A Strange Gift

I wrote this poem earlier this month as a response/summary of the first half of 2011. I am a "freestyle" poet - meaning, I don't follow any rules (not that I even know them). :) My sister informed me that it didn't follow a pentameter, which is the number of syllables per line, so I took up the challenge to correct it. I finally finished this evening. I think I prefer freestyle. :)

Disappointments and bad news

Closed door upon closed door

The silence makes me wonder

What this waiting is for

Day and night I cry to You

Tears are my food to eat

By God's grace I press forward

When I want to retreat

The Lord shuts out my prayers

He has darkened my mind

The pain is overwhelming

Yet I know He's still kind

I look around to see Him

He is hidden from my sight

He bids me to trust in Him

When He takes away the light

I read Job with streams of tears

His words are now my song

With the Psalmist I cry out,

"O Lord Jesus, how long?"

His goodness - beyond measure

His ways, who understands?

He works all things together

According to His plan

Loneliness is His present

And trials are His gift

Yet I know He is sov'reign

When Sat'n has me to sift

This Valley's not forev'r

As His Word has foretold

When His refining work ends,

I shall come out like gold

Jesus will show me the path

One He Himself has trod

"'This is the way walk in it'

And keep your eyes on God"

Soon He will hear my prayer

And bring springs from the sand

As I walk through this desert

Into the Promised Land

The weight of glory shall come

After all this is through

I know that this suffering

Leads me closer to You

Troubles last for a moment

But what reward they bring!

My eyes shall behold my God

And sin shall lose its sting!

Sitting Solo in the Stillness

I have started sitting outside at night in order to practice the discipline of being still before the Lord. I love the night symphony of birds and crickets as well as the steady flashes of lightening bugs. It is a different kind of silence. There is something about sitting under the open starry sky that helps me clear my thoughts in order to focus on the Lord and listen for His voice. I don't want to miss what He may have to say to me because I am too busy or self-focused or distracted or what-have-you.

I have mentioned that my sister and I are moving soon. I don't think I have ever been so excited about moving. :) It has been awesome (and fun) to watch the Lord provide furnishings for our new apartment before we even get there - a second bed, a love seat, a futon, floor lamps... My sister and I had only a bed to our name - which makes for a rather empty apartment - but now we have the whole place almost completely furnished! 

Summer Movie Review: The Soloist - 4.5 out of 5 stars

I have wanted to see this movie since I saw it at the rental store in Fredericktown last summer/fall, and my sister and I finally took the time to watch it a few weeks ago. It did not disappoint. The movie is based on a true story about a journalist (Robert Downey, Jr.) who discovers a homeless man (Jamie Foxx) with incredible musical talent. Downey thinks he has found the perfect story to cure his writer's block and, in the process, finds out that there is more to this man than meets the eye. This is one of those movies where the plot slowly develops, which I like because, most of the time, I like to watch things unfold (both in movies and in real life). The story line and acting are both really good and the writers do a great job of keeping the story on track (without adding unnecessary details). Plus, it had good music. Now, you may be wondering, why not give this movie a full 5 stars?  Well, let me just tell you. :) The movie had this weird color scene (like watching visualizations on a media player) that seemed to go on and on, which leaves the viewer wondering, "Why is this happening?" But, on the bright side, it's like a built in bathroom break. :)

The Past Weeks (and a Movie) in Review

It is currently pouring down rain outside. I love it. :) I just stood outside the door, letting the rain splash onto me as it hit the ground. 


There have been a few changes during the last few weeks. My roommate got married and moved out and my sister moved in. Boxes are the decor as of late. In a little less than two weeks, Kristi and I are moving to a new apartment across town. It's closer to work, school, ministry and church. A blessing from the Lord. He laid upon my heart earlier this year to move out of the basement I live in and it's finally about to come to fruition. What's really exciting is that our new apartment has an oven! I told Kristi that I am going to celebrate by baking. :)
This will be the fifth time I have moved in the last year (!). I have become quite the expert in packing. Although, I am not holding my breath as to how long I'll be at this next place. :)

At work, I have been flying solo. My boss has been out of town on a well-deserved vacation (her first one in 20 years!). It can be overwhelming at times, but the Lord is gracious and has provided me with the needed strength and endurance. During my early years of college, I thought I wanted to own a small business. The Lord has graciously given me a taste of it...and I don't think its for me. :)

