- Livin' Life in Romans 7 -

Pondering the Pleasant Places

2012-01-25T20:16:00.000-05:00

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

The Lord has continually brought this verse to my mind over the last few weeks. A lot has changed in my life over the past year – the ministries I am involved in; my place of residence (no surprise there :); my roommate; the people I hang out with; the car I drive; my job and even my wardrobe (as my new job requires me to wear skirts or dresses – a far cry from the jeans and Docs I am so used to). Some of the changes were welcomed and some were not. Either way, though, this is the Lord’s lot for me and it is good. He has made the lines (the current circumstances in my life) fall in pleasant places. He is satisfied with where He has me and where He is taking me, and I must be satisfied in that as well. Some days that contentment is easier than others, but I am continually learning and growing in that contentment by His grace (Philippians 4:13).

Already in 2012, the Lord has been so gracious to answer some of the questions I had at the beginning of 2011. Like I was telling my prayer partner, it is as if God pressed the hold button at the beginning of 2011 and He pressed unhold at the beginning of 2012. At the beginning of 2011, I was wondering where I should work. That has now been answered. I was wondering about the walk of someone I was allowed to lead to Christ. That’s been answered. I was wondering about the ministries I should be involved in while in Louisville. That has been answered. And—and I have been waiting almost a year for this—in a few short weeks, I will be attending an event that I hope will bring clarification to God’s future for me overseas. There are still a few things that are still left unanswered from last year, but I am trusting and waiting for them to unfold and make sense in the near future.

The Lord continues to heal, help me deal and learn from the pain and brokenness of last year. He also continues to show me the crevices where pride is lurking in my heart. Sigh. It seems never-ending. The Prophet Jeremiah is right: our hearts are deceitfully wicked and hard to discern (Jeremiah 17:9-10). Last Sunday’s sermon was on Psalm 51 and Pastor Andy talked about the differences between a prideful and humble heart. The brokenness from last year was due mostly from my prideful, sinful heart. While the Lord has brought me a long way, I still have so far to go. I cannot wait to be free from this body of flesh to dwell in the God’s presence forever! (Romans 7:21-25; 1 Corinthians 5:1-9; Philippians 1:21-26)

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart my fail [and they do!] but God is the strength of my heart and my Portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26

Note: The sermon this weekend at RF is over Psalm 73. So excited!

Out with 2011, In with 2012

2011-12-31T13:51:00.001-05:00

This year is almost gone and although I am more than ready to kiss 2011 goodbye, the year hasn’t been a total loss. In fact, I have probably experienced more spiritual growth this year than any other. So, here is this year in review:

2011 Goals

Before this year began, I set some goals to accomplish. How did I do?

Focus in on a few particular ministries and relationships, so as not to be too scattered or busy. Um, the Lord pretty much took care of this for me as He weeded people and things out of my life. So, I guess you can say I accomplished this goal, but it was all the Lord’s doings.
Finish memorizing Ephesians. Check.
Develop and refine my photography skills. I really didn't do much with this goal until this past month. I invested in a Nikon digital SLR, which I am super excited about. Hopefully, this goal will be more fully realized in 2012. :)
Do a better job of actually eating meals for dinner. Living with Kristi has actually helped me a great deal with the goal, so I have greatly improved in this area.
Start a savings account/use the one I actually have. I forgot this was one of my goals (tsk, tsk), so no progress has been made. :(

2011 Lessons

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired even of life itself. Indeed, for we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

Where do I begin? This year has felt like one giant lesson as the Lord has put me through His crucible of refinement. He has taught me much about humility, dependence, trust, contentment and the richness of His Word. All of which, I am sure, I will continue to learn more about until He takes me home. It’s been hard and painful, but the fruit it has produced in me has been sweet. A.W. Tozer sums it up well in his book The Pursuit of God:

“Let us remember that when we talk of rending the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant, but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free.”

2011 Ministry

I began serving with Scarlet Hope at the beginning of this year. It is one of the few reasons I can visibly see for why I am still in Louisville. God is doing amazing things through this ministry and I am privileged to be a small part of it. I have been serving at various clubs throughout the year, waiting and hoping to be able to build relationships in order to share Christ. Finally, after waiting almost a year, I finally have a club I am consistently going to and have been able to make connections there. If you think of it, please pray for us as we go out to serve these ladies on Thursday nights.
For the majority of this year, Scarlet Hope was the only ministry the Lord opened for me. I looked into other ministry opportunities, but a lot of them were starting in the future or took time to get involved in. God sort of had me in a holding period. When August hit, however, the door to ministry seemed to fly wide open. I was asked to teach children’s Sunday School at Rolling Fields and, after much prayer, I accepted the offer. The apartment ministry at RF, which was slowly developing, offered more volunteer opportunities (including helping to lead an onsite Bible study) and, most recently, I started leading the Missions Team at church.

I mentioned a few posts back that the Lord started turning my heart toward East Asia. I then began to look for ways to get involved with people from that part of the world. There were more East Asian ministries than I realized and, with the Lord’s guidance, I started attending a fellowship geared to reaching this people. I have begun building relationships with several Asian ladies and the Lord continually opens the door for me to share Christ with them.

2011 Highlights

Kristi and I got to do some pretty cool things together this year. Like, travel to both New York and Central Asia:

Broadway in NYC

The Galata Tower in Central Asia

2011’s Final Roar

The last week of this year has been difficult. I lost The Z. I had to tell my boss that I was leaving Papers Unique (after 3.5 years) and even though it is with the Lord’s leading, it didn’t make it any easier. On Monday, I went to my grandma’s house to clean out her fridges and freezers. Her electric had been off for a week, so it was a messy job. The house was cold and empty, and I realized that it would probably never be the same again. Then there are the burdens of the sufferings and trials of the ones I love – burdens that I feel and bear right along with them. I have felt the weight of them most acutely these past few months and when I asked the Lord who would bear me up under this load, He led me to this verse:

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Psalm 68:19

Oh, yeah. He knows more than I ever will what it is like to bear the burdens of others.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Looking to 2012

2012 is already beginning to look different. I am driving a different car. I will be starting a new job. The next step in getting overseas is in February and it is coming quickly. I can sense the Lord working in my life again and it is exciting (not that He hasn’t been working; He just hasn’t allowed me to perceive it), and, even though I have no idea what 2012 will bring, I welcome it with open arms.

Happy New Year!

A Different Kind of Christmas

2011-12-27T12:11:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow on the ground. Just a few days too late for Christmas. :)

Christmas this year was much different than originally planned or expected. Very little about it actually “felt” like Christmas and there were many surprises. The most obvious being that my sister and I didn’t make it to Missouri. We returned to Louisville after my car bit the dust, scrambling to make alternate plans. When it was decided that I could borrow my grandma’s car, my parents agreed to come to Louisville to get us.

All of this has made me so thankful for the body of Christ. The Scripture proves true that God gives us many brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers when we follow Him (Mark 10:29-30). Both mine and Kristi's church families were ready and willing to put themselves out to help us at the drop of a hat. My church-friend Katie left her 3 children and sick husband and drove 85 miles (one way) in order to pick up Kristi and me from the side of the road. The next day, Kristi's church-friend Ruth took us out to eat for lunch and then to the grocery store. Kristi and I have mastered the art of making sure there is no (perishable) food in our apartment when we leave for long trips, so we were in need of food. Plus, I wanted to cook dinner for my parents when they got in. It was my first (and very impromptu) Christmas dinner - baked chicken, green beans, real mashed potatoes and peanut butter pie.

Christmas Eve lunch with Ruth at Saigon Cafe

Originally, my parents had agreed to go to the Christmas Eve service at Kristi's church in St. Louis, but since that got scratched, we talked them into going to the Christmas Eve program at the Korean church she attends in Louisville.

Then they went with us to Rolling Fields on Sunday morning. It was the first time we have ever went to church together for Christmas. :) The Lord is very kind. We had been wanting our parents to come visit us and I really want to go to Rolling Fields for Christmas and, in ways I would have never imagined, the Lord granted those desires. So, even though the holidays were much different that I expected, it was still good. The Lord clearly ordained and worked through the events that took place. He had His own plans and gifts for Christmas 2011 and I praise the One who came and died in order that I might live for Him.

The Day the Beretta Died

2011-12-25T22:28:00.000-05:00

One last look at The Z

This is a testimony of the Lord's provision and protection, His sovereignty and grace, and His Fatherly love and care. On Friday, Kristi and I set out for Missouri to spend Christmas with our parents. I had a feeling throughout the day that something was going to happen, but had no idea what (the Lord's kind preparation). I got off work a little early, picked up Kristi, went by Vint for some caffeine and headed West. When we were about 85 miles into the trip, my engine started stumbling. I checked my gauges - everything looked okay. We stopped at a rest stop. I checked the oil - good. The engine continued to stumble when I returned to the highway and then my oil pressure dropped. I pulled over as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The engine had locked up. After ten years and 261,000 miles, the Beretta has been laid to rest.

The Lord is so incredibly gracious as He protected my sister and me as we sat on the side of the interstate for several hours in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana, trying to figure out how to get back to Louisville and what to do with my non-functional car. Towing back to Louisville, even with Roadside Assistance, was outrageously expensive. My main concern was what to do with my car after I get back to Louisville. It eventually would have to be taken to the junk yard. Even in the midst of this mess, however, the Lord Jesus gave me His perfect peace. I just knew everything was going to be okay. Eventually, we decided to take my sweet friend Katie's offer to come get us (the Lord's provision) and to have my car towed to the rest stop nearby until further plans could be made. I wound up selling my car to the wrecker for a few hundred dollars, thus solving the what-to-do-with-my-car dilemma (Lord's provision). It's surreal to think that one moment I was driving down the road heading to Missouri and, within a few hours, I was on my back to Louisville - without my car.

After we returned to our apartment, my dad called telling me that my grandma, uncle and aunt had decided to let me use my grandma's car until I could get another one (the Lord's provision). Last summer, my grandma was diagnosed with Pastor's Syndrome and she moved down to Texas to live with my aunt, who is a nurse. Her car, however, stayed behind in Missouri and been hanging out in her garage ever since.

Do you see the grace and sovereignty of the Lord in all this? He is my perfect heavenly Father - preparing me for what's ahead and taking care of all my needs - just like He promises. He had every detail under control. He upholds the universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3) and nothing slips past Him.

Last year, I wrote about the bookend events that framed 2010. This year has bookend events as well - though much different in nature. 2011 began when someone broke into my apartment and stole my laptop and it comes to an end with the death of my car.

And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21

And He shall be Great

2011-12-21T23:13:00.001-05:00

The older I get and the deeper I go in my walk with Christ, the more I appreciate Christmas. It’s not the lights, the presents, the food or any of that other stuff that goes along with this holiday in America. In fact, I care less and less for this stuff every year. But, with each year, I am learning the weight of this day we keep as a remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ. If you take the time to think about what this day truly means, it is very powerful.

Each Christmas season, the Lord focuses my attention on a certain aspect of Christ’s birth. This year I have been reflecting on two things: His appearing and His greatness. There are two passages that coincide with these themes. The first is Titus 2:11-14:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself up for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works. Titus 2:11-14

First, and most obviously, Jesus appeared. This is the whole reason why we celebrate Christmas – Jesus came. God came to earth. He left His glorious throne in heaven to become one of us so that He might save us. He became nothing so that we might gain everything through Him (Philippians 2:5-11). His appearing means our salvation, our life, our hope and our escape from the wrath of God. Jesus came not to judge but to save and serve, but when He appears for the second time, it will be for judgment. The first appearing was to display His great mercy and grace by accomplishing our salvation and His second appearing will be to display His wrath and justice. Only those who love His appearing will be saved from the wrath to come (2 Timothy 4:8).

The second passage is from the book of Luke:

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end. Luke 1:30-33

This proclamation from the angel tells us a lot about the Lord Jesus. His name will be Jesus, which means God saves (Matthew 1:23). He will be the Son of God. He will also be the Son of David. He will be the fulfillment of every Old Testament promise (2 Corinthians 1:20). He will be an eternal King – unlike all the other kings that have gone before. His Kingdom will last forever. These are some of the reasons why He will be great, but there are more. He is great because He alone can and did accomplish our salvation (Isaiah 63:5). He is great because He is the beginning and end, the first and the last (Revelation 22:13). He is great because in Him all the fullness of the deity dwells (Colossians 2:9). He is great because He is the King of kings and Lord of lords (Revelation 19:6). He is great because He is the very God of the universe (Hebrews 1:3 & 11:3). He is Immanuel – God with us - and He has come. So this is why we (should) celebrate Christmas: this great God has appeared so that we may be saved from our sins and so that we might know Him. I pray that you will truly know and believe this truth this year.

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

2011-12-11T15:45:00.001-05:00

It has been a year since I graduated from Southern. It was probably one of my top experiences because so much hard work had gone into my studies and the Lord had grown me and taught me so much about Himself through them. My life looks much different now than it did then. When I graduated, I thought I knew the direction the Lord was taking me. I was sort-of seeing a godly guy, which, at the time, the Lord was clearly leading in. I knew the region of the world that I wanted to serve in and I thought I knew what that serving would look like. The year of 2010 was like my mountaintop experience. I could see and sense the Lord clearly working in many areas of my life and it was exciting.

Then, enter 2011. Everything seemed to change. I went from the mountaintop into a dark valley. The people I hung around, the ministries I was involved in and my desires for the future all began to look different. The Lord was doing a deep work in my heart - purging, refining and humbling me so as to make me more like Christ. He began taking away many people and things from my life - my laptop was stolen, the relationship ended, ministry opportunities stagnated and friendships changed. Even my future seemed less certain. The desire for serving and living overseas never did, but the where and what did. South Asia had been my focus, but the Lord slowly began shifting my interest and desire to East Asia. Then there was His continual dealings with my sinfulness. And the very worst part of it all was that Jesus was silent. For eight long months, I could not sense Him working around me or leading me in any kind of direction except in one way: while I was in His Word, He took me to passages that explained why He had led me into the valley (Deuteronomy 8:2-10). I learned to identify with Job, cry out with the psalmists and see first-hand that I had a High Priest who could identify with my weaknesses because He had experienced them Himself but without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

This year has definitely been one of brokenness and waiting. The Lord has been breaking my independent and self-sufficient nature so as to make more and more dependent on Him. He has taught me my own weakness and insignificance apart from Him. He is also teaching me how to be vulnerable with others and how to truly grieve. I am so thankful that the Lord counts every tear (Psalm 56:8), because I have cried more this year than probably all my years put together. I am not one to cry. I grew up in a home that taught that crying was a sign of weakness. Even though I later learned better, my prideful self still acted as though it was true. I had become accustomed to being disconnected with my emotions. Sometimes this can be helpful in the moment in order to think more rationally, but eventually, I need to work through things and because I refused to deal with the pain immediately, it usually crept back up later. So, the Lord is helping me to share my burdens and tears with others. Not an easy or enjoyable lesson...but it is a humbling one.

Waiting has been another theme of this year. Patience isn't always my strong suit, but it is starting to become one as the Lord refuses to give me any clarity for the future and refuses to answer some of the questions that have risen from the events of this year. He just tells me to wait and trust. Sigh. His ways are not mine and neither are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). My next step in getting overseas is not until February of next year. Wait and trust. My work future is still up in the air. Wait and trust. I still don't understand some of the events of this year. Wait and trust. Sometimes I fear I will never get to the field. Wait and trust. Another sigh. The Lord reminded me the other week of how the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. He was with them the whole way - leading them, providing for them and teaching them. He would lead them by day with a cloud and by night with a pillar of fire. Wherever the cloud rested, the Israelites were to set up camp. They were to stay there until the Lord took up the cloud and moved on and, then, they were to pack back up in follow. For now, the Lord has settled me in Louisville and His cloud is still resting here. He told them when it was time to go and will tell me as well. I guess this is my time to stay.

The events of this year began to take their toll physically last month. I developed a sharp pain in my shoulder/left side of neck that sent me to the chiropractor for the first time. The chiropractor said that it was due to stress and that I carry my stress in that area of my body. It was like physical evidence of the Lord's heavy hand this year (Psalm 32:4). As 2011 draws to a close, I am looking forward expectantly to 2012. I have spent the majority of this year studying the Book of Isaiah. As I read through the book, I felt like I was living what Isaiah was talking about. Near the end of the book, Isaiah speaks of the "Year of the Lord's Favor" (Isaiah 61:2). My prayer is that 2012 will be the year of the Lord's favor for me. Not that I am not in His favor because all of those who are in Christ are in God's favor (Ephesians 1:1-14) and His disciplining of me is evidence of His favor (Hebrews 12:3-11), but I pray that His favor is seen more outwardly in the coming year. Nonetheless, I want Him to complete the refining work He has began in me so that I will be "perfect and entire, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).

Of course, I have much to be thankful for in 2011. Even though the Lord took away ministry opportunities for a while, He brought them back in full force during the latter part of the year so that my schedule is quite full. He is deepening my friendships and my roots at Rolling Fields. Actually, RF is one of my favorite things about staying here. It will be hard to leave them when it comes time. Though I cannot say I am thankful for the events of this year, I am very thankful for their sweet fruit. I have probably experienced more growth in Christ this year than in any other. The Lord has taught me about His complete sovereignty and goodness, how He is my portion, how to feed on His Word and how to trust Him when all I see is dark. In the words of Andrew Peterson, "The aching my remain, but the breaking does not" (from his Silence of God song).

Longing for His Face

2011-12-04T17:27:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite verses in all the Bible is 1 John 3:2:

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.

My heart beats with this verse. I long for the day for when I can see my Savior face-to-face, when I will be with Him forever. Christmas is all about how Jesus made our way to be with God possible. He is called Immanuel, which means "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). Jesus Christ - God in the flesh - came and dwelt among us. He lived the perfect life, in complete obedience to God, satisfying all of God's commands, and then He died on the cross, bearing our sin burden and taking our punishment. He came back to life three days later to signify that His sacrifice was satisfactory. He conquered sin and death. All this so that we can know God and be with Him forever. This is the great hope of the Christian: to be completely set free from the bondage of sin so that we can know God and enjoy Him forever. Currently, this hope is only realized in part. Sin still exists in our bodies and the presence of Christ is not available in its fullest form. He is still with us for He promises never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), but we are waiting on Him to come back and establish His Kingdom here on earth. The Book of Revelation gives us a peek at what that will look like:

Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

We will experience the pure, unhindered presence of God. This is the greatest gift: God Himself. This year the Lord has taught me what a gift sensing His presence really is. He withheld this experience from me for the first eight months of this year. He took me through the wilderness and taught me to thirst for Him (Psalm 143:6). He made me hunger for His presence, so that He was all that I sought and desired. A sweet and hard lesson, but one from which I have learned much.

The next verse, 1 John 3:3, goes on to say that those who have this hope of seeing Christ make themselves pure as He is pure. In short, this hope transforms us. If was long to see and be with Christ, our priorities and desires and ambitions change. We no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. We no longer seek the things of this world, but Christ. We no longer see this world as our home, but realize that our home is with Christ. We no longer live our lives our own way, but in submission to Christ. This hope changes everything...and only those who have this hope in Christ can see Him.

But nothing unclean will ever enter into [the Kingdom of God], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life...No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 21:27; 22:3-5

"I will sigh and with all creation groan for the Hope that will come for me." - C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser.

Perfect Peace

2011-11-20T19:15:00.001-05:00

Wow. I haven’t posted in a long time. I used to have a goal of 4 posts per month, but because of other priorities and lack of Internet, that goal has fallen by the wayside. I might have to shoot for two per month. :) I knew I at least had to post once during the month of November – being the great month it is (Thanksgiving, my birthday…).

These past few weeks have been interesting – hard, but interesting. I have began looking for a new or second job; my car has begun to show its age and has been excessively needy (which is quite unfortunate for my checkbook); and there have been other things happen that I’d rather not share on here. In the midst of all this, the Lord Jesus has been ever so gracious to minister to me in special ways. Last week, He showed me His love through my brothers and sisters in Christ who were more than willing to help bear my burdens through prayer and any assistance they could give. This week He brought certain Scriptures to my mind to prepare me for the day ahead. On Wednesday, I had a job interview and Jesus spoke peace to me through Micah 5:5a ("and He shall be their peace"). Then He immediately reminded me of His words in Isaiah 26:3-4, John 14:25-31 and Philippians 4:4-7. As I meditated on Isaiah 26, I noticed the little adjective perfect that I had overlooked before (even though I had memorized the verse):

You keep Him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock.

The peace of Jesus Christ is perfect. It does not waver or change. It is stable and constant and complete. It is not a sort of half-way comfort or mystical peace of mind. The difficulties are still there, but the awareness of God and His sovereignty over them overshadows them. When I have His peace (which means my focus is on Him and not my circumstances), then I cannot be shaken. I was reminded of this as I faced things later that day that threated that peace. God, in His graciousness, prepared me for the day ahead.

On Thursday morning, the Lord gave me these words as I was working:

Lord, you are the my Portion in the land of the living. My soul thirsts for You. Satisfy me in the morning with Your steadfast love. For my hope is in You. (portions of Psalms 145, 63 & 143, 90 and 39)

The Lord was reminding me that He is my great Treasure. I have no good apart from Him (Psalm 16:1). He is completely satisfying…and He is mine! :) Things happened later that threatened to shake this satisfaction, but, again, God, in His graciousness, prepared me for the day ahead.

The RF sermon from this morning further solidified these lessons. The message was from Micah 7:1-7 and it was about trusting and waiting upon the Lord during our misery and then being expecting Him to hear and answer us. He answers us because we are His. This was a good reminder for me because the Lord has been teaching me much about trusting Him completely and waiting upon Him patiently, but I have not done a good job of being expectant of Him answering me. As I listened to this part of the sermon (and furiously took notes), my soul was overjoyed. Of course, He will answer me! How could I be so faithless?

And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. 1 John 5:14

My prayer of late is that the Lord Jesus would give me His desires. I want the desires of my heart to reflect Him – His will, plan, character and heart. When that happens – my desires match Jesus’ desires – then I can confidently ask for anything and know that it is in His will and know that I will receive what I ask for. He promises to always hear me and to always be with me and to give me everything I need and more.

Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Psalm 34:5

Strength that is not My Own

2011-10-30T22:06:00.000-04:00

These past several days have been very busy with ministry-related activities* as they seemed to have all compiled together at the end of October. The busyness was capped quite nicely, though, with Re-Connect – an event at RF where we gather together to worship Christ through songs, Scripture and testimonies of the Lord’s faithfulness in our lives. We do it every time there is a 5th Sunday and I LOVE it. I have mentioned before that the Lord is teaching me to be spent for the Gospel. I am continually learning what that looks like, but as He continues to weed things out of my life (TV*, Internet, interests/passions that don’t conform to His, etc.), it becomes a little easier to do so. After being spent these past few days for the Gospel, the Lord blessed me with Re-Connect – meeting me in worship with His presence and strengthening, renewing and refreshing my Spirit. I love the presence of the Lord. I love Him. There is no greater, more fulfilling thing than being immersed in Him.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God…For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. Psalm 84:1-2, 10

So, after being on the go for days on end, the Lord met me and quieted my soul. Instead of being exhausted, I am refreshed. So true is Isaiah 40:31: “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagle; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” As I wait (actively – in obedience) to the Lord, He gives me strength. It is His strength, not mine. I will always grow weary and faint when I try to live, serve, etc. in my own strength. But when I depend on the power of Christ instead of myself and walk in daily obedience to Him, He gives me the strength I need to accomplish the work He has for me - for it is His work, not mine, therefore, only His strength is sufficient. The fact that He gives me exactly what I need for the day at hand is further confirmation that His mercies are new every single morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

*I did manage to find a little time to watch the St. Louis Cardinals win the 2011 World Series!

