also hope. Now hope is a funny thing. It arises sometimes at the most unexpected times. Hope is not something that you can work up on your own. I am not talking about the kind of hope that is merely optimistic (“There’s a light at the end of the tunnel”) or hope that is blind (“Something will work out; it will get better some day”), but in a hope that is secure, a hope that is rooted in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is a Hope that never fails and never puts to shame.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Now I can’t help hoping for brighter days ahead, for more pleasant and joyful circumstances – in restoration. Christ is a restorer. Regarding this there have been two more verses running through my mind and they have become my prayer:

    Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
        that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
    Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
        and for as many years as we have seen evil. Psalm 90:14-15  

I will restore to you the years
        that the swarming locust has eaten,
    the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
        my great army, which I sent among you. Joel 2:25

Ultimately, these verses will be fulfilled when Christ comes to save His people completely and to restore the earth fully (Revelation 21:1-8), so even if things do not get better, I will still have joy and hope in the sorrow and pain.

    Though the fig tree should not blossom,
        nor fruit be on the vines,
    the produce of the olive fail
        and the fields yield no food,
    the flock be cut off from the fold
        and there be no herd in the stalls,
    yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
        I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
    GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
        he makes my feet like the deer's;
        he makes me tread on my high places.
    To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments. Habakkuk 3:17-19