Faith in Future Grace

I can’t believe it’s December and this year is almost over. It’s went by so fast. Daniel and I have already been in Pittsburgh for over a year, which is crazy, and he finishes coursework in May. We have been seeking Jesus about what is next.

I started reading Piper’s Future Grace a few days ago. I am only on the second intro (of three) and I am already being challenged. One of the points Piper makes is that the Bible doesn’t use gratitude as a motivation for obeying and serving Jesus, but His future grace – His promises. Yes, we should be thankful to God for everything He has given us – especially the love He has demonstrated to us through sending His Son to die for our sins. But the Bible aims not to motivate us by past grace, but by promising us grace for the future. The two are not unrelated, though. The virginal birth, perfect life, atoning death, and powerful resurrection of Jesus that saves those who trust in Him happened in history, so that it is a past event, but it still holds bearing on the life of an believer (indeed, it’s the foundation of the life of a believer), and that one-time event also bought and secured all of the promises held forth in the Bible.

I think God is going to use this book greatly in my life. In fact, I think my faith needs it. So often I fall into despair and doubting when circumstances get really hard: when my mom is in the hospital, when my life begins to look different than I expected/planned, when I sense little direction from God, when those around me are hurting in so many ways. During those times, I usually doubt God’s good intentions toward me, which means that I am not trusting in His future grace, in His promises. And I don’t want to be like that. I, instead, what to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who laughs at the future because her faith is so firm in the God who controls it. I want to take God at His Word when He says that He works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4), that He is working for my good (Romans 8:28), and that He will never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). Lord, increase my faith and help me to stand firm on Your promises.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. Psalm 37:5

Confessions of an Absent Blogger

Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I used to always have an idea for a post swimming around in my head, which would prompt me to write, but that has not been the case since I have got married over a year ago. I am not sure why. I would say it’s because I share my ideas, struggles, and feelings with my husband instead, but, even though that is true to an extent, it is not as true as it should be. Those who know me well know that I tend to keep things inside and have trouble expressing what I think and feel.

I haven’t been journaling as much either, and it’s not because I don’t have the time. I have more time now than I did before I got married now that I work part-time and don’t have as many extracurricular commitments.

So the lack of journaling and blogging probably has more to say about my spiritual and emotional state than anything. Pittsburgh has been hard for me in many ways. I have struggled to find my place in the city (besides being a wife and keeper of the home). I used to always have a goal I was working toward (school, getting overseas) and my time was filled with various commitments (ministry, church). So, what I have come to learn is that I had misplaced my identity in those things. Instead of taking my cue from Christ, I was finding my purpose and fulfillment in being busy helping, serving, working towards something – in doing – and had lost sight of the fact that God is not pleased with me because of what I do, but because of what Jesus Christ has already done for me through His life, death, and resurrection.

But Jesus has saw fit to sit me on the sidelines, so to speak. I am learning, though not always joyfully and willingly, to be content with where God has me. The city I live in and the job I have are not my preference, but they are God’s will for me – indeed, they are His gift to me. I have been blessed in many ways in this new season of life, yet I often fell to realize and count those blessings. I think God is trying to teach me both contentment and gratitude, and I have been struggling to embrace the lessons. But, as Elisabeth Elliot always says, “in acceptance lieth peace,” and that anything I offer up to God “can and will become my gateway to joy.” These things are true and I want them to be true of me.

After a year, I feel like I am finally beginning to settle into this city – to accept where God has me and even embrace it. I am learning to laugh at the things that drive me crazy about living here and to lean into God and His daily gifts. Obviously, my husband is a major blessing and my primary calling in being here is to support, love, and submit to him. But another major blessing is our church: Renaissance. We have been so blessed by our brothers and sisters that we worship and serve alongside of. And, because I don’t have to work a full-time job, I have been able to spend time getting to know a handful of women in our church. This has been such a joy. I think one way I can serve God and the church is by getting to know and to encourage and to be encouraged by these women.

It’s the season of Thanksgiving in our country, and I need to pay attention and start counting the many gifts God has given me. There may be things I don’t like about where God has me, but there are far more things for which I should be thankful.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. – 1 Thess. 5:16-18

God’s Best???