Connections in the Word :: Abiding

2011-10-25T21:54:00.001-04:00

The other day, I had this verse repeating in my head:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 4

My friend Anna had posted a picture on Facebook with this verse and for some reason it stayed in my mind. As it kept running through my head, I decided to look up the verse. Even though it is in 3 John, I wound up in 2 John. All by the Lord's providence, no doubt. There is a similar verse that says, "I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father" (2 John 4). As I kept reading, the Apostle John goes on to talk about how believers should love one another and that this love involves keeping the commandments of Jesus Christ (verses 5-6). Those who love Him, obey Him (1 John 5:2). Our obedience to Christ and His commands proves that we are His. Obedience does not earn us favor with God, but it does give evidence of His grace in our lives. John says we are to abide in Christ's teaching (verse 9), which reminds me of these words from Jesus:

Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned...By this is My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be My disciples. John 15:4-6, 8

To abide means to remain, to stay, to continue. The Bible has a lot to say about Christian perseverance and endurance (Hebrews 12:1-17). There are going to be rough times - really rough times - while we are following Christ where we will want to give up. BUT we are to remain steadfast, continue in faithful obedience, push forward in the faith, cling to His promises, fight the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12)...we are to abide in Him.

The Apostle John goes on to warn against false teachers who deny Christ and do not abide in His teachings (verse 7, 9-10). He also warns us believers to "watch ourselves" (verse 8). This admonition is found elsewhere in Scripture:

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1

Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:16

Again, our lives should reflect the teachings of Christ and the only for that to happen is to abide in the teaching of Christ. First Timothy 4:16 exhorts us to watch both our lives and our doctrine. The two should match up. Of course, we will never be able to live what we believe perfectly. We will always fall short on this side of heaven, but God in His grace is continually growing us so that our lives look more and more like Christ (the only One who's life and teaching were perfectly in tune). And for believers, this is our great hope and reward.

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when [Jesus Christ] appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. 1 John 3:2

Surrounded by Darkness

2011-10-17T21:20:00.000-04:00

The Lord has reminded me several times over the past few weeks that this world is not my home…that I hope for a better country (Hebrews 11:16). And after some of the things I have seen and heard about lately, I am so glad of this truth. The world we live in is a very sad and dark place – a hopeless place if not for Christ.

I have learned about the children who are sexually abused in Central Asia. I saw people desperately trying to make themselves right with God and I met women who were selling their bodies for money (whether enslaved or not, I do not know for sure). I learned of two women (here in the States) who were sold into sex slavery – one of whom was severely beaten. These stories make me sick to my stomach and weigh heavily upon my heart. If I am burdened by such sin, how much more the heart of God? I believe that the God I serve is in control of all situations. Nothing slips by Him. The Bibles says that Jesus Christ upholds both the good and the evil by His Word (Hebrews 1:3). He is a God of redemption and can bring beauty from the worst of ashes. But when I hear stories like these, I have trouble believing that God can redeem these situations for good. What good could possibly come of such tragic circumstances? Yet I know that God’s ways are higher than mine and that He can and will use these situations for His (always) good purposes.

Such sin grieves my heart…and then I remember: I am not too far removed from such acts of wickedness. It lurks within my own heart. I am fully capable of horrific acts, but Christ makes me different. His grace has made me to differ. He is continually changing and refining me. But sin is still there. It may not manifest itself in such outwardly horrific acts as the above, but it’s there just the same. The sad thing is that this sin in my heart does not make me grieve the same way that these horrifically sinful acts do. Piper is right in saying…

…the reason such horrors exist in the physical realm and the moral realm is to display the outrage of sin. The outrage of sin against the holy God…every time we see something horrific, some horrible accident, our thoughts should be about the outrage of sin, not the injustice of God…instead of calling God into question, we should see them as evidences in our lives of the outrage of sin and the horrific evil and repugnance of sin to a holy God. And God is displaying to us the outrage of sin in the only way that we can see it, because we don’t get upset about our own sinning…And now, stand and wonder at the value of the Son of God, that His suffering could match all of those universe-crushing sins for which He died. Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, p. 232-233

So the Lord was in effect saying to me, “This world is grossly sinful…and, by the way, so are you. These are the areas of sin we need to work on…” And so the refining continues. He worked on my sin of self-sufficiency until He broke me during first 8 months of this year (not that I don’t still struggle with this) and now He has begun to deal with me regarding my sin of people-pleasing. Both of which are rooted in pride. Sigh.

Consider [Jesus] who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not resisted to the point of shedding your blood. It is for discipline that you have to endure, God is treating you as sons [and daughters]. Hebrews 12:3-4, 7a

The depravity of man that the Lord has showed me was followed by explanations from the Bible this past Sunday. Jesus is the best teacher. :) As I studied Noah with one of my Sunday School students, we read this verse:

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Genesis 6:5

Not of very good picture of us…but an accurate one. This is why we need Christ.
The sermon that morning was about the injustice of the world and the justice of God. Very fitting. Here is another picture of us in our Christless state:

None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands, no one seeks after God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are shift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery. There is no fear of God before their eyes. Romans 3:11-12, 14-16, 18

My pastor said that apart from God, we are these people. And it’s true. This is the answer to my question of how people could commit such heinous acts against others – there is not fear of God before their eyes. This is why we need Christ.

In my personal time in the Word later that afternoon, it was more of the same thing. God says that our feet “run to evil and we are swift to shed innocent blood; our thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; desolation and destruction are in our highways” (Isaiah 59:7). And what can we do? We are clearly guilty. Not one of us is without fault. “For our transgressions are multiplied before You, and are sins testify against us; for our transgressions are with us, and we know our iniquities: transgressing and denying the Lord and turning back from following our God, speaking oppression and revolt, conceiving and uttering from the heart lying words” (Isaiah 59:12-13; cf. Psalm 51:3-4). BUT there is hope! Our sin is so radical that only God can provide the remedy…and He did!

The Lord saw it and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no one to intercede; then His own arm brought Him salvation and His righteousness upheld Him. Isaiah 59:15b-16

You see, in God is perfect justice and He accomplished our salvation. “All the injustice in the world was swallowed up in Christ” (Pastor Andy). Jesus Christ became our justice (Romans 3:25-26) and He accomplished our salvation by taking upon Himself all of God’s anger toward us because of our outrageous sin.

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8, 10-12

This is very good news. This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Come and Listen…

2011-09-26T22:55:00.003-04:00

Come, let us return to the Lord; for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live before Him. Let us know; let us press on to the know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:1-3

The Lord Jesus gave this verse to one of my friends to pray for me a while back. It confirmed what I already sensed Him doing in my life – refining me and breaking me to pieces. I have no doubt that the Lord is preparing me for whatever He has in store. It will be glorious, but it will be oh so hard. This is probably the hardest year I have experienced to date. Through it the Lord has taught me much about suffering. Now, comparatively, I would say that I have suffered very little compared to others…but suffering is relative. The hardships I faced this year were none that you could really see. The Lord led me down into a deep, dark valley and left me there for 8 long, hard months – I had little direction, could not sense His presence or see Him working around me and felt isolated and alone. In fact, all I could see was my sin – my un-Christlikeness. As the months progressed, my joy waned, my strength faded, my faith wavered and hope was hard to find. I was exactly where God wanted me to be, though – desperate for His presence and power, weary with living in my own strength and willing to do whatever it took for the joy of my salvation to be restored (Psalm 51:12). And though I could not see or sense the Lord, He never left me. As I read His word, He showed me why I was going through such a difficult time. He led me into the wilderness to humble me, to test me and see what was in my heart and to teach me to live on His Word alone (Deuteronomy 8:2-3). As the Lord stripped away relationships, possessions and even ministry opportunities from my life, this is exactly what began to happen. And what’s more, this is something that I had prayed for numerous times (though this wasn’t the answer I expected!). I ran across – by the Lord’s design, no doubt – some journal entries late last fall and earlier this year where I asked the Lord to make me more like Christ, to deepen my dependence on Him, to humble me, to conform my will to His, to hide me in Himself (Colossians 3:1-3), to increase my satisfaction in Him and to take away anything that would distract me from Him. So, that's exactly what He did.

The Lord, however, is healing the wounds He afflicted upon me. He has heard my cry and is bringing me up out of this valley (Psalm 40:1-3). He has graciously restored to me the joy of my salvation and, like the Apostle Paul, I am learning the difficult lesson of contentment. Most of all, He has allowed me once again to sense His gloriously presence. :) I still feel like I am in darkness regarding the future or even the next step, but I am at peace. The Lord knows the future and He is satisfied with it...and I have become satisfied in His satisfaction.

I stumbled upon this song and I think it is very fitting:

How He Loves, part 3

2011-09-16T23:17:00.001-04:00

This is the third and final segment of my study in 1 Corinthians 13. I think that my initial premise proves true: this chapter describes love and God is love, therefore, from this chapter we can learn about the character of God. And what an amazingly good and generous and satisfying and mind-blowing God He is!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

Love bears all things

To bear something means to hold up, support, remain firm under, to be capable of, to suffer/endure/undergo, to sustain or to carry/hold. All of these meanings are true of God. God promises that He will carry us even to our old age and that He made us and will bear and carry and save us (Isaiah 46:3-4; see also 1 Corinthians 1:8). In fact, Jesus upholds the whole universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3). And while He upholds both those who do evil and do good—those who are against Him and those who are for Him—the upholding looks different for each group for “the arms of the wicked shall be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous” (Psalm 37:17). Those of us who follow Christ are commanded not to fear because Jesus will strengthen us and help us and uphold us with His “righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). He is our foundation which can never be shaken (1 Corinthians 3:11; cf. Isaiah 28:16). What’s more is that He bears us up daily. King David said, “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation” (Psalm 68:19). He is our salvation because He bore our sins in His body so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness (1 Peter 2:24; cf. Isaiah 53:12; Hebrews 9:28; 1 Peter 3:18). The Scriptures tell us that when we bear one another’s burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

Love believes all things

To believe is to have confidence in the truth and/or have conviction that something or someone is, has or will be engaged in a given action or situation. Jesus has perfect confidence in the the truth because He is truth (John 14:6) and in the future because He knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10; cf. Isaiah 41:4 & 44:1-5). He is acquainted with all our ways and knows our words even before we speak them (Psalm 139). He works in us, “both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations” (Psalm 33:11). He predestined us for adoption according to His purpose in which He works all things out according to the counsel of His will (Ephesians 1:11), so God knows those who are His and He saves them and keeps them. He also knows the ways of those who are far from Him and works through them to accomplish His purposes (i.e. Romans 9:17).

Love hopes all things

To hope is to look forward to with desire and reasonable – in God’s case, perfect - confidence. Jesus endured the gruesome death of the cross and all the shame and humiliation that accompanied it because He was looking forward to the joy set before Him (Hebrews 12:2 - see below) – furthering His glory, redeeming the nations and conquering death and the devil. The Lord desires to be with us (believers) who are His bride and knows that it will happen (Revelation 20-23), but He is patiently waiting until all of His people come to know Him (Isaiah 30:18; 1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:8-10). The Apostle John saw it in a vision and said,

“And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, as a bride adorned for her Husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And He who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new…Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true…It is done!’” (Revelation 21:2-6a).

Love endures all things

Diving into this aspect of Christ and His love was pretty exciting. God endures much for us. He endures with much patience people who are wicked (Romans 9:22). He endured much hostility from sinners as He suffered on our behalf (Hebrews 12:3). Furthermore, He “for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated on the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus endured because He knew it was necessary for Him to suffer these things in order to enter into His glory (Luke 24:26) and in order to “make many to be accounted righteous” (Isaiah 53:11).

Love never ends

God is an everlasting God (Isaiah 40:28; cf. Psalm 90:2; Isaiah 26:4; Jeremiah 10:10; Revelation 22:13) and He loves with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3; cf. Psalm 103:17; Isaiah 54:8). Love never ends because God never ends. God is Love. We have come full circle. :)

But God shows His love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

How He Loves, part 2

2011-09-06T18:46:00.000-04:00

The study in 1 Corinthians 13 continues. The great, patient love of Christ is truly amazing. The depth of His love is unsearchable and beyond our finite understanding, but these verses do give us just a glimpse of the richness of His love.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:5b-6

Love does not insist on its own way

The love between God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ is perfect. Jesus was perfectly obedient to the will of the Father. His obedience means our salvation for God requires perfect obedience to His Law. When was the last time you were perfect even by your own standards? Jesus had to obey the Law for us because we could not. He says in John 5:30 & 6:38, “I seek not My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” Jesus did not insist on His own way in order to please Himself (Romans 15:3). Jesus proves this over and over in the Gospel accounts. Right before He was about to give His life as a ransom for many, He asked the Father to remove His impending death and suffering and separation with this clause, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, 42 & 44). A little later He tells Peter who tried to rescue Him, “Do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once send Me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?” (Matthew 26:53-54). He did not insist on His own way in order to save Himself (Isaiah 53:7; 1 Peter 2:23). Jesus is the same toward us. The Apostle Peter says that Christ does not want anybody to perish (apart from His glorious presence), but desires that all would come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). He does not insist on His own way by not choosing all for salvation. His purposes are much grandeur and higher than we could ever comprehend. Jesus, instead, stands at the door and knocks and “If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to Him and eat with Him and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20).

Love is not irritable

To be irritable is to be easily irritated or annoyed; easily excited to impatience or anger. The Bible is clear that God is “slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6; cf. Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 103:8). See love is patient.

Love is not resentful

Some versions translate this part of the verse as “does not keep a record of wrongs.” If you think about it, it is an amazing thing that God does not hold our sins against those of us who are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:19) because we have seriously offended Him (Romans 3:23; cf. Isaiah 30:1-5, 9-11). We have rejected Him even though He is our Creator and Sustainer and instead make either gods out of ourselves or out of other things (Romans 1:18-3:20). The Apostle Paul said that God, in His divine forbearance, “passed over our former sins” (Romans 3:25) so that He might display His righteousness at the present time through Christ (Romans 3:26). While we were still sinners Christ Jesus died for us (Romans 5:8) thereby canceling the record of sin debt that was against us by nailing it to His cross (Colossians 2:14). The atoning sacrifice of Christ puts our sin far from Him and us (Psalm 103:12; Isaiah 38:17; Micah 7:19). The fact that our sins are cancelled in Christ means that God remembers them no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34). In fact, there is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). King David put is this way, “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count sin” (Romans 4:6; cf. Psalm 32:1-2).

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing

All wrongdoing is sin (1 John 5:17) and all sin is lawlessness (1 John 3:4). Those who do not follow Christ take pleasure in wrongdoing (Romans 1:32; 2 Thessalonians 2:12) and will receive God’s judgment (Matthew 7:23). The same used to be true of us who are now in Christ before the Holy Spirit convicted us of our sin (John 16:8-11) and brought us to repentance (1 John 1:9). The Lord does not delight in wickedness (Psalm 5:4; cf. Malachi 2:17) nor does He take pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23, 32, 33:11; “for the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23). Rather, He delights in displaying His steadfast love (Micah 7:18) so in order to display His great love and perfect justice, He sent “His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin…in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:3-4). Jesus came to take away the sin of the world (John 1:29) and to redeem us from all lawlessness (Titus 2:14) so that He could rejoice over us (Zephaniah 3:17). :)

Love rejoices with the truth

God Himself is Truth (Isaiah 65:16) and He is completely satisfied in Himself. There is much rejoicing in the Godhead where perfect unity, love and truth abound. Jesus rejoiced “in the Holy Spirit and said, ‘I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children.” (Luke 10:21). The Lord takes great delight in the truth. In fact, He searches for those who act in accordance with the truth (Jeremiah 5:3). The Scriptures tell us that God’s Word is Truth (2 Samuel 7:28; Psalm 119:160; John 17:17) and that the Gospel is Truth (Ephesians 1:13; Colossians 1:5; cf. 2 Corinthians 4:4). Jesus is the Word of God and is Truth (John 1:1, 14, 17, 18:37; Ephesians 4:21; Revelation 19:11, 13). Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6). The Holy Spirit is called the Spirit of Truth because He testifies to the truth (John 14:17, 16:13; 1 John 5:6). “But when the Helper comes, whom I will sent to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, He will bear witness about Me” (John 15:26). God is both love and truth and Christ came so that we might know the truth and be set free (John 8:32).

How He Loves, part 1

2011-08-25T18:58:00.001-04:00

This post has been a long time coming. Earlier this year, you may recall, I studied 1 Corinthians 13 (the “Love Chapter”) and promised to post about it. This chapter describes what love is. Now in our culture, the word “love” has many different meanings – from the ridiculous to the sincere. We say we love a certain hobby. We love food. We love our favorite sports team. We love our pets. We love our family. I am just as guilty of using this word in such a manner. The biblical idea of love, however, does not coincide with the many meanings we give it. In the Bible, love is steadfast (Psalm 25:6 & 57:10), faithful (2 Timothy 2:13), everlasting (Psalm 103: 17; Isaiah 54:8; Lamentations 3:22), unconditional (Romans 8:35-39) and radical (John 3:16; Ephesians 5:2; 1 John 3:1, 4:10). First John 4:8-9 & 16 tells us that love comes from God and, in fact, God is love. So as I studied through 1 Corinthians 13 verse by verse, my assumption was this: if God is love and if the characteristics in this chapter describe love, then these things must be true of God. The logical conclusion of: if A = B and B = C, then A = C. This post and the ones that follow are the results of my study.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5a

Love is patient

The fact that we are all still here and not consumed by God’s holiness and wrath, proves that God is patient. None of us deserve to be here because we have all rebelled against our Creator – the very One we owe our lives to. BUT God is patient, so we are not consumed. He puts up with our sinfulness (1 Peter 3:20; Romans 9:22) so that He may reveal the “immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness to us who believe” (Ephesians 2:7). Jesus Christ longs for us to know Him and give Him glory and He longs to be gracious to us (Isaiah 30:18). The Apostle Peter says that the Lord is not slow in fulfilling His promises but is patient toward us because He does not want any of us to perish without repenting (2 Peter 3:9; also cf. 1 Timothy 1:16). We should count God’s patience as salvation (2 Peter 3:15; also cf. Romans 2:4).

Love is kind

This characteristic coincides with the previous. The Lord Jesus is incredibly kind in that He is patient toward us and chooses to save us (because He doesn’t have to; see Romans 11:22). BUT He goes beyond just not giving us what were deserve (showing us mercy) by giving us what we do not deserve (showing us grace). The Apostle Paul put it this way, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but because of His own mercy” (Titus 3:4-5). So, one way we see God’s kindness is by His forgiving us through Christ (Ephesians 4:32). He saves us from death and gives us eternal life…with Him (1 John 3:2)! God’s kindness is more than just doing us a favor, it is giving us all we will ever need in Christ (see Ephesians 2:7 quoted above). Again, God’s kindness is meant to lead us to salvation (Romans 2:4)

Love does not envy

According to the dictionary, envy means “to feel discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages; to be resentful or unhappy because someone else possesses what one wishes oneself to possess.” Now, this could never be true of God because if it was, it would mean He is lacking something. God, however, is an all-sufficient being. He needs nothing. The Apostle Paul says that “The God who made the whole world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:24-25). God is perfectly content because He is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Since He is perfect, He wants to give us the best thing possible – Himself. His giving of Himself means our salvation (see Exodus 6:7).

Love does not boast

To boast is to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride about oneself. This characteristic was probably the most difficult to fit into the logical equation above because if God is perfect (and He is), then is it even possible for Him to exaggerate? Everything that is good and right and true finds its perfection in Him. All of His attributes are perfect, so it is impossible to speak with exaggeration about them. Nevertheless, the Bible tells us that Christ is humble, meek and gentle (2 Corinthians 10:1), which is the opposite of boasting. He does not force Himself on us or constantly display His power and greatness in miraculous ways. He instead pursues us gently and speaks quietly to our hearts (Matthew 11:28-29). Instead of requiring us to make a way to Him, He made the way for us by leaving His throne in Heaven and becoming a man (Philippians 2:5-8) so that He might secure our salvation through His life, death and resurrection (Galatians 4:4-5).

Love is not arrogant

Like boasting, arrogance is having an exaggerated opinion of one’s self or abilities. The same argument from above applies. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, so that you by His poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9; cf. Romans 15:3, Philippians 2:5-8). For “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for man” (Matthew 20:28), thereby accomplishing our salvation.

Love is not rude

To be rude is to be impolite, rough in nature/behavior/manners, harsh, ungentle, and violent. It is the opposite of kind. The Lord Jesus is most definitely not rude. I already mentioned how He gently pursues us. He Himself testified to His gentleness when He said, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). King David says that God’s gentleness makes us great because He gives us the shield of His salvation to rescue us from danger and protect us from the enemy (2 Samuel 22:36; Psalm 18:35). Through Him we are victorious over sin, death and anything that life may through against us (Romans 8:31-37). His gentleness, therefore, contributes to our salvation.

Side note: Love, patience and kindness are all fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that He works in believers to show that they belong to Christ and to point others toward Christ.

Country Apples in The Big Apple

2011-08-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

In Times Square

New Happenings

2011-08-06T16:40:00.000-04:00

My sister and I have moved into our new place. The Lord was ever-so gracious to provide helping hands, rain-free weather, spacious vehicles and apartment furnishings. We are still settling in and unpacking, but it’s starting to look and feel more like “home”. We are incredibly thankful for the Lord’s provision. I am especially living up my short commutes to work. ;)

Call us crazy, but my sister and I have decided to do without Internet. It’s not that we can’t afford it, but that we don’t want to afford it. It will definitely mean making some adjustments (less dependence on email & more dependence on cell phones). Plus, Southern is less than 2 miles away where we have free access to Wi-Fi. :) This will help us both to not waste time and only do what we need to do when online, which I think is a good thing.

Switching gears: After much wonder about what I should be doing to advance the Gospel (besides my involvement with Scarlet Hope), the Lord has opened up several other ministry doors. He has recently pressed upon my heart the idea of being spent for the Gospel (2 Corinthians 12:15). I mean, when it comes down to it, what else really matters? He repeatedly brought this verse to my mind over a span of a few weeks or so before sending ministry opportunities my way. First, the need arose at Rolling Fields for a new children’s Sunday School teacher. After talking to the Lord and to other leaders in the church, I sensed it was something He wanted me to do (though I feel quite inept). I am going to story (chronologically) with them through the Gospels…and I am pretty excited about it. Tomorrow is my first day and we are going to learn about Jesus’ genealogy. There is a fun song by Andrew Peterson that gives the genealogical account of Jesus found in Matthew (in perfect rhyme). I am workin’ on memorizing it.

