Lessons Learned in the Dark : Singleness

Singleness is rarely a subject I talk about, much less blog about. So this post is deeply personal, but, yet, this is my current lot in life. I am 28 and I am single. And it is good because God says it is good (Psalm 16:6; 1 Corinthians 7:38). The Lord in His sovereignty has brought me to this point in my life and has arranged my circumstances just the way He wants them.

Now there is a lot of talk about a “call” to singleness. And, I guess, there is a such thing, but I see it mainly as a day-to-day thing. I can’t confidently say that I am called to be single for the rest of my life (though that may be true), but I can confidently say that this is what the Lord has called me to right now. And with every calling there are joys and challenges and responsibilities, and singleness is no different. The greatest challenge is learning to be content where God has me and the greatest joy is knowing I can give my undivided attention to the Lord, being free to go wherever He calls with the drop of a hat. The constant temptation is to look at others around me and want what they have, like the Israelites who wanted a king like the nations around them, even though God was their King. In the same way, my Maker is my husband (Isaiah 54:5), so I am not to desire what others have. God is all I need. More than that, He is the real Bridegroom, the perfect Husband (John 3:29; Revelation 21:2). Every marriage is just a picture, just a copy, just a shadow of the Reality that is to come (Ephesians 5:22-32; Hebrews 9; Revelation 21-22).

I want you to be free from anxieties…And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34-35

I remember first studying this passage when I was in college and thinking, “If being married is going to distract me from the Lord, then I don’t want it.” So I went through college with no desire to be married, but over time my desires changed. So now I would like to get married, but I also know that is not ultimately up to me. It’s up to God. “Lord, Your will be done.”

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him…So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. Are you bound to a wife [or husband], Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife [or husband]? Do not seek a wife [or husband]. 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24, 27

First, let me just point out that a woman should not be trying to find a husband. That is the man’s job. Girls should not be pursuing guys. Anyway, back to the passage. I used to find this passage rather difficult. I mean, Paul is telling us believers to stay in the same state in which we were called: if  single, stay single; if married, stay married. Although marriage is the normal pattern for believers (and the rest of humanity), Paul elevates singleness because of the freedom it gives for service and devotion to the Lord. So when I read this, I find within me two desires. On one hand, I have the desire to be married, but, on the other hand, I want this better life that Paul is describing (1 Corinthians 7:38). Then one day, the Holy Spirit gave me further insight into this passage. I was missing the point. The point is not about being married or unmarried, but living in obedience to the Lord (and being content in that obedience). He designs for some to marry and some not to marry, but each are to serve Him faithfully, whole-heartedly and joyfully. Paul tells us to lead the life that God has assigned to us. We are not to seek these other things. Why? Because Jesus says there is only one thing we should be seeking:

But seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Now I am not saying that God will give you whatever you want if you are seeking the Kingdom. Because if you are obeying this verse, then you are not concerned about what you want. You want what God wants. God gives you the desire to want what He wants (Philippians 2:13).

So this I know: my current calling is singleness. Forever? I don’t know; I hope not, but it’s highly possible. Because the other thing I know is that the Lord has called me to serve Him abroad. And as I progress further along in the application process to serve overseas, I am coming face-to-face with singleness in whole different way (because it is not something I am constantly aware of or dwell on). I could stay here in hopes for a husband and if that were my aim, I probably would, but it’s not my aim. My one aim in life is not marriage (or any other thing for that matter), maybe if it were I would already be married, but it’s not. My aim is to please and follow Christ.

So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9

My aim is Christ. I want more and more of Him. All of Him. What does that look like? For me personally, it means a total surrender of my desires and plans to His. All of me for all of Christ (pretty much the best exchange ever!). It means following Him wherever that may lead and being satisfied completely in Him. It means pouring myself in faithful service to Him in whatever ministry He calls me to. And He is taking me to only He knows where. :) 

Light & Dark

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of the darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 2 Corinthians 4:3-7

Last Thursday, David Platt spoke in Chapel about our temptation to twist the worship of God into something that is comfortable and pretty, and to dilute the gospel of God so that it is less demanding and more palatable for the world. The truth is, though, that the worship of God is not comfortable for our sinful selves nor is it pretty – it cost God the bloody death of His Son. Nor is the gospel of God something that can be taken lightly; God accepts nothing less than our total allegiance and devotion.

