The eternal God is your dwelling place,It’s hard to put into words these past few weeks. The days have been long and tiring and filled with one trial after another, but the Lord has so strengthened me by His grace and given me His unexplainable peace and joy. Sometimes I almost feel guilty that I am not doing worse than I am considering the circumstances, but that’s the power of God’s sustaining grace. It is nothing in me, not at all. I would have collapsed under the weight of my life if not for Jesus Christ. And the primary way that the Lord Jesus has been sustaining me and my family is through His people, through the Church. We have been lovingly bombarded with emails, phone calls, text messages, meals (compliments of Meadow Heights Church), money, and even flowers (sent by my sweet coworkers in the President’s Office). Most importantly, though, and most powerfully, God has used the innumerous prayers of His people to carry us through these difficult days.
and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deuteronomy 33:27a
Another way that God has sustained us that is just as important and just as powerful is His Word. I am always amazed at how His Word always comes at just the right time. Sermons, devotionals, daily Bible reading, Scripture passages given to us by others – all of these things are exactly what my family and I have needed to hear and, often, the same Scripture verses are interwoven throughout all these various means. The Word of God has indescribable and mysterious power to speak directly to our specific circumstances and bring the kind of inner healing and comfort nothing and no one else can.
I have been trying to take each day one at a time and deal with each situation as it comes, but sometimes I see the magnitude of my current life circumstances and I am overwhelmed. Last week everything seemed to happen at once: I had a gallbladder attack and had to have surgery to remove it; while I was in the hospital, my mom took my dad to another hospital because he had been throwing up for three days; two of our three cars are having problems…even the cat has been limping. I am not one that thinks there is a demon behind every bush, but it really seems like our family is under attack from the enemy. But what he means for evil, God designs for good, and it is ultimately God who has allowed these circumstances into our lives for His good purposes, which are yet to be revealed and which I don't even pretend to understand.
Our circumstances darkened this week. My dad was scheduled to have surgery to remove a partial blockage and his gallbladder, but when the surgeon cut him open, he saw that he has many partial blockages and that the cancer has pretty much taken over his abdomen and intestinal system. He wound up not doing anything as planned, but instead inserted a tube in his stomach to use as a kind of pressure/overflow valve to help prevent vomiting. Then came the dreaded word: Hospice. They are calling in hospice next week.
I am so thankful that the Lord has settled in my mind the truths of His sovereignty and goodness in the difficult years leading up to this. I know for a fact that God is sovereign and good and those weighty truths have been a source of comfort and stability in the midst of this storm. But hard days do lie ahead. I mean, how do you prepare for someone leaving you for good, someone that has been a part of your whole life, when even now just walking into his bedroom makes me burst into tears…
It’s the unknown, I guess, that is the most scary. Kind of like with my recent surgery. I was not afraid of the actual surgery, but it was the pain I would experience afterward that made me a little apprehensive. It would be a pain I had not experienced before. It’s the same with this. I am not as afraid of the actual death of my dad, as much as of the pain that will follow with the empty shirts and the broken-down cars and when I need advice…How do you prepare for that?! The same way we prepare for anything: giving thanks, praying always, and trusting the Lord; taking each day one at a time, remembering that His mercies are new every morning, and that His grace is sufficient for anything and everything that comes.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:21-26