Second, I learned of a Chinese Bible Study that happens on Friday nights near the U of L campus. I have been twice and met a lot of great people. I admit that I am a little out of place :), but I am trusting that the Lord will guide in this. I met a fresh-to-the-States Chinese student last evening. She said that I was her first American friend. :)

Finally, I heard about a homeless ministry called Exit 0 from both Rolling Fields and my sister’s church. Both churches are looking to partner with this ministry in some shape or form. I am pretty excited about it. My sister says they serve meals on Monday and that her church is going to help. Sign me up.

I am so excited about what the Lord is doing. It is the first I have been able to sense Him leading me in any kind of direction in a long while. It has made me realize how much I took His leading and presence for granted. These too are part of His perfect gifts (James 1:17).

Next weekend, (Lord willing) Kristi and I are going to New York!

A Strange Gift

2011-07-31T21:38:00.000-04:00

I wrote this poem earlier this month as a response/summary of the first half of 2011. I am a "freestyle" poet - meaning, I don't follow any rules (not that I even know them). :) My sister informed me that it didn't follow a pentameter, which is the number of syllables per line, so I took up the challenge to correct it. I finally finished this evening. I think I prefer freestyle. :)

Disappointments and bad news

Closed door upon closed door

The silence makes me wonder

What this waiting is for

Day and night I cry to You

Tears are my food to eat

By God's grace I press forward

When I want to retreat

The Lord shuts out my prayers

He has darkened my mind

The pain is overwhelming

Yet I know He's still kind

I look around to see Him

He is hidden from my sight

He bids me to trust in Him

When He takes away the light

I read Job with streams of tears

His words are now my song

With the Psalmist I cry out,

"O Lord Jesus, how long?"

His goodness - beyond measure

His ways, who understands?

He works all things together

According to His plan

Loneliness is His present

And trials are His gift

Yet I know He is sov'reign

When Sat'n has me to sift

This Valley's not forev'r

As His Word has foretold

When His refining work ends,

I shall come out like gold

Jesus will show me the path

One He Himself has trod

"'This is the way walk in it'

And keep your eyes on God"

Soon He will hear my prayer

And bring springs from the sand

As I walk through this desert

Into the Promised Land

The weight of glory shall come

After all this is through

I know that this suffering

Leads me closer to You

Troubles last for a moment

But what reward they bring!

My eyes shall behold my God

And sin shall lose its sting!

Sitting Solo in the Stillness

2011-07-27T00:39:00.000-04:00

I have started sitting outside at night in order to practice the discipline of being still before the Lord. I love the night symphony of birds and crickets as well as the steady flashes of lightening bugs. It is a different kind of silence. There is something about sitting under the open starry sky that helps me clear my thoughts in order to focus on the Lord and listen for His voice. I don't want to miss what He may have to say to me because I am too busy or self-focused or distracted or what-have-you.

I have mentioned that my sister and I are moving soon. I don't think I have ever been so excited about moving. :) It has been awesome (and fun) to watch the Lord provide furnishings for our new apartment before we even get there - a second bed, a love seat, a futon, floor lamps... My sister and I had only a bed to our name - which makes for a rather empty apartment - but now we have the whole place almost completely furnished!

Summer Movie Review: The Soloist - 4.5 out of 5 stars

I have wanted to see this movie since I saw it at the rental store in Fredericktown last summer/fall, and my sister and I finally took the time to watch it a few weeks ago. It did not disappoint. The movie is based on a true story about a journalist (Robert Downey, Jr.) who discovers a homeless man (Jamie Foxx) with incredible musical talent. Downey thinks he has found the perfect story to cure his writer's block and, in the process, finds out that there is more to this man than meets the eye. This is one of those movies where the plot slowly develops, which I like because, most of the time, I like to watch things unfold (both in movies and in real life). The story line and acting are both really good and the writers do a great job of keeping the story on track (without adding unnecessary details). Plus, it had good music. Now, you may be wondering, why not give this movie a full 5 stars? Well, let me just tell you. :) The movie had this weird color scene (like watching visualizations on a media player) that seemed to go on and on, which leaves the viewer wondering, "Why is this happening?" But, on the bright side, it's like a built in bathroom break. :)

The Past Weeks (and a Movie) in Review

2011-07-19T20:42:00.000-04:00

It is currently pouring down rain outside. I love it. :) I just stood outside the door, letting the rain splash onto me as it hit the ground.

There have been a few changes during the last few weeks. My roommate got married and moved out and my sister moved in. Boxes are the decor as of late. In a little less than two weeks, Kristi and I are moving to a new apartment across town. It's closer to work, school, ministry and church. A blessing from the Lord. He laid upon my heart earlier this year to move out of the basement I live in and it's finally about to come to fruition. What's really exciting is that our new apartment has an oven! I told Kristi that I am going to celebrate by baking. :)
This will be the fifth time I have moved in the last year (!). I have become quite the expert in packing. Although, I am not holding my breath as to how long I'll be at this next place. :)

At work, I have been flying solo. My boss has been out of town on a well-deserved vacation (her first one in 20 years!). It can be overwhelming at times, but the Lord is gracious and has provided me with the needed strength and endurance. During my early years of college, I thought I wanted to own a small business. The Lord has graciously given me a taste of it...and I don't think its for me. :)

Summer Movie Review: Secretariat - 5 out of 5 stars

It's been a long while since my last movie review. As you can tell, I am not that much of a movie watcher. There just seems to be so many other worthwhile things to do. :) I had heard rave reviews about the movie Secretariat, so I finally watched it with my friend Melissa. It did not disappoint. It is based on a true story, which automatically makes it more interesting. Plus, it is about a horse. I have always liked horses. When I was younger, I hung pictures of them on my wall and I asked my parents, on multiple occasions, if we could have one (despite the fact we didn't have anywhere to keep one). I have said multiple times that if God had called me to stay in the States, I would want to live on a ranch. Anyway, the movie was great. The plot, acting and camera-work were all superb. Plus, it began and ended by quoting from the book of Job, which is fitting because the accomplishments of Secretariat are an amazing testament of God's creative work and power. If this movie is not on your to-watch-list, it should be. :)

Do you give the horse his might?

Do you clothe his neck with a mane?

Do you make him leap like the locust?

His majestic snorting is terrifying.

He paws in the valley and exults in his strength;

he goes out to meet the weapons.

He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;

he does not turn back from the sword. Job 39:19-22

Testing...1, 2, 3

2011-07-10T20:20:00.004-04:00

This day last year I was just returning from South Asia. I can't believe its been a year. How different my life seems now compared to then. I miss the people and the ministry there greatly.

If last year could be considered my spiritual high, then this year would be my spiritual low. Disappointments, bad news, closed doors and silence from the Lord have been the marks of 2011 so far. Exactly the opposite of 2010. It is the silence that makes it all almost unbearable. The Lord has hidden His working from me so that I cannot perceive it and He has been utterly silent to my cries for guidance. I ask for light, but I am kept in the dark. I know and believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is still in control and that He is still working, which is the truth to which I cling.

Even though the Lord has seemed to shut out my prayers, I know that He hears me. He continues to tell me to wait, to be still and to trust Him. Through His Word, He directs me to passages that exhort me to these things and that tell me why I am going through this wilderness. Deuteronomy 8 is one such passage. In it, God explains to the Israelites why He sent them into the desert wilderness for 40 years. It was in order to humble them, to test them to reveal what was in their hearts and to teach them to feed on and treasure God's Word above all else. The Lord did this to prepare them for the Promised Land. Likewise, I know that this is a time of preparation in my life - preparing me for whatever the Lord Jesus has in store. Pray that I will be found faithful.

Sometimes I want to escape or quit or beg for this season to end, but James 1 reminds me of the joy that awaits trials like these: Christlikeness. I am to count it all joy for God is working in me the image of His Son...and to do that takes a lot of (painful) work as He chisels out more and more of me to reveal more and more of Christ. Also, I noticed for the first time in James 1 the little word let.

And let steadfastness/patience have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:4

The trials themselves are a gift from God that makes us more like His Son. We have to work with Him, though. We have to let the testing of our faith produce steadfastness and we have to let steadfastness have its complete effect. The full effect is that we become more holy like the Savior we serve. We can hinder this, however, when we don't embrace the trials as the gifts from God that they really are.

One of my biggest discoveries this year is that when we ask for more of Christ in and through our lives (and if you know Him and follow Him, you should be asking for this), we are actually asking for our faith to be tested and refined. The psalmists repeatedly cry out for the Lord to test their faith, to search their hearts and to prove their ways (i.e. Psalm 139:23). Until this year, I never realized that they were opening themselves up to God's refining work, to trials and hardships and whatever else God needed to do in and through them to make them more like Himself. We must remember the words of Jesus, "A servant is not above his Master" (Matthew 10:24). The Lord Jesus waited 30 years for God's timing to start His public ministry. He was rejected by many, mocked, betrayed, murdered...should we expect any less? We are not alone in these sufferings, though. Jesus promises to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). We are to follow His example to be sure - looking unto the joy of the Reward set before us and forgetting all this is behind - but we do not do it alone. Jesus is with us. He strengthens and sustains us. And He is the Reward.

Looking unto Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

We are not, however, the only ones who wait. The Lord Himself waits to show us grace. He knows the perfect way to achieve His purpose of sanctification in us. Through these light momentary afflictions, He is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18

Lean on Me

2011-06-29T21:05:00.000-04:00

Many people in my life seem to be just passing through. Sometimes this can be very disheartening - especially since I don't like good-byes. But I guess it is the same the other way around: I am just passing through the lives of others. These transitional relationships are a good reminder that this world is not my true home. I belong to another Kingdom and Country (for which I deeply long).

The Lord continues to weed people and things from my life, which He has done since the year began. Circumstances and distance seem to constantly change relationships or end them. About a month ago, my Chinese friend Andrea moved to the Northeast. I met her almost a year and a half ago and we hung out almost every week. We never did anything too exciting, just hung out and chatted - but our conversations were always an adventure. I never knew what topic of interest Andrea was going to throw my way. She always kept me on my toes. :) Andrea is not a believer, but I pray she will become one. The Lord Jesus always gave me an opportunity to testify to His goodness in some shape or form when we were together. I believe He is working mightily in her life, drawing her to Himself.

I miss this girl!

I recently won a trip to New York (!), so I hope to be able to meet up with her while I am there. Maybe we can go to Chinatown!

One of Andrea's parting gifts to me

With the friendships the Lord has left me, He is teaching me to go deeper. Opening up to people is not something that comes very easily to me, so this has been a rather long and difficult lesson...but it is a sweet one. The Lord has blessed me with several godly female friends (besides my sister) that have become very dear to me. I hope I bless them the way they have blessed me (Proverbs 27:17). God uses them a lot to speak truth and encouragement into my life - something I have really needed these past few months. Learning to lean on others seems to be another way the Lord is breaking my independent and self-reliant spirit.

Lessons from the Lord: patience; being still before Him; trust; endurance; dependence on Him & others

The Hidden Smile of God

2011-06-24T11:36:00.000-04:00

I stole the title of this post from the title of one of John Piper’s books. It is something I have been thinking a lot about lately, as the Lord has hidden His favor and workings from me in such a way that I cannot perceive them…or Him. Yet I know that He is working. Even during this time of pain and silence, He is deepening my belief in His absolute sovereignty and goodness. All things are from His hand - both the good and the bad - and He wants me to use these gifts to make much of Him. These are such deep and rich and sweet theological truths and I know they will prepare me for whatever He has in store for me.

God moves in a mysterious way;

His wonders to perform

He plants His footsteps in the sea

and rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds you so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

and He will make it plain.

"God Moves in a Mysterious Way" by William Cowper

This weekend, Kristi and I came home to Missouri for our dentist appointments. It turns out, however, that I had the weekends wrong in my head. Our dentist appointments were actually scheduled for next week, not this one. I was so sure that they were on the 23rd that I never even looked at the appointment card that was in my purse. We were on our way to Fredericktown when we figured all this out, so we continued Missouri-bound in faith that we would both still get our teeth cleaned. And we did. Our gracious hygienist worked a little over time in order to work us both in. I am always amazed at the amount of favor that the the Lord gives us with people. The appointment was one of my more painful ones and I received another poor report on my gums. No matter how faithful I am to my teeth and gums, it seems to no avail. I am discouraged.

How long, O Lord?

An Ode to My Dad

2011-06-19T18:16:00.002-04:00

Today is Father's Day and Thursday is my dad's birthday. The older I get, the more I realize the impact my dad has had on my life. These past few weeks, knowing that these two ways to honor my dad were approaching, I have been reflecting on the reasons why I am thankful for my dad. We may not see eye-to-eye on everything, but I really do appreciate him and this is my way to publicly show that.

My sister and I created an "Ode to Dad" video a few weeks ago to give to him as a gift. It contains about 45 minutes of ridiculousness as we recounted stories, jokes and quotes from our dad (though she is editing it down to about 15 minutes). We are definitely our father's daughters. :) Dad says the Hovises have quick wit. It's true. My dad almost always has a comment or remark that's perfect for the moment and leaves everyone in stitches. He's definitely the life of the party at our family gatherings.

He's the one in the middle, about to fall over. :)

Dad has taught me many things for which I am thankful. I sometimes call him the eternal teacher because he is constantly giving a lesson on something. He taught me how to drive, how to fish, how to change my oil (though he doesn't allow me to do it) and to be sort of a germ-a-phobe in the kitchen. He would not allow wet rags to lie around the kitchen. When we finished dishes, the rags went into the dirty laundry. He also wouldn't allow dirty dishes to stack up in the sink and he hated when they were left overnight. I am the same way. I like the dishes washed and the sink empty. He also taught me the importance of cooking (and so did my mom). Dad has very clear-cut roles/chores for men and women. When I was a teenager, he would tell me that I needed to learn how to cook because "a man wants a wife who can cook." Well, I don't know about that, but cooking has saved me a lot of money in not having to eat out. :) Most importantly, Dad laid the foundation for me and my sister in coming to know Christ. He taught us from an early age about the existence of God and about the revelation of Jesus Christ. I was always amazed (and still am) at his knowledge of the Bible.

What I have really come to appreciate my dad, is the way he loves and cares for my mom. Next month, they will have been married for 35 years. For most of those years, my mom has had ill health. I had never really thought about how my mom's health affected him until my friend Matt asked me how he was taking it. My dad has supported and cared for her through it all. He bears the burden with her without complaint. I think that is awesome and I highly respect him for it.

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you," Dad (Philippians 1:3).

A Change in Wardrobe & A Change Within

2011-06-11T20:45:00.001-04:00

It’s hot. I am saying this as a statement of fact, not complaint. I’d rather be hot than cold, and all I have to do is remember the harsh winter we had and I am thankful for these hot summer days. I am actually sitting outside now as I type this blog, listening to the songs of the evening birds and the hum of the central air unit. :)

Because of the heat and because the air conditioner in my car isn’t currently working, I have been sporting more dresses these days. I am definitely more of a jeans and Doc Martins kind of gal, but this weather calls for lighter material. Plus, it makes me get outside of my comfort zone. :) This increase in wearing dresses created a need for a pair of dress shoes as the shoes I have are a little too casual. I am not the type that has a fetish with shoes and cannot even remember the last time I bought a new pair, but I stumbled across some that were on clearance when I took Kristi to Kohl’s. As a result, I discovered the difference between $10-$15 shoes (which is what I would normally buy) and $50 shoes (which I would never buy): comfort. You get what you pay for, I guess.

I have been thinking and praying about my future a lot lately. I feel like I know less now about God wants me to do than I did six months ago when I graduated from Southern. I know that I am to serve the Lord overseas, but I have no idea what that looks like. What organization do I go with? What country and people group will I serve? What will my ministry look like? These are the questions the Lord has yet to answer. Six months ago, I thought I had a better idea, but the Lord has been changing my desires (or at least awakening previous ones) and it has given me much to think about. Sometimes I feel like my ambitions and desires are so varied that I wonder how they can be in the same person. Part of me wants to work with an unengaged people group in a remote village – venturing into the unknown to share the love of Christ with those who have never even heard His name. While another part of me wants to work with underprivileged women and/or trafficked victims in the urban slums. And there is the part of me that simply desires to be a wife and mother tending the home (though still serving Christ overseas). Not that all these things are mutually exclusive because I know awesome women who do at least two of the three…but they do seem rather conflicting at the present. Sanctify these desires, Lord.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

My boss and I have worked it out so that I can have an extra day off per week. I had been working six days a week and it was catching up with me. It is amazing what an extra day off can make! Plus, it allows me to run errands and such, which I didn’t have time for before. This week I had packages to mail. I told Kristi, who accompanied me to the post office, that it was my Acts 1:8 mailing as I was sending a package here locally, another one to Alabama and a third one to the other side of the world. :) We caused a scene as usual. The post office is like going to the library or DMV - nobody says a word and everyone looks straight in front of them. Of course, Kristi and I broke the silence upon entrance as we were laughing and carrying on about something. Our laughter and banter continued as we stood in line (though we did try to keep it to a low level). The gentleman behind us starting laughing at/with us and began talking to the lady behind him (about us). Then, before we knew it, the atmosphere had relaxed and there was a low murmur in the place. Another job well done by the Hovis girls. :)

Unknown Food

2011-06-03T00:20:00.000-04:00

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about resting in Him and being satisfied in Him alone. When Jesus walked this earth, He was always about His Father's business. He never missed an opportunity to testify to the grace of God. One such experience was with a woman who was a social outcast because of her messy past (which included 5 failed marriages). His disciples had went to buy food at the time, so Jesus was left alone at a well in the middle of town. This woman came to the well to draw water and encountered Jesus. He told her about the Living Water that He alone can give. By the end of their conversation, the woman realized that Jesus offered her the hope and forgiveness for which she longed and that He had the power to redeem her past and use it for a glorious purpose. When the disciples came back, they tried to get Jesus to eat the lunch they bought...

But He said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples said to one another, “Has anyone brought Him something to eat?” Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work." John 4:32-34

By God's grace, I am learning the power of this truth. On two different occasions, I had skipped dinner for one reason or another and the Lord has allowed me to proclaim the Gospel of His Grace, which left me completely full and satisfied. Who needs food when one partakes of the Food? This evening I went out to minister in a club (on a empty stomach). While I am was there, my sisters-in-Christ and I had the opportunity to share the hope and peace of Jesus Christ with a dancer. Her eyes welled with tears as we proclaimed the Truth to her. I embraced her (as I hate to see anyone cry) and told her that she was a beautiful creation of God and that He had a purpose for her. So there I was in the middle of a club with a crying dancer in my arms...and I knew I was exactly where God wanted to be. I wasn't hungry anymore.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Psalm 34:8 (cf. 1 Peter 2:3)

I have tasted, I have seen and I am satisfied.

Choose Your Master

2011-05-29T15:30:00.000-04:00

I have started a study in Isaiah using the online ESV Bible so that I can run references on each verse and studying the footnotes more thoroughly. For some reason, the website hasn't been working properly so I have had to put this study temporarily on hold and read without running references for now. This morning, as I was journaling and praying, the Lord led me to read some specific Scriptures about surrender, waiting on Him, His sufficiency and strength, the gift of His various callings and finding my contentment alone in Him (Isaiah 40:28-31, Lamentations 3, Psalm 73, 1 Corinthians 7, 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, 1 John 3:2, among others). I also reflected upon the fact that I am no longer my own. I have a friend who is reading a book called Slave by John McArthur. I don't know much about the book, but the title has really got me thinkin' about Christ's ownership of me. I have been bought with a price - the very high price of Christ's blood. I gave my life to Him a little over ten years ago and in so doing, I gave up my own will for His.

Once again, the Lord used this morning's service at RF to reinforce and confirm my time with Him this morning. Even the songs we sung were in line with the Scriptures I had just read hours before: "Your Grace is Enough" (2 Corinthians 12:8-10), "Strength Will Rise" (Isaiah 40:28-31), "Better is One Day in Your Courts" (Psalm 73) and "I Surrender All." The sermon was about being partners in the Gospel from Philippians 2:19-30. One of the points that Pastor Phil made was that we are slaves to the Gospel of Christ. As humans, especially American humans, we balk at the idea of being slaves to anyone or anything. The Bible is clear, however, that we have no choice. None of us are really free. We are slaves to something: either sin that leads to death or of righteousness that leads to life (Romans 16:16-23; also John 8:34). We either belong to Christ or to Satan and the world. There is no neutral ground. Jesus came to free us from the bondage we are under to sin. Like I said, He paid the highest price and as a result we, who call ourselves Christians, belong to Him. This is nothing short of a radical and total surrendering of our own desires, plans and will to follow Christ wherever He may lead us. So the question is, how is your Master?

And He said, "This is why I told you that no one can come to Me unless it is granted to him by the Father." After this many of His disciples turned back and no longer walked with Him. So Jesus said to the Twelve [disciples], "Do you want to go away as well?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord [a.k.a. Master], to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:66-69

I truly do want all that Christ wants for me. The scary thing, though, is the fact that I don't even and can't even comprehend the depths of all that desire means. All that Christ wants for me includes His refining work, suffering and trials that will make me more like Him in every way along with His very precious promises and presence. There is no doubt that all these things are good and are gifts, but they are not always pleasant or even desirable. As I wait - not always so patiently - for God to lead me to where He wants me, I am learning (Philippians 4:11) to be content. Content in the mundane. Content in Louisville. Content in my singleness. Content in waiting. Content in simply knowing Christ for He is all I need. This period of waiting is not a passive, twiddling-my-thumbs kind of waiting, but an active one - trusting and obeying Christ on a daily basis, living as I am called (1 Corinthians 7:17) and constantly being about the Father's business. Like Moses, enduring whatever comes my way because Christ is more worthy than anything that this world could offer (Hebrews 11:26).

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26

Maybe the Tides are Turning...or Turning More Liberal

2011-05-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

I heard on WAY-FM that marriages are more stable and divorce is less common than in the 1980s. Over 70% of the people who got married in 1990 are still together. Even though less people are getting married today, the ones that do are sticking together. I find this very encouraging. Maybe the tides are turning. :) Divorce is a devastating and horrendous (and, most of the time, needless) reality in our culture. When one looks at the ultimate reason God designed marriage - a visual representation of the relationship between Christ and His church (i.e. the Gospel; Ephesians 5) - then the travesty of divorce is all the greater. Since I work in the wedding industry, I see the very beginning of marriages as I work with excited and hopeful couples. Rarely do I get the chance to see anything past the wedding invitation. We have had, however, a few customers come in recently to buy invitations to celebrate fifty years or more in marriage. I think that is awesome. I get excited when I meet people who have been married for a long time. With the divorce, lack of commitment & responsibility and the exchange of love for lust that so permeates our culture, to meet a couple that has been married for over ten years is a rarity and privilege. My own parents will be celebrating their 35th anniversary this July. :)

On the same radio program, the DJ's were talking about the increase in women proposing to men.. Sign of the liberal times, I guess. Apparently, women get sick of waiting, so they pop the question to their man. There is something very disturbing and upside-down about this shift in our culture and points to the passivity in many men in our society. Sort of along the same lines, I have noticed a rising trend in women not taking their husbands' surnames in marriage. Here are some reasons I have heard for it: fear of losing her "identity" (whatever that means); afraid people won't know her in the professional world with a new last name; and a the desire (though not verbally expressed, but implied) to go against tradition. Several married women have come into Papers Unique lately to order stationery with their monogram or name on it announcing to me that they have either kept their previous last name or hyphenated their new last name with their old. They then want to know how their name and/or monogram should appear on their stationery. My answer (well, at least in my head): take your husband's last name and the world would be a simpler, happier place. :)

I was talking to a friend once about relationships, marriage and divorce. This friend does not trust men in general and believes that a woman must be self-sufficient so as not to be dependent on her husband. She broke my heart as she told me she didn't plan on being married to the same man for the rest of her life. I explained to her God's design for marriage (along with the Gospel of Christ), the relational roles of the husband and wife and how ultimately our trust must be in God who sovereignly orchestrates all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). It was a difficult conversation, to say the least, but the Lord has graciously given her a heart to learn more of what the Bible says on the matter. She is not a believer, but she has come to see that God's design for marriage is good and right and that Jesus makes the difference in relationships. Pray with me that she will also see that Jesus is the one who will make the difference in her life and that she will realize her need for Him.

