Another factor in my lack of excitement, I think, is this new stage of life I am in. I used to be working towards something career-wise and spent a lot of time in ministry. Life looks different now. I am not working towards a career or long-term ministry goal, and I am not as busy with ministry commitments as I used to be. Some of this is because I have a husband to serve and spend time with (which, of course, I want to do), and some of this is due to the fact I am still figuring out what it looks like to serve Jesus here in Pittsburgh.
For my New Year’s post last year, I talked about having an open mind and heart to what direction the Lord wanted to take Daniel and me. Little did I know how much I would struggle in surrendering my will to the Lord last year. It took most of the year for me to lay down my desires for the future at the feet of Jesus and entrust them to His care. Whether it was thinking about motherhood or how I wanted to serve in ministry or where I wanted to live and serve with Daniel – all had to be surrendered, knowing that God’s purposes and plans are always better than mine, even if I can’t recognize or comprehend that truth in the moment. But Jesus gives us the grace we need to do the things He wants (Philippians 2:12-13). He wants us to give ourselves completely to Him. He wants us to trust Him with all that we are. So, with His strength, I told Him I would do whatever He wanted me to do and go wherever He wanted me to go. In short, I told Him that I trusted Him with the future (not that I don’t waver and have to re-surrender these things all over again).
And, really the possibilities are numerous. Daniel finishes coursework in May, takes comps in the summer, and, Lord willing, after that we really could go anywhere...in the world. Or we may wind up staying in Pittsburgh for another year or so. If I would fight to trust the Lord (the good fight of faith) and keep my hands open to whatever He gives, much joy is to be had. Because, as Daniel reminded me yesterday, what makes or breaks our year is not the circumstances we find ourselves in, but whether or not we have joy in Jesus Christ. He is joy and life and hope and peace, and that is what He offers in abundance to me and the rest of His followers. He just wants me to give myself to Him.
Furthermore, I am learning that love and sacrifice is what marriage and the Christian life are all about. As Elisabeth Elliot says, marriage is about “my life for yours.” I obviously didn’t know what doors would open and close when I married Daniel, but I did commit to follow him wherever the Lord led him and to support him in whatever vocation and ministry God granted him. Surrendering my vision for the future is part of dying to myself so that I can better love and support and serve Daniel. Jesus gave Himself over to death for the welfare of His people, and He calls His people to do that for Him and others. Life is to be both Christ-centered and others-centered. And we can only live out this calling as believers in Jesus who are dependent on His Holy Spirit. Let these words shape your heart this new year. I pray they do mine.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8
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