As Platt talked about the spiritual battle us believers are in, he took us to 2 Corinthians 4. In this passage, the spiritual battlefield is vividly laid out. On one side, you have Satan, called the god of this world, blinding people all of the world so that they cannot see the glory and truth of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:4). He will do whatever it takes to keep them in the dark. He will use idols and other religions. He will use materialism and physical needs. He will even use truth so long as it keeps people from worshiping the one, true and living God. On the other side, you have God the Father, who shines His glory through the light of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6). He knows our spiritual state. He knows we are in darkness. So He sent His Son. The Apostle John says, “The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world” (John 1:9). This light is Christ (John 8:12). Right smack in the middle of this battle (between verses 4 and 6), which Platt so clearly pointed out (and which I never noticed before), is us. Second Corinthians 4:5 says our job is to proclaim Christ. God has called us to the front lines of the battle for this. And notice in verse 7: this treasure (the good news that the light of Jesus Christ has come) is in jars of clay. We are broken and fragile soldiers in this battle. We used to be on the other side in darkness, but because God saved us (shone light in our hearts), we are now on the side of light. And God did this so that His power might be demonstrated in us.

As I was listening to this message and later reading this passage, I couldn’t help but think of the people God has called me to minister to. With Scarlet Hope, I go into the darkest places in the city. Every time the outreach team goes out, we are engaging in spiritual battle. We, as broken as we are, are carrying the life-transforming light of Christ into the darkness of enemy territory. So I began to pray this passage for the ladies I meet, and it gave me a new sense of urgency for them. I, of course, cannot make them come to or choose the light, but I can share the hope of that light with them. Only God can open up their eyes, which have been blinded by Satan, to see the beauty and glory of Christ. He is doing that through this ministry and He will continue to do it. And He is not doing it because we are anything. We are just jars of clay. But He does it because He desires these women to know Him and He desires to rescue them and transform them and use them for His glory. God has many daughters in this city trapped in the darkness of the sex industry. They have yet to hear His voice and respond to His light. Pray with us that His daughters will wake up all over this city.

But when anything is exposed by the light, it become visible, for anything that becomes visible is light, therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:13-14

Lessons Learned in the Dark : Waiting

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26

Patience is not my strong suit. I value efficiency, speed and progress; therefore, I do not like to wait. Patience, though, is a virtue, but even more than that it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Impatience is a sin I often have to repent of, and since I long to be like Christ, who is perfect in patience, I asked Him to “give” me patience. Jesus was pleased to answer that request by greatly testing and growing me in this area of my life. There are many areas of my life where He has been silent. He keeps telling me to wait—for what I do not know and for how long He hasn’t said. But the word is firm: wait.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14

Waiting takes courage; it’s not easy. Now waiting when I can see progress happening, when I can see Him at work, is no big deal to me. I could wait forever like that. But waiting when God is silent, when I can’t see Him working, when I can’t see the next step, when all around me is dark, is a whole different story. That kind of waiting is extremely hard and painful and requires a lot of trust and faith in the One who is sovereign over all things.

But when I hoped for good, evil came, and when I waited for light, darkness came. My inward parts are in turmoil and never still; days of affliction come to meet me. I go about darkened, but not by the sun; I stand up in the assembly and cry for help. Job 30:26-28

One area of my life in which He has been silent, but is now starting to allow me to see a little bit of progress, is my future overseas. For almost a year, I have waited for the next step in the application process with the international company I am interested in serving with. Besides that, I have been waiting for the Lord to confirm what organization to even go with – this one or some other one. Both finally came last weekend when I attended a conference and, while there, had my second of three interviews. The Lord was ever so gracious to allow me to sense His presence and leading as well as the prayers of the many people who were interceding for me. I knew I was right where He wanted me (a sense I haven’t “felt” for a long time”) and by the end of the conference knew that He wanted me to continue the application process with this company. It is so exciting to see a little progress in this area of my life again!

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

The conference was such a blessing and was so encouraging. Through it, I met some amazing people and I learned more about the company itself. I also learned about the vast amount of people who have yet to hear the name of Christ—billions and billions of faces that live in darkness apart from the saving light of Christ, but I was struck by the fact that God knows each person’s face and name and longs for them to hear His gospel. He has sons and daughters among those billions and He knows exactly who they are (Matthew 9:37; Acts 18:10; 2 Timothy 2:19). Most of these people are concentrated in Asia, the continent I am most interested in serving on. The more I learned about the different regions, though, the more my heart grew for all of them (which makes sense because God has a heart for and desires every nation). I was originally supposed to choose two breakout sessions in which to learn more about specific regions, but God opened the door for me to attend three and then I got to have lunch with the leader from a fourth region. I am still not sure where in Asia (East & South are the front-runners), but I am encouraged just the same that the Lord has shone a little light on my path.

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

What’s next? More waiting. I should hear back from the company in a month or so if they want to proceed with me or not. In the meantime, I will continue to trust and obey. If there is one thing I have learned through all this it is that the Lord knows when I should be overseas. I won’t get their too early or too late, but at just the right time. He is sovereign over all things and has me exactly where He wants me—in Louisville, Kentucky. But regardless if I have to wait a year or twenty years (though I hope not!) before this calling is realized, Jesus Christ is worth it. He is worth the pain and the silence and the mundane and the wait because this is all for Him anyway. At the end of the day, it won’t be about what I did or did not do, or where I invested my life, but about my faith and trust in Christ. Not to say that truth makes waiting any easier. My strength and my heart will fail; I will grow weary, but Jesus promises to be the strength of my heart as I wait on Him and my Portion forever (Psalm 73:26).