"The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower" - William Cowper

Over the summer, Daniel and I read a book on marriage by Timothy Keller called The Meaning of Marriage. We both desire a marriage that reflects the great love Jesus Christ has for His people. One of my biggest takeaways from that book is the fact that Jesus is the example for both the role of the husband and the role of the wife. He demonstrates what servant leadership and loving sacrifice looks like (in relation to us) for the husband. And He shows us what humble and joyful submission looks like (in relation to the Father) for the wife. I absolutely love that, and think it is so empowering and encouraging as a new wife to see that the way Jesus relates to the Father is the pattern for how I am to relate to Daniel.

Anyway, that really doesn’t have anything to do with the subject of this post. That was just a little freebie.

One of the chapters in the book was on singleness. Keller quoted a woman, who was single but desired to be married, who said she learned that singleness was God’s current best for her. If it wasn’t, she’d be married. I agreed with her. That was my thinking while I was single (which was until I was 30 – almost 31): If God promises to withhold no good thing from those who follow Jesus (Psalm 84:11), then He was not withholding marriage from me. Therefore, singleness was God’s best for me until He deemed otherwise and sent me a husband. I still believe that to be true.

But Daniel challenged me on that statement (“This is God’s best for me”) by asking me about a situation we know about where a husband cheated on his wife before they got married and throughout their first year of marriage until he was exposed. They are now separated. So Daniel posed the question, “Is that God’s best for this young woman?” It’s a fair question. God obviously allowed the marriage to take place and knew about the affair the whole time. So was that His best for this woman who is a believer – one of His daughters?

That question haunted me all week. When talking with a friend and my sister who were struggling in different ways, I thought, "Is this God's best?" When reading the book of Judges in the Bible, I read about a man who believed in God but foolishly vowed  to sacrifice whatever first came out of his house if God would give him victory in war (see Judges 11). God gave him the victory and when he returned, his beloved daughter ran out of the house to greet him. The man decided to keep his vow (a sin I believe) by sacrificing his daughter to God (the Bible says God would never require one to sacrifice their children to him – Deut. 18:10 and 2 Kings 17:17 for example). Was this God’s best for her? And what about my dad? A lot of what I believed about what has happened to be the past several years hung on the answer to this question. I didn’t want to live in a lie.

Thankfully, God met me in this question. He helped me to lean into Him instead of letting doubts drive me from Him (like in times past). He brought these truths to my mind from the Bible:

• When Joseph – a man who believed in God and had great character – was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, and then was lied about and thrown into prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and then forgotten about by someone who promised to get him out of prison (none of these look like God’s best right?), he trusted God. After many years and a turn in events (all brought about by the hands of a sovereign God), he was released from prison and became one of the most powerful men in Egypt. Instead of seeking vengeance on all who had done him wrong, he realized God’s good purposes for him and for the nation of Israel. Joseph said that they all meant it for evil but God meant it for good (Genesis 50:20). God intended all that for good. It was best for Joseph (but not immediately) and for the nation of Israel, His people. And it was all for the glory of God.
• The Apostle Paul tells us that God works all things (including evil and unpleasant circumstances) to fit into a pattern for good for those who love Him and belong to Him (Romans 8:28).
• Psalm 119:68 reminds us that God is good and does good. Sometimes it might not look good to us at first, but He beckons us to trust Him and to remember His great promises (like the one in the previous point).

These are just a few of the verses that God brought to mind. But He also spoke to me from a couple of sermons. One being from John Piper called “This Illness is for the Glory of God.” In it, he describes what love is:

“So what is love? What does it mean to be loved by Jesus? Love means giving us what we need most. And what we need most is not healing, but a full and endless experience of the glory of God. Love means giving us what will bring us the fullest and longest joy. And what is that? What will give you full and eternal joy? The answer of this text is clear: a revelation to your soul of the glory of God—seeing and admiring and marveling at and savoring the glory God in Jesus Christ. When someone is willing to die—or let your brother die—to give you (and your brother) that, he loves you.
Love is doing whatever you have to do to help people see and treasure the glory of God as their supreme joy—to help people see and be satisfied with the glory of God…
These are the two great purposes of all things: God’s demonstration of his glory in Christ, and human beings treasuring that glory above all things…God is doing more than you know.

