Africa {in pictures}

Two months ago, Daniel and I went to Africa. Neither of us had been there and it was our first time serving together overseas. We knew we wanted to take an overseas trip together and had been praying about where to go. Africa, though, was not on our radar. We prayed about and looked into going to countries in Southeast Asia, Central Asia, Europe, and South America, but God either shut the door of opportunity or didn’t give us the go-ahead. Then Daniel’s parents told us about the trip their church was taking to Africa. It involved a little bit of everything: mercy ministry (both mine and Daniel's passion), pastor training (Daniel’s interest), a medical clinic, and VBS. We prayed and believed God said Yes, so we signed up.

Africa blew my misconceptions from the start. It wasn’t hot and dry and dusty (at least not the first city we were in); it was lush and beautiful, teeming with flowers, plants, and birds of all kinds. The village where we did the majority of our work was more like I had imagined, but it still had more trees and greenery that I expected.

The people were friendly, curious, and joyful, much like I expected. They were very hospitable, even helping us set up camp. It was so great to partner with local believers who had a heart to reach their own people and communities. Our goal for the trip was not to come in and do the work and leave, but to work alongside of them and provide them with extra tools and training to reach more people for Jesus. Below are some pictures that tell the story from our 10-day journey.

Some of the flora of Africa

Mercy Ministry :: BGR Hospice Buckets

One of the places we delivered a bucket

The African Bush

VBS at local school :: they were waiting for us!

So pretty!

Me helping a little boy color

Daniel teaching about the meaning of the cross

Salvation bracelets

They're all so cute!

Theological Education :: Daniel spent one day teaching local church leaders

Medical Clinic :: The line began forming before sunrise

Evangelism Training :: equipping local church members to share the gospel

Last evening in village :: the host church put on a special performance for us

Beautiful African sunrise

Trip to Safari :: climbing in elevation added to the beauty of the scenery

Looks like the rolling hills of the Midwest! :)

Safari :: a dream come true!

A heard of elephants

A lonely, lovely giraffe

I got to pet a rhino!

Yep! That's a lioness!

A lioness walking towards the sunrise :: Epic!

The watering hole right outside our tents brought many animals to our front door

The type of tree I usually envision when thinking of Africa

Team group photo on the Equator

Beautiful drive to Nairobi

Elephant Orphanage :: Precious!

My hot husband :)

I don't know what this is...

Giraffe Sanctuary

     

I kissed a giraffe!!!

Our First Year :: In Pictures

Married :: August 2, 2014

Honeymoon :: Puerto Rico

Moved to Pittsburgh :: August 18, 2014

Date Nights {one of our favorites :: Istanbul Sofra}

Daniel's first day at Duquesne University

Kristi and James married :: October 4, 2014

First Halloween :: Pumpkin Carving

Thanksgiving in Missouri

Game Nights {our game of choice :: Scrabble}

My birthday gift from Daniel :: Table for Kitchen

First Christmas :: Gingerbread House

New family and friends :: Renaissance Church

Christmas in Nashville

Winter :: made us realize this city was not for us

Washington, DC :: February 2015

Spring :: I could not contain my excitement

Flowers from my sweet husband :: one bouquet of many

Military :: 10 weeks total on orders this summer :(

Charming Charleston, SC :: May 2015

Explored Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning

Completed our first puzzle together :: 500 pieces in two days

First time serving abroad together :: Kenya :: June 2015

African Safari :: my dream come true!

National Air Force Museum :: Dayton, OH

Kristi and James came to visit :: July 2015

Homemade desserts for two :)

First Year Anniversary :: Pittsburgh River Cruise

Here's to another year!

Reflections on a Year Ago :: Marriage

Photo credit: Sarah Mesa Photography

A year ago yesterday Daniel and I got married. It’s crazy to think it’s been a year since we committed our lives to each other and I traded my name for his, but, then again, so much has happened that it's also not that unbelievable.

Our first year of marriage was, in a word, grace-filled (or is that two words?). The Lord has been so incredibly generous to pour so much grace and love into our marriage. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with us as a couple because we rarely disagree. It could be our temperaments. It could be our desire to please the other. But I really believe it’s the Lord. He alone can create the peace and grace we’ve experienced in our relationship to date.

