The God Who Sees Me

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing [Hb. ’El Ro’i],” for she said, “Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.” Genesis 16:13 I just got back from a woman’s conference. The Lord met me there in powerful ways and He gave me much to think about. One of the truths He reminded me of was the fact that He sees me. In my struggles, in my serving, in my strivings, in my circumstances, in my weakness, He sees. I am not lost to Him. He notices me and He chooses to come and meet me at the point of my need. This is how he did so last Friday.

I went to the True Woman conference with three ladies that are very dear to me. For the break-out sessions, we chose to go to different ones in order to learn different things and then share them with one another later. I went to Joni Eareckson Tada’s breakout session called “The God I Love: A Lifetime of Walking with Jesus.” I know she usually has much to saw about suffering and endurance and, since the Lord has been teaching me a lot about those subjects, I decided to see what she had to say.

The session started off with a give-a-away of a few of her books. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who was interviewing her, would ask a question and then give a book to someone she saw who raised her hand. The second book she gave away was Joni’s book entitled A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God’s Sovereignty. Nancy said something like, “Raise your hand if you have a loved one who is suffering. If so this book will be very helpful for you.” Immediately, tears started flowing down my face as I thought about my mom and my sister. And they continued to flow during the rest of the session. I raised my hand, but nobody saw me. In fact, the lights were turned down very low and I sat near the back. This made me feel free to cry because, I thought to myself, no one sees me…or at least nobody that knows me does.

One of the many things the Lord has done in my heart over these past two years is make me very tender towards people who are suffering and hurting. While I used to hardly ever cry, now I feel like I cry at everything (not really, but it feels that way sometimes): couples struggling with infertility; aborted babies and the women who abort them; men struggling with pornography; miscarriages; terminal illness. The world has definitely gone wrong and the Father is giving me a heart of compassion like He has so that I can and will weep with those who weep.

As the session came to a close, we began singing the old, but beautiful hymn, “Man of Sorrows.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a lady coming toward me. She sat next to me, gave me a hug, and said, “I saw you raise your hand earlier. Do you have a loved one who is suffering?” I told her yes and told her who. She asked for my name and the names of my mom and sister in order to pray for us. Then she reached into her pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, handed it to me, and said, “Get whatever book you need.” When she left me, another lady came up to me and did the same thing. Then the Lord said to me, “I see you. It may be dark in here and you may not know anyone, but I see your tears. You are not lost to me.”

The Lord is merciful and gracious,slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8

Journey Through Revelation

I have been deeply studying the Book of Revelation these past couple of months, which is perfect because that “happens” to be the book my pastor is preaching through and my small group is studying. Most churches and Christians tend to shy away from this book because of its hard-to-decipher imagery and symbolism, which is a shame because the Book of Revelation is filled with so much hope and comfort for struggling and suffering Christians. It’s easy to get bogged down in the details: who/what is the beast? Who are the 144,000 sealed believers? Will there be a brand new heavens and earth or a renewed heavens and earth? Etc, etc. In the sanctuary of my church, as my pastor preaches through this book, are four big signs with one word each that say: Don’t Miss The Point. Decoding Revelation is not why God gave us this book. He gave us this book to encourage us to persevere in the faith, to reveal His sovereign purposes, and to show that our faith is secure and we will be victorious in the end. The point of this book is, as my pastor says, God’s pursuit of presence with His people. From Genesis to Revelation, you see God gloriously and sovereignly working out this purpose. He desires to be among His chosen people and nothing will thwart that purpose. It will happen. Christ will receive the reward for which He was slain (21:1-4, 9-14)!

My personal study through this book has been very enlightening. I have seen several overarching truths that are repeated throughout the book.

1. Jesus Christ is supreme. He is God. He calls Himself the “Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end” (2:8; 22:13), which are the same words that God the Father uses to identify Himself (1:8; 21:6). He receives worship from angels and believers and the four living creatures (5:9-13; 7:10). He has all knowledge (symbolized by His seven eyes in 5:6) by which He he accurately judges His churches in chapters 2 and 3. He has all power and authority by which He unleashes God’s wrath (5:7; 6:1) and executes final judgment on all of creation (19:11-21; 20:11-15). He alone can accomplish and secure the redemption of His people (chapter 5). In this there is hope.

2. God is completely sovereign over all hearts and events. Over and over again, when Revelation talks about the devil and his minions causing destruction, it says they were “allowed” (9:5; 13:5, 7, 14, 15; 16:8) or “given” (6:4, 8; 7:2; 9:1, 3). There is nothing outside of God's control. He is sovereign over both the good and the evil. While God is in no way the source of evil, He uses it to accomplish His always good purposes. As much as Satan tries whatever He can to destroy God’s people and thwart God’s plan, he actually winds up furthering God’s redemptive purposes as God uses it for the good of His people, the glory of His name, and the spread of His gospel (Romans 8:28). In this there is hope.

