Then the Lord brought me
to this timely verse one morning:
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I am well acquainted with
this verse, but I needed a fresh reminder. I had been focusing on the visible;
trusting in what I can sense or see or feel, instead of trusting in the
promises of God. I was trusting in feeling nauseous and food aversions and the
absence spotting to reassure myself that everything was okay. But the Word of
God is more true that the tangible things around me, and He holds out beautiful
promises of future grace to those who trust in Him – promises that never fail.
Yet, even though God
brought this lack of trust to my attention, I continued to struggle. I knew I
needed to focus on the unseen things, but visible things were what continued to
consume my attention and fuel my fears. I needed specific unseen things to
focus on. I needed specific promises besides the broader truths that God was
sovereign and was working for my good.
Once again, God in His grace met me in my struggles and
unbelief. That weekend the sermon at church was from Psalm 139. I studied it
beforehand to prepare for the sermon and God used that psalm to remind me of
His constant care and presence. He has been with this child from the beginning
– before I even knew this little life existed – and He was the One fashioning
him or her together. More than that, God has a plan for this child, regardless
of how this pregnancy ends. Just like He has numbered and planned my days, He
has numbered and planned the days of this little one, no matter how many or few.
Furthermore, God promises not to withhold good from His children (Psalm 84:11).
Therefore, if the birth and life of this child is good for my husband and me,
God will not withhold him or her from us. The same was true with our first
pregnancy. Even though we went through a valley of darkness and pain in
miscarriage, we watched God work in our marriage and through our lives to strengthen
relationships, minister to those suffering in similar circumstances, and draw
us closer to Christ. It was good for us to be afflicted in that way (Psalm
119:71), so that we may grow in faith and love and the knowledge of Christ.
So I am still waiting for my first appointment* and I
still have the thought of miscarriage hovering in the back of my mind, but I
have a renewed confidence in God’s wise care and plans. His abundant grace is
available each day and His mercies are new every morning. They never run dry.
And nothing catches Him by surprise. He knows how our first doctor’s appointment
will go. He knows how this pregnancy will end. And I can lean into Him and
trust what He has in store. Because He is not only working for mine and my
husband’s good, but He is working for the good of this baby and of His church
and for the glory of His name. I cannot control what is going on inside of me,
but I can trust the One who is in control. He is working in the unseen places
and in unseen ways, and what cannot be seen now will one day reveal His
omnipotent wisdom and goodness and glory to all.
*This post has been in the works for several weeks. Daniel and I had our first appointment last Tuesday. And the Lord in His kindness met us in our doubts and fears and allowed us to hear the heartbeat. :) We are thankful for such a gift!