Summer Movie Review: Country Strong - 2 out of 5 stars

Now that my sister is out of school and summer is practically here, we can now hang out and do fun things...like catch up on movies we haven't seen. I have created my first movie list, which consists of about 10 movies (some newly produced and some older). Country Strong wasn't actually on my list, but it looked interesting and the title was appealing. I mean, the Hovis girls are country strong, right??? ;) This movie was not what I expected. It was terribly depressing. There was no conflict resolution, a lot of sex and a horrid ending. The fact that adultery was in it automatically prevents it from having more than 3 stars. Kristi and I decided to give it 2 stars because the music was good (we appreciate good and genuine country music) and the acting was superb. As depressing at it was, the plot could have been taken out of real life (but don't we watch movies to escape real life?). Throughout the movie, the main character was referred to as "a strong woman," "tough as nails," etc. This woman had fame, riches, honor and everything this world could buy, but she had no hope and no peace and her life reflected it. She needed Christ. The movie is a perfect picture of what happens when we try to live life in our strength - our strength runs out and we fail. I ran across this verse after watching the movie in my study in Isaiah:

And the strong shall become tinder, and his work a spark, and both of them shall burn together, with none to quench them. Isaiah 1:31

Surrendering the Results

2011-05-22T21:22:00.000-04:00

Today was another glorious Sunday of relaxation, cleaning (well, until the vacuum cleaner died!) and enjoying the weather. I went on a long walk in the subdivisions by where I live. I was on the phone so I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and, before I knew it, I was by the highway. I had quite the trek back. :)

The Lord continues to amaze me in how He sovereignly coordinates my study in His Word with the sermons I hear and the books I read. He pressed upon my heart to study the book of Hebrews and then 1 & 2 Peter (which I finished today). All three have to do with perseverance in the faith - something I have much need of these days as I wait for the Lord to give me clear direction regarding the future. Verses from these books seem to pop up everywhere I turn - like in the sermon from RF this morning. The sermon was based out of Philippians 2:12-13 and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I was reminded yet again that the results of living in obedience to Christ are not up to me, but up to God. I am not responsible for the how things turn out when I step out in faith as God leads or sow seeds in ministry. I am simply to trust, obey and follow His leading. And even though I can't see it, God is working in the mundane, every day things of life. Most importantly - and this fills me with hope - is that He is making me more like Christ in every way. The process may not be fun and I might not see the results immediately, but this is God's promise and plan (Philippians 1:6) and it will be accomplished. :)

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. Phillipians 2:12-13

Side note: My quest for a journal is over. I bought the leather one at Borders today. :)

Coming Up Empty

2011-05-21T23:32:00.000-04:00

I am on the search for a new journal. I only have a couple pages left in my current one. I have had it since 2007 and over half of it contains my thoughts since last September. Finding a suitable journal is more difficult than I remember. Someone asked me once if I was a journal snob. I said no, but apparently I am. I have went to both LifeWay and Borders and come up empty. I have one more store to check to see if I can find one similar to the one I already have: small, brown and contains a Bible verse on each page. I thought for sure I would find one at LifeWay, I mean aren't they the one-stop-shop for all things devotional? :) While I was there, the very nice cashier pointed me to the Moleskin journals, which "are very popular"...they are also very pricey. He then took me to a different area to view the rest of the journal selection. They were all hard back, bulky and very ornate and frilly. No sale. I just want a journal that doesn't scream, "I'm a journal!" I mean this is something I will be writing in for a few years (unless I keep up the current rate of journaling!). I then proceeded to Borders thinking they would have a nice selection to choose from. Plus, they sent me a 50% off coupon. :) Their selection was better, but not by much. They had the same bulky, flashy ones that I passed over at LifeWay, but they did have a few small, simple, genuine (thanks to Dr. Schreiner for help pronouncing this word!) leather journals that were right up my alley. I will probably wind up getting one of these, but there is a Christian bookstore on the Indiana-side of the river that I want to check first.

I am also on the search for pepper spray to buy for my friend who worries about her safety. I looked at Walmart while getting groceries today, but to no avail. Where would they even keep something like that? My sister and I tried using logic (which never works in Walmart): with the repellents? No. By the guns? (It's like a weapon, right?) No. An associate informed us that they don't carry it anymore. What's that all about? Our next stop was Walgreens. The place that prides itself on having everything you need. Everything, that is, except pepper spray. We weren't sure where to look. The family planning aisle, maybe? :) Nope. They told me to check Autozone. Yeah because that is the first thing I think of when I think of Autozone...but we'll see...

Wide Open Spaces

2011-05-15T15:50:00.000-04:00

Outside it is raining - one of those cool, clean and refreshing rains that almost beckons me to be out in it. A perfect day for cleaning, drinking coffee, listening to music...and blogging.

Last night I had the opportunity to escape the confines of the city and soak up the Great Outdoors at a bonfire about an hour outside of Louisville. There is something about being out in the open, away from the hustle and bustle, that fills my heart with joy. Like the Dixie Chicks song says, I need "wide open spaces."

This year is nearing the half-way point. It has been a difficult one for sure - filled with spiritual warfare (1 Peter 5:8), the heavy hand of the Lord (Hebrews 12:3-11) and my own inner battle with sin (Romans 7). This year has brought some new experiences that continue to challenge and refine me. The Lord is growing me in many areas and this growth is sometimes very painful and wearisome. He does not leave me alone, however. His grace is sufficient. Intertwined in these difficult lessons have been some been very sweet and precious times in the Word and in ministry. Apart from these past few days, I have not felt like myself for the majority of 2011. My spirit has been downcast; my optimism has faded into pessimism; and my usual smile and laughter (for I dearly love to laugh) has given way to a sort seriousness that has never characterized me before. And the most frustrating part is that I can't really explain why, but, like I said, these past few days have been different. I have been more hopeful, light-hearted and, well, myself. Maybe the clouds over my head have lifted...or maybe the Lord is giving me a small break to catch my breath before the next round of His intense refining work. Either way, He knows what He is doing and it is for my good and His glory. My hope in all of this is that I will shine brighter for Him.

I think the Lord is leading me to move (yet again). It seems like I move every 6 months to a year...and I hate it. Sometimes I wonder why I even unpack my things. :) When I moved into this apartment last September, I said I was not moving again until either I got married or went overseas. The Lord, however, has other ideas. He has made me very unsettled with where I am now...so it looks like moving is in my near future. My sister (yay!) and I have begun the apartment search. Hopefully, the Lord has one for us in an area that is close to work, school, church and Scarlet Hope. Stay tuned. :)

Lessons from the Lord: patience, endurance, conflict management, hope & trust in the midst of not understanding (for I currently see through a glass dimly - 1 Corinthian 13:12)

Let Us GO to Him

2011-04-22T18:42:00.000-04:00

Today is Good Friday. The day that Jesus suffered and died on the cross, fulfilling the very purpose for which He came to earth. To reflect on the weight of this day, listen to this. Jesus took on the full wrath (anger) of God that was meant for us. He did not deserve the punishment. We did. Yet He bore it willingly. He suffered outside the camp (Hebrews 13:11-3) - away from the comforts and prestige of Jerusalem. And He calls His followers to join Him there (outside the camp). According to John Piper, this means leaving our comfortable lives to live in radical obedience to Christ. Relating to those who are different from us, going somewhere we have never gone and doing things we have never done for the sake of Christ are all ways to go "outside the camp." Jesus did not call His followers to huddle together in isolation from the rest of the world. In fact, He prayed that the Father would not take them out of the world (John 17:5). The footnote on John 17:5 in the ESV study bible puts it like this:

The place of believers during this lifetime is not to withdraw from the world but to remain in the world and influence it continually for good, as difficult as that may be.

So the call to us who follow Christ is to go.

And Jesus said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:18-20

Go to Jesus outside the camp. Go to the nations. Go and make disciples. Go. This does not necessarily mean that you have to pack your bag and move overseas (though it can mean that), but that you are always willing to be about the Father's business - wherever and whatever that means. This going looks differently in each of our lives. For me, it means going to the internationals that God has brought to Louisville and building relationships with them. It also means going to clubs to serve women who sell their bodies to make ends meet. For all of us it means that we are willing to give ourselves completely to Christ and His cause the way He gave Himself completely for us. While Jesus was on earth, He was constantly moving from place to place, putting aside Himself in order to meet the needs of others. Then He gave Himself in the ultimate sense by giving His life. The sermon I heard last week talked about this fact and really got me thinking: how much do I hold back from those I am serving? I need to give myself more fully to those around me - whether in ministry to nonbelievers or in fellowship with believers. It's not about me or my schedule or my desires, but about Christ and serving others in His name with the strength He supplies. It is not about just getting to know those I am serving, but allowing them to get to know me as well.

So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through His own blood. Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city but we seek the city that is to come. Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13:12-16

Aged Like Fine Wine... :)

2011-04-15T21:32:00.000-04:00

Waiting, the Word and (not) Wasting

2011-04-13T23:17:00.000-04:00

It's been a little bit since my last post. My silence is due to both not having the time and not having the motivation to blog. Primarily the latter as I have been quite anti-transparent lately. This year has been quite a difficult one...mainly because of the war that has been waging inside me. Suffice to say that those thoughts are delegated to my personal journal and possibly to those whom I deeply trust...possibly.

The Lord has not been silent, though. His messages have been consistent and strong. "Hear My voice." "Stay on the Path." "Follow Me." "Wait." This last one is the hardest. I don't know exactly what I am waiting for or how long I will have to wait. All I know is my Savior says, "Wait." So I will...with His strength. He is in full-control of my life and knows exactly where He is leading to me. In that I can take comfort.

The Lord has been so incredibly gracious to give me rich times in His Word. I am currently journeying through John until Easter (a chapter a day). I have been using the online ESV Study Bible to run references on each verse. The study has made me see more clearly the overall narrative of John, the perfect focus of Christ to do the Father's will, the constant call of Jesus for people to follow Him and the deity of Jesus Christ (the God-Man). I have also been slowly working through 1 Peter 3:4-6 (one key word at a time) to replace the time in the morning when I would be applying make-up, which I have given up for a while to focus on "inner beauty." This study too has been most enlightening as the Lord has taught me about the things that are precious to Him and how I need to trust Him more.

I have been listening and re-listening to a sermon by John Piper in my car this past week and a half or so about not wasting my life. I am gripped by almost every word as I do not want to waste the life God has given me. He talks about making Christ look great in every aspect of our lives by counting all things as loss compared to knowing Him. I am still trying to figure out how that looks exactly in my own life...but it is becoming my driving passion to do so. It is so easy to be distracted with anything and everything else that doesn't compare to His value. I guess this is one of those life-long battles of the Christian life: resisting all so that I can say "yes" to Christ. I want more of Him and I want all that He has for me (whatever that may look like). For it is my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing I will be ashamed by with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether in life or in death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:20-21).

The Discipline of Dependence

2011-04-05T22:52:00.000-04:00

I wrote this poem three years ago and ran across it this evening, so I thought I'd share:

Reaching for the Prize,
it seems so far away
Longing for the eternal,
but caught up in the day

Oh these wayward thoughts,
why do they afflict me so?
Lord, give me strength to focus
on You, on You alone

The beauty and worth of Christ,
Father give me eyes to see
That I may find my Satisfaction
and be brought to my knees

All day long I try to plan
how things are to be
What a foolish child I am
to think that power lies in me

"Trust in Me," I hear you say,
"for I alone am wise."
Yet I feel myself resist
and foolish pride arise

Holy Spirit, come and teach me
how to step in time with You
Light the path before me
and give me hope anew

The discipline of dependence,
how difficult to learn
Yet I know it is needed
and for its fruit I yearn

Soon I will see my Savior,
in His presence, face-to-face
Then all the struggles of the flesh
will have no hold or place

Relaxing and Reminiscing

2011-03-31T23:11:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful, relaxing time in Missouri last weekend. Exactly what I had asked God for (minus the snow :). It was nice to get away and just chill for a few days and spend time with family. We didn't do anything much, but we did laugh a whole lot. :) My dad read to my sister and me from her Kindle. He read the end of Pilgrim's Progress. It is the first time I can remember him reading a book to us and it's one of those moments I will treasure.

While I was home, I was going through my filing cabinet and ran across a notebook from college. It in I found sermon notes, prayers and inspiring quotes. I even found a list for my ideal mate, which was pretty amusing. It had 27 things (!), which I am sure would be pretty intimidating for any guy. The Lord has brought me a long way since then, though, and now I only have 2 things on my "list" (both of which are pretty specific and neither of which I will budge on). One of the prayers was a response to the reading I had just done in Acts 6-7:

Verse that spoke to me: 7:3
"Get thee out of thy country (America), and from thy relatives (family), and come into the land which I shall show thee."
Is this not my future? For God has called me to something bigger than myself and my present lifestyle.
Use me as You please, Lord Jesus.

I believe that the Lord is continually answering this prayer.

I also got to spend some extra time with the Lord - reflecting on what He has done and is doing in my life, spending time in His Word and submitting myself to do whatever He leads. He continues to teach me about prayer and depending on Him (which goes hand-in-hand). I think I am in a period of preparation for whatever God has in store. Much of the verses, sermons and the like that Jesus sends my way have to do with waiting on Him, staying on the right path and hearing His voice. It is no wonder that the Bible exhorts Christ-followers to be strong and courageous as we wait on the Lord (Psalm 27:14). It's hard to wait!

I have started re-reading Elisabeth Elliot's Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. It is one of my favorite books and for some reason Jim Elliot has been on my mind lately. I did just read Psalm 91 last night, which may have something to do with it (where the title of the book comes from). He is one of my heroes in the faith. His life is one that encourages, inspires and challenges me...and I hope my life reflects a desire for Christ and impacts the Kingdom of Christ the way his did (and still does).

Jesus is My Life

2011-03-25T11:44:00.002-04:00

Today marks the 10th year since I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. For the past several years, I have recounted my testimony of coming to faith in Christ (click the years to read them: 2008, 2009-1, 2009-2 or 2010). Each year I understand my journey of faith in deeper ways and find new ways to tell it. One of my favorite songs, All I Have Is Christ by Sovereign Grace, captures the power of the Gospel to transform a sinner's life and I am going to use it to tell how it transformed mine.

I once was lost in darkest night / Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life / Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own / A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first / I would refuse You still

Growing up in a Christian home exposed me to an awareness of God at an early age. My parents told me about Jesus, taught me to read the Bible and to pray. I saw God as this far-off being that I went to with requests and had no concept of a relationship with Him. As I grew older, I focused on being a "good girl" and excelling at everything I did. These things, however, were not enough. I had no peace and no direction.

But as I ran my hell-bound race / Indifferent to the costYou looked upon my helpless state / And led me to the crossAnd I beheld God's love displayed / You suffered in my placeYou bore the wrath reserved for me / Now all I know is grace

Indifferent. That was the perfect way to describe my view of God. I had no compelling desire to know Him and yet I had no hatred towards Him either. I was as Jesus describes "lukewarm." I would never deny His existence (with my actions maybe, but not verbally or intellectually), but then I didn't think I needed Him either. Regardless, I was in trouble and didn't know it. Jesus has strong words for those who are indifferent: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). BUT God knew I was helpless. I had no power in my self to come to Him or to even see my need for Him. I was spiritually dead. I was living life my way, in my power and for my glory - ignoring the very God who created me for HIS glory. Because of this, I was storing up for myself wrath from God (Romans 2:5). Now, how does one appease the anger of an holy and perfect God? Answer: one can't...it's impossible. BUT with God all things are possible and He provided the way for humanity to know Him. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to live the perfect, fully-pleasing-to-God life that we are unable to live. He obeyed all of God's commands perfectly. Then, He died a horrific and gruesome death on the cross to absorb God's anger toward us and to pay for all our sins (the bad things we do and say and think). He came back to life three days later in His own power to prove His power over sin and death and to show that His sacrifice on our behalf was pleasing to God. God became man to save man from Himself and for Himself. That is the Gospel and it is very good news.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone / And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands / Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life / In any way You choose And let my song forever be / My only boast is You

God had every right to leave me on the path I was on - the path to destruction. BUT He didn't. He in His grace intervened in my life so that I might know Him and fulfill the purpose for which He created me. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on how different my life would look right now if Christ had not called me to Himself and saved me. I recently heard a sermon from C.J. Mahaney that further spurred these reflections. He encouraged Christ-followers to "consider your origin, what you were and what you would have been apart from divine grace and look upon yourself now. Grace has made you to differ." He goes on to quote Spurgeon who put it this way, "Great Christian, you would have been a Great Sinner if God had not made you to differ." And it's true. My life would look radically different if Christ had not saved me from myself: I would not live in Louisville; I would not have attended Southern; I would have some form of an eating disorder; I would have had a much different dating and relationship history (instead of the very limited one I have had so far, which I praise God for); I would be pursuing the American dream instead of God's dream; I would be living without the peace, direction and satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus Christ and I would be destined for hell. The reality is that I have much to be thankful to God for. I am nothing without Christ. He has made me who I am and given me everything I have. The only thing that separates me from those I share Christ with (whether club dancers or those deceived by false religions) is the extravagant grace of God. And this is why I share with them. I want them to know the infinitely glorious and worthy God of the universe who made a way for all peoples to know Him through Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world. God has saved me and blessed me so that all the earth will see and savor the glory of Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ / Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Spring Cleaning

2011-03-24T01:42:00.002-04:00

Spring is finally upon us! Though I’ve heard that we’re in for a cool front, mostly warm days lie ahead and for that I am extremely thankful. There is something about the new life and warm sunshine that inspires hope and energy. It is also that time of year that we call “Spring Cleaning.” The Lord has saw fit to do some spring cleaning in me. He is clearing out the cobwebs in the areas of my life where I’ve become too lackadaisical and it has been painful. He is bringing me to the end of myself. It is easy, especially here in the States, to become too comfortable and to deceive myself into thinking that I have the strength I need for day-to-day living. The Lord has been breaking my independent spirit by revealing my sin of self-reliance and showing me how much I desperately need Him every single hour. It’s a hard lesson that the Lord, in His infinite patience, has to continually teach me. Currently, I am weary. Weary with my sin…weary with life in general…which is a good sign of who’s strength and energy I have been relying on: mine. Christ, however, in his everlasting wisdom and grace has reminded me of His promises to give strength to the weary (Isaiah 40:31), to take on my burden (Matthew 11:28) and to give me His energy to accomplish the tasks He has called me to (Colossians 1:29). Plus, He has given me the much needed opportunity to get out of Louisville for a few days and to enjoy the beautiful countryside in Missouri. :) My hope and prayer is that it will be a time of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.

Deja Vu

2011-03-14T21:37:00.003-04:00

Since last fall my life has included much drama - especially regarding those of the male persuasion. I don't even like to watch drama on TV, much less do I want it in my own life (though not all of it has been negative). Yet, the Lord was pleased to grow me in new ways through these interactions and for that I am thankful. Jesus continues to help me realize and deal with my own fears and insecurities in this area; to identify the influence of American culture on my view of relationships and to rely on Him more and more. Through the most recent event, God has reminded me of His steadfast love and everlasting faithfulness. He does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is so gracious in overwhelming me with the sense of His sweet presence and of the reality that He is in complete control. He is my firm foundation and shelter during these little storms of life.

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
Chorus
All of my life I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
But now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through - David Crowder Band

Some things that have happened (including the above) have made me question my discernment. Discernment is a gift that I believe the Lord has given me. By His Spirit, He usually prepares me in advance for things that will happen or gives me an indescribable assurance of His leading into certain situations or places. Recently, there have been a couple of areas that I was certain He was leading in, but the doors have closed. I have no idea what God is up to, but He promises to make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) and always keeps His promises. :) All of this reminds me of two years ago when I applied to serve overseas in South America. The Lord kept opening doors for me to go and then suddenly He closed them. BUT later He opened the doors wide for me to go to South Asia with a job assignment that resonated with the passions and gifts He has given me. His ways are truly not ours and, most of the time, I am really glad about that. :)

Yesterday, I spend the day with the Lord seeking His face about a few things and trying to gain insight and understanding as to what He is doing in my life. When I was questioning and interceding, He brought this Scripture to my mind, "What is that to you? You follow Me" (my paraphrase). I then went and looked up the verse and ran references on it. Later, I watched a sermon by Dr. Moore online and what Scripture did he "happen" to be preaching on? The one the Lord had just brought to my mind from John 21. As always, Jesus is right. I need to be focused on following Him and everything else will fall into place.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

On a slightly different note, the Lord has brought me encouragement from an unsuspecting place - my dad. As I updated him on the situation at hand, he was so sweet in giving me helpful advice, encouragement and offered prayer for the parties involved. It was a good conversation and I am so thankful to the Lord for it. :)

There are a few more things I'd like to mention (unrelated to the above), but those will have to wait until another post because this one is getting rather lengthy. Though, I will say one last thing: in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bought Lucky Charms today. :)

Freedom Sunday

2011-03-13T19:19:00.000-04:00

Today is Freedom Sunday. A day set aside for fasting and prayer by the Not For Sale Campaign for the over 30 million people who are enslaved throughout the world. Most of these slaves are women and children that are forced to sell their bodies to meet the demands of the commercial sex industry. It is a horrific reality that exists in every country - including ours. Some of the modern-day slaves have been kidnapped and sold into this slavery, others have been deceived or led into it blindly and still others become slaves willingly out of economic desperation. Whether willingly or unwillingly, slavery needs to be stopped. The Church is slowly awaking from slumber to realize the overwhelming need to be the hands and feet of Christ and to speak up on behalf on the oppressed. Jesus is a God of justice (Isaiah 30:18) and we cannot, as His followers, stand by and do nothing.

Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9

I asked the Lord today how I can become more involved in being a light for Christ to the exploited and oppressed. Currently, I am involved in a local ministry that reaches out to women involved in the sex industry. These women do what they do either out of coercion or sheer desperation. They have little hope and they are forgotten by the church of Christ. It is a hard ministry that is full of darkness, but Christ has called His people to dark places. We are not to settle for a life of comfort and ease. Christ Jesus Himself left the glory of heaven to enter into our dark world. He is the Light and He shines in and overcomes the darkness (John 1:5). We are called to follow Him and become like Him.

