Silent Provision

The Lord reminded me last Sunday of how self-reliant I am. He needs to break me and I prayed that He would. I have been working my tail off trying to pay off my credit card debt (that I acquired because of my pride last year), but He revealed to me that in doing so I have been relying on myself. I once again gave Him my debt and other things that I think I can fix/control. I told Him I didn't know how but I knew He would provide. Later that afternoon, I received a phone call from a scholarship foundation telling me that I have been awarded a $1000 scholarship for this fall. I guess that means I don't need the the loan I took out anymore. :) God always provides in His way and His time. Why do I doubt Him? It's like an addiction. "Hi my name is Rachel and I'm a self-reliant sinner. It has been two days since I surrendered everything to God."

The Lord has also provided me with a roommate and apartment. How amazing is that? I was determined not to even think about where I was going to live but a friend of mine called me and asked about my living arrangements for the fall. She said that I had "come to mind" when she was thinking about possible roommates. The Lord then put it in my mind to look at The Towers magazine for apartment ads and boom! It's settled. We both have a place to live (only about a mile from campus and 4 from work I might add :).

Several opportunities to serve the Lord have surfaced over the past month. I have been praying for a way to serve outside the church walls and the Lord has brought some ways to light. I am praying for His leadership so I do not overload myself this fall, but I am very excited about what He has in store!

All of these answered prayers and blessings are bittersweet. The Lord has been taking me through a dark time spiritually by withdrawing from me. I have been clinging to His promises, but it has been extremely difficult. He has been silent towards me. I do not sense His presence. I think (because the Lord has inclined His ear to me as of late) and hope this time of testing is almost over. I want His sweet fellowship again!

I go home this Friday for a WHOLE MONTH!