So what is God’s best? The problem with that question is that it’s not the right question. God’s best is found in Revelation 21-22 when Jesus comes back to judge the earth, to rid it of evil, and to completely renew the earth and His people. There will be no more tears or pain or suffering or death. We will have perfect fellowship with Him forever. That is God’s best. In the meantime, we see glimpses of God’s renewal but we also live in a world full of suffering and pain and death. The circumstances we are in themselves may not be God’s best. But God is still working for the good of His people and the fame of His name. He has good purposes in the horrible things we experience and suffer, and He allows them for a reason. The goal of these things is God’s best. And God’s best for us is Himself, and He will do and allow whatever means necessary – no matter how horrific or painful – to draw us to Him and make us more like Jesus Christ. That is what true love does: it does whatever is necessary to magnify Christ. And it does whatever will be ultimately best for the beloved. Like Piper said, “God is doing more than you know.”Let's lean into that and remind each other of that continually.

Africa {in pictures}

Two months ago, Daniel and I went to Africa. Neither of us had been there and it was our first time serving together overseas. We knew we wanted to take an overseas trip together and had been praying about where to go. Africa, though, was not on our radar. We prayed about and looked into going to countries in Southeast Asia, Central Asia, Europe, and South America, but God either shut the door of opportunity or didn’t give us the go-ahead. Then Daniel’s parents told us about the trip their church was taking to Africa. It involved a little bit of everything: mercy ministry (both mine and Daniel's passion), pastor training (Daniel’s interest), a medical clinic, and VBS. We prayed and believed God said Yes, so we signed up.

Africa blew my misconceptions from the start. It wasn’t hot and dry and dusty (at least not the first city we were in); it was lush and beautiful, teeming with flowers, plants, and birds of all kinds. The village where we did the majority of our work was more like I had imagined, but it still had more trees and greenery that I expected.

The people were friendly, curious, and joyful, much like I expected. They were very hospitable, even helping us set up camp. It was so great to partner with local believers who had a heart to reach their own people and communities. Our goal for the trip was not to come in and do the work and leave, but to work alongside of them and provide them with extra tools and training to reach more people for Jesus. Below are some pictures that tell the story from our 10-day journey.

Some of the flora of Africa

Mercy Ministry :: BGR Hospice Buckets

One of the places we delivered a bucket

The African Bush

VBS at local school :: they were waiting for us!

So pretty!

Me helping a little boy color

Daniel teaching about the meaning of the cross

Salvation bracelets

They're all so cute!

Theological Education :: Daniel spent one day teaching local church leaders

Medical Clinic :: The line began forming before sunrise

Evangelism Training :: equipping local church members to share the gospel

Last evening in village :: the host church put on a special performance for us

Beautiful African sunrise

Trip to Safari :: climbing in elevation added to the beauty of the scenery

Looks like the rolling hills of the Midwest! :)

Safari :: a dream come true!

A heard of elephants

A lonely, lovely giraffe

I got to pet a rhino!

Yep! That's a lioness!

A lioness walking towards the sunrise :: Epic!

The watering hole right outside our tents brought many animals to our front door

The type of tree I usually envision when thinking of Africa

Team group photo on the Equator

Beautiful drive to Nairobi

Elephant Orphanage :: Precious!

My hot husband :)

I don't know what this is...

Giraffe Sanctuary

     

I kissed a giraffe!!!

Our First Year :: In Pictures

Married :: August 2, 2014

Honeymoon :: Puerto Rico

Moved to Pittsburgh :: August 18, 2014

Date Nights {one of our favorites :: Istanbul Sofra}

Daniel's first day at Duquesne University

Kristi and James married :: October 4, 2014

First Halloween :: Pumpkin Carving

Thanksgiving in Missouri

Game Nights {our game of choice :: Scrabble}

My birthday gift from Daniel :: Table for Kitchen

First Christmas :: Gingerbread House

New family and friends :: Renaissance Church

Christmas in Nashville

Winter :: made us realize this city was not for us

Washington, DC :: February 2015

Spring :: I could not contain my excitement

Flowers from my sweet husband :: one bouquet of many

Military :: 10 weeks total on orders this summer :(

Charming Charleston, SC :: May 2015

Explored Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning

Completed our first puzzle together :: 500 pieces in two days

First time serving abroad together :: Kenya :: June 2015

African Safari :: my dream come true!

National Air Force Museum :: Dayton, OH

Kristi and James came to visit :: July 2015

Homemade desserts for two :)

First Year Anniversary :: Pittsburgh River Cruise

Here's to another year!