There was a special church service held in South Korea today in honor of Freedom Sunday. I watched it online earlier this afternoon. David Bratstone was the speaker and he told the listeners to ask themselves this question: "Who own's me?" Now, that is an interesting question because most of us would consider ourselves free. But are we really? His point was that many of us have sold ourselves to materialism and other similar things so that we are not really free to pursue Christ or to make a difference. For those of us who call ourselves Christians, we belong to Christ. He owns us. Jesus bought our freedom with His blood and He frees His people to be agents of redemption throughout the world. We are His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20).

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Christ has set us free from sin and death and has made us right with God. But there are millions of people throughout the world who have neither spiritual nor physical freedom. They have no hope. It is up to us as the people of God to share the hope of Christ with them and to equip them to pursue a slave-free live because no one should be for sale.

Shifting Interests

2011-03-09T21:42:00.000-05:00

It has been raining all day today and little rivers are forming in places where there used to be none. It is wet and damp, but the promise of spring still hangs like a light in the dark skies. It is already March and even though 2011 is quickly passing, the winter has seemed rather long. I am looking forward to warm, sunny days, extended daylight and to storing my winter coat. :)

The lessons from the Lord continue to be many. He has been shifting my priorities and interest and refocusing my attention on what really matters - HIM. One of my goals of the new year was to focus in on particular relationships and ministries. The Lord has helped me to do just that as one of the ministry leads I was following at RF fell through and the other outside ministry opened wide. Both ministries were more time consuming that I originally realized, so the Lord is so gracious in removing one so that I can focus more on the other. He truly does help us in our weaknesses (over-committing). He has done the same in my relationships as well. There are three people in particular that I consistently spend time with on a weekly basis and they are the ones that get priority with my time.

The way I spend my time is also getting an overhaul. I have been spending less time on the computer (hence the long silence since the last post) and more time with the Lord, with people and with books. I am currently reading two books right now: Radical by David Platt and Not for Sale by David Batstone. Both books have been extremely challenging and powerful. The first has made me reconsider how I spend my time and the priority I give Christ in my life. I do not seek Him as I should or desire Him as I should and my constant prayer is that my love for Him and satisfaction in Him would grow. The Lord has been so gracious to begin answering that prayer by turning my thoughts toward Him and by helping me to seek His Kingdom above all else (Matthew 6:33). As I grow in my relationship with Christ, I am find that other things that I used to desire or be interested in no longer hold sway. For instance, I used to be a pretty die-hard NASCAR fan. I was faithful to watch the race every week, was upset if I was not able to and my day was determined by how well my driver did. I also watched all the pre- and post-race shows and some of the other shows throughout the week. I knew every driver and number and who were in the top 10 in points. I would even skip church-related activities so I wouldn't miss a race. I had it bad. BUT, over time, as I grew in and fell more in love with Christ and He gave me His desires, my interest in racing slowly faded. Before this past Daytona 500, I couldn't tell you the last time I had watched a NASCAR race. I can't even tell you what car my favorite driver drives. Now, don't get me wrong, I could still sit down and enjoy a race, but not with the same interest, intensity or concern. It's just not that important to me anymore, which I think is a good thing. It, hopefully, means that I am growing and maturing and becoming more like Jesus and that I am focused on what really matters.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I main gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness of God that depends of faith - that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:8-11

Striving for the Ideal

2011-02-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned before, I had been reading through the book of Proverbs in my quiet time. My constant desire and prayer of late is for the Lord to grow me in wisdom. He promises to give it generously to those who ask (James 1:5). At the end of Proverbs, there is a section that describes the ideal woman of God. On Sunday mornings, I have been digging deeper into certain passages and, this morning, I studied Proverbs 31:10-31 more in depth. It is fitting that this passage would end the book because, as the ESV study notes suggest, it brings together the many themes of Proverbs and demonstrates that the book of Proverbs is for all people - both male and female.

This ideal woman is called excellent both at the beginning and end of the passage (v. 10, 29). She is a hard-worker (v. 13-16, 18-19, 27), she is wise (v. 16, 18, 26), she cares for the poor (v. 20), she is diligent (v. 18, 27), she is industrious (v. 16, 22, 24), she is strong (v. 17, 25), she is kind (v. 26), she is selfless (v. 12, 15, 20-21) and she fears the Lord (v. 30). All of these characteristics are described throughout the book of Proverbs as belonging to those who are wise (20:13; 31:9). The fact that this woman fears the Lord is the foundation for all these other traits - everything good about her flows from her trust in the Lord. What I found most striking as I looked up the cross-references for these verses were the ones for verse 22:

She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.

This was one of the verses linked to "fine linen":

it was granted her [the Bride of Christ, which is His Church] to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure -
for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. Revelation 19:8

I was caught of guard by this connection. This woman was clothed in fine linen and the verse in Revelation says that the fine linen is the "righteous deeds of the saints." This clothing was given to her (Revelation 19:8 says it was "granted"). She is righteous and walked wisely because she knew the Lord (31:30). He made her righteous and her righteousness was displayed through her wisdom and loving acts. The Lord had clothed her and the same can be said for those of us who are in Christ. God made Christ to be sin even though He was sinless so that we might become righteous in His sight (2 Corinthians 5:21). We do not deserve it or cannot earn it. It is given to us because of the great grace and love of God. The only difference between this woman and the women that Proverbs warns about is grace (Proverbs 2:16-19, 19:13, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15). The only difference between someone that believes in Christ and someone who rejects Him is grace (Ephesians 2:8).

This takes me to today's sermon from Rolling Fields: The Lord Our Righteousness. The righteousness of God affects our every day lives - just like it did for the Proverbs 31 woman. Whether at home or in public or in ministry, she acted wisely and rightly, and so it should be with us. Jesus Christ is our righteousness and everything good that we do and everything good that we are stems from what He did for us on the cross. We have been clothed with His perfection. When God sees us, He sees Christ. We are hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3), so much so that we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 4:24; Colossians 3:10). So even though living the Christian life is based on the past, historic event of Christ's life, death, burial and resurrection and is set on the hope of His future return, we are to live a life pleasing to Him in the here and now (Colossians 1:10).

For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially those who believe. 1 Timothy 4:10

The Promise of Spring

2011-02-17T19:29:00.001-05:00

Can you be "in love" with weather? Because I think I am. I am so excited for spring that I can hardly stand it. Today, I got off work early and went to one of my favorite places in Louisville - Cherokee Park. It's like a little hint of the country in the city. I was probably a little over zealous to go there since it's still a little chilly (I mean, it is still February), but I was itching to spend time with the Lord Jesus outside. I spent about 45 minutes there until the cool wind got to me. I then headed to Southern's campus (another of my favorite places) to continue reading until Kristi got out of class. I am reading a book called Integrity by Henry Cloud. It has been an enlightening and challenging read and it is really expanding my view of the word integrity.

Whoever walks in integrity, walks securely,
but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Proverbs 10:9

I read today in Dr. Mohler's blog that Borders filed for bankruptcy yesterday and that they are closing 200 stores. I find this news very disheartening. I thoroughly enjoy reading and very much enjoy spending time in bookstores. I would place the Borders on 4th Street downtown as another one of my favorite places to hang out in Louisville. I fear what this means for the future of books in general. Call me old-fashioned, but I am not yet used to the idea - nor do I like the idea - of an electronic book. There is just something about holding a physical book with real pages that adds to the experience of reading.

In my quiet time in the morning, I have been reading through the book of Proverbs. I recently came across this verse:

for by wise guidance you can wage your war,and in the abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:6

As I have mentioned several times before, the Lord is teaching me a lot about wisdom - namely, just how limited mine is. Over the past several months, I have had different things come up that required me to diligently search God's Word, seek the Lord in prayer and pursue wise counsel from others. The Lord is so gracious in providing me with (and making me aware of) the "counselors" He has placed in my life. There is a core group of six or seven people that God has used to speak His truth into my life and to steer me on the right path. I am so thankful for these people. They are an incredible blessing in my life and have helped me through some difficult decisions and choices.

Through all this, the Lord has taught me how to be more open, more trusting, more humble and less independent. It has been a growing experience to say the least, but I am learning to share my burdens with others and express what I think and feel (when appropriate, of course). The wisdom, grace and kindness of the Lord that He so willingly lavishes on His children is so amazing.

But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

The Sun is Shining and There is Hope for Me Again

2011-02-13T21:11:00.000-05:00

This title is from another Third Day song called The Sun is Shining and it perfectly describes the past month and half or so of my life. I half been walking around in a sort of darkness with a downcast spirit, crying out to the Lord and waiting for Him to answer and guide me. My trip to Missouri last weekend was like a break from my life here in Louisville. I was able to briefly escape the spiritual warfare, responsibilities and decisions that were weighing heavily upon me. The Lord was so gracious to give me such relief in this valley as He gave me rest and times of refreshing in His Word. When I returned to Louisville, however, it was all waiting for me. For the first few days of the week, I faced discouragement from the moment I opened my eyes and every day felt like a trial. Jesus Christ is abundantly gracious, however, and met me where I was. I know that phrase is used a lot and I don't want to sound cliche, but it's true. He by His Holy Spirit would bring sermons, songs and verses to my mind and when I listened to them, they were exactly what I needed to hear. The sermons were from MH's Believe series. Through them God showed me that I wasn't expecting the best, I wasn't placing my faith in Him and I wasn't fully trusting Him. I was living as if Romans 8:28 were not true and if I was in control. In essence, I had shifted my focus off of my Maker and Savior and placed it on other things. In my quiet time with the Lord, I have been reading through Psalms and Proverbs. Each morning and evening, the Scriptures I read spoke directly to my circumstances and reminded me of the hope I had in Christ. Even the verses at the bottom of my journal pages (and I have been journaling A LOT lately) were exactly what I needed. The Lord used these various things to show me my sin, call me back to Him and bring me out of my distress. He was actively teaching me, answering me and holding on to me. This is GRACE. On Wednesday, He was faithful to answer my prayer to give me a verse (Lamentations 3:21-24) to wake up with to combat the discouragement of the devil. He has renewed my hope, faith and strength and lifted me up out of the darkness. Plus...the sun is shining. :)

Today, I have been basking in the overflow of God's grace and I have been overjoyed with His goodness and faithfulness. The lessons from God these past few weeks have been many and hard, but the Lord's grace is more than sufficient to meet my every need. At Rolling Fields, we have been going through the many names of God (ways He has revealed Himself and that describe His character). Each sermon has been so applicable and I have been hanging on to every word. God truly is all that I will ever need. This morning we focused on how God is the God who sanctifies us. The focus was primarily on the Sabbath Day and how that relates to us now. The really cool thing is that this morning, while I was getting ready for church, I was thinking about how I really wanted to clean my apartment. Sunday, however, is my only day off and I wasn't sure if I should clean on my "Sabbath" or not. I wanted to honor the Lord's command to keep a day set apart for Him, but I also didn't want to fall into legalism. This is exactly what the sermon was about. As with all things, it has to do with the heart. God has us set aside a day to focus on Him because we are so apt to forget Him in all our activities and busyness. Christ, however, fulfilled the Law for us and has freed us from the demands of the Law. So after hearing this sermon and talking to the preacher, I decided that it was okay for me to clean. I enjoy cleaning for the most part anyway and I did so while listening to music so that I could praise God while I scrubbed. It was awesome.

Also today, I decided to order a new computer. Because I have all my programs from my last one, I could buy a decent base computer at a good price (especially since there was a sale this weekend). I tried to talk Dell into giving me free shipping (I was $16 short of the minimum purchase), but to no avail. :) With the funds that my boss has collected for me, I will only spend about $200 out of pocket and I will have a better computer than what I had before. The Lord continues to bless. :)

I will end with this passage of Scripture that pretty much describes my life these past few weeks. It speaks of a man that went through hard times and the discipline of the Lord and how the Lord restored his hope. The Lord has done the same for me:

Lamentations 3:1-9, 16-27, 31-33

I am the man who has seen affliction
under the rod of his wrath;
he has driven and brought me
into darkness without any light;
surely against me he turns his hand
again and again the whole day long.

He has made my flesh and my skin waste away;
he has broken my bones;
he has besieged and enveloped me
with bitterness and tribulation;
he has made me dwell in darkness
like the dead of long ago.

He has walled me about so that I cannot escape;
he has made my chains heavy;
though I call and cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer;
he has blocked my ways with blocks of stones;
he has made my paths crooked.

He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the LORD.”

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
BUT this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

For the Lord will not
cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict
or grieve the children of men.

Long Lessons During the Long Winter

2011-02-05T23:51:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up to a beautiful layer of snow. I vaguely remember there being a prediction of a few inches, but I usually do not put too much stock into what the weathermen say. To my surprise, however, we received around five inches. It was a spectacular sight. Miles and miles of untrodded on white snow and crystalized trees. Have I mentioned how much I love the countryside?

I have spent the majority of the day working on my parents' computers. My dad and I took a field trip to McDonald's for lunch and to take advantage of their free Wi-Fi. Our phone line and Internet have been down during the day due to the ice and snow...but for some reason it works okay at night. Anyway, Dad wanted me to file his taxes for him. I would rather teach my parents how to do it themselves (empower rather than enable), but they weren't too interested, so Dad sat there while I e-filed. Since our return from town, I have been updating the desktop and fixing my mom's laptop. Some how she got a virus. I have already found and deleted over 200 infected files. There are still a few more lingering, and I am working on them right now. I really should start charging for my services. I hear techs make big bucks. ;)

I received the letter I wrote to myself from one of my last days in South Asia. It was part of the debriefing process. The letter was both encouraging and challenging. Encouraging in the fact that the Lord has allowed me to fulfill some of my plans and commitments and it was challenging because there are some things I haven't been so faithful about or that I completely forgot about. "Remember that you were made for overseas," I wrote to myself. I haven't forgotten and my heart rings with these words.

The first sermon I heard this year at Sojourn Community Church has proven to be God's teaching theme for me so far this year. It was called "Wisdom and Planning" from Proverbs 16, which focuses on making plans and submitting them unto the Lord. What freedom we have from Christ to make plans and decisions! I am learning so much about this process and what it means to seek God's wisdom and guidance above all else. He gives us the principles and guidelines to follow and leads us by His Spirit. What I am learning is that each decision requires seeking the Lord's direction (He gives us everything we need in His Word), committing a decision to Him and then stepping out in faith. There is an element of faith and uncertainty involved, but that is what makes us trust the Lord and lean wholly on Him. It is resting is the fact that God is working for our good (Romans 8:28). I think this ties into a John Piper sermon I listened to with my sister on the way to Fredericktown. He talked about how the Lord gives us strength through the gospel and explained how that looked for both women and men. For women, he cited 1 Peter 3:5-6 and Proverbs 31:25, which describes a woman of God that does not fear the future but wholly trusts in God.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

Trust. These verses and the verses on planning and wisdom all have to do with trusting Jesus Christ with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6). He promises over and over to give wisdom to those who ask and to lead them on the right path (Psalm 25:5, 32:8, 112:6-7; Proverbs 2:1-11; Isaiah 30:21; James 1). He tells us not to worry about the future because He knows our needs and will provide for us (Matthew 6). As I read through Scripture, the Lord has sovereignly directed my reading towards passages that are concentrated in these areas. I have no doubt that He will continually to lead and guide me so that I can fulfill the purpose He has for me (Acts 13:36).

Well, time to watch Napolean Dynamite with the fam...

Vice vs. Virtue

2011-02-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

As you can probably tell from the tone and content of my last few posts, I have been going through a tough time. The enemy has been hard at work to discourage me and trip me up. God is in control, however, and He never wastes circumstances. He has His refiner's tool out, chipping away areas of my life that are not pleasing to Him or that need improvement. It has been a humbling experience to say the least.

During this time, I have come to realize there are some characteristics that God has embedded into my personality that are both virtues and vices. Sometimes our strengths can also be our weaknesses. For instance, I am both reserved/introverted and independent. In and of themselves there is nothing wrong with these two traits, but there are times when they work against me. My reserved nature helps keep me from sticking my foot in my mouth...it makes me more apt to think before speaking. On the other hand, it impedes the growth of relationships because I am hard to get to know and can come off as passive or indifferent. My independence also works in this way - it helps me to follow the Lord wherever He may call, but it also tempts me to do things in my own strength. The Lord is ever-so gracious, though, and never leaves us where we are. For this, I am so thankful. Over these past few weeks, He has been reminding me through various trials and situations that He is in control, that I need to trust Him above all else and that His plan is far better than mine. He has called me to ministries that will force me to be less reserved and He wants me to be more open in my relationships. He is breaking my independence by forcing me to rely on and wait on Him in most areas of my life. He has given me things and now He is taking them away so that I will trust Him and not the gifts that He has given. Hard lessons, no doubt, but oh what sweet fruit they will produce!

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." Lamentations 3:21-24

Jesus in the Psalms

2011-01-30T22:40:00.002-05:00

I have come to terms with the fact that my computer is most likely gone for good (though I will keep an eye on Craig's List and eBay for the next few weeks to see if it shows up) and have been praying about what I should do about it next. The Lord continues to remind me that my wisdom is limited and that I need His direction in every area of my life...including this one.

I just finished a book on prayer by Tom Elliff called A Passion for Prayer. The Lord had pressed upon my heart a while back my need to grow in this discipline. I got this book for free at one of the chapel services last semester and knew it was the Lord's way of pushing me in this area. It was a great and challenging read. It always amazes me how the Lord uses books like these to speak to specific circumstances in my life. This past week, I went back and re-read the portions I had underlined in the chapters "Praying for the Grace to Forgive" and "Praying During the Hard Times of Life." The Lord is gracious is giving me the grace to forgive the person who swiped my computer. Forgiveness usually has to do with restoring broken fellowship, but in this case, it was a matter of me letting go for my need for revenge, trusting God to be my vindicator and not holding bitterness towards the thief. Easier said than done, but, like I said, God is gracious and gave me the strength to surrender the situation to Him. God is a just God so I can take rest in the fact that justice will be done - whether in this life or the next; whether in Christ (if the thief comes to salvation) or out of Him (in judgment).

All that I have in Christ is more than I could ever imagine or comprehend. I was thinking about the Psalms and how they are a collection of prayers (I have been reading and praying through them). I was also thinking about how God hears and answers all the prayers of His children. When I was considering how God answered the prayers of the psalmists, I realized that they all found their answer in Jesus Christ. Prayers for forgiveness - answered in Christ. Prayers for vindication - Christ. Prayers for provision - Christ. Prayers for justice - Christ. Prayers for guidance - Christ. Jesus Christ is the answer to our every need. In Him, we are forgiven. In Him, justice is served. In Him, we are given everything we need. That is why the Bible tells us to seek God's Kingdom above everything else and to live righteously because God knows our every need and provides for us (Matthew 6:31-33).

So, the lesson of the past few weeks can be found in this one theme: trust God and wait on Him. I feel like I am in a period of waiting in several areas of my life. God has given me hints as to what is ahead, but I must be patient and trust Him as things unfold. This waiting time is also a time of preparation for what is in store. Satan knows this and has been throwing his fiery darts my way with a vengeance. As I have committed to developing a deeper prayer life, am preparing for ministry and trying to seek the Lord above all else, I have caught the enemy's attention. Even in this, I need not fear for "greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

On Mountains High

God You are the God of all created things
Before the worlds were formed You knew who I would be
Your ways are higher than the ways of man
So help me trust Your heart as You hold my hand

On mountains high, I'll praise Your Name
In valleys low, I'll do the same
And as the river runs to find the ocean blue
My heart will always run to find You

Looking for the Silver Lining...

2011-01-24T22:14:00.004-05:00

I try to make it a daily habit to submit my plans to the Lord. I am a planner, so I have a general idea of what I will be doing each day, but I always want to be open to what the Lord is doing and what He has in store. Today's plan: work, clean apartment, do laundry and read. Work - check. The other things - not so much. My day was altered when someone decided to break into where I live and steal a few choice things (namely my laptop). I spent an hour after work talking to both Dell and the police and asking for prayer. Now, I know there is some sort of lesson in all this. I don't see it now, but the Bible says that God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I believe with all my heart that this is true. What is the Lord up to? I am not sure. Maybe the Lord is proving my devotion to Him. Do I really treasure Him over all things like I claim I do?

When it is all said and done, it is just a computer and the pictures and data that were on it won't matter much in eternity. Not that I am giving up hope. I am very much an optimist and believe in the power of my God to bring my computer back to me WITH all my data on it. :)

Now to that last thing on today's agenda - reading.

This Valentine's Day...

2011-01-23T18:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are thinking about taking advantage of the plethora of chocolate available this time of year or who are planning to buy some for that special someone, consider buying fair-trade chocolate this Valentine's Day. Many of the brand-name chocolates we are used to (Hershey's, Nestle, Dove, Godiva, etc.) do not monitor or make publicly available information regarding their cocoa suppliers. This means that many of these sweet treats are tainted by child labor. So, what is a chocolate lover to do? Buy fair-trade chocolate! Here are a couple of links to help you discover how your favorite chocolate company stacks up and to learn more about The Dark Side of Chocolate:

http://free2work.org/companies?search=&country=&industry=20&cats

http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/action/student/chocolate/

Over the last several months, I have been doing a thorough study of 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a (known as the "love chapter"). In this chapter, the Apostle Paul gives a beautiful description of what love looks like. I have been breaking down the verses one by one to discover what the rest of the Bible has to say about each one (using cross-references and key words). My focus hasn't been on people per se but how this passage applies to God. The Apostle John says that God is love (1 John 4:8, 16). If God is love and if 1 Corinthians 13 is what love looks like, then what is true of love must be true of God, right? That has been my assumption and so far it has turned out to be true. I am nearing the end of my study and plan to post some of my results soon.

Tell Me to Slow Down...

2011-01-16T23:00:00.003-05:00

The title of this post is drawn from Third Day's song Slow Down. Lately, I have felt like I cannot keep up with my own pace of life. Ministry, work, relationships and the like are all making demands that I cannot give. Last week was a good week, but it was also a rough one for me spiritually, emotionally and mentally as I have struggled with doubts, fears and feelings of inadequacy. The Lord is so incredibly gracious, though, and met me in my downcast state this morning at Rolling Fields. Today, the message was about Lord's sovereignty. I was reminded to treasure Christ above all things. When I am tempted to sin, shrink back, be lazy in my faith or give up, settle for anything less than Christ or selfishly cling to my life instead of surrendering it to Christ, I need to remember to treasure Christ as Lord (the Sovereign Lord). I have been tempted in each of these ways this past week and gave in to many of them. I wasn't treasuring Christ. Instead, I was believing the lies of the enemy, focusing on my shortcomings, giving into my fears and clinging to my comfort zone and free time. I wasn't focusing on the Sovereign Lord Jesus Christ who is in control of all things and always keeps His promises.

I didn't realize it until today, but I have been under attack from the enemy. I have been doing things that greatly irritate him - sharing the Good News of Christ, seeking to grow closer to Christ and do His will - and, in doing so, have created a spiritual bull's eye on my back. The Lord is allowing me and calling me to be part of some great things He is doing. He allowed me to be a part of someone coming to faith in Christ. He is allowing me to intercede in prayer on behalf of the unbelievers He has placed in my life. He is calling me to surrender my time and step way outside my comfort zone to reach people far from Him through both Rolling Fields and another local ministry. I am once again reminded of my limited wisdom and strength. I can only do these things with His power. Please pray for me as I seek to do His will. I have been especially praying for wisdom and discernment in how to use my time, which believers and unbelievers to invest in the most and what ministry opportunities I should pursue.