Summer Movie Review: Secretariat - 5 out of 5 stars

It's been a long while since my last movie review. As you can tell, I am not that much of a movie watcher. There just seems to be so many other worthwhile things to do. :) I had heard rave reviews about the movie Secretariat, so I finally watched it with my friend Melissa. It did not disappoint. It is based on a true story, which automatically makes it more interesting. Plus, it is about a horse. I have always liked horses. When I was younger, I hung pictures of them on my wall and I asked my parents, on multiple occasions, if we could have one (despite the fact we didn't have anywhere to keep one). I have said multiple times that if God had called me to stay in the States, I would want to live on a ranch. Anyway, the movie was great. The plot, acting and camera-work were all superb. Plus, it began and ended by quoting from the book of Job, which is fitting because the accomplishments of Secretariat are an amazing testament of God's creative work and power. If this movie is not on your to-watch-list, it should be. :) 

Do you give the horse his might?

Do you clothe his neck with a mane?

Do you make him leap like the locust?

His majestic snorting is terrifying.

He paws in the valley and exults in his strength;

he goes out to meet the weapons.

He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;

he does not turn back from the sword. Job 39:19-22

Testing...1, 2, 3

This day last year I was just returning from South Asia. I can't believe its been a year. How different my life seems now compared to then. I miss the people and the ministry there greatly.

If last year could be considered my spiritual high, then this year would be my spiritual low. Disappointments, bad news, closed doors and silence from the Lord have been the marks of 2011 so far. Exactly the opposite of 2010. It is the silence that makes it all almost unbearable. The Lord has hidden His working from me so that I cannot perceive it and He has been utterly silent to my cries for guidance. I ask for light, but I am kept in the dark. I know and believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is still in control and that He is still working, which is the truth to which I cling.

Even though the Lord has seemed to shut out my prayers, I know that He hears me. He continues to tell me to wait, to be still and to trust Him. Through His Word, He directs me to passages that exhort me to these things and that tell me why I am going through this wilderness. Deuteronomy 8 is one such passage. In it, God explains to the Israelites why He sent them into the desert wilderness for 40 years. It was in order to humble them, to test them to reveal what was in their hearts and to teach them to feed on and treasure God's Word above all else. The Lord did this to prepare them for the Promised Land. Likewise, I know that this is a time of preparation in my life - preparing me for whatever the Lord Jesus has in store. Pray that I will be found faithful.

Sometimes I want to escape or quit or beg for this season to end, but James 1 reminds me of the joy that awaits trials like these: Christlikeness. I am to count it all joy for God is working in me the image of His Son...and to do that takes a lot of (painful) work as He chisels out more and more of me to reveal more and more of Christ. Also, I noticed for the first time in James 1 the little word let.

And let steadfastness/patience have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:4

The trials themselves are a gift from God that makes us more like His Son. We have to work with Him, though. We have to let the testing of our faith produce steadfastness and we have to let steadfastness have its complete effect. The full effect is that we become more holy like the Savior we serve. We can hinder this, however, when we don't embrace the trials as the gifts from God that they really are.

One of my biggest discoveries this year is that when we ask for more of Christ in and through our lives (and if you know Him and follow Him, you should be asking for this), we are actually asking for our faith to be tested and refined. The psalmists repeatedly cry out for the Lord to test their faith, to search their hearts and to prove their ways (i.e. Psalm 139:23). Until this year, I never realized that they were opening themselves up to God's refining work, to trials and hardships and whatever else God needed to do in and through them to make them more like Himself. We must remember the words of Jesus, "A servant is not above his Master" (Matthew 10:24). The Lord Jesus waited 30 years for God's timing to start His public ministry. He was rejected by many, mocked, betrayed, murdered...should we expect any less? We are not alone in these sufferings, though. Jesus promises to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). We are to follow His example to be sure - looking unto the joy of the Reward set before us and forgetting all this is behind - but we do not do it alone. Jesus is with us. He strengthens and sustains us. And He is the Reward.

Looking unto Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

We are not, however, the only ones who wait. The Lord Himself waits to show us grace. He knows the perfect way to achieve His purpose of sanctification in us. Through these light momentary afflictions, He is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18