Though, don’t get me wrong, we have had our share of apologizing and compromising and forgiving. We have had miscommunications and conflicting desires. We have sinned against each other. But these have been, with God’s help, easily and quickly worked through, and we have been growing in communication through them (me especially).

One of the things I expected in marriage was that God would use it as a means of sanctification in each of our lives. By living in such a intimate relationship, our selfishness and pride has many opportunities to express itself. What I did not expect, however, was how the Lord would use Daniel in my life to expose, in greater depths, my desire to please others (especially him) and my desire to appear as though I have it all together (which is hard to do when you're having an almost weekly emotional meltdown due to all the stressers in life).

Photo credit: Sarah Mesa Photography

Not only was I still grieving the loss of my dad and still reeling from all the changes, but – and this is what I didn’t expect – I saw how much I fell short every day. You see, before I got married I would have considered myself a pretty competent person. But then I married my husband, who is extremely competent and does almost everything well (now I know he’s not perfect, but sometimes he comes pretty close!). All of a sudden, I saw how incompetent I was. It seemed like I was always making mistakes or getting my facts mixed up. It was very humbling – very pride-killing. Daniel never pointed out my flaws or really even noticed, but I did. I felt in a new way the weight of Romans 3:23. If I can’t even measure up to my own standards or to the standard my husband sets by his own competence and ability, then how on earth could I measure up to God’s? I can’t. The Bible tells me that. I knew it mentally. But now I felt it.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

This was one thing I did not expect marriage to sharpen for me, but it did. God knew I needed it. He knew I needed to feel my utter dependency and need for Him. He needed to kill my self-sufficiency and self-determination. And I think that the emotional stress and chaotic circumstances along with this drove me to God in a new and deeper way. I couldn’t be the wife God called me to be without Him. I couldn’t work with special needs children without Him. I couldn’t be the church member, friend, sister, daughter – you name it – without Him. I need Jesus desperately every single day.

Photo credit: Sarah Mesa Photography

On the heels of this, though, was another lesson filled with beauty. Any time I messed up, Daniel was always willing and ready to lavish me with grace – to help me and forgive me. He never thought twice about it. He didn’t see me as a mess up. In fact, he probably couldn’t recall the things I did or said wrong. He sees me much differently than I see myself. Isn’t that a picture of Jesus? He is always willing and ready to forgive us when we come to Him and He wants to help us grow. He doesn’t recall the sin He forgives - the sin which He paid for. God doesn’t see us for the mess we really are because the perfection of Jesus covers us. He sees us much differently than we see ourselves. When we look in the mirror, we see our mistakes, imperfections, what could have been; but when Jesus looks at us, He sees us as perfect.

So although marriage has exposed my imperfections and my sinful desires, it has also revealed Jesus to me in a deeper, fuller way. I understand and experience and visibly see His love better than I ever have before. My husband loves me a lot. He tells me so and shows me so every day. But Christ loves me infinitely more. There is so much more to learn about His great love (see the Ephesians passage below), but I am thankful for this first year of marriage that has taken me deeper into it already.

Daniel, thank you for showing Jesus to me. I love you.

No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:12

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Surrender

“God always gives his best to those who leave the choice with Him.”
― Jim Elliot

Back in February, the Lord began dealing with me on the topic of surrender. He brought to my attention several areas of my life that I was trying to control or wanting to control instead of entrusting them to Him. These areas were causing me much anxiety. I was worried about my mom and my sister and that my future wouldn’t turn out the way that I wanted. So the Lord began bringing this lack of trust, these anxious thoughts, and the things I needed to surrender to my attention. And I didn’t like it. Surrendering is not easy. It does not come naturally. And it took months of reading the Bible and listening to messages and reading other Christian books and talking to other believers to move my stubborn heart in the direction of even wanting to release my cares and dreams to God.

I began reading a trilogy by Nancy Leigh DeMoss that covered three topics: brokenness, surrender, and holiness. I resonated with the first part (Brokenness) as I could see the work of the Lord over the past several years to break me of my self-sufficient and prideful spirit. Yes, I could relate to what DeMoss was saying, the stories she recounted, and the Scripture promises she wove throughout that section. In fact, it was really encouraging to think about all the good purposes God had in mind in the pruning work He had been doing.