How I use my time is an area that the Lord has asked me to surrender to Him. I didn't realize it, but I was clinging to "my" time and was afraid to give it up when considering the above ministries. The Lord reminded me today that it really belongs to Him. He wants me to give up everything for Him, including how I use my time. So, even though it is hard, I am letting go and embracing all that Christ has to offer. I am trading in my fool's gold for immeasurable riches of Christ. "Lord, Your treasure's much better than this fool's gold of mine" (1000 Years by Third Day).

The Lord also reminded me how much I need to rest in Him.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

In order to be fruitful and to endure in ministry, I must spend time with my Savior in order to refuel, be refreshed and become more like Him. I was able to spend the majority of today communing with the Lord through worship at RF, small group, reading His Word, prayer and journaling. He gave me the rest that my spirit was crying for. If I do not spend extended time with the Lord like this regularly, I am going to quickly burn out and give up. Pray that I will be able to guard this precious time with Him. "I'm coming back. I'm turning back to you. You loved me first and now my soul thirsts for You...alone" (I'm Coming Back by Sojourn).

PSALM 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Side note: Exactly a year ago from last Thursday, I left for South Asia.

Wisdom and Planning in Light of God's Providence

2011-01-02T21:06:00.000-05:00

The Lord's lessons are not sporadic. He is the perfect Teacher. I have said this and witnessed this first-hand numerous times. Yet again, I find it to be true. I have this small card with a verse on it that I have used as a bookmark this past year to mark the reading plan I have been using in my Bible. I read it sporadically when I moved the card out of my way, but last night I really read it. The Lord by His Spirit used it to grab my attention and heart. It reads:

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and all your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

I started thinking about the store where I work and all the dreams that my boss and I have for it. I then thought that this would be a perfect verse for us to use for the business side of the store. Instead of hoping in our own plans and ideas, we should pray over them and commit them to the Lord. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? For some reason, it never occurred to me. Pray for the store, yes. Pray for good sale days, yes. But pray about our marketing, sales and managerial plans...

Anyway, today I worked my first bridal show on behalf of Papers Unique. It was a great way to meet future brides (and potential customers) and network with other businesses. Since I was unable to attend RF this morning due to the show, I went to one of the Sunday night services at Sojourn Community Church. And just what did the sermon "happen" to be about? Wisdom and planning from Proverbs 16. Yep, that's right. I took notes like a mad woman and cannot wait to share them with my boss.

I am a planner by nature so the sermon was good for me on many levels. There are too many times when I trust my own plans instead of submitting them to the Lord and fully trusting Him and His plans. God is in control of all things and all of His plans are good...and much better than my own.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Furthermore, I was reminded of God's amazing grace. His grace covers our mistakes, failed plans and bad decisions. His grace also gives us freedom. We plan by grace. We don't plan under the burden of performance. He gives us freedom to make decisions by following the principles He gives and committing the decisions we make to Him. When we fail, we need not despair because we are living for something more than our own plans - His Kingdom.

I guess that means I need to commit my goals for 2011 to the Lord, huh? :)

By the way, Papers Unique has been nominated again for WHAS11's Best of Kentuckiana in Invitations. Help us keep our title and vote for us by clicking here.

Bookend Events of 2010

2010-12-31T20:49:00.003-05:00

This is my last post of 2010, which is crazy to think about. This year has flown by. It was full of challenges, blessings and unforgettable experiences through which God has given me a clearer vision of the future, grown my faith and drawn me closer to Christ. As I think about the year, two major events stand out: South Asia and graduation.
As you well know, I spent the first half of the year overseas working with slum children. It was by far the best experience I have ever had. The Lord taught me so much about daily dependence on Him and further revealed His heart to me for the nations. I was stretched outside my comfort zone more ways that I can count and discovered the ways that God has (as well as has not) wired me for serving Him.

The last half of the year brought me back to Louisville to finish my coursework at Southern. It was one of my best semesters subject-wise, which served as a fitting end to an already wonderful trek towards earning my master's degree.

It all seems so surreal and am so thankful to Christ for these amazing experiences and lessons. I am excited to see what 2011 will bring. I have no doubt that there will be new challenges, new blessings, new growth opportunities in Christ, new answers to prayer, new prayer requests, new opportunities to trust God...
I have no idea what is in store but I trust the One who does.

          My frame was not hidden from you,
          when I was being made in secret,
          intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
          Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
          in your book were written, every one of them,
          the days that were formed for me,
          when as yet there was none of them.
          How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
          How vast is the sum of them!
          If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
          I awake, and I am still with you. Psalm 139:15-18

Now, I am not one for making New Year's resolutions, but I have set a few goals for 2011:

Focus in on a few particular ministries and relationships (as the Lord leads) so as not to be so scattered or busy. I am following two ministry leads right now - one connected with Rolling Fields and one connected with a local organization. I have training for both coming up in the next two weeks and I am so excited about both.
Finish memorizing Ephesians
Develop and refine my photography skills
Do a better job of eating actual meals for dinner (#1 should help with this)
Start a savings account...or rather put money into the one I already have :)

Kristi and I are fixin' to head out for Frosties and a Redbox movie to bring in the new year, so...

Happy New Year's!

A Shepherd and a King

2010-12-25T19:15:00.001-05:00

For the past couple of years, Kristi and I have read the birth account of Christ together in honor of Christmas (found in the first two chapters of Matthew & Luke). Sometimes we also read some of the Old Testament prophecies that point to His coming. This year we read Isaiah 9 and Ezekiel 34. Isaiah 9 speaks of a King whom God promises to send to rule His people and Ezekiel 34 speaks of a Shepherd whom God promises to feed His people. I was struck during our reading that both kings and shepherds came to see Jesus after He was born.

Shepherds came to visit the Great Shepherd (John 10:11; Hebrews 13:20) and kings journeyed from afar to worship the King of Kings (1 Timothy 6:15; Revelation 19:16).

When the kings/wisemen from the East came to Jerusalem seeking to find the promised King, King Herod was alarmed and gathered Jewish scholars together to determine where this King was to be born:

They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:

“‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for from you shall come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.’”(Matthew 2:5-6)

Jesus Christ is this promised King. As King, He rules His people with perfect justice, wisdom, righteousness and peace. He is a mighty warrior who victoriously leads into battle. He fearlessly conquers all His enemies. "And of His kingdom there will be no end" (Luke 1:33).

Jesus Christ is this promised Shepherd. As our Shepherd, He guides His people into all truth. He cares for, tends and protects His flock. If any of His sheep stray, He will go after them and bring them back. He gives them rest in a good and safe pasture. "And you are my sheep, human sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Lord God” (Ezekiel 34:31).

Merry Christmas!!!

The Weather Outside is Frightful...

2010-12-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

but I am as snug as a bug in a rug in my Southern hoodie and fleece NASCAR blanket! The temperature is a little over 20 degrees outside and it has been snowing off and on all day long.

On Friday, I graduated with my Masters of Divinity of degree. The ceremony was joyful and Christ-exulting. I couldn't help reflecting on all the hard work that I had put into this degree and all that the Lord has taught me during my three and a half years here, which made the event all the more precious. Jesus sustained me and guided me in so many ways and I know that I am a different (and hopefully better) person than when I first came to Louisville. The finality of it all it finally starting to sink it and I am excited to enter the new, school-free phase of my life. :)

With all the assigned reading out of the way, I can now read at my leisure. I just finished the first book on my reading list: 24 Hours that Changed the World by Adam Hamilton. It was a rather disappointing book as it promised more than it delivered. I thought it was going to serve as a type of devotional book by taking an intense look into the last 24 hours of Jesus' life. The back cover claimed to offer a theological and historical analysis along with "spiritual insight." Instead the book contained more of the author's speculations and opinions more than anything. He had some theological points that I found rather alarming as well. The book, however, wasn't a total loss. Hamilton did bring out some Old Testament parallels with the death and resurrection of Christ that I had never thought about before and made me consider the ways I am like the frightful disciples, betraying Judas and crowd-pleasing Pilate. Overall, I give the book 2 out of 5 stars; although, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I am now reading a much better book about prayer, which is proving to be both convicting and encouraging at the same time.

This week will be my first official week of working full-time at Papers Unique. I am really exciting about some of the things we are doing there. We just recently formed a partnership with the local Christian radio station, 93.9 WAY-FM. They just started playing our ad this past week. Also, this week I am going on another radio station to talk about our store and about stationery etiquette as well as to record a 30-second air spot. I am not really excited to be the one doing this but I am excited for the exposure the store will get.

The Lord has been teaching me this semester how limited I am - especially when it comes to wisdom. He has reminded me over and over again that I do not have what it takes to make right decisions and sound judgments BUT He does and He invites me to trust Him. He has been teaching me how to trust Him in deeper ways and how to glean His Word for guidance. There have been several situations that have developed that has caused me realize my short-comings and turn to Christ for guidance, wisdom and discernment. I have no doubt that He will continue to lead and guide me to do His will. Pray that I will not trust in myself but that I will trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8

An Ethical Dilemma

2010-11-21T16:20:00.001-05:00

I have known about and have been anticipating the infamous final for my Christian Ethics class since I registered for the course. My professor posted it on his blog last Friday and it is a doozy. We are allowed to use any resource that we would normally have access to in real-life ministry with one exception: we cannot talk to the people in our class. So, I have started doing some research, thinking through God's Kingdom purposes for each situation and plan on calling a few people for some insight...but I am interested to know what YOU think. Click here to read the lengthy ethical scenario.
Comments are more than welcomed (unless, of course, you are in my class!). :)

No More Classes, No More Books...

2010-11-17T22:49:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day of classes. Only 2 finals separate me from graduation. I am so excited to be free from having to worry about homework!

One of the classes I took this semester was called Community Development and Disaster Relief. In it, all my experience and coursework in business management, human services and international miss. seemed to converge, which made it a fitting end to my educational career. Yesterday, I completed a community development strategy paper that built upon the work I did earlier this year in a South Asian center for slum girls. It was probably one of the most rewarding (and fun) papers I have ever written. It had little to do with research and much to do with dreaming. :) It was supposed to be a minimum of ten pages...I wound up writing 18 (!). I am usually a person of few/concise words who has trouble meeting the minimum page requirement, so this way-over-the-minimum paper was the first for me. The Lord has been gradually showing me the specifics of His call to serve Him overseas and I believe community development will play a big part of it. I am so excited to see what He has in store! Please pray for me as I go through this time of transition.

Wisdom in the Darkness

2010-11-14T22:12:00.004-05:00

Sometimes the Lord brings us into situations that are difficult to discern and that reveal our limited wisdom. Such was the case for me this past week. The Lord is gracious, though, and doesn't leave His children without direction. Even though His Word does not always address our specific situations, He does give us principles and truths from His Word that will help us make the right decision in accordance with His will - one that honors Him and loves others. As I searched through various passages that dealt with wisdom, discernment, pleasing the Lord, trusting the Lord and considering myself rightly (i.e. Psalm 3:5-6; Psalm 25; Romans 12; Phil 4:7-8), the Lord faithfully led me to a decision that I believe is His will. The tricky thing about following the Lord, though, is that I must seek His will continually. He leads His children for a while down on path then when it forks or that work or such finishes, He leads them down a different path. [This is not to say that God is wishy-washy. The Bible is clear that He never changes (Hebrews 13:8). His ways, however, are not ours and what may look like a change of mind to us are really the unveiling of His purposes that are far beyond what we can know or comprehend.] It is at these forks in the road and times of transition that He grows and strengthens our faith in Him. These times are not usually very pleasant, but when you look back on them, you can see the Lord's great wisdom, grace and sovereignty in bringing you through them. There are so many situations and unknowns right now in my life that remind me of my limited wisdom and my need for Christ. He is my Great Shepherd. Where He leads, I want to follow - no matter where that may be and no matter what the cost.

A neat thing that did happen in the midst of all this is how the Lord prepared me and my sister both for circumstances happening in each other's lives before we talked to each other. I sent her a vague prayer request via email and she sensed what it was about (and she was right). She left me a voice mail during our few days of phone tag that told me she wanted to tell me about something that had happened. When I heard this, I had "a feeling" of what she was going to tell me (and I was right). How cool is it that the Lord prepared us both in advance to hear the information we were about to receive from one another?

Switching gears: I am becoming increasing uncomfortable with being out by myself at night. I am not sure if this stems from my time in South Asia or if I am just growing out of my small-town-girl ignorance. Either way, I have become more aware of my surroundings as well as my own vulnerability as a female. The other night I broke my rule of not going to Wal-Mart after dark to pick up something. Now, the Wal-Mart I live by is down-right shady. Men seem to loiter there for no apparent reason. I usually try to avoid eye contact by looking at the ground and walk as quickly as I can to and from my car. The stares I receive there are equivalent to the stare-a-hole through you ones I received in South Asia (extremely creepy and uncomfortable). During this last trip to Wal-Mart (and I do mean last), I barely made it through the entrance when a man thought he'd take the opportunity to hit on me. [Eye roll.] I mean, can't a girl buy toilet paper in peace? [I would like to note that my trip ended on a higher note as I got to converse with the cashier who was from Nepal.]

Today, I got to spend the afternoon doing one of my favorite hobbies - photography. A friend of mine from church asked me to take pictures of her beautiful family to use for her Christmas cards. To top it off, my boss let me use her awesome Nikon D60 (thanks Michele!). These are some of my favorites:

The Question

2010-11-10T20:37:00.001-05:00

I graduate from Southern one month from today. It's crazy to think about, but it's true. This fact has prompted the inevitable question, "What are you going to do next?" First, I am going to read at my leisure and for the sheer pleasure of reading in and of itself. Then, maybe I will write all those blog posts I have swimming around in my head...

The real answer to the question is that I simply don't know. The Lord has not been pleased thus far to reveal to me the next step. I know that I ultimately want to serve the Lord overseas among the poor - telling them about the hope that is found solely in Jesus Christ. Before that happens, though, I need to take care of these pesky student loans. Whether that means staying where I am at Papers Unique or taking up a new job somewhere else, I don't know. I have know doubt that the Lord will reveal to me in His perfect timing what's next. I am fairly confident, though, that I am to remain in Louisville and I am for certain I am to minister to people here on behalf of Christ. Now that school is almost out of the way, I can devote more of my time to building relationships and to ministry.

The end of my time at Southern has proven to be bittersweet. I am more than ready to kiss homework goodbye, but I love to learn (especially about Jesus) and I will miss the class lectures and chapel services that God has used so much to shape and grow me. Now, most of you know that pursuing a Master's degree was not my favorite idea. I didn't see my need for theological study...I mean, couldn't I just get my theology from my own personal study of the Bible? Through my time here, however, I have learned how much I needed theological correction and direction. I have learned how to study God's Word and have, in the process, discovered God's grand plan that fills it pages from cover to cover. My time here has been nothing but a blessing and has been filled with numerous lessons from the Lord (both in and out of the classroom). Even though the coursework will soon be finished, I know I won't stop learning. I serve a God whose infinite nature will keep me hungry to know more of Him for the rest of my life.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
“Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:33-36)

Across the Midwest

2010-11-07T23:21:00.001-05:00

I returned this evening from mine and Katelyn's trek to Oklahoma. We had such a good time and it was a good break away from the routine of every day life. We worshipped the Lord, laughed a lot, teased each other and discussed current events in our lives. The Lord blessed us with beautiful driving weather for which we are very thankful. He also provided (food, coupons, etc) and protected (we were run off the road almost twice by some crazies) in more ways than we probably even realize. We broke up the trip on the way there by stopping by my parents' house for the night but drive the whole way back today. We took a few pit stops along the way to stretch and have a little fun by visiting the Russell Stover Candies store and Cheese Outlet (which provided free samples!) in Lebanon, MO on the way there and stopping by the arch in St. Louis on the way back. It was Katelyn's first time in St. Louis, so I played, as she likes to say, "tour guide Barbie."

The wedding was the most unique and by far the most fun and laid back that I have attended. It was South Asian in fashion but American in ceremony, which means lots of color and lights, saris and pujabis with a thoroughly Christian focus. Katelyn and I were involved behind the scenes in a number of ways...including doing the bride's mehindi (henna). I even made up a song for the bride in Bangla while I was waiting in the reception line. She appreciated it. :)

The End is in Sight!

2010-11-04T00:19:00.004-04:00

It's amazing the difference one week can make. Last week, I was overwhelmed with the amount of school work that had to be done and the seemingly little time I had to do it. The Lord was so gracious to give me much motivation and extra time (or maybe just time management) so that I now only have 3 assignments left:
1. Finish reading my last ethics book and write a paper interacting with it
2. Final systematic paper
3. Community development strategy paper
Besides 2 finals, that is it! I feel like so much weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am so thankful for such a productive week!

I have come to the sad realization that I am going to have to retire my favorite pair of blue jeans. The knees have been patched for a while, but now the material is really starting to thin and holes are developing in other areas. This is sad on two accounts. First, they are so comfortable, which is why I like them so much. Second, I do not like shopping, especially jean shopping. It ranks right up there with sitting in traffic and eating peas. In fact, I don't know which is worse - shopping for jeans or sitting in rush hour. ;) But, the Lord in His grace and provision, just provided me with 2 new pair from my boss. I was lamented the fact that I would have to depart with the before-mentioned beloved pair when she told me she had several new pairs she was looking to get rid off. She gave me four to try on. While they were all big for me, two of them were just a little baggy, nothing a belt couldn't handle (even though they were all almost the same size, which is why I particularly dislike shopping for blue jeans). So now I can delay that dreaded trip to the mall for a little longer. :) Plus there are probably still a few more wearings left in the disintegrating pair mentioned above...

Tomorrow, Katelyn and I are heading out on a road trip to Oklahoma. On the way, we are stopping by F'town to pick up my car (yay!). Our friend and former South Asian roommate is getting married. It will be like a mini - very mini - South Asian reunion. :)

R1, R2 and KG

Jesus is My Life

2010-10-28T11:33:00.001-04:00

This is my new favorite song (click here to listen to it). It reminds me of the abundant grace that Jesus Christ has poured into, and thereby transformed, my life:

"All I Have Is Christ"

I once was lost in darkest night

Yet thought I knew the way.

The sin that promised joy and life

Had led me to the grave.

I had no hope that You would own

A rebel to Your will.

And if You had not loved me first

I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race

Indifferent to the cost

You looked upon my helpless state

And led me to the cross.

And I beheld God’s love displayed

You suffered in my place

You bore the wrath reserved for me

Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone

And live so all might see

The strength to follow Your commands

Could never come from me.

Oh Father, use my ransomed life

In any way You choose.

And let my song forever be
My only boast is You.

Jesus, You are my life.

Coffee Jitters

2010-10-26T22:40:00.000-04:00

I can tell it is the end of the semester. I am sleeping less and drinking coffee more. I just finished writing two papers. I am almost entirely done with two of my classes, but I feel like I am just getting started in my third one. There is so much to do between now and Thanksgiving.

This evening I had to make an emergency run to Walmart for staples. I bought 500 for exactly $1. That should last me for the rest of my life. :)

Today, there was a tornado warning in Louisville. The sirens went off on campus. Southern usually tests them on Tuesdays, so I ignored them. Then a message echoed through the intercom system to retreat to the locker room because of reported tornadic activity. It made for an interesting afternoon...

I have been teaching an Indian friend how to drive. She is doing well, but it has been interesting. She keeps wanting to drive on the left side of the road (which is what they do in India). This is a habit I am going to have to break. :) Soon we will be practicing parallel parking...

I cannot believe this is the last week in October and that there are only two months left in 2010. Where has the year gone?

Lessons from the Lord: trust, trust, trust in many areas of my life where He is indeed stretching me; the unfathomable grace of Jesus Christ; biblical ethics; contentment; patience; daily dependence on His provision

Back in L'ville

2010-10-18T23:59:00.000-04:00

I made it back safely to Louisville by God's grace. I am so blown away by the Lord's providential and loving care. For the next few weeks I am driving my dad's car as mine had a cracked radiator. My dad could not believe it made it as long as it did (especially the trip to MO). I could. :) Many people were praying for my car and for the trip back to MO. I knew that the Lord was sustaining it for the last few weeks and when my dad looked at it, I found out just how much He protected and provided. I know He will provide for the financial aspect of this as well.

I had a good time at home. My dad and I had some really good (and deep) conversations. I also got to see some people from MH that I haven't seen in a very long time. Furthermore, the Lord used a message on finances to speak to a different area of my life in regards to trusting Him and evaluating my heart.

Speaking of finances, the Lord continues to grow and stretch me in this area. Besides a new radiator, I have a few other upcoming expenses that I cannot afford...but I have the peace that God will provide as He always does (Philippians 4:6-8). Usually I would be a little stressed about the circumstances, but I have learned from the previous years of financial tension that Jesus Christ is faithful (I am not at all saying I have victory in this area). One of these expenses is a road trip to Oklahoma to see my former South Asian roommate/friend get married. I am so excited to see her again and to witness her marriage, which is going to have a South Asian flare to it. :)

Kristi is gone now since I took her back last weekend and my roommate is in South Africa, which makes for a very quiet apartment. Though I do miss them, the solitude will force me to focus on my studies more. This is especially needed this week because I have a lot to do before Thursday: finish my Systematic project, write a position paper on miraculous gifts in the church and read, read, read. The project I am doing (along with a friend) is a photo book that has pictures of people from all of the world with Scripture verses that describe God's heart to redeem the nations. The goal of the project is to show how God from Genesis to Revelation is taking a people for Himself from every people group on the planet. There were so many verses/passages to choose from that it was difficult to narrow them down. As I read the Bible each day, I keep running across more and more. I was already in complete agreement with the purpose of our project, but I am so even more now as I keep running across verse after verse about God's desire for the nations to worship Him. And what's more is that He allows and invites us to be a part of His great plan of redeeming the nations!

Today at Wal-Mart (or is it Walmart?), a random guy asked me out in the shampoo aisle. Unexpected and akward (I was wondering what he was doing looking at feminine hair care), but I have to give the guy credit for boldness Just in case you are wondering, I said no. ;)

The Lord is still doing a work in my heart that I cannot explain. He has made me realize recently how much of our culture has influenced certain areas of my life and the way I think about some things. Now that He has made me aware, He is transforming my mind (Romans 12:1-2) through His Word and through other believers. I am in awe at the way the Lord weaves His lessons together through so many facets of my life. He is definitely not a haphazard Teacher for which I am so very thankful. His lessons are always relevant, intentional, necessary and purposeful (and sometimes very difficult), and by His grace, I will learn from them.