3. God is patience in slowly pouring out His wrath. The truth is that all human beings are separated from God and deserve immediate His punishment and wrath (Romans 3:23), and there is nothing we can do about it. This is the bad news, but the good news is that God does not delight in punishment, but in steadfast love and mercy, and He desires that all people be saved (Jeremiah 9:4; Ezekiel 18:32; 2 Peter 3:9) and He provided the way of salvation through the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ (John 14:6; Romans 5:8). Because of this He is very patient with us and does not immediately pour out His just wrath upon us. In the Book of Revelation, you see Him slowly pour out His wrath in the opening of the seven seals and then in the blowing of the seven trumpets and then in the pouring out of the seven bowls. He would be right and just to immediately judge us for our sins (Romans 1-3) and give us no time to repent. We do not deserve even one seal or trumpet or bowl, but God is infinitely patient and loving and He delays His just anger in order that many more people might be saved. In this there is hope.

4. Human beings are extremely wicked and sinful. Although God in His infinite patience gives people time to repent, they do not. They even recognize that He is the one bringing the plagues that are causing them torment, but they still refuse to repent and turn to Him (2:21; 16:9, 11, 21). They, instead, curse Him and continue to worship their own idols. We are born God-haters. There is no one that is innately good. We may be good compared to others, but even that is by God’s grace as He restrains evil. We are not as bad as we could be, but even more than that we are nothing in comparison to a perfectly holy and good God. We are rebellious and selfish and prideful and we reject God and make ourselves the god over our own lives. God would be right and just to have annihilated the whole human race after the fall in Genesis 3. But He didn’t. Do you see the grace in that? He chose to allow us to live so that He could save a people for Himself. He knew before creation that we would rebel against Him, but He chose to create us anyway, and He purposed in advance that He would save us by slaughtering His own Son, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8). In this there is hope.

5. God’s people are not exempt from suffering. The health and wealth gospel, which is really no gospel at all, is wrong. Joel Osteen is wrong. This is not our best life now and God does not will that His people live safe, comfortable, trouble-free lives. Just look at the examples throughout Scripture and throughout history. Joseph, Daniel, the Prophets, Jesus, Stephen, Paul, Jason Martyr, David Brainerd, Jim Elliot, and countless other unknown Christians have suffered, and even died, for their faith in Christ. God ordains that His people suffer (John 15:20; Acts 14:22; 1 Thess. 3:3; 2 Tim. 3:12). In His mysterious wisdom and plan, He uses the suffering of His people to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the nations. In Revelation 6:11, we see that God has an appointed number of His people that will die for their faith. God does not save His people from suffering and persecution, but He sustains them through it. In this there is hope.

6. Our salvation is secure and we will see His face! This is my absolute favorite promise in Scripture. One day I will see my Savior, Jesus Christ, face-to-face (1 Corinthians 13:12; 1 John 3:2; Revelation 22:4)! There will be no more sin to blind my eyes or temptations to distract my gaze, but I will see Him as He is in all of His beauty and perfection and glory. And I will join in with the song of the redeemed. In this there is hope!

    “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
    to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might
    and honor and glory and blessing!” Revelation 5:12

Lessons Learned in the Light: Fellowship

The first half of the year, I did a blog series on the lessons I have learned in the dark. And while I do feel like I am still somewhat in the dark, the Lord has allowed a few beautiful rays of light to shine. The lessons I am learning are deep and hard, but immensely sweet (especially in hindsight :). For the remaining months of this year, I would like to focus on the lessons the Lord is teaching me in the light.

This lesson is about faithfulness. Not my faithfulness, because my faithfulness, I’m ashamed to say, is not always so steadfast, but the Lord’s faithfulness. He never fails nor does His Word. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). I discussed them some in one of my last posts, but I want to focus on in particular is God’s faithfulness to love and care for me through other people, namely the Body of Christ.

Over the past few weeks I have watched God love me through others in numerous ways. One of my closest friends and her husband took me on a hike to pray over me and encourage me through Scripture. My pastor’s wife and dear friend brought me lunch at work to talk with me about the things I had been struggling with. A prayer warrior from my church said she “felt” my burdens and has led others in my church to pray for me, even though I had not really expressed to her the turmoil I felt. And there have been others who has expressed concern for me and whom the Holy Spirit has led to pray for me.

This is the gift of being part of the body of Christ expressed through a local church. Since I don’t tend to stay in one place for long, I had the mindset of not going deeper with people, not setting down roots, but, oh, how I have missed out because of that! I heard one missionary say that he learned to go deep quickly with people because he knew his time with them was short, which is exactly the opposite of what I was doing. Yes, saying goodbye is hard, but the sweetness of deep, Christ-centered fellowship is worth it. The Lord has allowed me to be part of a small congregation in which I see the Book of Acts come to life. My church family really does care about each other and prays for each other and desires to be together. This is especially expressed through my small group where we gather every other week to study God’s Word, pray for one another, share a meal, and spend hours just hanging out. We confess our sins and share our struggles and testify to the work of God’s grace in our lives. This doesn't come naturally, but we have each been intentional and, through the grace of the Lord, we are going deeper with Christ and one another. It is a beautiful thing.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

Making Chinese dumplings with my small group

 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Acts 2:42