But then the next section came: Surrender. Suddenly, I wasn’t so encouraged; I was challenged. Surrender follows brokenness. God was indeed chipping away the areas of my life that were not pleasing to Him, like the grand Master Sculptor and Architect He is, but I had a part to play as well. There were some things I needed to let go of and entrust to His sovereign care and plan. I needed to surrender my will regarding the location and type of my/our future ministry. I needed to surrender how I wanted to be used by God. I needed to surrender to God’s will for our future family (i.e. what it will look like, motherhood, etc.). The brokenness God had been doing in my life was bringing me to a place of total surrender to God’s will – no matter what that might mean.

And it was hard. Hard to let go of my dreams. Hard to let go of my ambition. How to let go to my self-determination. Hard to let go of my fears. Hard to let go of what I wanted out of life. I desire so much for my life to count for Christ and His Kingdom, but I wanted it to count in the manner I wanted it to. And that was the problem. That was what I needed to surrender. And Jesus, who was completely surrendered to do God’s will, is my example:

And going a little farther, [Jesus] fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup [of God’s wrath for the sins of the world] from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:35-36

That is the heart of surrender: a heart that is completely and utterly yielded to God and His will. I have been asking God to cultivate in me such a heart. And, slowly (and very imperfectly), I have been relinquishing these things, entrusting them to my Perfect and Good Heavenly Father.

And what I’m learning, together with the last post, is that surrender and sacrifice go together. These are the questions I face in the prospect of surrendering my will and my plans…in surrendering my very self. Will I sacrifice my body, my time, my dreams, my expectations, etc. to what God has in store for me? Will I allow Him to have His way with me? Isn’t that the calling of marriage and motherhood and the totality of the Christian life – laying myself down for the sake of God and others? Even if that means staying in the States (!), even if that means my ministry will look different than I envisioned, even if that means serving God in a more well-developed, Western nation, even if that means laying down ministry ambitions for the more quieter ministry of motherhood (and I’m not pregnant, so stand down :). Yes; even if it means all of these things. God knows what is best. He created me and He knows what my life is for and how to use it to maximize His glory and my joy. So, with His help, I am choosing to bow to His will – whatever that may be and whatever it may entail. That is what Jesus did. He joyfully sacrificed His life and joyfully submitted to the will of the Father to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5-11). He did this for the good of the world (John 3:16) and the joy of His people and for His own eternal joy (Hebrews 12:1-3).

Lord, have Your way with me.

 

Sacrifice

“We are the sheep of His pasture. ‘Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise’ [Psalm 100:4]. And what is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise.” – Jim Elliot quoted in Shadow of the Almighty

Back in the month of May [Yes; it has taken me this long to get around to writing this], while reading through my Bible reading plan and while traveling to Missouri for Mother’s Day, God continually brought one word to my attention: sacrifice.

Over the course of May 6th through 8th, I read the following verses:

• Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High…The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God! Psalm 50:14, 23
• The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise…then will you delight in right sacrifices,in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar. Psalm 51:17, 19
• I appeal to you therefore, brothers,by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1
• Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God…Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:16, 20-21

And also the next week on May 14th, I read:

• As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5

When I see a common theme or word repeatedly in a short amount of time, I think it’s important to lean in and listen to what God is trying to say. He’s obviously trying to get my attention.  He is the most diligent and purposeful Teacher.

I read these verses during a time when I was discouraged and downcast. Life at the time seemed hard. I was not content. I complained inwardly about my job (was I doing any good there?) and about Pittsburgh (all the reasons why I don’t like it) and about Daniel being gone and barely getting to communicate with him. I was still going to church and small group and reading my Bible and praying and even serving in ministry, but my heart was a wreck.