Watching for Where God is at Work

2010-10-13T21:58:00.001-04:00

These past few weeks have been filled with many lessons from the Lord and countless activities. Last week was Fall Break/Reading Days. As usual, I had lofty homework goals...most of which did not come to fruition. Instead, I took advantage of several ministry opportunities that the Lord sent my way. Time management is like walking a fine line and it is easy to stray to one side (forsake school work) or the other (make school work top priority). Last weekend I went to a funeral where I was reminded that my life (as well as those around me) is a vapor. There are many good things that I could be doing, but what is important is to be about what the Lord has planned for me. I have been trying to be sensitive to His leading and submit myself to His plans daily. One such instance of this happened last week. I knew the plans I had for the day, but laid them at the feet of Christ, acknowledging that my plans are not always His. After I had met with my prayer partner and then with a friend to do homework, I went to pick up my sister from an Indian friend's house. When I arrived, they told me that they were going to the Hindu temple and that we (Kristi and I) were going with them. So we went. As this Hindu family were worshiping their many gods (and thereby breaking my heart), my sister and I prayed for them. The Lord gave me the opportunity to pray in Jesus' name with one of them as she waited for the priest to become available. These are the opportunities that I do not want to miss because I am on my own agenda.

This week is my sister's last week in Louisville. I am going to take her back to Missouri this weekend. The Lord has used her in such great ways while she has been here and I am so proud of the way she took advantage of every opportunity He gave her. Most of her new friends are looking forward to her return in January when she comes to Southern...and so am I.

Lessons from the Lord: Jesus Christ alone is my Portion and my Refuge; patience; trust; humble submission; selflessness; the faithfulness of God and His nearness

These are a Few of My [New] Favorite Things

2010-09-30T21:36:00.001-04:00

Stuffed Green Peppers

Earlier this week my sister and I tried our hand at making Stuffed Green Peppers. We filled them with brown rice, Great Northern beans, chopped mushrooms, garlic, cheese and spices. They were so yummy we had them again this evening!

Soymilk

Since returning from South Asia, I haven't liked our (American) milk. I didn't like the milk there either, but I did like the thickness of it. Soymilk has the same consistency...so I converted (and so did my whole family!).

Multigrain Cheerios

I have always been a fan of Honey Nut Cheerios, but while I was staying with Melissa and James, I was introduced to Multigrain Cheerios. I have never looked back.

Pilates

I enjoy working out and I recently discovered Pilates. My posture is improving and I am learning the "art of muscle control" as I strengthen my core muscles. I am a fan...so is my sister who has become my new work out partner.

Shawls

While I was in South Asia, I bought a couple of shawls - knowing how handy they would be on the campus of Southern. Good call...I wrap one around me almost every day that I'm on campus. They are so great because they leave my hands free to type/write. I am such a baby when it comes to being cold and being on a predominantly male campus, cold is usually the temperature. :)

ESV Online Study Bible

My mom and sister got me the ESV Study Bible a couple Christmases ago. It came with a free online version. I just started using it and it is great. I can cross-reference verses with just a click of the button or search for a certain passage by using a key word. It will be a great tool for a couple of studies I want to do.

Living with My Sister [again]

Laughter, long chats, late nights, random adventures, accountability...Fun times. :)

Morning Devotion

2010-09-19T23:28:00.002-04:00

In my morning devotion this morning, I was reading in Proverbs and came across this verse in 28:22:

A stingy man hastens after wealth and does not know that poverty will come upon him. (ESV)

It the footnote it says the word translated "stingy man" means literally in Hebrew "a man whose eye is evil." This immediately made me think about how Jesus said that if your eye is evil, you will be full of darkness and vaguely remembered Him saying that in the context of talking about money, so I made a mental note to look it up. Right afterwards, I was reading for school in the Harmony of the Gospels (HCSB) and in Mark 7:18-23, Jesus says,

Don't you realize that nothing going into a man from the outside can defile him? For it doesn't go into his heart but into the stomach and is eliminated...What comes out of a person—that defiles him. For from within, out of people's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, evil actions, deceit, lewdness, stinginess, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a person.

Again, the word translated "stinginess" literally means "evil eye." Interesting. I followed up on my earlier mental note and found the passage in Matthew that had come to my mind. Here it is in context:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. (6:19-23 ESV)

Now before I read about the literal translations of the first two passages that led me to this one, I had trouble making sense of Jesus' sandwiching His statement about the eye between those talking about possessions and money. It makes perfect sense to me now though! The Lord Jesus is concerned with the single-hearted devotion of His followers. Therefore He tells us not to labor for what perishes but to strive to lay up treasures in heaven. Then He tells us that we cannot serve both Him and money/possessions. If we are stingy (our eye is evil) then money is what we will serve and what will control us. It will be what we labor and strive for. We will not be generous as the Lord commands and we will not have the joy that accompanies giving (Acts 20:35). Instead, we will cling to money (which we perceive to be our strength and security) instead of the Light (Jesus Christ, John 8:12). When we know Him and serve Him, He makes our eye "healthy" and feels our body with light, but if we strive for riches or worldly things, we may think we are doing what is good and right, but we are actually fully of darkness (and poverty will come upon us according to the proverb above). Only Christ can fill us with light! (2 Corinthians 4:6)

From the sermon I heard this morning, I also made a connection between the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ on our behalf and of the Holy Spirit. Jesus constantly and continually intercedes for His people (Hebrews 7:25) and the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we are unable to or don't know how to pray (Romans 8:26). How gracious is God in the way He helps us live for and serve Him and have access to Him! Also, Jesus is our guarantor (Hebrews 7:22) and the Holy Spirit is our guarantee (Ephesians 1:13-14). Not only does God graciously save us and graciously grow us in the faith, He also gives us the assurance that He will keep us to the end. Even though I have to respond willingly to God's offer of salvation presented in Jesus Christ and cooperate with the Holy Spirit as He makes me more like Christ, no part of God's election of me, saving me or keeping me to the end is dependent on me. It is all by His grace and good pleasure. In this I find great comfort and joy.

Ramblings of the Past Week

2010-09-18T22:22:00.002-04:00

Last weekend I went home to pick up my sister and get the rest of my things to move to Louisville (since God has graciously blessed me with an apartment!). My mom and I took my sister to St. Louis for a conference. On the way back, I had a little car trouble. Thankfully, we had just picked up a few things from Whole Foods...

We got a little hungry...

...and we didn't have spoons

We made the most of it while we waited for my dad and uncle to come rescue us. We waited a little over 5 hours total, but we eventually made it home. And now I have a new fuel pump. :)

It had been nice to start settling in and cleaning my new apartment. One very unfortunate draw back to the place, though, is the wretched amount of spiders. I kill about one a day (3 today in fact). I guess that is to be expected in a basement apartment. :(

So I mentioned that Kristi is with me now. It has been nice to hang out together. She is visually impaired and we have been Kristi-proofing the apt. There is a pole between the kitchen and living room and we discovered this motion sensor light to place in front of it so she can see it. It's pretty great. She goes to campus with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last Tuesday, she had an accident with some steps. Because of her eyes, she relies on someone to guide/help her around. We were walking from chapel and because of a miscommunication between the two of us, she fell down the second set of steps. Thankfully, she was hanging onto me which minimized injury. I felt/feel so terrible because she trusted me to be her eyes. We are both extra cautious now though.

This evening we went to the annual India Day festival. After finally finding somewhere [free] to park, we walked a few blocks to join the festivities. I got the bright idea to take a street that was under construction. My thinking was that there would be less traffic, it would be safer, etc. Little did I know that the other end of the street was fenced in so we had to turn around once we got to the end of it (adding a few extra blocks to our trek). We did eventually have the oppoturnity to take in some Indian singing and dancing. We wore camises and were among the few Westerners there. I felt like I was in South Asia again!

I can sense that the Lord is on the move in my life. I mean He is always working but sometimes He prepares me in a way that I can't describe. He is doing that now. I am not totally sure what He is up to, but I am sure I will find out soon. The last time I sensed this kind of working, He led me to South Asia...

Can't Sleep...Sounds Like a Good Time for a Post!

2010-09-07T00:26:00.001-04:00

The morning air is clean and crisp. The days have been cooler. And the leaves are beginning to turn. Yep, fall is definitely around the corner and I am loving it.

I spent the majority of this Labor Day weekend enjoying this beautiful weather. I went to a back to school gathering on Saturday where there was some down home music, grilled corn on the cob (freshly shucked I might add) and corn hole tournaments in typical Southern style. I met a lot of new people and saw some familiar faces as well. We ended the night singing hymns around the campfire. On Sunday, I wore my South Asian clothes and taught the ladies of RF how to make cha as I told them about my experience. Afterwards, I spent the afternoon at Parrin Park reading for my Ethics class until it was time for small group. It was the first time I had been to that park and it was beautiful. I will have to explore it some more when I have less reading. :)

So I have had this reversible belt for like five years and it has started to rip loose from the buckle. I really shouldn't complain considering it has lasted this long, but it is the perfect belt: brown on one side and black on the other. Well, today, I got out my tool kit to see if I had a mini flathead screw driver and, sure enough, I did. I was able to fix it and salvage a little more use out of it. Yay!

Current Lessons for the Lord: living in submission to His will and timing; seeking Him above all things and looking for Him at work every day

Side Note: Does anyone in Louisville know someone that is mechanically included (automotive)? My roommate needs her power steering fixed.

Good as New

2010-08-30T22:40:00.001-04:00

Remember how I wrecked my car? Well, she looks better than ever now! :)

Also, God provided me and my roommate with an apartment! It is such an answer to prayer: affordable, no lease required and in the neighborhood we wanted to live. Plus, it is partially furnished. I am also very excited that I will be able to unpack my car (where everything I brought has stayed while I have been in transition). The clutter has been driving me crazy. The rest of my stuff is still in Missouri, which I plan on getting (Lord willing) when I pick up my sister in a few weeks. She is coming to visit me for a month.

My "house parents" are currently gone (to South America actually). I am fish-sitting for them. Speaking of which...

(I just fed the fish. I almost forgot. Good thing I like to share useless information on my blog).

This past weekend was a big event at my home church. I almost went home to be a part of it, but didn't for various reasons. It turns at that Jesus had some divine appointments for me here. One included a meeting with Him and my RF family for a night of worship at a Rehab Center.

Apparently there is this conference that occurs every year called The Summit. This year they are focusing on South Asians (yay!). I am praying about going. I really want to but it is $$$. So we'll see...

Speaking of South Asia, I miss it a LOT (specifically, the people there). I have been dreaming about the future and wondering if God will send me back and what it will look like if He does. I am really interested in advocacy type ministries like Not for Sale and A21. My class on Community Development and Disaster Relief has really got me thinking and I am really excited about what's in store (because God's dreams are so much bigger and better than mine!).

One last thought. I have noticed since my return to the States that I have been (or at least my desire to be) anti-social. Now, I am no social butterfly to begin with, but I have this constant desire to be alone (remnants of reverse culture shock maybe?). I am not sure what the deal is...but, with God's grace, I am working on it. Last weekend I went to a couple's house from church where we ate authentic Chinese and played badminton. This weekend I was invited to a back-to-school gathering and a labor day lunch. My initial reaction to all of them was "no". But I decided to bust out of my anti-social shell and do them all.

Classes!

2010-08-17T22:30:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day of classes (have I mentioned this is my last semester?!). I am so excited that classes have started and look forward to what God will teach me through them. I feel like I am finally back into the swing of things. God is still doing some serious and painful work in me, but today was one of the best days I have had since returning to the States. I am currently staying with some friends while I look for an apartment. Another friend and I hope to move into a complex near South Asians.

Over the past few days, the Lord has bombarded me with a particular passage of Scripture. I have heard or read it from the sermon at RF, my small group, my theology book, a book on the Holy Spirit, and a book called The Cry of the Urban Poor. It also "happened" to be part of my daily reading plan and it was the passage my Ethics professor read before class started. I am not sure exactly what God is trying to tell me, but He definitely has my attention. The passage is Luke 4: 14-21 (ESV):

And Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, and a report about him went out through all the surrounding country. And he taught in their synagogues, being glorified by all. And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”
And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

Broken

2010-08-12T21:05:00.000-04:00

That is the word that describes the events since I have been home and how I have felt because of them. Relationships, cars, health, bodies, phones...they have reminded me continually of the brokenness of this world and our desperate need for Jesus, the only Restorer and Healer. Despite everything, though, God is so good and so faithful. He always brings His Word and His Truth at just the right time. Last Thursday and Friday, I had the opportunity and privilege to attend the Global Leadership Summit hosted via satellite in Cape. Jason Mac was so gracious to invite my sister and I to attend as well as pay our way. I am so humbled and blown away by his willingness to invest in our leadership despite the fact that MH will probably benefit little from it since my sister and I are usually out of town. This was all arranged by God, no doubt, because the conference was just what I needed. It encouraged, inspired and challenged me…and met me right where I am.

One speaker Jeff Manion talked about “The Land in Between,” which was the title of his message as well as the title of his book. The Land in Between is when you are in a state of transition. He used the example of the Israelites who were wandering in the desert on their way to the Promised Land from Egypt (Numbers 11). I am transitioning between living and serving in South Asia and going back to school in Louisville. Even though this is a dry time in life, it is still fertile ground for things to grow. Manion named four things that can grow. One is grumbling and complaining (check—even though I haven’t been doing so vocally, I have been inwardly). Another is having a meltdown (check check). The third and fourth are more positive: God’s provision and God’s discipline. I cannot even recount all the ways God has provided through these trying times. His hand has been so clearly evident showing that He is always in control, redeeming these events for His glory and my good (Romans 8:28). For instance, on the eve on the night when I was supposed to head to Louisville, my car’s battery died. We quickly replaced that (for 50 cents, praise Jesus) and then immediately afterwards the belt tensioner broke (it holds the belt in place and keeps it tight). This very well could have happened on the road or when I was in Louisville. Needless to say, I stayed an extra day in F’town because of the repairs and headed to Louisville on Wednesday.

God’s discipline is a little harder to put my finger on, but I know that this is all to make me more like Jesus Christ. One thing is for sure, if not for all of these things that have completely overwhelmed me and sent me running into the arms of my Savior, I would have fallen into my default mode of self-sufficiency. God, however, would not even give me the chance. Since my return, He has been reminding me of how much I need Him…every moment of every day. He is the reason I live and move and breathe (Acts 17:28). Every good thing I have or am comes from Him (James 1:17). He is too gracious to allow me to become too comfortable and so He has been giving me more than I can handle so that I will trust Him more. It's working.

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all (Psalm 34:17-19).

His Grace is Sufficient

2010-07-27T21:57:00.000-04:00

The Lord has been showing me lately how much I am dependent on His grace and how He is always sovereignly at work even when I fail to realize it. My family has been hit hard recently with various trials, but each portray the sovereign hand of my most loving and gracious Savior, Jesus Christ.

On such event occurred last Sunday when the brakes went out on my car (not related to the wreck) while my mom was driving. It just so "happened," however, that they went out at the exact moment my mom put my car in park in front of our house. Do you see the grace of Christ in that? One moment longer in town and she would not have been so fortunate, but He orchestrated events in such a way that both she and my sister arrived safely home. What protection! What grace!

My dad told me of a guy who said, "I ask for God's favor and help when going into a situation and then proceed as if it all depended on me." How foolish. Who gave him his breath, his abilities, his resources? What does he have that didn't come from God? Can this man forsee the future or know the wisest decision in every situation? No. He (and we) must depend upon God every step of the way. For "in Him, we live and move and have our being."

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Week One in the States

2010-07-19T13:43:00.000-04:00

I have been home for a little over a week now. My first experience of "culture shock" came in the Newark airport restroom. I forgot that automatic flushing toilets existed and was quite startled when I encountered one. :) For the most part, this past week has been a pretty rough one spiritually and emotionally as I adjust to an entirely different pace of life and struggle to find a nice balance between my life overseas and my life here. To add to this, a good friend and mentor passed away a few days after I returned. I attended a memorial service yesterday where we celebrated his life. After the service, I rear-ended someone. The people I hit and their vehicle (a truck) are fine, but my car received some damage. A fitting end to what had been a rough week...

It hasn't been all bad though. I have been able to see lots of familiar faces at church and a family reunion. Plus my family took me to Scoops - the new frozen custard joint in town - on my first day back. The next day Kristi and I went to Fredericktown's new (and very nice) McDonald's to read God's Word. I have been on lots of walks, enjoying the beautiful countryside of the States. I also watched the final season of LOST. It was as crazy and mind-bending as ever, but I thoroughly enjoyed it...and it provided a nice escape from reality. This morning I went to the much dreaded dentist office. Praise be to God that my gums held their own during my seven month hiatus (I usually go every three months).

Home is Where God's Will Is

2010-07-05T05:14:00.000-04:00

So I am on my way to debriefing, hanging out in the airport waiting for my next flight. John Denver's Leaving on a Jet Plane has been playing in the background of my mine all morning, and the lyrics mean more now than they ever did. This part of the world has been my home for the last six months and I am sad to leave it. I have learned, however, over the last several years to make wherever I am my home, knowing that it is only temporary. The Bible tells us believers that this world is not our home (Hebrews 13:14). This life is only temporary and our true home awaits us in heaven with God. Christ Himself has gone before us to prepare a place for us there (John 14:2-3). So often we forget this truth. We strive to settle down and live a comfortable, self-sufficient life - the American Dream. God has not called us to settle, though. His command is to GO - to always be ready to to follow Him whenever and to wherever He calls. In the book of Genesis, God commanded the people to spread out over the earth and multiply. He wanted (and still wants) to fill the earth with worshipers of Himself. The people, however, didn't listen. They did the opposite of what God commanded, by coming together to make a name for themselves. They wanted to be independent of God, self-reliant, safe and comfortable. Isn't that what the American Dream is? God, however, has called us to something better - His Dream. His plan is for all people groups to know Him, their Creator; for them to hear about the saving work of Jesus Christ, their Savior; to save them from an eternity separated from Him in hell; and to give them everlasting joy by giving them the gift of Himself. The plan of God will not be thwarted. He will accomplish it with or without us, but He does invite us to join Him. He has given us two choices: we can choose our own path apart from Christ (which ends in destruction) or we can choose the path God shows us which gives us life...life to the full (John 10:10). So, I urge you with the words of Louie Giglio, "pack up the American Dream and exchange it for a part in God's global story" - the story of His mind-bending plan of rescuing the nations from sin and death by spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ so that all may know Him.

Days Go By...

2010-07-01T13:17:00.000-04:00

Sunday is my last day in this country - with the girls, with my newfound friends and family...where did the time go? I have been avoiding thinking about leaving, but I can't anymore. I have to think about how I am going to spend my last few days here, who I am going to see, saying goodbye, packing... I haven't even left yet and I am so ready ready to return. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about seeing those I love and care about in the States, but I dread the thought of leaving everyone here. I know, however, that going back to America is God's will and I completely trust Him.

While there isn't much I miss about the States, living here has made me appreciate a few things about my native country that I used to take for granted:
1. order and structure
2. efficiency
3. (enforced) traffic laws
4. sidewalks
5. politeness (thank you, please, etc)
No culture, of course, is perfect. There are some things I absolutely hate about this culture, but then there are things I really love. Much of it, I am really going to miss. Especially the 36 smiling faces I got used to seeing almost every day:

Freedom in Restrictions

2010-06-21T13:30:00.000-04:00

I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but it is true. If we did not have rules, laws and restrictions to abide by, our freedom would be limited. I was reading in a book about this very point. The reason freeways are free is because we have traffic laws. These laws give us the ability to quickly and efficiently get where we need to go. When people do not abide by the rules, accidents and jams happen and chaos ensues. I see this play out in the driving here. This country has traffic laws (I am pretty sure), but no one follows them because they are not enforced. As a result, people can drive anywhere and however they want. Mix this with our sinful human nature ("me first" attitude) and you get very chaotic and awful driving conditions. There are no lanes, so people just drive where they please, dodging and cutting from one side of the road to another. Stop lights aren't obeyed, so people cut each other off to get where they want to go. The bigger your vehicle is, the more leverage and "freedom" you have. This "freedom" in driving, reduces speed because you are always having to dodge other vehicles and other pedestrians. Therefore, traveling is not quick and definitely not efficient.

God's Law works in the same way. God gives us rules to obey and commands to follow. When we heed His Word, blessings ensue and we have more freedom to live the life He intended. On the other hand, if we disobey His Word and choose to do our own thing, we fulfill our selfish ambition and desires, but then we are a slave to whatever consequences that entails.

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? Romans 6:16

Christ Jesus has set us (who follow Him) free from the Law through His death and resurrection. By doing so, He allows and empowers us to have a relationship with our Creator God and to live in a away that both satisfies Him and our God-given moral consciences.

For the law of the Spirit of life has set you1 free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2

Diminishing Time and a Divided Heart

2010-06-19T01:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I completed my final visa run. My time here is winding down faster than I would like to admit. This past week, though, has been rather tiring and discouraging. My visa run, for once, came as a welcome change. My favorite thing about having to leave the country once a month is that it gives me an excellent opportunity to spend time completely alone with Jesus [of course, flying over the Himalayas isn't that bad either :)].

While I was reading a book recently, I came across this quote by Jim Elliot:

Wherever you are, be all there. Live life to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.

These words really stood out to me. Partly because I see them playing out in my own life and partly because I see them not playing out in the lives of others who have recently come here. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God brought me to serve Him here and, as a result, I have poured all of myself into this place. My fear, however, is that not all of me will return to America. God is preparing my heart to go back to the States (for which I am very thankful) and I know that it is His will for me to do so, but the work He has called me to here and the relationships I have built have captured my heart in a way I cannot explain. But as they always say, "all good things must come to an end," and such is the case for my time here in South Asia. I have two weeks left in this country and three weeks in this region of the world. Pray that I finish well.

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24

Sea World, Safari, Shopping, a Story & a Social Network

2010-05-30T15:50:00.001-04:00

These past few weeks have been filled with lots activities and ministry opportunities. Last Thursday, we took the girls to Sea World (a water park). They had so much fun. There were 25 girls who were eligible to go and 16 adults. Each adult was responsible for at least two girls. My two girls were so well-behaved! We had a lot of fun together. I would take them home if I could...

I, of course, took my camera with me. I wrapped it in Saran Wrap and put it in a Ziploc bag to keep it dry. I took quite a few pictures before my precautions fell through. It stopped working temporarily, but, thankfully, it started working again later. I let it sit in a bowl of rice overnight to soak up any remaining moisture and now it is as good as new. :)

Last weekend, I went out of town to visit a safari. My roommates and I planned on riding elephants, but, to our disappointment, there were no elephants there to ride. The monkeys got out of the cages though (not the one below)! One came pretty close to me and I am pretty sure he would have jumped on me if I hadn't moved. Some of them chased and tried to attack innocent bystanders. It was quite the experience...

Shopping is not usually an activity I enjoy in America, but here it is different. I really didn't think I would like bartering with the salesmen, but I do. I think it is because I like to win...or I am just stubborn and won't give in to their prices. ;) Since I am a foreigner, they think they can sale me things at a much higher price, but I know better. They also liked to tell me that the price is fixed, but I tell them there is no such thing as a fixed price in this country. Today, I bought two pairs of earrings. The salesguys wanted around 100 or so for them, but I talked them down to 30 and 40 each (about 50 cents in US currency). If only I could barter like this in the States...

I have been reading a Christian fantasy trilogy by Ted Dekker (The Circle Trilogy). I am currently reading the third book in the series called White. I usually do not read fiction, but my sister recommended it and I thought it would be a good way to wind down instead of reading deep, theological books that require a lot of concentration. I am amazed, however, at how JC is using these books to make me love the Gospel even more; to grow my faith; and to teach me more about the Lord I serve and love so much. Dekker's imagery in describing pure worship, the fall, the trinity, God's love, Christ's sacrifice, the darkness of sin and the love of Christ for His Bride, the Church, has help me love and see and appreciate and understand the Gospel in a whole new way. I have set the book aside for now to focus on language learning, stuff for the Center and discipleship stuff, but I cannot wait to pick it up again.

