Where to Set Your Hope

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

It has been about 10 years since I sensed God calling me to serve Him overseas. Yet here I am still in the United States, learning much, being further prepared and refined, waiting to be deployed. After struggling with the idea of leaving my family and the familiarity and comfort of life in Southeast Missouri (not to mention the United States) and talking to my pastor and telling my parents, I surrendered to the Lord’s beckoning and began to seek Him for the next step. My reluctance quickly changed to eagerness to pack up and go. But that wasn’t the next step that God had for me. I mean, I was to pack up and go, but it wasn’t to go to a foreign country; it was to move to Louisville, Kentucky, for further schooling. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had a lot to learn (and unlearn). So the Lord led me to Louisville to study at Southern Seminary and, as much as I wanted to be done with school, I absolutely loved my time at Southern.

When I graduated 3 years ago (where does the time go?!), I thought, “Finally. It’s time to go.” So I started the application process to serve abroad. Yet here I am still in Louisville, Kentucky. I still had (have) much to learn (and relearn), but this time the lessons came outside of a formal education. The classroom this time was life and Jesus walked (and carried) me through some of the most difficult years of my life in order to humble me and test me; to teach me to hunger for Him and depend on Him and feed from His Word (Deuteronomy 8:2-5).

Looking back, I can see the Lord's great wisdom and kindness in keeping me in the States as He has. There is no doubt that I am where I am supposed to be in this moment. For how long, I do not know, but the Lord continues to tell me to wait. And so that is what I will do until I receive my marching orders. Even though just a few months ago, I thought I might be leaving soon, God has made it clear that that is not the plan for the immediate future. There are several things happening in my life that make it clear that I should wait: my mom's health, my sister's engagement, something else (or should I say someone) that has entered my life...

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

So why I am rambling about and recounting all this? It’s because it is so easy to shift my hope, my aim, as I seek to follow the Lord and be obedient to what I believe He has called me to. It’s so easy to place my hope in the plan He may have for me or in circumstances or in relationships or in whatever I think God may be doing instead of in God Himself. But the truth is every single other thing will disappoint. Every single one. People disappoint. Ministry is hard. Plans get derailed. Circumstances change. But Christ is a sure foundation and hope. He will never disappoint. Sure, those who long for His coming may feel the reality of the proverb above, but they are still assured that it will be realized. Every other hope that is deferred will make our heart sick, but also sad and given to despair because all hope apart from Christ is not guaranteed.

The Lord has been reminding me of this lately. I can become so discontent with my job as I greatly desire to be in full-time ministry. I can become so frustrated with all the seemingly endless roadblocks to going overseas. I can become so weary in trusting God for direction. I can become so faint in praying and believing for my mom’s healing. I can become so impatient in waiting for things to unfold. But none of those things are the ultimate foundation and end goal of my hope (though I lose sight of that at times). I am not to pin my hope on full-time ministry or serving God overseas or in the prospect of marriage. None of which are bad desires in and of themselves, but they all point to something greater. The fulfillment of them can satisfy for a time. They may add to the tree of life mentioned in the proverb above, but they are not the tree of life. They do not give life; only Christ does that. He IS life. In the Christian life, Hope is a Person and His name is Jesus Christ. The Apostle Peter tells us believers to set our hope fully on Christ (1 Peter 1:13). He alone can satisfy completely and endlessly. Ministry and overseas service and marriage find their meaning and purpose and aim in Him. “For from Him and to Him and through Him are all things” (Romans 11:36).

So the verse I started this post with rings true. “And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?” In actuality I am waiting on a lot: direction, clarity, confirmation, my mom’s healing, fruit in ministry, Jesus’ return/going to be with Him…But what I’m waiting on doesn’t really matter ultimately. God is working out all the details of fulfillment when it comes to those things. And as I wait for Him to act instead of looking to the circumstances themselves, He promises to give me strength (Psalm 40:31). So then what am I really waiting for? Because “my hope is in You.” I need not wait on them, but on Him. These other things pale in comparison to knowing Jesus and being known my Him. It’s hard to keep that truth central and my focus where it should be, but this should be the aim and foundation of my life and I pray continually that it is. 

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. Psalm 73:25

Jesus, make this true of me.

Two things: My mom is visiting me and my sister for a week!

Also, today marks the 6th month since my dad’s passing. If you don’t mind, please say a quick prayer for me and my family.