So what was God saying to me? I think it was: “I delight in inward sacrifice. These are the sacrifices that please Me.” I was sacrificing my time and energy for these spiritual disciplines (which we should do!) without checking my heart in the process. God says to King Saul when he disobeyed him:

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,and to listen than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22

Don’t get me wrong, we should sacrifice time and energy (and probably more than we normally do) in reading our Bibles and praying and serving and fellowshipping with other believers, but God sees behind our actions and cares more about our hearts. More than any external sacrifices we can make, God says these are the sacrifices that please Him: the sacrifice of thanksgiving, the sacrifice of a broken heart and contrite (repentant) spirit, the sacrifice of every ounce of our lives (living sacrifice), which includes our relationships and plans and jobs and finances and hobbies and every single aspect of who we are. Doing good and sharing what we have with others are also sacrifices that bring delight to God. These are spiritual sacrifices that are acceptable in God’s sight. They please Him. Imagine! We can bring delight to the most Powerful and Beautiful and Holy Being in the universe by being thankful and humbling ourselves before Him!

God is good to us. We have no reason to grumble and complain. We have no reason ultimately to despair. When we do, we dishonor Him. But when we look past our circumstances and feelings, we see that this life is only “light” and “momentary” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). God has given us every spiritual blessing in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:3). He saved us from darkness and death and eternal separation from Him. He displayed His great love for us by going to great and costly lengths to restore us to Himself. When we have Jesus Christ, we have everything. Therefore, there is no reason to complain. There is no reason to not be content. By God’s grace and power, we can learn to be thankful (James 1:3) and learn to be content (Philippians 4:13) no matter what.

And because Jesus greatly sacrificed Himself for us, holding nothing back, we can sacrifice ourselves completely – inwardly and outwardly; mind, body, and soul; thoughts, attitudes, emotions, and actions – for Him. Why wouldn’t we want to? For the love of Christ transforms and compels us to live for God and others just the way He did. In sacrificing what we think we deserve or our preoccupation with our circumstances, we aren’t actually sacrificing anything at all. It is in giving up all the things that we tend to cling to that we will gain more than we could ever imagine. Our Savior gave up everything for us. He expects no less in return. "Give Him thanks then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise."

Reflections on a Year Ago Today :: Engagement

One year ago today Daniel asked me to marry him at Radnor Lake in Nashville. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day (my favorite) in the midst of wildlife (my favorite) surrounded by lots of trees (my favorite). It was simple, laid back, and fun. So, in short, it was perfect (and so was the simple, classy ring he picked out for me). :)

Just-engaged-selfie

A lot has happened since then, including getting married (nine months ago yesterday). We’ve experienced a lot of change together. We’ve faced some difficulties as a new couple (family illnesses, adjusting to a new city, finding a new church, broken cars and drains and fridges), but adjusting to marriage itself has been relatively smooth. That is not because of us. I am overwhelmed with the grace that God continues to lavish on our marriage. We’ve both been incredibly blessed by this gift of marriage from God. And although it’s hard to daily die to self, to continually strive (with God’s enabling Spirit) to put the interests of Daniel before my own, to see my sin exposed for what it really is (ugly, deep, ever-present – I’m worse than I thought), God has been pleased to help us do just those things (though we will always have room for growth). It is Jesus in us that helps us to love as He loved, to bear with one another’s weaknesses, to seek the good of the other person. I believe that the closer you are in your relationship to Christ, the more these fruits of His character will overflow from you. I’m not there yet by any means, but I have seen the freedom to love others that come when we are secure in Him and are drawing near to Him and finding our satisfaction in Him alone.

So the word I would use to characterize mine and Daniel’s marriage is grace because God has filled our marriage with much, much grace (and love, of course!). The passage below is one of the ones we selected to be read at our wedding ceremony. I believe it is foundational to all relationships (not just spousal) and should be the goal of every mature believer in Christ. I believe it is one of the passages that is foundational to our marriage and undergirds how Daniel and I relate to one another.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8

Jesus could have rightly claimed the praises He was due in heaven. He is God. But, instead, He put our interests, our needs, above His own rights. He left His rightful place in heaven, setting aside His glory, so that He could become nothing in order that we could be saved. He lived for us, was tortured and murdered for us, was buried for us, and then was raised for us. All so that we could know Him and enjoy Him and share in His glory. This is the “mind of Christ” that we are supposed to have: a sacrificing mind, a loving mind, an other-centered mind. That is the disposition we are to have with everyone we interact with, especially those closest to us. And if you are a follower of Christ, then this mind is yours in Christ Jesus. By God’s grace and Spirit, let us become who we are in Him.