So I found out today that this country has blocked Facebook as of today. Apparently there was some anti-M*hammed stuff posted, which they were not too pleased with. I am interested to see how all this plays out...

Spread the Love

2010-05-14T23:45:00.000-04:00

I read this sermon this morning about God's love. It was something I needed, so I wanted to share it:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2010/4593_Consider_Your_Calling/

At Just the Right Time...

2010-05-10T13:01:00.001-04:00

This evening, I was feeling overwhelmed with my schedule for the weeks ahead, but the Lord sent His Word to help me refocus. During my quiet time with the Lord, I listend to a sermon and it spoke directly to my circumstances. I was both challenged and comforted. I am always amazed at how God always brings His Word at just the right time. His Word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11) and He has given me much to think and pray about.

Last weekend, I joined my supervisors for a trip to a nearby city. We also went to the beach. :)

R2D2 Battles the Forces of Evil

2010-05-01T12:47:00.000-04:00

I am affectionately known here as R2 among the other Americans because one of my roommates/teammates and I share the same name. Katelyn likes to call me R2D2. I find this kind of funny since I have never seen Star Wars...though I did play Star Wars Monopoly!

Over the past two weeks I have been battling viruses on my computer. It seems the Enemy has chosen to leave my health alone and attack my computer instead. It is so annoying and completely wastes my time as I try to remedy the situation. After many hours of researching and downloading programs to heal my computer, I think I have come out victorious. Computer viruses are proof of our sinful nature. Mankind is bent on destruction (Romans 3:15). Why else would someone create ways to destroy the computers of people they don't know and will never meet? It's just evil. But praise be to God for Jesus Christ who is the Great Remedy for all mankind and for His grace in helping me to endure such trying times!

Letters from Abroad

2010-04-30T12:34:00.001-04:00

This past week has been quite eventful. It started off with a package from the States. My friend's elementary class have partnered with me here in South Asia. They along with my awesome boss sent me and the girls all kinds of goodies - brownie mixes, band-aids, vitamins, floss (as I seriously underestimated the amount I needed) - along with letters from each kid in my friend's class. I translated and read out loud the letters to the girls. The girls really enjoyed them.

I told the story of Zacchaeus this week in the national language. The Father was so gracious in helping me to memorize it in a very short amount of time. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could not have done it without His grace.

The two girls who moved in with us went home this week. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to strengthen my relationship with them as well as to practice the language. I am even more thankful, though, that things have settled down in their community for them to go home. I believe that the Lord has only just begun His work there!

Yesterday, my roommates and I went to the Hill Tracks area to visit some other Americans who work with the tribal people there. We went to the local market where you can buy fresh fish, veggies, spices and the like. It was much different from the grocery store I go to here in the city.

We then took a boat ride on the river. The scenery was beautiful and I was reminded of God's greatness. All creation sings of His glory!

Today, a friend and I went to visit the World Vision station here. One of the national ladies from our house church used to work there so she made arrangements for us to meet the director. We had the opportunity to ask him lots of questions about the work WV does here and then he and his wife took us to see the area. They introduced us to a woman who used to have nothing but who now owns her own business making and selling clothes. Her business is doing very well and she is training other woman to do the same thing. WV is doing a great work here, but because this is considered a closed country, they do not share the Good News of JC. That means that they have helped this woman and others for this short lifetime only. :(

Since WV is by the Sea Beach, we took a trip there. It is not exactly what I think of when I think "beach," but it was worth seeing nonetheless.

Happy New Year (1417)

2010-04-16T10:59:00.000-04:00

This past Wednesday was the South Asian New Year (based on the Hindu calendar). My teammate and I made a new friend last week who invited us to spend the day with her. She helped us pick out the appropriate sarees and jewelry over the weekend. When the day arrived, she helped us get dressed in said sarees (which are a little involved). Then we traveled to the major university here to join the festivities. There were lots of people there and many of the women were dressed up in the New Year colors (red and white). There were booths set up with a wide array of items for sale and random parades of men with drums marching through the streets. The day was pretty uncomfortable for me personally, though. My teammate and I were the only foreigners there and we received a lot of unwanted attention. People (mostly men) kept trying to take our pictures or talk to us. It was quite annoying. Our friend, however, is pretty bold and she would either yell at them not take our picture or grab their camera/phone if she didn't catch them in time and delete the picture. She stole one guy's memory card from his phone because she had trouble finding the picture he took on it. :) The highlight of my day was when I got to share the story from the Word that I memorized in the national language. I shared it at the train station (with no small crowd) while waiting on the train and then again with our friend's mother. It is so exciting to be able to share the Word in the local langauge!

Also this week, because of certain events that took place in the slums, two of the girls from the Center came to live with us. We have turned the living room into their bedroom. I think we are all still adjusting (for us, it is mainly the lack of privacy we now have), but I have no doubt that we'll all fall into some kind of rhythm in time. They will definitely be of great assistance in learning the langauge!

My Easter Address: Retain Values Among Pluralism, Tolerance & Relativism

2010-04-05T12:54:00.001-04:00

This past weekend proved to be an eventful one with lots of new experiences. On Friday, my teammate and I joined one of our national friends and her family for a trip to the village. It was not as I expected. I expected to visit a hut or something, but her family owns a fairly large home on some land there. The area was beautiful. It was nice to spent time with her family and watch them interact. We played cricket, ate lots of food (which included BBQ chicken), flew a kite, waded through a muddy pond and drank fresh coconut milk (not my favorite).

Saturday, I tried my hand at fried chicken Chick-fil-A style. It was a little salty in my opinion, but my roommates liked it. Later, we all went to Sea World, the local water park (not to be confused with the one with whales and dolphins that is probably coming to your mind). We took a boat to get there. It was interesting wearing a three-piece outfit into the water (like the one above), but lots of fun. Unlike amusement parks in America, this one did not have very many people.

Resurrection Sunday, I rose early and attended the sunrise service with hundreds of other believers. It took place outdoors in a local cemetary (the most beautiful place in this city) and brought believers of different denominations and churches together. Afterward, I attended another service at a local fellowship. Both of these services were in the local language. The before mentioned friend who is Muslim attended the sunrise service with me. I was so excited to have her join me. Later that evening, I attended my regular house church where we shared the Lord's Supper together. The Lord was pleased to overwhelm me with His presence throughout the day as I remembered His sacrificial death on the cross. The most horrendous thing ever done in history is now celebrated by millions of believers as the defining moment of their lives. It will continue to be so through all eternity as we sing about the Lamb Who was slain (Revelation 5:9). Jesus Christ is the one and only "rock upon which are lives are built." Let us remember the "shared spirit of humanity that inhabits us all" for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and look to Christ who was crushed for our sins so that He might make a way for us to be forgiven by God. For there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved. (quotes, including the title of this post, taken and twisted from http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2010-04-03-obama-easter-address_N.htm?csp=34).

Today, we celebrated the resurrection of Christ at the Center (we were closed yesterday). I had the privelege of telling the Passion story, beginning with Christ's Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem and ending with the empty tomb.

I have started memorizing my first Bible story in the local langauge (the story of the bleeding woman). By God's grace, I hope to tell it on Wednesday!

Worth Noting

2010-03-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

1. This morning, I registered for my final three classes.
2. Yesterday and today it rained for the first time since I have been here. There was even some thunder. :)

The Power of the Word

2010-03-26T11:14:00.001-04:00

I just got back a few hours ago from my monthly visa run. This one was much shorter and easier than the last one for which I am very thankful. The Father was so gracious to open doors for His Word to be shared. I went with my teammate and another guy from our group. He is more advanced in the language so he was able to share the Good News with several of the men God placed in our path. While we were waiting for our train at the train station, he shared the story of Zaccheus (Luke 19:1-9). A large crowd gathered while he was telling the story. It was quite the scene and drew the attention of the guards who came and chased everyone away...but not before he finished telling the story and handing out tracts. :)

Yesterday, marked the ninth year since I came to know Christ. You can read about it here: http://livinlifeinromans7.blogspot.com/2008/03/o-praise-one-who-paid-my-debt.html.

The Lord has been so gracious in helping me adjust to the culture and language. Getting used to a completely different culture should be a lot harder than it has been, but like I said, God is so gracious. My ability to communicate continues to grow by God's grace. I still cannot say much in regards to the Good News but I am working toward that goal. I thought of a few ways today how I can learn a short way to present the Way to others and I am so excited to talk to my language teacher about them.

Jesus has also been gracious in allowing me to sense His presence and nearness. When I hear about and see the things He is doing, it is like watching the Scriptures come to life. A few weeks ago, we had a volunteer team visit us at the Center. We invited the girls' moms to hear them talk about health as well as share the Good News. Several of the mothers came. As the volunteers shared the Way, the air was thick with God's presence. He was working mightily through His Word! A few of the women said they believed what they heard and all of them said that they would ask God to give them wisdom about what they heard. Some of them have been attending the weekly fellowship at the Center to learn more. Please lift up these women and ask the Father to open their eyes to the glory of Christ!

God's Word has been working mightily in me personally as well. The Holy Spirit has helped me see things and make connections in Scripture that I never had before...and it is so exciting! Most of all, the Father is helping me to grow in my love for Christ more and more. Anything I might have to endure here is nothing compared to knowing Him. Oh how I want my life to display His glory!

Selections Since the Last Post

2010-03-05T10:49:00.000-05:00

A lot has happened since my last post. My visa run did not go according to plan (well, our plan anyway) - two of my three flights were cancelled, I had a little trouble with immigration leaving the country and my plans of engaging the culture fell through - BUT God is so gracious and His fingerprints were all over my trip. He gave me grace with officials, provided me with women to hang around and gave me some time with Him. One of the highlights from the trip was meeting a girl from Sweden who was doing a visa run like me. I hope to see her again soon.

I am now safely and happily back "home." Yesterday, I received a package from my mom. The post office in itself was a cultural experience but I was so excited to get a package. She sent me some chocolate (mmm...American chocolate!), bug lotion, make-up (a few thoughts on that below), a Valentine's gift and a few other things. My mom is so sweet. She wrapped everything in newspaper so I got to catch up on my hometown news as well. hehe

Beauty: My mom is big into Avon and is always buying me a little something from their magazine. I am very thankful for this. I wear make-up (though not so much here) and like to do so, but it is not high enough on my priority list to buy myself. So you can thank my mom for making the world a better place by providing her daughter with make-up (because there are some days when it is a necessity!). The ladies here wear make-up as well, although, in my opinion, I don't think they need it. Below is a picture of one of the ladies God has brought into my path. We had her over for tea (or at least our poor attempt to make it the national way). When she saw this picture, her reaction was: "I'm so dark," which is the opposite of my reaction: "I'm so white." It's all about perspective. The idea of beauty is all about perspective as well. In this county, the lighter you are, the prettier you are. In America, the opposite is true: the darker you are, the prettier you are (proven by our tanning beds and fake-tan products). I am convinced that the standard of beauty for a culture is based on what is hardest for that culture to achieve.

Health: Eating healthy is so hard here. Most things are fried or cooked in oil and whole grain food is virtually nonexistant, so today I tried my hand at making homemade granola from a recipe I found online. It was a little bit of a challenge finding the things the recipe called for at the store, but after some tweaking, I made my first batch. It turned out pretty good if I don't say so myself.

Cross-Country Traveling

2010-02-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

The seasons just changed here from winter to spring and, unfortunately, my sinuses noticed. I woke up at 3:30 this morning hot and clammy with an earache. It feels much the same way it did last fall when I got an ear infection. This really wouldn't be too much of a problem (medicine is easy to get here) except for the fact I am leaving the country today. I talked to JC about it and He was pleased to take away the pain and allow me to go back to sleep. How gracious He is!

I took my first train ride today to the nation's capitol. It was about a five and a half hour ride. The Father was pleased to place me beside a Hindu university student. I talked to her with what little language I know. She spent most of the time reading like I did. She shared her snacks with me, bought me tea and a candy bar (despite my objections). I can only credit the Father for giving me such favor in her eyes.

On the way to the guest house where I am staying tonight, I some how lost my phone (it must have fallen out of my purse in the public transportation). I used my US phone to locate it. It was quite the ordeal, but by God's grace I have it back.

This evening I ate dinner with a 80 year old couple who are serving the Father here. They have traveled all over the US and all over Asia. They see this time of their life as an opportune time to be about the Father's business. They have chosen not to waste their life [John Piper would be proud :)]. Talking with them was very inspiring. If I live that long, I pray that I can be as active in serving JC as they are.

Side note: When I was getting ready to leave this morning, the biggest spider I have ever seen in real life showed its ugly face. Thankfully, my roommate took care of it!

About the Father's Cross-Cultural Business

2010-02-19T11:15:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my last night with my home stay family. I got to spend the majority of the day with them today. They fed me and my teammate lots of food. They even let me cook for them! They wanted to know what I cooked so I started listing off things and when I got to potatoes, they stopped me and asked me what kind. I started listing them and when I said fried, their eyes lit up (of course, everything is fried or cooked in oil here)and they said "you make." So I did today. They said they liked them, so hopefully they did. There was no pepper or butter in the house so they weren't as good as they could have been.

This evening, I went to my language teacher's daughter's first birthday party. First birthdays are a big deal around here. There were about 40 people there. There was also a big, beautiful cake. They served the cake before serving us the meal. Very different from what I am used to, but that is the norm here.

I did something I never thought I'd do - I bought bright pink material for an outfit. The ladies with me talked me into it. They said I should buy something I would never usually wear...and boy did I ever. :)

Upcoming events: Sunday is a national holiday here so the Center is closed. Instead, I get to visit the local orphanage and I am so excited. Tuesday, we are taking all 35 girls on a field trip and boat ride, which should be fun...and interesting. Wednesday, I get to travel to another South Asian country to renew my visa (I can only stay in this country for one month at a time). I hate that it pulls me away from here and wastes resources, but it cool to visit another country for a few days.

The Lord has been incredibly near to me today for which I am thankful. I was reminded to keep my priorities straight and not substitute my serving Him for my relationship with Him. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be, but I can do nothing without Him. I am doing a devotional while I am here and it encouraged me to be about the Father's business. Wherever He is working, I need to be working. In order to know where He is working, I have to be in tune with Him. It is so easy to get out of tune by gettng caught up in the daily demands of life. JC was always in tune with the Father. He regularly got away and communed with Him. Even if it was just for one person, He would go out of His way to a city because the Father was working there. That is the way we as followers need to be.

My Father is working until now, and I am working (John 5:17).

Over the River and into the Hills

2010-02-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

I am five days into my home stay. I am not sure how much it is helping my language learning since the dad knows some English and likes to practice it, but it is cool to see how the nationals live and to live like them. The mom is a really good cook. They make me feel so lazy because they won't let me or my teammate help with anything. They say that we are guests. I say that we are family. They don't buy it. My teammate and I sleep under a pink mosquito net. There are many mosquitos in this house...I am becoming quite the mosquito killer. :)

A few other things to get used to:
1. cold showers (no hot water heater)
2. squatty potty
3. the chirping of the gecko who lives in our room

This is a late culture so they usually eat dinner between 9 and 10. They know that that is when we are getting ready for bed, so they make supper for us earlier. I told them that we would eat with them, but again, request denied.

Here is my home stay family:

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit a rural area of the country where the tribal people live. It took us four hours to drive up into the massive hills but it was a beautiful drive. We stayed at a motel not too far from town where my field advisors did discipleship training for new believers. One of the girls from the Center went with us, which gave me an opportunity to build on my relationship with her and practice the language. The countryside is absolutely beautiful and the sights and sounds made me miss home. I forgot how much my heart is in the country. The best part, though, was fellowshiping with national believers. We spent last evening at a national's house where we sung a song to the Lord and read His Word together. I was reminded that JC tells us that we will show our love to Him by obeying His commands and one of His commands is the GC found in Matthew 28:18-20. JC continually reminds me that He is with me and that He is at work here. I am so thankful to join Him in what He is doing. It is truly a privilege. This morning, I had the opportunity to break bread with another group of new national believers. Many of them had never observed this command of JC before. Please lift up these new followers of the Way. They have a tough road before them but they have counted the cost and found JC to be more than worth it.

I have been in South Asia for almost a month now. Isn't that crazy?! Until this week, I have been sick at least once a week. I am so thankful to be healthy again and to have my appetite back and have been reminded through this trial that good health is truly a gift from the Father. Thank you for your prayers on my behalf!

Bring on the Language!

2010-02-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

Monday I start my home stay. It is only going to last two weeks as opposed to the one month I originally thought. I am looking forward to being immersed even more into the language and living like a national. Once the home stay is over, it is time for my first visa run. Fun, fun.

I started meeting with my language helper this week. I am overwhelmed with new words and phrases, but have been putting most of them to good use. The girls at the Center like to help me practice. I have been here for two weeks and I can now greet people, introduce myself and talk about my family.

Today, my roommates and I went to breakfast at a local bakery. I was overwhelmed with the amount of goodies to choose from [Pastor Bryan, I thought of you! ;)] I had some type of custard-filled pastry, a chocolate truffle cake-thing and an iced mocha (can we say sugar high?). I'm really roughin' it over here as you can tell, hehe. We also did some shopping. It was great to be able to get out and explore the city some. The power was out at one of the shopping centers we went to, which made for an interesting, albeit fun experience. (Note: the power goes out on a daily basis here).

Later in the day we did home visits in the slums of the girls who go to the center. We were there for several hours, talking with their family members and praying with/for them in the name of JC. I had kids hanging on me for most of the time we were there. They are so precious!

Getting into the Swing of Things

2010-01-30T06:27:00.001-05:00

I arrived in my destined city safely on Monday. I have since then worked at the Center for girls from the slums, went to a local wedding, had local clothes made for me, met lots of people, learned new foreign words and bought food from a few local markets. Today I am ill. I am not sure what is wrong but hopefully it is just a 24-hour thing. I guess I will have to start my goal of getting out of the apartment every day for month to February 1st!

I absolutely adore the girls at the Center! There are roughly 30 of them split between two sessions (morning and afternoon). Their ages range from 5 to 15. At the Center we are able to meet the girls' physical, educational, vocational, minor medical and spiritual needs. These girls are given an opportunity that so few have in this culture simply because they are learning to read and write. I am so excited to be part of a work that seeks to help the whole person!

(Remember how I promised pictures? Well, I am going to have to cancel. They take too long to upload. Sorry to disappoint!)

Orientating to South Asia

2010-01-24T02:01:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe that I have been in South Asia for ten days. Today is the last day of orientation. Tomorrow morning I leave for my assigned city. I am looking foward to joining the Father in His work there but sad to leave my new found brothers and sisters. I have had so many new and interesting experiences. Jet lag was almost nonexistent, which I praise the Father for, and my stomach is starting to get used to all the new spices and fried food. I have spent the majority of my days indoors for orienation, but the evenings were free to engage the culture. The Father has already given me the opportunity to share my testimony and story with a few nationals. I even had the chance to talk with them to the Father in the name of JC.

A few experiences:
• I had Baskin Robbins ice cream for the first time
• I saw a Bollywood movie at the theatre (with no subtitles)
• I got henna done on my hand (much cheaper than in the States I might add)
• visited a mosque
• visited a local gathering of followers of the Way (a very Westernized service, much like RF)
• Ate with no utensils
• Bartered in the market
• played a local stringed instrument...horridly

When I get to my assigned city, I am doing a home stay. This means that I will stay with a national family for one month in order to learn the language and culture faster. I am very excited to see what the Lord has in store!

(I have already taken lots of pictures and hope to be able to post some of them in the future)

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane...

2010-01-12T23:52:00.001-05:00

My bags are packed (mostly), I have said my goodbyes and my heart is racing. I am off to follow God to South Asia tomorrow (!)

Let the Countdown Begin

2010-01-03T15:30:00.002-05:00

In 10 days, my life will dramatically change.

The First Memorable Moment of 2010

2010-01-01T23:12:00.000-05:00

The new decade is officially here. I am excited to see what this year brings. This thing I do know: there will be many changes. This evening I had one of those moments you just want to capture. I was taking my Grandma & Grandpa Hovis home from visiting my house (they don't drive at night). Grandma was in the front with me and Grandpa was in the back. I had music from the Glory Revealed CD playing in my car. (This is a great album with rockin' blue grass music, by the way). The I'll Fly Away/Amazing Grace/Washed in the Blood medley came on...songs that my grandparents know well. My grandpa noticed the music right off and commented. I asked him if he wanted me to turn it up. He said yes and began singing softly with it. Then my grandma and I joined him. So there I was - riding to town with my Grandma & Grandpa, singing peppy, blue grass Gospel. Awesome.

It Was the Night Before Christmas...

2009-12-25T00:05:00.007-05:00

Well, it was when I started this blog, but after helping my sister redesign her blog, it is officially Christmas.

Today, I met both my goals not leaving the house (except to get my last vaccination) and finishing another assignment for next semester (only 2 more left!).

The fact that Christmas is here is kind of surreal even though I have been trying to prepare my heart for it for weeks now. I watched The Nativity Story (one of my favorite Christmas movies) last night. Since Kristi and I have been reading through the Christmas narratives, it seemed to take on more weight and meaning as what we have been reading came to life. This holiday represents one of the most important events in history. It tells a story of God reaching down to man to fulfill His promises and make a way for His people to know Him forever. Jesus came to die. It was always the plan. Easter would not be possible without Christmas...BUT Christmas would not be so sweet without Easter. These two holidays that we celebrate are eternally linked together. God may have not commanded us to celebrate them, but I think it is good that we take the time to remember and reflect on them. God had Israel set up landmarks and special feasts as reminders in the Old Testament and He gave us the ordinance of communion in the New Testament. He knows how forgetful we are. Even though the world tries to secularize Christmas and Easter with commercialism and imaginary characters, the theological foundation still stands and these holidays give us an excellent opportunity to speak of the Hope we believers have.

The Sweetest Time of the Year

2009-12-22T22:29:00.007-05:00

There are 3 days left until Christmas. Avoid the stores if you can. :)

My sister and I have been reading the Christmas story (Matthew 1-2, Luke 1-2 & John 1) every day from different translations since the 16th. Between the two of us we have seven different English versions of the Bible (which goes to show you how blessed us English speakers are as there are many languages which do not even have one tranlation of God's Word). It has been cool reading them from these different versions (ranging from paraphrase to literal) because it makes you hear the story in new ways. We have also read through some of the prophecies in Isaiah that predict the birth of Christ.

These past couple of days I have been trying my hand at truffles. I used the dark chocolate truffle recipe from the back of the Ghiradelli chocolate chip package. It was a little messy, to say the least...

Let me tell you these truffles are very rich and very dark (60% cocoa). I tweaked the recipe some to take the edge off. Instead of using unsweetened cocoa to coat the creamy, dark chocolate filling, I coated some with nuts, some with crushed Oreos and the rest with either a rasberry hot cocoa mix or an extreme chocolate hot cocoa mix. I think the Oreo ones are my favorite.