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God?” Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow weary or faint [like I do!]; His understand is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and grow weary, and young men [and women] shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31

My Real Home

I have been thinking a lot about how this world is not my home. I have read some pretty horrific and disheartening stories in the news lately: a young Arab woman was murdered by her husband for giving birth to a girl rather than a boy; a twelve-year-old sued her school (and won) because she was offended by the prayer that was written on the cafeteria wall; the decline in marriage in the West, but the surge in the fight for the “right” for homosexuals to marry; the 300,000 abortions that happen every year and the fight to keep it that way; the disdain for religion and Christianity because they go against the so-called freedom and rights of tolerant and secular America; the increase in sex trafficking both in our country and around the world; and, most recently, the new requirement for contraceptives (including abortifacient one) to be offered and funded by employers – even religious ones. These and numerous other horrible, horrible, heart-breaking things take place on a regular basis around the world and they are a vivid reminder that I don’t belong here. And, honestly, they make me not want to be here (which is something I have to repent over because I know that doesn’t honor the Lord). This country is not my real country and this city is not my real city. I am waiting and looking forward to a City that has foundations (of which Christ is the cornerstone), whose designer and builder is God (Hebrews 11:6; Ephesians 3:20).

The Lord has been teaching me much about my dual citizenship—both here and in heaven—my sojourning in a foreign land—through the sermons I hear at Rolling Fields as we go through the Psalms; through the messages I am transcribing on Hebrews at work; through my personal time of study through the Book of Daniel; through the books I am reading; and through the chapel sermons (yes I get paid to go to chapel!) that Dr. Mohler and Dr. Moore gave last week. Obviously the Lord wants to remind me where my true allegiance lies. He wants me to belong less here in this world so that I reflect more of the world of His kingdom to those around me (and I think last year was a big part of His working that out—stripping away the extras in my life so that all that I have left is Christ). I wish I could put into words the longing I have for this real, eternal home, but I can’t. (And you probably think I am crazy). The things here are just a copy, just a shadow of the true reality to come—the only City, Country and Kingdom that will last.

But it’s also true that I am still a citizen of this world as well, and until the Lord allows me to come Home it will continue to be so. Christ says that His people are in the world, but not of the world (John 15:19, 17:15), which means I function as citizens of two cities. I truly and ultimately belong to the City of God, but I am also part of this city. While I am here my King calls me to influence this world for good, which seems pretty futile when you look at the darkness of the times we are living in (just read the short list above) and the vast amount of lostness that exists among the nations. And if it weren’t for Christ that would be so. But the Gospel is powerful and can transform even the darkest places into a haven for God’s glory to shine forth. I have seen it happen and it will continue to happen. This is the mission of the people who name themselves Christ-followers—the Church. It is no easy task, but it is urgent and commanded (Matthew 5:14-16; Ephesians 5:7-17), and we have the promise of Jesus Christ that He will be with us, empowering us, always, even until the end of this world (Matthew 28:20).

And in the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed, nor shall the kingdom be left to another people. It shall break in pieces all these kingdoms and bring them to an end, and it shall stand forever. Daniel 2:44

Unexpected Provision

I loathe shopping. Absolutely loathe it. Yet it is one of those necessary evils of life. It goes against my value of efficiency and against my priorities. I am so bad that I don’t even work it into my budget. Jesus, of course, knows this, and sometimes He chooses to use shopping to grow my patience and sometimes He chooses to to use shopping as a way to glorify Himself. The latter is what happened recently.

As I mentioned in one of my last posts, my new job required me to get a new wardrobe. Skirts/dresses, dress shoes and pantyhose are the new order of the day. A couple of friends (both of whom are gifts from the Lord) allowed me to borrow some of their skirts to get me through my first couple of weeks. I eventually, though, sucked it up and went to the mall, dreading the time and number of stores I would have to visit in order to get what I needed. I first went to JC Penney’s and, apparently, they have an annual sale this time every year. With the Lord’s provision and kindness, I was able to buy several skirts for between $5 and $7. According to the receipt, I saved $260 (for real?!). AND I didn’t have to go to more than one store! A shopping trip that was efficient, thrifty and successful – definitely a gift from the Lord. I am so thankful that He cares about the little details in our lives and blesses in ways we might not expect (my lack of expecting probably just shows how small my faith is). The experience almost made me like shopping. Almost. :) But it definitely made me praise the Father, who gives me everything I need just as He promises.

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the Gentiles seek after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33